AN: Sorry for the late update. Thanks for being patient with me. I really agonized over how to do this chapter. Special thanks to Peddlergirl for helping me out with this one. If you haven't read her work, it's really something special. Especially Combustible.

The last few months were wearing on you. You'd been feeling the buildup of fear and panic coming, it only began to manifest in the last few days because you couldn't hold everything in anymore. Your sanity was like a rubber band that had been stretched out across time. It wouldn't be long before the rubber band snapped and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You could only try to make sure Dean, Sam, and Cass would be ok when it did.

You sat on the edge of the bed nervously. Dean didn't stir, he was sleeping soundly for once. Usually that would make you happy, but last night left you terrified for him. You would rather help him through nightmares every night than see his soul become so dark and twisted. This had to end and you intended to put a stop to it today.

You were going to need all of the strength you could get. The shower was as shitty as ever, but it helped to get cleaned up. Dean was getting out of bed as you went to grab some clothes and you plastered a smile on your face. "Morning Dean."

Dean merely grunted in response and began going through his morning routine.

"I don't know what you have planned today, but it's been a while since we've had breakfast together. We could go to that diner and get some pancakes, or whatever you want." You fixed your hair and waited for a response. Honestly, you'd expected him to refuse you and were surprised when he said sure and turned on the shower.

That didn't leave much time for you to get your plan rolling. You were sure Alicia was safe and that she wouldn't hesitate to help you. You just prayed to God that she would be working. There was a pad of motel stationary and a pen next to the phone. You hastily scrawled out a note.

Alicia, do not let anyone else read or see this note. Lives are at stake. My boyfriend and I are in serious trouble. We need help. He won't get help himself and if I ask for help… I'll get found out and bad things will happen. Do not get the police involved. I need you to call two numbers instead from a phone no one can trace to you. Read the following message exactly to whoever answers or on the voicemail.

Sam and Cass, this is a message from Y/N. Dean's with me. We're staying in room 142 at the Blue Ridge Motel. Provo, Utah is a super funky town, you should hurry and come check it out.

(316) 555-8902

(605) 555-2391

That would have to do, but you figured the shorter the note was, the better. All of the essential information for Sam and Cass to find you was in there. You'd debated the funky town add on, but seeing as how a demon was constantly around it was better for them to be prepared. You folded the paper neatly and slipped it into your pocket just as Dean turned off the water. Within ten minutes you were on your way to the diner.

Dean walked next to you without sparing a sideways glance. You mustered your courage and tried to not let fear radiate off of you. Be the light. You have to be strong, be his light right now. Everything depended on you pulling this off. Dean entered the diner and plopped down into a nearby booth. Your eyes swept the restaurant for any sign of Alicia. She emerged from the back and your heart sank as you realized she was serving another section.

Time to think on your feet. You tapped Dean on the shoulder. "Hey Babe, the waitress from last night is here. She's the one that gave us free desserts. I'm gonna go say thanks quick since we're not in her section. I'll be right back."

"Sure, Y/N. Whatever." For once you were glad Dean didn't care.

You made your way towards Alicia before calling out her name with a smile. Alicia returned the smile. "Good morning! You look a little better."

"Yeah, I feel a lot better. Thanks for last night." You went in for a hug and quickly whispered in her ear. "Don't panic, keep smiling. I'm slipping you a note. Don't let anyone see it or you'll be in danger too. I need help." You pulled away and maintained your façade. "Anyways, thanks for everything."

"S-sure... No problem." Alicia managed to be convincing enough and you walked towards the booth. God never really listened to you, but you prayed anyway.

"Anything jumping out at you?" You raised an eyebrow at Dean as you slid into the booth. Dean had been looking the menu over for a few minutes already. Maybe he'd actually eat some real food today. He shrugged and tossed the menu onto the table as our waiter stopped by.

"What can I get for you?" He seemed especially disinterested in taking our order and only made eye contact with Dean.

"Yeah, uh. Two of whatever she wants." Dean gestured to you.

"We'll have the pancakes with a side of bacon and orange juice—coffee for him." You looked up at Dean with a smile. Bacon usually put him in just as good of a mood as pie.

You'd once tried to find out if there was a way to create bacon pie in a cooking experiment gone terribly, terribly wrong. You, Sam, and Dean had actually tasted it before agreeing to never speak of it again. Castiel was no longer human at the time and merely looked puzzled at the food. Everything tasted like 'molecules' to him.

Dean didn't return your smile. He sat and drummed his fingers while looking thoroughly bored. You resolved to enjoy this small bit of peace for as long as you could make it last. All hell would be breaking loose once Sam and Castiel got your message. You reached towards Dean to take his hand and attempted small talk. "What are you planning on today?" You had a good idea what his answer would be.

Dean just looked at your hand blankly. "I'll probably meet up with Crowley. He said he wanted to talk to me about some stuff yesterday. After that, I don't know. Maybe I'll hustle some pool or go to Teasers."

You bristled at the mention of Crowley and the local strip club and pulled your hand back. "Did Crowley mention what he wanted to talk about?"

"He's probably going to ask me for a favor or to do something. I can tell he's been building himself up to it during the last few days." Dean let out a breath and examined his nails.

That can't be good… "It must be something pretty big." You looked out the window absentmindedly.

Dean just shrugged. "He's really not that bad, Y/N."

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. "Dean, what could Crowley possibly want from you that he doesn't already have?"

Dean met your gaze with a hard look. Crowley had Dean bromancing with him 24/7. You knew Dean would kill for Crowley if it suited Dean's wishes… And Dean really enjoyed killing things now. There was only one thing Crowley could ask for that Dean would feel mildly conflicted about. Crowley wanted you out of the picture. It was crystal clear from day one. He was going to ask Dean to either kill you or leave you.

As you sat in the booth and looked into Dean's eyes, you realized that he'd come to the same conclusion. The only question was what his decision would be. You hoped that Dean would choose you and tell Crowley to fuck off, but you weren't so sure that would happen. There was a distance that he'd put between the two of you that had never been there before. When Dean first suggested that you start a relationship, you never thought that you'd end up in this position, not in a million years. You'd always imagined that you and Dean would be together up until the end. It would take a bullet or a blade to separate the two of you. Even then, you doubted that would last long…

THEN

Your mind drifted back to the bunker and the scent of Dean's cooking. The anxiety you felt as you waited to speak to him seemed so silly now. The pancakes were heavenly and were almost enough to distract you from the conversation that was coming as soon as Sam left to get some more rest. It was one of those rare moments where everyone seemed to be so happy and at peace. The guys were laughing and joking with you and each other. You couldn't remember any of the conversation to save your life. Instead you were focused on every look, every smile Dean gave you. His eyes were full of joy, kindness, and something else you couldn't place.

Sam eventually excused himself. You were sure he'd either be reading in his room or watching Netflix depending on how he felt at the moment. It was reassuring to see him healing so well after the werewolf hunt. Dean gathered the plates while you picked up the glasses and silverware. You set them in the sink and started running the water. Dean helped you silently and there was no more stalling after that.

"Y/N." His voice was gentle and you turned to face him. You didn't know what to say or what was coming next. "Maybe—maybe we should sit." Dean pulled a chair out for you and sat down across the table. He sighed and you could tell he was searching for what to say as much as you were.

"So… Sam's going to keep thinking we're a thing if we don't figure something out soon." You kept your gaze fixed on your hands. Telling Sam about everything was the last thing you wanted to do, but what else was there?

"Is that such a bad thing…?" Dean's response shocked you. You jerked your head up to meet his eyes. You were sure he would crack up soon, but instead he remained completely serious.

"Dean—I…" You struggled to find the appropriate response.

Dean reached across the table and took your hand in his. "Well, I'm pretty sure you don't want to tell Sam about… you know… You would've kept it from me too." His eyes flicked down for a moment nervously.

"I know—I know it's pathetic, Dean. I don't want anyone to know." The acknowledgement of your secret and weakness reduced your voice to a whisper.

"Hey, look at me." Dean's voice was commanding and gentle. He refused to continue until you made eye contact. "You are not pathetic. That's the last word I'd use to describe you, Y/N." His thumb rubbed in comforting circles against your skin. He looked conflicted for a moment.

"Dean…?" There were times you were good at reading him. Other times you wished that you could just get inside of his head.

"When I was stitching you up, I got a pretty good look… Some were fresher than others. I—" Dean's voice caught in his throat for a moment. "I saw the scars. How long…?" His eyes were searching your face for answers to all the questions he was holding back. Dean knew better than to press you too much. He knew you'd had a horrible life before, but none of the details. Even Sam had learned that the topic of your past was off limits.

"Years. Before I met you." The short, quiet answer was all that he was going to pull from you. You'd rather tell Sam the truth about last night than talk about your life right now.

Dean nodded stiffly in understanding as he let out a breath. "Y/N… I'm not very good at this."

You gave Dean a puzzled look. Not very good? He'd handled the situation a million times better than what you had expected.

He continued to speak after a moment. "I can't promise to always keep you safe, but you already know that." Dean's eyes were suddenly fierce. "Here's what I can promise you, Y/N. I can keep your secrets for as long as you want. I'd only tell Sam or Cass if I felt like you were in any trouble or danger that I couldn't help you with."

You nodded your head. That sounded reasonable enough and you were sure Dean would do everything he could for you. He'd risked his life for you during hunts several times already, he deserved this amount of your trust.

"I can promise that I will always be there for you. As long as I have air in my lungs, I'll be there for you. I can promise that I'll be honest with you. I promise that I will never betray you or hurt you, Y/N." Dean's voice was gentle and drew you in. He closed his eyes, lifted your fingertips to his lips and kissed them softly.

You could feel your heart beating faster in your chest and you fought to hold in a gasp. The gesture was so loving, so gentle… You were sure that there had been nothing like that moment before in your entire life.

He opened his eyes and rested your hand back on the table without releasing it. "Y/N… From the first moment we met, you've been the embodiment of fierceness. I look into your eyes and you're like… you're like a wild a beautiful thing. You're smart, sensitive, and goddamn hilarious." Dean smiled.

"I've looked at you every day since you started staying here and every day I'm tempted to tell you how you make me feel. I'm tempted to tell you how sexy you are, how your smiles and laughter distract me… I love the way you walk, the way you look asleep in Baby, the look on your face while you're reading, that annoyed look you get when you can't keep your hair out of your face… Every day I imagine myself just finally kissing you and telling you how much I love you and that I'm pretty sure I couldn't live without you." Dean looked away from you for a moment and paused. His confession had you frozen. Words began spilling out quickly. "And then I think about the life we live, Y/N. It's one thing to care about someone, but love comes at a cost. It can be a liability. Love makes you do things you normally would never even consider. I see how strong you are, Y/N, but you're also so caring. So every day I look at this fierce, wild, and glorious woman that is a force of nature and I stop myself. It would be a crime for me to throw that chain around you. It would be like taming lighting—" Dean stopped himself and looked back at you. He looked equally as shocked as you did. His eyes were wide and his lips were parted as he sat breathless for a long moment.

"Oh God. Shit." Dean released your hand and started to stand up and pace. "Y/N… I am so sorry. I—"

Dean never finished that sentence. You'd made your way towards him while his back was turned. Your fingers were wrapped in his shirt while one hand gripped the back of his head. You could feel his shock and surprise for a moment before he returned your kiss and wrapped his arms around you to pull you in deeper.

You'd imagined this moment a thousand times before but never even dared to hope that it would even come close to a reality. He came up for air and you felt his breath against the side of your neck as he whispered your name. You could feel his heart pounding and listened to the deep, shuddering breaths he took as he held you close. He tensed as you pulled away slightly, but you had to get this next part right or else Dean would question this moment later.

His head was turned away from you. You could tell he was feeling selfish and ashamed. He was bracing himself for your rejection. Your fingers brushed up against his stubble as you cupped his cheek gently and forced him to look at you. Dean's eyes were already full of pain and sadness. It nearly broke your heart and you fought the urge to break eye contact.

"Listen to me, Dean Winchester." You mustered up all of your confidence and courage. "I love you too. I've loved you for a long time now, Dean." You leaned in to whisper into his ear. "And nothing could ever chain me down or tame me." You nipped at his earlobe before trailing a line of kisses down his neck and onto part of his chest. Dean moaned quietly before he scooped you up into his arms effortlessly. You were vaguely aware that he was carrying you back to his room as you pressed more gentle kisses onto his skin.

Once the door closed, you both couldn't seem to undress fast enough… both of your movements were rushed in a flurry of hands and lips desperately seeking contact. He playfully pushed you onto the bed and leaned over you, his hands and mouth were drawn to your body. His hands and lips were wandering down your neck and torso. You let him rub your nipples and suck on your breasts for a moment before twisting and flipping him onto his back. He looked at you in confusion for a moment before you climbed on top of him.

You dropped a hand to stroke his cock in your firm grip while you let your kisses leave small marks across his neck and chest. Every sound of pleasure he made gave you a spark of joy. Dean fisted a hand in your hair and brought your lips to his as he lightly ran his nails down your back causing you to shiver with pleasure.

You felt his fingers gently exploring before pressing deep inside of you. You couldn't help the moan that escaped your lips as you felt his fingers begin to slowly work. You felt him smile against your lips before he placed his thumb against your clit and began to tease and torture you slowly. As you pressed against him, ready to beg for more, a realization hit you—

Dean was only working with one hand. Not only that, he was using his left hand. Dean was right handed… Oh fuck… He was just getting warmed up. "Do you like that Baby?" His voice was husky with a cocky edge to it.

"Mmm hmmm…" You kissed him aggressively as your body screamed for more. Dean would torture you and keep you on the edge for as long as he could. That idea alone turned you on more.

You pulled away and gathered both of his hands together and pinned them above his head. His face was pure pleasure as you lowered yourself onto him and began moving your hips slowly. Dean tried to free his hands and you could see the lust and desire in his eyes as you smiled wickedly at him.

"I'm on top, Dean. I'll call the shots this time." You kept up your pace and felt him thrust into your movements in return. Each movement made him more desperate for release than the last. He was so close that you could feel it as he greedily tried to get more traction and thrust harder from beneath you.

The pace was punishing on you as well though. You couldn't hold back much longer and Dean looked like he was about ready to start begging you. Your own strokes became rougher and uneven as you felt yourself getting closer to orgasm.

"I can't—I can't hold out much longer, Y/N..." That was fine with you, it would only be a matter of moments before you were undone.

"Dean. Flip me." You ground out the words against his chest as you fought back your own orgasm for a moment longer.

"Wha—" His voice was breathless.

"Flip me and fuck me, Dean. Now." You interrupted and caught the glint of delight in his eyes. He didn't need to be told again. God he was so smooth. Dean flipped the both of you without pulling out and placed one of his free hands on your clit as he began thrusting deeply into you, gradually picking up the pace from where you left off. You were so ready. Between his hand and his dick, he had you spilling over the edge as you let go of all the sexual tension you'd kept pent up. Fuck… You felt multiple orgasms wash over you as your vision went white and your body shuddered uncontrollably with pleasure. You cried out in joy and ecstasy as your body wrapped impossibly closer around him. Dean's hands were all over and amplifying your pleasure before he buried himself into your shoulder as he came.

You simply held each other afterwards in pure euphoria and bliss. Dean finally spoke first and gave voice to your thoughts. "I—This is the happiest I've ever felt, Y/N." He kissed you gently and held you closer in his arms.

"Me too, Dean." You closed your eyes and resolved to never tell him that he had just tamed lightning and the whole damn storm as well.

NOW

The sound of a plate being dropped loudly in front of you startled you from your thoughts. Dean was giving you an odd look. You must've spaced out for longer than you realized. The pancakes were alright. They weren't nearly as good as Dean's though. The orange juice was disappointing, extra pulp. What sick fuck actually enjoys extra pulp? The bacon was fantastic. It's hard to mess up bacon and you and Dean weren't extremely picky about it either.

He'd been extremely quiet. You looked up and saw him watching you with mild impatience and irritation as he picked at his food. This was possibly the last meal that you would have together before shit hit the fan. You knew you would regret asking, but you couldn't let it go. "What's the matter, Dean?"

"Nothing, Y/N. I just can't wait to get out of here." Dean's voice had an edge to it that sucked the happiness out of breakfast.

You frowned as your attitude deflated. "Sorry. I just thought we could both use a hot breakfast for once... I miss spending time with you, Dean."

"You know you're welcome to head out with me whenever I go out." He finished off the bacon.

You scoffed. "You mean you and Crowley." Honestly, your patience was wearing thinner by the second. "All you do is go to bars and strip clubs. Pass." You shoved a large bite into your mouth.

"No one said you had to drink and those women are dancers." Dean was talking as if his sole purpose was to infuriate you.

"Let me guess, they're just trying to earn some extra cash for college. Is that what Lisa Marie told you? Or what about that other girl I heard on your end of the phone last night?" You regretted where this conversation was going but your feelings were still too close to the surface.

"I told them—"

"Not to get attached. Yeah, I know." You sat back and sulked against the booth.

"Y/N…" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. It was the first time he'd said your name with any real emotion behind it in a while. You instantly felt bad for letting Dean get the better of you. It was like throwing shit on a dumpster fire.

"Dean, look I—"

The waiter returned quickly and spared an angry glance at you before whispering into Dean's ear. This must be Crowley's inside man. Dean sat up straight suddenly and his eyes shot to you. The waiter left and Dean got up and grabbed your arm. "Come on, Y/N. We're going." His commanding voice set off alarm bells in your head.

"But I'm not done—and we still have to pay!" There was no way that whatever came next would be good and you knew it.

"We're going. Now." Dean's voice was low and full of venom as his grip on your arm tightened.

"Ow… Ok Dean. I'm going..." Fear stabbed your body like a thousand icy needles. Dean's grip on your arm didn't let up as he swiftly led you back to the motel room in silence. He only released you once you were in the room. His anger filled up the space and became a dark and overwhelming presence.

You checked your arm and realized that you would have a large bruise in the shape of Dean's hand. You looked up at him in fear for the first time in your life. "Dean…"

Crowley appeared and his voice drew your attention away from Dean. "Well, if it isn't our very own Judas." He held a piece of paper and handed it to Dean. You realized in horror that it was the note that you'd passed Alicia. "I told you she was no good Dean."

Dean looked up from the note and stared daggers at you. "Y/N… How could you?!" He took a threatening step towards you.

"Dean, just listen—"

Crowley shouted towards the door. "Bring her in, boys." Two demons dragged Alicia into the room. She was gagged and bound. Her eyes were panicked and there was a large bleeding gash along her hair line. One of the demons punched her in the gut and brought her to her knees.

"Alicia!" You ran towards her but one of the demons held you back. "Let her go! Get the fuck off of me!" In one last effort you looked to Dean pleading. "Please Dean, make them let her go!"

Dean's face was full of rage at your betrayal. You realized then that you'd get no support from him and began to lose hope.

"We caught Y/N's little bird here after she made at least one call. It's time to get out of Dodge unless you want your brother and that angel on our tails." Crowley spared you a glance. "I suggest you leave her behind, no telling what she'll do next."

"No… Dean, please. Don't leave me…" You collapsed to your knees as you watched Dean throw a few loose items into his duffle bag.

Dean's eyes were cold and his expression was uncaring. "You betrayed me, Y/N. I'm finally cutting loose for once, getting to enjoy my life, and you just can't handle it. So you lost your shit and called in Sam and Cass. You really are pathetic, Y/N. This is who I am now and you're never going to change me." Dean turned towards Crowley. "Ready when you are."

"Sure Dean, just be sure to clean up this mess. Can't afford loose ends…" Crowley gestured to you and Alicia.

"You don't have to do this Dean! Please stay, we'll find a way to help you deal with the mark." You pleaded, but Dean didn't even look at you once.

You watched Dean stab Alicia in the chest without an ounce of hesitation. "Dean! NO!" A horrible scream ripped through you and Dean walked slowly towards you. He backed you into a corner. The First Blade was inches from your throat as he bent down to your level. His eyes were absolutely deadly and his voice… you could tell that he absolutely meant what he said next. "You get one chance, Y/N. I'm giving you the same deal I gave Sam and Cass. Let me go." With that, Dean stood and walked out of the room.

Crowley looked at you for a moment with a twisted smile and moved his fingers slightly. Your pocket knife flew across the room and landed at your feet. "Looks like I win." Crowley vanished along with the other demons.

You remained alone in the room with Alicia's dead body. Her unseeing eyes stared at you as you completely unraveled. There was no point anymore in keeping up the pretense. There was no reason to act strong anymore.

This time, you didn't take any comfort in the fact Dean didn't tell you goodbye.

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