Watching the monitor was physically easy. Mentally though, it was excruciating. Every once in a while, he would just look up at the camera and stare into it. Seeing him look so hurt while chained to that chair… it felt like your soul was slowly ripping apart.
Sam had asked you to stay away from Dean. He wouldn't do that without a good reason. So you buckled down and spent the hours buried in your thoughts, staring at the image of the love of your life. You were so deep in thought that you didn't hear Sam walk up behind you.
"Good morning." The low rumble of his voice startled you and you nearly fell out of the chair. "Easy there! Are you ok?" Sam held out a hand to steady you.
"Geez, Sammy. You scared the shit out of me." You took a moment to catch your breath. "I'm fine. Just a little lost in my own head."
Sam didn't like it when he caught you brooding. He didn't know as much about you as Dean or Cass did, but he knew that your past haunted you. If anyone in this world understood what it was like to have a haunting past, it was the Winchesters.
Sam furrowed his brows and looked concerned for a moment. "Maybe I should just take you out with me. We'll grab some breakfast somewhere away from here—"
"No." You interrupted him before he could go any further with his thought. "Really, I'm fine. And what about Dean? He's gotta be hungry." You tried to do your best impression of Sam's puppy dog eyes that he used whenever he wanted something.
Sam let out a breath as he tried to find a way to argue with you. He looked frustrated as he ran his hand through his hair and you knew he was having a hard time coming up with a counterpoint. "Fine." Sam's voice was soft as he gave in. "I'll be back with some donuts."
"Sounds good, Sam. Thanks." You gave him a bright smile to try and reinforce the idea that you were fine. You had to be.
He left after promising to return in less than half an hour. A thought occurred to you in his absence and you found yourself wandering into Dean's room. You carefully picked up a few photo frames. You'd made digital copies and printed the few family pictures Dean had and framed them long ago as a gift. He still kept the originals tucked away in a drawer. You also grabbed a few of his favorite tapes that he stored in a cardboard box. One of them was a mixtape that you'd made for him after you started dating. It was a cassette and a pain in the ass to make. You had more experience with CDs and MP3 players.
You waited patiently for Sam to return and started the coffee again. You'd been drinking it all night to stay awake. It wasn't long before he returned. You chuckled slightly as he tried to balance a white box on his forearm and maneuver through the door. "Let me help you with that." You set down Dean's stuff and ran up the stairs to Sam.
"Thanks." Sam let you take the box and hold the door for him.
You worried about him. That arm had a history of taking a beating. You hoped that this would be the last time it got really bad. But you also knew that was probably unrealistic as long as he hunted. Sam always downplayed how much it hurt too. If he was wearing a sling, it was probably really painful. "No problem. Are they all glazed or did you get a variety this time?"
Sam smiled at you. "I have a good variety in there for you. Don't worry."
"Yes!" You were alright with glazed donuts, but having a selection was always so much better. This genuinely cheered you up a little. You opened the box as you practically skipped down the stairs and stuck one in your mouth. The coffee was starting to burn a hole through your stomach.
Seeing you react that way seemed to give Sam a small boost as well. He smiled and laughed. "It doesn't take much to make you happy, does it?"
You turned to face Sam, still holding the donut in your mouth. "Mhm."
"Oh my God. You and Dean really are perfect for each other." Sam let out a small laugh before sighing and the mirth left his face. "Come on. You have a breakfast date in the dungeon."
You craved that levity that you usually shared with Sam. It hurt to see it come and go so quickly. You shot a look back at him over your shoulder, grinning, and purposefully answered with your mouth full. "Does that make you our chaperone?"
He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, I guess so."
The moment was over. Your heart sank back into the pit it had been resting in for the last few months. "If you take the donuts, I'll grab the coffee." A box would be easier for Sam to carry than three mugs.
"You'd better make that iced." Sam took the box from you.
"What? Why? You guys hate iced coffee in the morning." You stood still for a moment. Sam gave you a sad look and the dots connected in your mind. "Oh." He didn't want anything dangerous around Dean. Things Dean could use to hurt both of you. "Yeah, you're right. I'll be there in a minute."
You sighed as you walked into the kitchen. The coffee wouldn't cool down fast enough and you didn't brew it strong enough to water down with ice. Dean gave you and Sam crap about it, but you were glad you'd sided with Sam on the purchase of an espresso maker. It was low end and only made a couple shots of espresso at a time, but it did the job. While the shots poured out, you grabbed the ice, milk, and some chocolate syrup.
The first few went over ice and you added water. Dean was usually ok with Americanos. You mixed up a couple of iced lattes for you and Sam, hoping that he would be surprised that you made the extra effort. Chocolate syrup went into yours because… well, because you needed that pick-me-up right now.
You grabbed a tote bag to carry Dean's things in to save yourself a second trip. You'd been itching to see Dean in person since he returned with Sam last night. You could hear their voices as you approached and paused before turning the corner, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.
"You really think this is gonna work." Dean chuckled at Sam. "Whatever you and Y/N have planned."
There was a brief pause and you picked up on Sam's hesitation. "We are going to fix you, Dean. I swear it."
"Yeah? You know, I'm not so sure I want to be fixed. I'm better now than I ever was before, Sammy." You didn't like how confidently Dean said that. "I'm not weak anymore."
"You were never weak." Sam's voice was sad and full of frustration. "And better for who, Dean? You spent the summer drinking with Crowley and bouncing from motel to motel."
"At least I didn't leave any loose ends. Tell me Sam, how many hours did you spend looking for her?" You had a bad feeling he was setting Sam up for an argument.
"I looked for you every day! Every day, Dean!" Sam was getting angry now.
You took a step forward, but you didn't appear in time to stop Dean's next words from hitting Sam.
"I know you looked for me. I mean Y/N. How long did you spend trying to find her instead of me?"
The following silence was painful. You turned the corner just in time to see the smile fade from Dean's face. Sam stopped short and stood straighter. Fuck. It was still a sore spot for him and Dean had taken no time at all to find an emotional pressure point to exploit.
"Hey, Sam. Give me a hand?" You pretended you hadn't just heard the exchange and smiled nervously.
Sam turned quickly, wiping a hand over his face as if he could wipe away the guilt and pain Dean had just inflicted. "Yeah. Of course." He furrowed his brows in confusion and amazement when he looked at the cups. His head tilted to the side in disbelief. "Did you really make me a latte?"
"Yeah. I figured you could use it after the last few days." You looked past him at Dean. "Don't worry Dean, yours is just an Americano."
Dean simply rolled his eyes and looked as disinterested as possible in response.
"Thanks, Y/N." Sam still couldn't bring himself to smile.
You started to walk towards Dean. He'd need at least one free hand to eat. Sam threw his hand out and stopped your progress.
"Wait." He held up the warded handcuffs.
"Seriously, Sam? Don't you think that's a little… much?" Your heart ached for Dean.
"Yeah. Seriously, Sam?" Dean looked at Sam mockingly.
"Seriously." Sam looked at the both of you. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea until Dean was a little more human... He unbound Dean's hands and quickly cuffed him.
"Satisfied?" You waited impatiently for Sam to respond.
Sam shot a look at Dean before nodding to you.
You bolted forward and wrapped your arms around Dean. He was completely still in your arms and it unnerved you that he didn't seem to respond to your touch at all. Not good. "Dean…" You let go reluctantly and slipped on a mask to hide your disappointment. "Sam went out for donuts and I got some caffeine for you." You forced yourself to smile as you looked into his cold eyes. "You've been up all night. I'm sure you're exhausted."
"Really guys? The two of you are just going to pretend everything is normal—having coffee and donuts in the dungeon." Dean glanced between you and Sam.
There was an uncomfortable silence before you finally spoke. You put a hand on Dean's face. "Listen, Dean. The last few weeks haven't been great for anyone in this room—"
"Oh, I disagree." Dean looked at you. His eyes were full of anger and you withdrew your hand. "With a few exceptions of betrayal and kidnapping, I've had a great time."
"Dean!" Sam's voice boomed out from behind you.
Your mask had slipped slightly and they both saw it. It made Sam protective and you closed your eyes so you wouldn't see Dean smirking. You kept them closed as you focused on your words. "The next few days are going to be rough on you, Dean." You paused and found enough strength to look into his eyes. "I want to give you—to give us a break. So yes, we are going to eat donuts and drink fucking lattes in the dungeon." You made yourself sound as strong and confident as possible.
"Well that's too bad 'cause I'm not hungry." Dean settled back in the chair. "And you're right. The next few days are gonna be really rough. But not on me."
You continued to try and reach him. Sam wasn't used to this version of Dean, but you'd had a front row seat to his transformation. "Please. You need to eat something, Dean." You placed a hand on top of Dean's.
Dean's gave you a cold stare and moved his hand out from under yours. You knew, in that moment, that he was going to say something to hurt you. You braced yourself knowing that he would go for the jugular emotionally.
"You think you can somehow save me. How could you ever save anyone if you couldn't even save yourself?" Dean paused as you stood up and stepped back. "Did you really think that you would get a happy ending?" His words sucked you in and caused an ache in your chest.
"Dean, stop it!" You were vaguely aware of Sam's movements behind you.
"There's only one way your story ends, Y/N. And it ends in blood and pain. The only question is how many people have to bleed for you before you get there? How many people will you fail or betray along the way—"
Sam splashed some holy water on Dean's face and he was cut off by his own screaming. You were startled out of your inner spiral long enough to briefly get it together. You spoke to Dean as the screams died down and you stepped out of the devil's trap. "I know what this is. You do not get to quit, Dean Winchester! Push me away all you want, but I am going to save you. I will pull your ass out of this—this fucking nightmare if it's the last thing I do." Because I know this is one of your nightmares. You turned around swiftly and faced Sam. "Tie him back up, Sam. You heard him, he's not hungry."
"Whoa, whoa. Let's just wait guys." You both ignored Dean as he realized that he was about to be left alone again. He struggled against the restraints and attempted to convince you and Sam to have a change of heart.
Sam didn't need you to tell him twice. You knew you were the only reason that he'd even considered taking a break and getting some food for Dean.
Your façade was about to crumble. "Eat up, Sammy. You have an errand to run before we get this show on the road." There was one thing you needed to do before you left. You grabbed the bag of stuff you'd taken from Dean's room. There was a small table out of his reach and you propped up the pictures to face him. Without looking back, you strode out of the dungeon before you could lose your composure.
"Saving me—be careful what you wish for!" You could hear Dean shout after you just as tears stung at your eyes.
You grabbed your phone and one of Dean's jackets before heading to the garage. You put in a pair of headphones and cranked the volume up. Maybe, just maybe, if you turned up the music enough, it would drown out your thoughts and feelings. Paint it Black was the third song to play and as soon as you heard the guitar chords, you thought you'd be sick. No. No. FUCK NO. You nearly dropped to your knees as you fumbled to switch the song. This was too real, too relevant, and too Dean. Shuffle was a bad idea. You sought out the comfort of your old playlists. Come on Bowie, distract me. Soothe my soul. The music distracted you, but it did nothing for the ache that you felt.
You sat on the ground against your car and waited for Sam to show up. He would come looking for you before he left. After what happened in the dungeon, he would want to talk and see if you were ok. Sure enough, no more than fifteen or twenty minutes passed before he walked through the doorway. His eyes scanned the room. He initially didn't notice you hidden among the cars, so you spoke after removing your headphones.
"He's worse." You were surprised at how dead your own voice sounded. Sam looked over and walked towards you as you cleared your throat and continued. "He wasn't like this when I saw him last. He was…" Your voice trailed off as you struggled for a way to describe the change in Dean. "He was closer to the surface. Even when he left, I could still reach him."
Sam gave you a look of puzzlement and worry. "Y/N…" He sat next to you and a look of sadness washed over him. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I think you might've been seeing something that wasn't there. I mean, if it's like you said and his eyes changed when he woke up—"
"No, Sam. You weren't there. Yeah, I lost Dean a little bit more every day." You stopped yourself as you felt a rush of agony hitting you and threatening to break through. "But he was still Dean. I could still reach him. On the day he left… I could still see him behind the demon." Your voice broke and you buried your face in Sam's shoulder, the move nearly catching him off guard. "He's in so much pain Sammy… This has to work. We have to save him."
Sam was speechless for a few long moments. "I know." You knew he was having some of the same fears and feelings you were as his breathing changed. It wasn't much, only you or Dean would've been able to pick up on it. You let him wrap his giant arm around you and hold you close. He held you so tightly, you didn't need to see his face to know he was seeking comfort and grounding himself. You sat in silence and let him take a moment. He needed this. Giving him even a brief moment where he didn't feel like he had to be strong was the only reprieve you could offer. After a few minutes, Sam slowly stood without looking at you. His voice was quiet. You knew he was trying to stay composed. "I'm going out for the blood. I'll be back soon, Y/N. Don't—"
"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere near the dungeon right now, Sam. Don't worry." You looked to the side as Sam turned around to face you.
"Right. Just… get some rest. You shouldn't have anything to worry about, he's locked down. You should be safe in your room. Just lock your door and lay down some salt. Keep your phone on you to be safe. Okay?" Sam shifted his weight in the silence.
"Just hurry." You finally looked up at him with pleading eyes. He stood up straighter and nodded. Sam had a mission, he wasn't about to let you or Dean down. He got into the Impala, pulled out, and you were—for all intents and purposes—alone again. After a few more minutes on the floor, you dragged yourself up and wandered towards your room. Your body craved sleep. The door was salted and locked. You fell asleep sprawled out on top of the mattress, still wearing Dean's jacket.
You were on your hands and knees. You were barefoot and your clothing consisted of shorts and a tank top. You stood up quickly as a wave of adrenaline hit you and you were vaguely aware that you were bleeding. It was dark. The world felt desaturated of all color. There was a fierce wind that bit at your skin. The strength of it caused your hair to whip around wildly and it was hard to keep your balance. The howling of it was deafening.
You frantically took in your surroundings. It seemed like you were in a vast wilderness. There was no moon or stars in the sky, the only source of light was something burning in the distance. With no other direction or form of guidance, you made your way towards it. The blades of grass cut like tiny shards of glass beneath your feet. Each rock, down to the tiniest piece of gravel was like a hot coal. Every step was hell as you limped between ancient trees and large bushes whose branches cut like knives.
As you drew closer to the fire, you heard the sounds of screaming beyond the trees. It was the unrestrained sound of pure agony. But that's not what made you take in a sharp breath before you abandoned all concern for yourself and blindly ran forward.
No. The thing that had propelled you forward in this world of darkness… It was Dean. You had no doubt in your mind. You ran through the darkness and pain. You ran faster when the screaming stopped. There was a clearing with an enormous fire in the middle. You had to stop and let your eyes adjust to the light. Even at this distance, you could feel the heat.
There. A man wearing only a pair of worn jeans was lying face down a few yards away from the inferno. Dean. You ran towards him without hesitation or care. "Dean!" Your knees bled and burnt as you knelt next to him and rolled him onto his back. Dean's face… it was a mess of blood and bruises. His beautiful body had been beaten and burned all over. He was limp in your grasp. You touched him gently and tried to get some sort of response. Dean remained still. You're heart leapt into your throat as you felt it shatter. Grief and agony washed over you as you doubled over sobbing, your own body covering his.
A gentle touch cut through your pain. You shakily sat up to see Dean's eyes squinting up at you. They were slightly glazed over. His hand still weakly hovered where your cheek had been and you grabbed it like a lifeline. His brows furrowed in confusion. "Y/N…" His voice was raw and raspy. "What… what are you doing here?" He shifted and was trying to sit up on his own. You heard the rattle of metal and felt sick as you noticed a chain that was attached to Dean's ankle and extended into the heart of the fire. Not good. Dean was injured and delirious.
"No. Dean, stay still. I'm saving you." You looked at him with wide eyes as you desperately tried to think of a way out of this mess. You ripped a strip of fabric from the bottom of your shirt and tenderly wiped some of the blood away from his face. "Just—just hold on. You're hurt pretty bad." You ran a hand through your hair and quickly tried to put yourself back together. "But it's ok though. I'm gonna patch you up, and you'll be fine. I just need to get that chain off and then I'm getting you out of here." You painfully drew your eyes away from Dean's to look for something—anything that may help. If you searched, you were sure you could find something to break the chain.
"Feels cold…" His voice drew your gaze back on him.
"Hey! No, none of that now, Dean! I'm dragging you out of here, do you hear me?" You swore fiercely and looked him in the eye. "You don't get to quit on me, not this time, not ever."
"No…" Dean shook his head wearily and closed his eyes as he swallowed. "You. Feels nice…"
You looked at him in puzzlement. You felt like it was about a million degrees. The heat from the fire was overwhelming.
Dean ran a hand through your hair with a look of amazement. "How'd you learn to do that?"
"Do what, Dean?" You bent down closer to hear his broken voice.
"Glow. It's like you're made of stars." He gave you a weak smile.
You let out a small laugh. "Always the charmer. You can hit on me after I get you out of here, Babe." He was definitely out of it.
Dean gave you a concerned look. A little more focus and clarity crossed his features. "No…" He sat up despite your efforts to keep him still. His hand reached for your forehead and his fingers gently brushed up against a gash you'd received during your mad dash to the clearing. You hissed a little in pain.
Dean pulled his hand back quickly and examined his fingers. A silver substance was shining briefly until it lost its luminescence and faded to the same black that matched Dean's blood in the darkness. You looked at him in confusion as he lifted his gaze back to you. You watched as he pushed down his own pain to give you all of his focus. His eyes were clear and full of fear for a moment. Then, something shifted and he was every bit the sharpened hunter that had dragged you away from a vengeful god. He pulled your arms out and examined them before looking over every last inch of your skin that he could.
You looked down for the first time and realized exactly what Dean was talking about. Every cut looked as if it was an eerie crack or scratch along your skin revealing dim starlight. It was surreal and mesmerizing at the same time. What the hell…?
"Y/N… Y/N!" Dean's voice suddenly drew you back to full attention and his broad hands gripped your shoulders.
You lifted your eyes to his. "What's going on, Dean?"
"Listen to me, Y/N." His tone was as commanding as he could force his voice to be. "You need to leave right now. Run."
"What? No, Dean. Just let me break—"
"Y/N! There's no time. You're going to leave me here and you're going to pick a direction—any direction—and run." Dean's voice held a pleading edge to it.
"No! I'm not going to leave you. We don't leave each other." You quickly embraced him as tightly as you dared.
"Today we do." Dean gently pushed you away with one hand as he weakly pulled of your arms. "You don't understand, Y/N. It's only a matter of time before he gets back and if he sees you—"
"I don't care!" Dean flinched slightly at your words and you softened your tone. "If you think there's any way in hell I'm just going to run, you've got another thing coming."
"Please, just trust me. I'm begging you." His voice began to betray the anxiety that he was hiding.
"Then tell me, Dean. Who is it that you're so afraid of? Who am I running from?" It had to be something truly terrible to have caused Dean this much damage and fear.
Dean's gaze shifted over your shoulder and his eyes went wide as he stood weakly. The action caused you to jump up. "RUN! NOW!"
You turned around to see a figure in the tree line. Dean's arms roughly grabbed you and pushed you behind him as he tried to put himself between the two of you.
You decided right there, that whatever was coming, whatever this monster was, you would stand there and face it with Dean. You reached forward and grabbed Dean's hand. He quickly looked back at you and made no effort to mask the pain on his face. As you slowly stepped out from behind Dean, you gasped.
The man walking towards you was also Dean. But his eyes were black and full of malice. Whatever this place was, it didn't seem to affect him as he stalked towards the two of you.
"You really should've listened to him, Y/N." He smiled at you before glancing at Your Dean. He took out the first blade from his waistband and pointed it at the man you loved. You tried to step in front, but the real Dean wouldn't have it. "You know, I've been trying to kill this son of a bitch for months now. I'll give it to him, he sure is a tough one. I've beaten him, stabbed him, burned him—"
"You can shut the fuck up." You didn't want to hear anything this monster had to say. "You're never going to touch him again. You're going to wish you're dead once I'm through with you." Your voice was filled with venom. "We are going to get the fuck out of here and then… I'm coming back for you, you black-eyed son of a bitch. You are going to beg me to send you to hell."
"The most beautiful part of this whole arrangement…" His eyes shifted to you as he paused.
"Please, don't." You could hear Dean whisper next to you.
"I don't have to lay a finger on him. He's going to give in and finally kick it unless he wants to see what I've got planned for you." You instinctively recoiled from the wicked smile this monster was giving you.
Dean's voice was laced with anger. "I swear to God, if you touch her—"
The demon back handed Dean and you caught him as he stumbled. You knew he was too weak to put up much of a fight. It was the broken and defeated look on his face that filled you with rage.
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, DEAN? HAVEN'T YOU REALIZED THERE IS NO GOD HERE?" The demon snarled at Dean and started laughing as he turned around and began another monologue.
You set Dean down and kissed him. "I love you, Dean." You felt him grab at your wrist as you stepped away. There was no way in hell this would work. The only weapon you had was the element of surprise. You knew from sparring with Dean that you had less than a forty percent chance of incapacitating him. But that was normal Dean and not this demon in a world that seemed designed to inflict pain. You took a deep breath and lunged for the demon and unleashed all of your fury. The blade was out of your reach and he slipped out of your choke hold. To your credit, you managed to catch him off guard enough to knock him down. You landed a few satisfying punches to his face before he laughed through the blood and flipped you so he was on top. The first blade pressed up against your throat and you looked at him with defiance. "Go ahead, cut me. I dare you."
"Don't be so sure I won't gorgeous. I love the way you bleed here. It's so… Well, I'm sure you know." He drew the blade down the side of your cheek. You squinted your eyes in hatred and refused to give him the satisfaction of hearing you scream.
"NO!" You heard Dean yell out. The links on the chain around his ankle rattled until you heard him reach the end of it with a clanking sound. You were out of his reach now.
"What do you think, Dean-o? Should I just go ahead and kill her right now?"
"Get your fucking hands off of her, you bastard! Or I swear—"
"Ah… Don't worry, I wouldn't end the game before having a little bit of fun first." The demon unexpectedly released you and let you get to your feet. "I wouldn't do that again if I were you, though, sweetheart." He cast you a sideways glance. "No, I think we should show Y/N what we've been up to lately."
The demon was suddenly on top of Dean. You called out for him as you realized what was about to happen and he told you to run one more time. You watched in horror as the demon cruelly carved into Dean's skin as he held him down. Once again, you were listening to him scream.
"DEAN!"
You collided into consciousness with Dean's name still on your lips. Waking up should've comforted you, it should've provided some measure of relief. But there was nothing that could comfort or calm you down. There was nothing that could fix this because one thing remained constant. Dean was still screaming.
You ran to your door and threw it open. Without a door to muffle the sounds, they only grew louder and bounced off of the walls in the bunker. You ran with only one thought. Dean. You blindly scrambled towards the sound, calling out his name. You'd nearly made it to the dungeon before a large hand grabbed you.
"NO! LET ME GO!" You panicked and fought in your attempts to get to Dean. "Dean!" Despite your fighting and wrenching to get free, it held you still and pulled you towards its owner. "Get the fuck off of me!"
"Y/N… Y/N!" Sam's voice drifted in to your awareness. "Y/N, stop! Stop. It's just me, it's ok. You're ok." His voice was gentle but there was a frantic edge to it.
You stopped fighting him immediately and let him hold you close as you drew in ragged breaths. Dean was still screaming and his voice tore at you. "Let me go, Sammy. I have to see him. I have to help him. There's something wrong."
"It's ok, Y/N. It's just the ritual. I started it while you were still asleep." Sam's grip on you loosened, but he still wouldn't release his hold on you.
You craned your neck to look up at him with wide eyes. "You started the ritual without me?" You shook your head and pushed against him. "I have to get in there Sam. Please, he needs me. Something isn't right."
"No. Remember Crowley? Remember how he fought when I did this the first time? That isn't Dean in there and I'm not letting you anywhere near him right now." Sam tried to reassure you, but his commanding tone only pushed you further away.
"You won't let me?" You closed your eyes briefly as Dean's voice broke. "I love him and he needs me right now. You can't just tell me what to do all the time, Sam!"
"He wouldn't want it!" His outburst shocked you. "Dean, he wouldn't want you to see him like this. This is exactly what he was trying to protect you from when he asked you to stay behind when we went after Metatron. It's why he knocked me out. This—the demon, the mark—he never wanted you to see him like this. He would rather die—"
"He did die!" Feelings that you'd buried rose to the surface. "Dean died! You brought him home and he was dead, Sam. He was dead and we cleaned up his body as best as we could..." You looked away and took a shuddering breath. "He died and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I'll be damned if I ever let him go again."
Sam swallowed and wrapped his arm around you in a hug. "I know. I know, Y/N. But you said it yourself, he's getting worse. He's… Dean's not himself right now. The things he's saying…" He held you at arm's length and looked down at you. His eyes were sad and pleading. Fuck. Sam was about to ask you to do something and it was going to be nearly impossible to say no. "I'm not telling you what to do, I'm asking you. Please let me handle the first part of the ritual. Once he's a little more… human… you can get off of the bench. But for now, please just take a break. Here…" He started fishing in his pocket and pulled out a familiar keychain. "I'll even give you your keys back. Just please give me some time to get this started."
Sam placed the keys in the palm of your hand. You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. Well… shit. "Sam… I couldn't bring myself to leave. And even if I could, you just used the freaking face and those sad puppy eyes on me… FUCK!"
"I'm asking for two days here. That way the ritual will be over and—"
"Hell no. Think in terms of hours, Sam. I'm not letting you and Dean go through this alone." You stood firm as you cut him off. "I'll give you three."
"That's not enough time, Y/N. I just started the ritual. Give me until tomorrow night."
"Tonight. Nine o'clock." Your eyes drifted down the hallway.
"Fine, tomorrow morning." Sam was being stubborn and you couldn't handle it right now.
"Don't push me, Sam! You'll drop back down to three hours and you know better than to try and stop me from marching in there—"
"Ok! Ok, tonight." Sam held his hand out in surrender. He let out a breath you didn't realize he was holding and his shoulders sagged with relief. "That's great, Y/N. Thank you."
His thanks caught you off guard. "Yeah… let me know if you need anything, Sam. Anything." You slowly stepped away and forced yourself to walk back towards your room. Dean's screams still echoed behind you. Walking away from him took every fiber of mental strength you had and you collapsed on your bed after shutting the door. Even with the door shut, you could still hear him. When you couldn't stand it anymore, you turned on some music. Après Moi seemed perfect, but did nothing for the screams that still echoed in your mind.
You spent the rest of the afternoon and evening pouring over angel research and trying to find a way to help Castiel. Someone needed to look out for him in this whole fucked up situation. Idly, you considered calling him a few times. But you didn't have any news for him and you really didn't want to call unless it was an emergency or good news. Cass had enough to worry about now as is. Instead you settled on sending a text after a few more hours of frustrating angel research that continued to turn up a lot of nothing. You thought again about the possibility of finding an angel to trap and killing it to steal its grace. It would be hard, but you would have no problem with that if it came down to it. Cass was family whether he realized it or not. You refused to lose another family member ever again.
—Hey. Stay safe for me, Featherbrain. No fighting angels, no hunting, no nothing until we fix you. We will fix this, I just need a little more time. I'm neck deep in research and Sam is with Dean. Take it easy.
Cass didn't really like texting, so it didn't surprise you when you didn't get a message back. Instead you just worried about whether he was being safe or not. That Hannah chick had better be taking good fucking care of you.
The hours passed slowly as they approached nine o'clock. You weren't going to wait any longer than that. You showered and threw on some fresh clothes. It was nothing special, just a grey tank top, flannel, and some jeans. You didn't bother with shoes in the bunker anymore. It felt like home. At 8:59, you were putting your hair up and walking out of your room. Sam would probably try to talk you into giving him more time. But you refused to wait anymore.