AN: Sorry about the long stretches in between chapter postings. I felt like this chapter especially needed to be done right. It went through a few changes and incarnations before turning into what it is now. It was only supposed to be between 7000-8000 words and its over 10,000. I hope you all enjoy it!
Thanks to all of the readers, followers, and reviewers. You have my love.
I would like to mention I had the pleasure of finally having the opportunity to meet my beta, the lovely peddlergirl, in person for the first time since I last published. She's a truly amazing person and I'm lucky to have her as a friend. The fandom has really provided me with a sister. Check out her fic, Combustible, if you have time!
As you stepped into the hallway, you realized Dean's screams had stopped. You tried to take some relief in that. Maybe it's almost over. Maybe Sam really did manage the ritual alone. Part of you knew better though. Things were never that easy. You rounded a corner and bumped into Sam, nearly falling backwards.
"Whoa. Y/N, easy." Sam gently gripped your elbow to help you steady yourself. "I was, uh, just coming to talk to you."
A nervous glance from him made you wary. You took a deep breath and crossed your arms. "Sam, if you want more time—"
"I know. I know." Sam spoke slowly and softly. "You're going to tell me no, but hear me out. We need to talk." You could see the wheels turning in his mind.
"Talk about what?" You looked at him cautiously. That phrase—we need to talk—was never good in your experience. "The ritual is supposed to be eight injections of purified blood. One every hour. Dean shouldn't have more than a couple more hours to go before he was cured."
You could see pain and sadness in Sam's eyes. "You heard him earlier—when I first started the ritual. This isn't exactly the same situation we had with Crowley. He's in pain, Y/N."
"I know, Sam. We knew this wouldn't be the same from the beginning. And I know he's in pain. I can practically feel it. It—" Your voice broke and you took a deep breath to reign your emotions back in. "It's tearing me apart, Sammy. It has taken every ounce of my will power to sit back and wait like you asked."
Sam winced slightly at your last statement. That crack in his composure gave you a glimpse of how brutally this was eating him alive, too. The mask he put up to protect you was wearing thin. "I just don't want you to get hurt anymore, Y/N. You've been through enough already…" He trailed off before turning the conversation back to Dean. "After the first round, he was in enough pain that I've been waiting an hour and fifteen minutes to give him more time to recover. I just gave him the fifth injection. Luckily, he passed out right before this one."
"Jesus…" A wave of shock washed over you before anxiety propelled your body into motion. "I need to see him." You brushed by Sam and he was close on your heels.
"Y/N, he's in rough shape. I don't think—"
"No." Your voice was low as you interrupted Sam's protest before he could go any further into his argument. You didn't even glance back at him as you walked ahead. Every inch of you was tense between your determination and worry for Dean. Between your voice and body language, you must've been pretty compelling. Sam fell silent and simply followed you. He didn't push the argument further after that.
You gasped when you entered the dungeon. Dean was slumped in the chair he was still chained to within the warding. His skin was too pale. You could see a sheen of sweat across his face and beginning to soak into his shirt. Even in unconsciousness, he seemed to be grimacing in pain. Even his breathing was off. Oh God… You swallowed a lump in your throat. Somehow, you managed to move forward until you reached the edge of the devil's trap. You glanced back at Sam and he gave you a slight nod to go ahead.
You shrugged off your flannel shirt and started to wipe the sweat away from Dean's face. "Dean. Dean? Can you hear me, love?" He remained limp and unresponsive. "How long has he been like this?" Your voice was high and tense with concern. Your hand trailed down the side of his face and onto his neck. You turned to face Sam without breaking physical contact with Dean.
"He passed out about forty-five minutes after the fourth injection. It wasn't this bad when I gave him the last dose. He was just out of it and I thought—." Sam paused and you could feel the fear in his words. "You know, like it might be a good thing. He doesn't need to feel all that pain… I swear, when I left him he was only unconscious."
Shit. Ok, it hasn't been going on long. You took a deep breath before shoving down all the fear and other emotions that would stop you from doing anything but moving forward and focusing on Dean. Ok. Right. Get a grip, Y/N. Let's do this. You looked back at Dean while you addressed Sam, keeping your voice low and even. "Sammy." You heard him shift behind you. "I need water, towels, and a fresh shirt for him. Go."
"Anything else?" Sam was already moving. He was just as worried over Dean as you were. That was something Sam was not very good at hiding.
I have no idea. I don't know… How do I fix this? "I'll let you know." You kept gently brushing your shirt against Dean's damp skin. You placed a hand on his cheek. "It's ok. I'm here now." You pressed your lips to his forehead and rested your head against his. "Please, Babe. I need to know if you can hear me. I'm right here. You're—" You couldn't promise him that he was going to be ok. Not now. Focus! "You're with me and I'm going to fix this, Dean. Just give me something, anything." I need to know you're still in there.
Sam returned shortly with water and towels promising to be right back while he grabbed one of Dean's shirts. You reached for two small towels—more like glorified washcloths—and soaked them in the cold water before wringing them out and turning back to Dean. The first one was placed on the back of his neck and allowed to rest there. You would cool it down again for him in a few minutes. Your current focus turned to attempting to get him conscious, cooled down, and cleaned up. Starting with his face, you gently wiped his skin with the cold, damp towel all while whispering reassurances and sweet nothings to him.
As you refreshed the towel on his neck, Sam returned with a simple black shirt for Dean. "Any change?" Sam looked genuinely scared when you looked back at him. He wasn't expecting you to turn and was briefly caught off guard being caught without the mask of bravery he was trying to put on for you.
It didn't matter, you could always see through his layers. You knew him too well. "He's still out of it. I want to get him cooled down before I change his shirt. He'll be more comfortable that way." Your brain was still scrambling to form more of a plan of action. Sam nodded at you in response. "Is there anything I can do?"
You let out a long sigh. "I need a few other things. I'll stay down here with him while you get some rest. I promise I'll let you know if things get worse. I need some food and water for us and I'm going to need Dean's tape player. I would also really appreciate it if you could grab my phone and some headphones in case…" In case he starts screaming again. In case he's not human enough yet…
"…you couldn't even save yourself." "Did you really think that you would get a happy ending?" "There's only one way your story ends, Y/N. And it ends in blood and pain. The only question is how many people have to bleed for you before you get there? How many people will you fail or betray along the way—" Dean's words from earlier echoed in your brain and sent a chill down your spine.
"Sure thing." Sam's voice pulled you out of your brief reverie. You fought to block Dean's words out before Sam could see your expression and ask what was wrong. He returned not long after with all of the items. You'd managed to get Dean cooled down enough and he looked significantly better than before. Sam helped you get his shirt changed and set a timer for the next injection. There was a little less than an hour left to kill.
The cassettes you brought down were still here and you started playing his favorite mix tape. You sat against the opposite wall facing Dean, willing him to move. The tape cycled through all of the tracks with no change from Dean. The next injection wasn't far off. You decided to play the mix tape you'd made him. A silent tear rolled down your cheek as you wondered whether anything would ever be normal again.
You decided to check Dean before going back to your spot against the wall. As you wiped his brow again, you realized how much you missed simply touching him and having quiet moments. This summer had been hell. There was no room for soft and tender things. Your hand lingered on his cheek for a moment. As you started to pull away, he leaned into your touch. For a moment, your heart stopped.
You couldn't help the small gasp that escaped your lips. "Dean?" His name came out as a whispered plea. "Can you hear me? Just nod, you don't have to say anything." Please don't let me have imagined that.
The movement was slight at first. He furrowed his brow and repeated the action with a groan.
"Oh God…" You paused to collect yourself. Assess and deal with the situation first, Y/N. It was a real struggle to hold back emotionally. "I know it hurts… Can you open your eyes? Please, Dean."
He merely gave a low hum in response.
"C'mon, Babe. Just look at me, you can do it." You coaxed him gently. He managed to open his eyes enough to squint up at you. Dean's eyes were full of pain and he looked like he was trying to work through the fog in his brain.
"Y/N?" Dean's voice sounded raspy, and that was being generous.
"Yeah." You beamed at him. "It's me." You quickly reached for a bottle of water and unscrewed the top. "Here. You're dehydrated. You need to drink." You held the bottle to his lips, but he didn't drink. Instead, Dean looked at the liquid nervously and back at you. Your heart broke a little as you realized what he was thinking. "It's not holy water, Dean. I promise."
He nodded and took a small sip. When it didn't burn, he tried to take bigger gulps.
You shot Dean a look of concern. "Slow down. You need to sip or else you'll make yourself sick." Your heart broke for him in his misery.
Dean stopped and you put the bottle down. "Wha happn'd…?"
"Sammy said you passed out before the last injection he gave you. You were burning up when I got here. I've been trying to keep you cool, but…" You looked away and spoke softly. "I think there's something wrong. The ritual—it's not supposed to be like this."
Dean's eyes closed and you watched him process everything you told him. "Where—" He stopped to clear his throat. "Where'd you go, Y/N?"
You were unprepared and his question hit you like a ton of bricks. "What?" It was all you could manage.
"Sammy—he's been down here dosing me up all day. Where were you?" He stared into your eyes and spoke quietly. "I thought you'd be here."
Memories of the last few hours hit suddenly and they hit hard. They filled you with guilt, sadness, and regret. "I umm… Sam, he—" You stopped. There was nothing you could tell him that would heal your absence. "I'm sorry, Dean." You pressed your forehead to his chest, trying not to break down. "I'm so, so sorry."
There was something gentle in the silence that followed. You hoped this rare moment of passiveness from him was forgiveness. There had been nothing but tension and chaos between you since the mark brought him back. Everything felt peaceful for once in the middle of this shit storm. You just knelt there, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. It had been ages since you simply listened to his heart beat. The timer Sam set went off suddenly, startling you. Fuck.
You had been dreading actually performing the ritual and giving Dean injections. Tentatively, you pulled yourself away and walked to the table. Dean only needed three more injections, but Sam had prepared extra in case something went awry. You took one and turned back to Dean. He knew what was on the table. And even if he didn't, it was impossible to hide the guilt and sadness on your face.
Dean regarded you carefully. It was the closest thing to fear you'd seen from him in a long time. "Y/N… You're not really going to keep trying this are you?"
"I have to, Dean. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be." You stepped toward him.
"You saw what this is doing to me! You're willing to just roll the dice that this time it won't kill me?"
His question stopped you in your tracks. Waves of guilt, grief, and anguish nearly brought you to your knees. Close your eyes. Deep breaths. You won't kill him. "It's not a roll of the dice. Sam and I did our research." You remembered the church, trying to close the gates to hell...
"Lore… That's rich, Y/N. You know that half the time that stuff is just bull crap." Dean started to glare up at you.
You slowly opened your eyes and stared Dean down. He wasn't going to get you to back down, not on this. "Crowley, the demon you've been besties with this summer, was our guinea pig. Remember?" Dean glanced away. It was a low blow.
You softened your expression a little. "I'm not going to let you die, Dean. Not again. I have spent every day wishing that I didn't let you talk me into staying behind while you fought Metatron. I will never forget cleaning you up after Sam brought you home. I—I held your body and waited until Sam was ready to burn you. I knew you would never forgive me if I made a deal to bring you back." You paused and let out a dry laugh. "When you came back, I actually thought it was a miracle. For the first time in a long time, I was ready to put aside everything and thank God or whatever angel brought you back. Until I saw your eyes and the demon looking back at me. This isn't you, Dean."
You knelt down and placed a hand on his thigh. "I will never forgive myself for letting you fight alone. I will always regret not running to the nearest crossroads to save you. But I will fix this." While his eyes were locked on yours, you slid the needle into his arm gently and swiftly while depressing the plunger.
Dean's eyes widened in surprise before going black. His features contorted in pain as he cried out in agony. You couldn't help but fall backwards in shock. He was struggling against the restraints so much you wondered if they would hold him even with the added warding. This was part of what Sam had tried to spare you from and you understood. You realized what that protection must have cost him, what he had been dealing with trying to shoulder this alone. You had no idea how he had managed to get through the bulk of the ritual.
"Dean! Dean, it's alright. Only two more after this. Ok?" You scrambled forward and cupped his face. "I'm sorry, Babe…" His head was thrown back, eyes slammed shut against the pain and he was still screaming. "C'mon, you've got this—You're gonna be alright! You're going to get through this and make it, understand me?!" You continued trying to reach him, offering reassurances. There was no sign that he heard any of it. Everything felt wrong and the pain only seemed to be getting worse. Sam. Go get Sam.
Your eyes darted to the door and back to Dean. "I am not leaving you. I'll be right back, Dean." Your hand lingered on his shoulder before you raced off into the bunker. Think, Y/N! Likely places… Library, kitchen, or his room. The lights were dimmed in the library so you dashed towards the kitchen. You could hear his muffled voice from down the hall. He must be on the phone. You slowed your pace as you drew closer.
"…I—It's not like it was with Crowley." Sam was talking about Dean. You stopped to listen in the hallway. "Dean's in pain. I mean, he's in bad pain. I—It's like he's barely holding on. Y/N's in the dungeon taking care of him now." Sam paused. "Cass… I think we might be killing him."
You clamped a hand over your mouth to stifle a gasp. It was one thing to for you to suspect it because you felt protective of Dean. Deep down, you hoped you were overreacting. But for Sam to say what you were terrified of… that brought this to a whole new level. You could take comfort in his confidence and surety during the past few days. Sam would never let anything happen to Dean, he would never risk his life.
"So… what? Should we stop?" Sam sounded so lost. You ached to hear what Castiel was saying right now. Maybe he would have another idea.
Sam's voice broke in again. "Cass, did you not hear what I just said?" Disbelief. Whatever Cass had said, it was bad. Your back slowly slid down the wall. "I could be killing my brother. Y/N could be killing Dean—" He was cut off by Cass. Shit shit shit shit SHIT!
"Killing Dean… You're saying I need to be prepared to kill him if this doesn't work." You heard Sam let out a heavy sigh. You could tell from his tone that he was at a dead end and he couldn't think his way out of this. "Yeah, all right. I'll, uh, I'll leave the entry unlocked for you. Just hurry." Cass was coming.
You heard the phone beep and clatter onto the table. Time to move. You weren't supposed to hear this. Moving quickly, you made your way back to the dungeon. If this didn't work, there had to be another way. Sam and Cass wouldn't give you the task of killing Dean. Also, neither of them would dare to harm him with you around. As long as you were nearby, you could be Dean's shield until you came up with something else. You didn't need motivation to move faster, but a sudden crash and loud, frustrated groan coming from the kitchen provided it.
Dean's screams had tapered off and now he was silent again. He was totally out of it once you got back. "Dean? Dean!" You lightly tapped his face anxiously. "Hey, you still with me?"
His brows furrowed and he squinted against the light. "Ugh… y—yeah. I think so."
You breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Good…" Now what? You stood and paced for a moment.
Dean looked at you with wariness and confusion. "What's wrong?"
Your head snapped to Dean. "Nothing. I'm just thinking."
He paused and you thought he was giving you some space to work this out. "Are you thinking about what you're gonna have to do to me if this doesn't work?"
"No." You were completely serious. You were trying to figure out something—anything that would save him. There was only one person left you could turn to. The thought of talking to him made your blood boil. This is for Dean. Put your stupid feelings aside and do what needs to be done.
"FUCK!" You snapped, digging through your bag and pulling out your phone.
Y/N: Listen up, because I wouldn't be contacting you unless some serious shit was hitting the fan. Dean's in really bad shape. Sam and Cass were just talking about maybe having to kill him. So if you ever cared about Dean in that dark, rotting thing you call a heart, you will help. Fix Dean, find a spell, show up... Hell, I'll take anything. Any deal you want to make, I don't care about the fine print. I'm in as long as you help Dean. 10:37 pm
You waited anxiously for your phone to chime. Dean was staring at you. "Don't ask. Do. Not. Ask. Dean." If he pushed, it would be way too easy for you to snap at him and you didn't want that. Thankfully, he gave you a look of surrender and said nothing. Your phone chimed.
Fuckface: And what would Dean do to me if I fixed him and took your soul? I'm not suicidal. No deal, Pet. I will consider the situation though. I'm bored. Not much for the bureaucracy of Hell. Tell your boy toy I send my regards. 10:40 pm
You wondered why you were even surprised. There was no way he would touch this situation even if he did care enough to want to help. Crowley was smart. And he always put his own survival first. You took a few tired steps towards Dean and sat in front of him. You rested your head in his lap, seeking a moment of peace to get clarity. The mixtape drew your attention. Heroes was playing. Although you loved it, it was bittersweet and reminded you of happier times.
Right now, you'd much rather listen to your music. Music that expressed your anger, sadness, grief, and so many more unspoken things you held inside your soul. Your mind drifted to the various poetry slams you'd love to revisit right now.
Dean's voice came out softly from above you. "What was it you said about this song?" He placed his right hand on your head and tucked back a stray strand of hair with the limited slack the cuffs would allow. "Something about taking every day we could get together. You said that you would never stop fighting for us and we would always be heroes."
You knelt back and faced Dean. His features were so gentle and soft. You never would've guessed at the hell he was going through or the fact he was a demon now if you didn't know. "I remember. I meant it. I still do."
"I know. I know you do." His green eyes melted you and drew you in. You placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into the touch. It was the most tenderness he had shown you in a long time. You sighed in relief. The ritual was working and the human part of him was starting to take hold.
"Dean… I've missed you so much." You leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his soft lips. He returned the kiss and deepened it. You knew you were going to let yourself get lost in the moment and pulled away ever so slightly. You looked into his eyes, ready to bathe in those pools of green. "We can't. Not right—"
A lot of things happened at once. Dean's eyes turned black. Suddenly, there was the sound of his skull connecting with yours in a loud smack. You were falling backwards in a haze until the second impact of the floor secured your journey into oblivion.
You were greeted by dizzying pain. Groaning, you struggled to push yourself up off of the floor. The first thing you noticed was an alarm buzzing. A red bulb in the corner illuminated the space. "Dean…?" You maneuvered on the ground to face him, but the chair was empty.
The bunker is on lockdown. Panic rose in your chest as you tried to piece together what had happened. He was finally coming around, you could see Dean coming to the surface. You remembered kissing him and then… Oh shit… You were careless. You let yourself fall into a false sense of security. Stupid, stupid, stupid! You continued to inwardly curse at yourself as you checked the lines in the devil's trap. How did he make it out? Hell, how did he even get out of the cuffs?
You found your answer on the floor next to the chair. Dean had taken a bobby pin you were using. He only had one chance to touch your hair. You closed your eyes in heartache. The whole thing was a ruse to draw you in and you fell for it. Sam.
The thought hit you hard. Sammy was somewhere in the bunker. Alone. You had no doubt Dean would go after him. Hopefully you hadn't been out for long. You stood as quickly as your aching head would allow. You had to stop Dean. The first priority was saving Sam now that he was loose. Then, you could worry about containing him again. You took the warded cuffs and the key as you passed it on the way out. They fit perfectly in your back pocket.
It was eerily quiet other than the buzz of the alarm. Your heart raced and you had to push down a surge of fear every time you turned a new corner. In addition to this twisted hide and seek, navigating the bunker in the dark while recovering from a head injury provided its own challenge.
The lights came back on and you didn't know whether to take that as a good or bad sign, but it gave you a direction to go in. There was only one place that controlled the power universally like that and all the switches were manual. You were sure that you'd find one of them there. Although, you weren't sure which one you'd rather find first.
If you found Sam first, he could provide backup and help you form a plan if Dean hadn't already—No… You refused to go there. Sam had to be ok. Finding him first also meant that you would have to convince him not to kill Dean though—if he hadn't already. The thought made you feel sick to your stomach.
If Dean was the one that was waiting, it probably meant that he'd already gotten to Sam. You couldn't see him going for the lights unless Sam was already dealt with. You hoped Dean would leave him alive. You weren't sure what he'd do to you. He left you alive when he could've easily killed you earlier.
A loud bang suddenly echoed through the bunker. You could make out their raised voices and ran towards the control room. They're both still alive. The banging and shouting persisted as you drew closer. Rushing into the situation could be deadly. You ducked in a doorway around the corner to listen and assess the situation.
"…you really mean that." It was Dean. His tone was dark and full of glee at the same time.
"Look, if you come out of that room, I won't have a choice!" Sam was trying to be strong. His warning held an edge of desperation to it though. So he had Dean contained. He wasn't going to kill him… Your heart rejoiced for a moment that Sam wouldn't go through with it. It was short lived as you realized that Dean was picking up on all of this, too. He would take full advantage of the situation while he was free.
"Sure you will! And I know which one you'll make. Isn't that right, Sammy?" His statement confirmed your fears.
You needed a plan. Taking a risk, you glanced down the corridor. Sam had the demon blade. He wouldn't use it, but it comforted you to know he had some sort of protection. Judging by the amount of splintered wood on the floor, Dean would break through it soon. You'd never see that scene in The Shining the same way again…
"But, see… Here's the thing, I'm lucky. Oh, hell, I'm blessed. 'Cause there's just enough demon left in me that killing you ain't no choice at all."
Shit. Plan or no plan, Sam needed you now. You stepped out just in time to realize that he had already run past you. You opened your mouth to call after him. But before you could form his name, Dean called out to him. He sounded much closer and the banging had stopped.
Your options were limited. You could chase after Sam and try to find him in the labyrinth of hallways. Ducking back into the room was an option. There was a chance Dean wouldn't find you. Or, you could confront Dean.
Chasing after Sam would be a liability to you both with Dean this close by. It was hard to choose between the two options left to you. The headache wasn't helping you decide any faster and your hesitation cost you that choice. Dean appeared in front of you. You swallowed as you noted the hammer in his hands. Fuck. This is so fucked up.
"Hey, Dean." You tried to look as non-threatening and non-combative as possible. There was still a chance you could make it out of this. If you played your cards right, you might be able to cuff him. Dean had chosen not to kill you earlier. You hoped he still wouldn't.
He cocked his head to the side and smiled. "Well… Look who's back up and around. How's the head? I thought you'd be out for a little while longer."
You knew better than to play into his hands and show weakness. "You always said I was hard-headed. Is there any chance I can convince you to stop?" Your body tensed as your brain sent out adrenaline. It was screaming for you to choose between fight or flight.
Dean lowered his gaze and took a step forward. "No."
You took an involuntary step back in response. Stall. Buy Sam and yourself some time. Get him talking and occupied. "You didn't kill me back there. Wanna tell me what you were planning?"
Dean let the hammer fall from his hands. That was unexpected. You didn't move as he closed the gap between you. "Maybe it's better if I show you." His right hand wrapped around your waist in a smooth motion that was so typically Dean. Dean drew you in gently until you were pressing against his body. His lips met yours and his hands moved with the same strong and slow confidence that you learned was nearly impossible to resist.
You responded to each kiss and each touch he gave you. Keep him distracted. When he slowly pulled away, he held your hands in his and stared into your eyes. You would've been breathless if Dean—your Dean, not the demon—wasn't so far gone right now.
His grip suddenly tightened and you heard the clicking of handcuffs. Oh no…
"You see, Y/N, I was thinking a little payback was in order." His eyes turned black. There was nothing human about him now. "How does it feel to be betrayed by the one you love?" Dean threw you to the side. You thanked the one lucky star you had that he didn't cuff your hands behind your back. This way you had a chance at bracing for the impact and defending yourself.
"Dean, please! Don't!" In one instant, you knew whatever he had in store for you was bad. Really bad. Even when Dean wasn't turning into a demon, when he fought there was never a winner and a loser. There was only a survivor.
Dean had all of the advantages. If you were going to make it out of this, you needed help from Sam. Your brain ran through likely scenarios. If Sam was running from Dean, it meant that he needed a plan b to fall back on. He wouldn't simply hide while he knew you were alone while Dean was loose. Sam's next step would be to try and find you. The dungeon would be the first place he would check. When he didn't find you there, he would have to go searching. He would check places where Dean could stash you or places you would run to in an emergency next. Your best bet was that Sam would eventually hear the commotion and come running.
Dean was on top of you before you could stand. His eyes flicked back to green and you swallowed. Looking up into pools of black would've been so much easier. Dean's voice was filled with venom. "I expected Sam and Cass to come looking for us. Hell, I was prepared for the day they actually hunted me down and took you away." Dean's hand fisted in your shirt. You felt yourself lifted slightly off of the floor. "What I wasn't prepared for was you. You ruined everything!" The first blow landed hard on your cheek and he let you fall back to the floor.
"I was scared, Dean! I didn't know what else to do." It was the truth.
"So, let me get this straight. You sold me out because you were scared?!" His eyebrows arched up, his voice filled with outrage. Fear was never an excuse in the Winchester family. They lived their lives in it and never allowed themselves to give in. It's why they were the bravest men dead or alive. You watched him pull his fist back again. This time you were able to bring your hands up in an effort to block him. He landed a few more punches to your face and abdomen before he paused.
"Tell me why I was wrong." You looked up into his eyes with defiance. "Because you'd never hurt me?" You let him see your pain and heartache.
It didn't have the intended effect. His face contorted in rage. "That was before! I stood up to Crowley for you again and again and again. I kept you safe and I never would've touched you! I even let you go. I gave you a chance after you betrayed me. I left you alone on the condition that I never had to see you again." You couldn't help but flinch back at his words. "You're the one that looked for me! Well, here I am!"
"Dean… Please, don't do this." It was a whispered plea. You gave up hiding behind a mask. It didn't matter anymore. "This isn't you." A tear slid down the side of your face and into your hairline.
"That's where you're wrong. This is just the new and improved version." He punched you in the gut, knocking the wind out of you. "I am done with looking out for you. And I shoulda stopped a long time ago. It was always something between the supernatural bullshit or yourself."
After that, you continued to try and defend yourself against his attacks. But it became harder and harder with his speech still echoing in your brain. One blow sent your world spinning and made your ears ring. Your vision blurred and for a moment, you saw something impossible. Time slowed down. You took in a sharp breath. Andy was crouched right next to you, close enough to touch. He was frantically yelling and screaming something you couldn't hear.
"Andy…?" Your voice broke on his name. The last time you had his name out loud was when you told Dean about your mom.
His voice grew louder. "Fight, Y/N! GODDAMNIT FIGHT!" Andy's expression was full of desperation, anger, and grief.
You turned your head back to face Dean. He had held back at first a little. You'd seen what he could do to someone in the past. Now, the blows were coming harder and swifter. He obviously wanted to drag this out or else he would've made use of the hammer. You thought of the two grim realities that faced you now. Either Dean would end up beating you to death here, or he would keep you alive so he could do whatever he wanted later.
You could taste your own blood now. Andy's tall frame stood over the two of you and lingered in your peripheral vision. It pushed you over the edge and a switch in your brain flipped. I will not die like this. And I will not let Dean become that kind of monster. You clasped your hands together and swung your arms towards the side of Dean's head with every bit of strength you could muster.
It caught him off guard and knocked him off balance a little. You were able to twist your body and kick his weight off of you. You rolled to the side and frantically struggled to get away from him. Dean's hand wrapped around your foot and he started to pull you back towards him. You kept fighting and called out for your brother. But he was no longer there.
You heard loud footsteps running towards you. Sam's appeared from around the corner. His eyes widened when he saw you and Dean.
"Dean! Stop!" Sam began running towards you. Dean's grip disappeared. You looked behind you and saw he was already standing. He'd picked up the hammer. For a moment, you were afraid it was for you.
"Done playing hide and seek, Sammy?" He stepped over you with barely a glance down. "Don't go anywhere, Y/N. I'll be back for you." His promise sent a chill down your spine.
Sam slowly retreated. His eyes lingered on you and you realized he was going to try and draw Dean off. He wanted you to get away with or without him. Sam broke into a run and Dean chased after him.
You let out a small cry of momentary relief and anguish. Gripping the wall, you tried to stand. Your entire body ached and you didn't make it five steps before you stumbled back to the floor. Even if your legs weren't shaking, dizziness was taking over and causing the world to twist and spin.
You managed to get up and drag yourself further down the hallway before collapsing again. The adrenaline was wearing off. Moving became more and more of a struggle. You were starting to feel exhaustion settling in.
"Y/N!" The voice didn't register at first. You felt a hand on your shoulder. A small whimper escaped your lips and you instantly pulled away out of instinct and fear. The touch quickly returned and you felt an arm gently wrap around you.
"It's ok. It's just me, Y/N." He spoke again. There was no mistaking it this time.
Relief flooded you. "Cass…?" You groaned as you turned to face him. He was kneeling next to you and pulled you into his arms. Castiel was good. Having him here meant you were safe. "H—hey, Featherbrain." You gave him a small smile that he didn't return.
His face was full of concern, brows drawn together. He looked at you and touched you as if you might break. His angel blade was resting on the floor next to you. Castiel rarely touched you while holding a weapon. You never discussed it with him, it was just something you noticed soon after meeting him.
Castiel glanced at the handcuffs. A brief look of disgust crossed his features. His eyes shot back up to yours. "Where's the key?" There was a deadly edge to his gentle tone.
Key? Everything hurt and you were in a bit of a daze. Focusing was increasingly difficult and you didn't understand what he meant.
After a moment he spoke again, more urgently as he held your gaze. "Y/N. I need you to tell me, where is the key to the handcuffs?" Desperation carried through his voice now more than anything.
Cass only used this tone with you when something was painfully important to him. Focus! He needs you. You closed your eyes in an effort to focus on his question while piecing together your fragmented thoughts. "Back pocket…" Another groan escaped your lips. "If—if Dean d—didn't take it…" You weren't in a position to care about him searching your pockets even if you were in the right frame of mind. It would feel good to get the cuffs off.
Cass swiftly found the key and freed your hands. Your awareness drifted in and out as he moved. There was something you wanted to tell him… He let you rest against his body for a moment while he shrugged his trench coat off. He then quietly wrapped it around you. His sleeve brushed against your face and you hissed in pain. "I'm sorry." A streak of red appeared as he pulled his arm away. I must really look like shit. He gave the cuffs a look of disgust before tucking them in his pocket.
The fresh wave of pain gave you a moment of clarity. "Dean… He got loose." You had to warn him in case Dean returned.
There was a look of sadness in his eyes. "I know. Hold this." Cass took your right hand and wrapped it around the angel blade. He scooped you up into his arms as if you weighed nothing and swiftly carried you towards your room. You gritted your teeth and groaned against the movement. Castiel muttered another apology. His voice sounded like he was trying to be reassuring as he spoke, but you couldn't be sure. Every time you blinked, the darkness seemed to last longer and longer.
Something was bothering you in the back of your mind. You struggled to pinpoint what it was as he carried you. How is he not falling apart…? The last you'd heard, Castiel was dangerously low on grace. On the phone, he'd been sounding like death warmed over. "You're better… H—how? Wha happen'd?" You looked at him in confusion as he opened the door.
"It's… complicated. I'll explain later." Cass gently placed you on your bed.
You nodded as much as your aching head would allow. While your weren't a fan of Cass keeping secrets or anything that combined the terms 'angel' and 'complicated', your abilities to keep up in a conversation were diminishing and there were bigger issues right now. "Dean." You took in a sharp breath. "H-he went after Sam… Please help them." You gripped his arm weakly and gave him a pleading look.
"I will." Castiel looked at you with sympathy and promised before moving surely and swiftly. "After I make sure you're safe." He cut his hand open with a knife on your dresser. You became vaguely aware you were still holding his angel blade. This time, the darkness took you for more than a moment. "…hear me?" When you opened your eyes, he was standing above you. There were sigils painted in blood on your door as well as a line of salt.
"Huh?" You squinted at him in the dim light.
"I've warded your room. You'll be safe here. Do not leave until either Sam or I come back for you." He stood and stared you down. Cass knew you too well. He wouldn't leave until you agreed to stay put.
"Cass—"
You heard him sigh deeply. "Please, Y/N. I cannot help Sam and Dean and watch over you."
He had a point. "T—take it." You held the angel blade out to him shakily.
"You need protection." Castiel gently pushed your arm down.
"Under the bed…" The stashed angel blade wasn't hard to remember. It was a constant fixture in your room after what happened to Kevin…
Castiel retrieved the blade. He knew you and Dean kept a knife under your pillow. He didn't know about your extra precautions. As much as he was in full warrior mode, he couldn't hide the grief and sadness for you in his eyes.
A loud crash made you both jump. The two of you glanced at the door before Castiel cast you an anxious look. "Stay here." He kept his voice low. There was another crash, closer this time, followed by a shout you couldn't understand. For the smallest moment, Cass hesitated before rushing out of your room and closing the door.
Rising to a sitting position was painful. You sat motionless with your eyes on the door, listening for anything that would give you a clue to what was happening outside. The tension was eating away at you and you were too dazed to do anything. There was more shouting. You struggled to make it out over the sound of your heart pounding in your chest.
"…tired… these games… Sammy!" It was definitely Dean.
Again, you waited to hear more and realized you were holding your breath. It felt like hours, but it was probably moments. A third crash sent you gasping and reeling backwards. This one sounded like it was right outside. That sounds like a hammer… You placed the sound to the source finally. The thought was quickly chased with unwelcome images of Sam, Dean, Cass, and blood. Lots of blood.
"Oh God…" You held your head in your hands and let out a small whimper. A desperate urge to panic clawed away at your chest. Waves of nausea threatened to wash over you.
You fought the nausea easily enough. But you were beaten and exhausted. You felt your breaths coming in quicker and faster. There were no tears or sobbing. Instead, your whole body shook with the effort of trying to withstand the pain you felt. Your entire world was burning and spinning out of control. Vaguely, you were aware of the fact that you were completely shattering.
Not now. It was that low and confident voice that came from the deepest part of your brain. It was the same voice that made you sharp on hunts and kept you alive from minute to minute when that was all the time you thought you had left. They need you. Do. Not. Break.
Your eyes opened and you drew in a deep breath. Something inside of you shifted and you shoved the last minute down in the deepest pit you could find inside of yourself. Promise or no promise, you would not leave your family to die. Not again. Not ever again.
You left Cass's angel blade on your bed. Deep down, you knew you could never use it. Moving was utter agony physically. You leaned heavily on the furniture until you accomplished your mission of making it to the door.
As you grasped the handle, you heard the muffled sounds of Sam and Dean speaking outside. When you opened the door, your heart leapt into your throat.
Sam's back was to you, but you could clearly see Dean standing in front of him. The hammer was in the wall near Sam's head. He had the demon blade against Dean's neck. Sam was breathing heavily and you could feel terror rolling off of him.
Dean saw you and made eye contact. "Do it." You weren't sure if he was directing the statement at you, Sam, or both of you. But it sent a chill down your spine. He looked back at Sam, daring him to make a move. "It's all you."
No… no no no no NO! "Sammy, don't!" The desperate plea left your lips before you were even fully aware of what you were saying.
Sam was unaware of your presence. It startled him enough to make him lower the knife and turn to face you. He looked so scared and lost.
Unfortunately, Dean saw this as his opening and took it. He struck at the back of Sam's head. Sam turned on his heels to fight back, but it was too late.
"D—Dean!" You could feel your voice failing you again. Your body trembled with the effort of standing even with your grip on the doorframe.
You didn't even phase him. Dean delivered two hard blows to Sam before shoving him into the wall. The demon blade fell from his hands. Sam slowly sank to the floor. He wasn't unconscious, but he was stunned enough that Dean had no problem making it past him while he tried to recover.
Dean looked at you and sighed. "Didn't I tell you not to move? That's your big problem, Y/N. You never do as you're told." He roughly grabbed your hands and pulled you forward.
The move sent you stumbling. Dean caught you in his arms. He turned and pinned you against the opposite wall. The motion and impact were enough to disorient you. His hands fisted in your shirt. You felt the floor disappear beneath you.
His face twisted in anger. "One way or another, you're going to learn." Dean practically snarled at you and you couldn't help the way you flinched away.
"Dean, pl—please…" You couldn't hold back the pain and fear you felt. Hot tears ran down your face. "Let me go!" Normally, you would've hated the way your voice trembled. But right now, you couldn't bring yourself to care.
It didn't matter that you looked and sounded weak. The only things that mattered were Dean, Sam, and Cass. You couldn't help glancing at Sam. He looked back at you with equal parts fear and determination. Your heart ached for him as he kept trying to stand. Dean really had hit him hard and wasn't holding back.
"I wonder…" Dean's voice quickly consumed your focus. His forearm pressed against your throat. "Is choking anything like drowning? You'll have to let me know."
Your eyes went wide and you took in a sharp breath. "No! Dean, please no! D—don't—" His arm dug against you painfully and you couldn't breathe. The raw panic that you'd temporarily pushed down came rushing back to the surface.
It was like an out of body experience. Your body went on autopilot. Desperately, you tried to gasp for air as your lungs burned. You were vaguely aware of your attempts to fight back and free yourself until your limbs felt too heavy to move. Blood was rushing in your ears. Dizziness assaulted you. The darkness on the edges of your vision was taking over. Part of you was certain you were going to die. You sought out Dean's eyes one last time in a final, desperate plea to the universe and attempt to connect with him.
His green eyes faded until there was only darkness. It might've been the demon, or it might've been you losing consciousness. You were prepared to give up. Then, it was like there was a flash of blue.
Suddenly, you heard someone gasping and coughing. Dean was screaming. His name caught against your throat painfully and you realized you were the person gasping. You managed to open your eyes. As you did so, you saw Castiel holding Dean back from behind. He struggled in Cass's arms to no avail. Castiel was stronger than Dean.
Glowing blue eyes shifted from Dean to you. You struggled to understand what he was saying over Dean's screams. Your eyes trained on his lips. He seemed to be repeating the same thing, but you could only read the words 'ok' and 'over'. It was enough for you to allow yourself to relax slightly.
Once you let yourself go a little bit, it wasn't long before you felt yourself fading in and out. There were shorter and shorter moments of awareness before you were totally gone. Sam's voice calling your name, the concerned look in his eyes, his hands carefully touching you, and the feeling of being carried until there was nothing.
You felt something cold against your face in the void. Gradual awareness started tugging you back.
"…with me…?" There was a voice in the darkness. "Y/N?"
Pain hit you as you surfaced. A moan escaped your lips.
"Easy…" There was a familiar touch on your upper arm. "Can you open your eyes?"
"Ugh…" You struggled to obey.
"Come on, Y/N. You can do it."
"Sam…?" You managed to squint at him for a moment.
He gave you a genuine broad smile. "Hey. Welcome back." There was an ugly bruise across his cheekbone and another along his jawline.
"You ok…?" You were still out of it. Everything sounded like it was coming from far away.
You reached up to touch his face out of genuine care and worry. Sam caught your hand in his. "Don't worry about me. I'm alright."
You scrunched up your face in a rare show of raw pain. "Hurts…" Your brain was still struggling.
"I know." Sam paused. "Here, take these."
When you looked back up at him, he was offering you a few pills and a cup of water. You were more than happy to accept them though they tore against your throat.
His smile diminished. "It doesn't look like anything is broken. But it's still… pretty bad." You glanced to the side and noticed a bloody rag sitting on your nightstand with a first aid kit.
You remembered fractions of being with Dean in the hallway. At first, everything was jumbled together and out of order. Memories finally managed to break through your haze and everything hit you at once. You struggled in an attempt to sit up, but Sam quickly stilled you with a hand on your shoulder.
"Don't move." His voice was full of worry. "You need to take it easy."
"Dean? Cass? Wha—what happened?" Your mouth went dry as a number of scenarios crossed your mind.
"It's ok." Sam's tone was reassuring and calm. "Cass showed up just in time. We've got Dean back under lockdown."
"He won't—" You swallowed hard, as if you could swallow down what was bothering you. "He won't kill Dean. Will he?"
Sam glanced away. For a moment there was a crack in his calm exterior. You immediately braced yourself for the worst.
"He's going to try finishing the ritual." He was giving you his best poker face, but you knew better—even in this state. There was more.
"And if the ritual doesn't work…?"
He let out a heavy sigh in response.
Not good. The emergency switches started flipping in your brain and granted you some temporary strength. "Tell me he won't kill Dean." You lowered your tone as you stared Sam down.
"Cass is the only one of us that can do what's necessary." Sam refused to meet your eyes as he said the words. There was a heavy silence in the air. His statement hit you like a brick wall.
"No." You couldn't help the deadliness of your voice. "You are Winchesters and this family—you, Dean, Cass, and I—we don't quit. If the ritual doesn't work, we—we try something else. Dean is Castiel's best friend. I'm not going to let Cass, or anyone else, kill him." You could feel your body shaking and you weren't sure if it was due to you beginning to lose control of your emotions or that temporary boost beginning to leave you already.
"Y/N… There isn't anything else. You saw Dean, he's out of control. If Cass had gotten here any later…" Sam trailed off and looked at you for a moment. You could see the sadness in his eyes. The situation was ripping him apart inside. "Dean wouldn't want us dead." That one statement held so much grief.
You shut your eyes tightly. Sam and Cass had formed a plan. The odds of you getting either of them on your side now were nonexistent. You felt a piece of yourself break inside. "GODDAMNIT! FUCK!"
Sam flinched at your outburst. Then he saw your tears and anguish. He hesitated briefly before deciding to wrap his good arm around you. You let him pull you into his chest and took the comfort he offered.
"You know, you suggested the blood ritual. If it weren't for you, we'd have nothing to go on." Castiel's coat was still hanging from one of your shoulders. Sam adjusted it so it wrapped around you once more. "Without you, Dean wouldn't have even had a chance."
His words were comforting and kind. But Sam was smart. Deep down, you knew that he would've been able to come up with the blood ritual as a solution on his own.
He didn't hold back on giving you the heavy duty pain medications. They helped pull you under faster. Sam held you until you drifted off again. He gently set you back down before finishing cleaning and bandaging you up. He promised Cass that he would take care of you and wait here until it was time for the eighth injection. It wasn't a hard promise to make. He needed a break from Dean and you needed someone watching out for you right now.
Anxiety and exhaustion ate away at him in the silence. As he sat on the bed next to you, he prayed that the ritual would work. Sam couldn't look at you and imagine an alternative. It absolutely had to work or else… He looked away and ran a hand over his face. If it didn't work, he wouldn't just be losing Dean.
At some point, he fell asleep. When Sam woke up less than a couple hours later, Castiel was standing next to him with a hand on his shoulder. He nodded at your sleeping form before signaling Sam to follow him out into the hallway. Sam nodded back in response. A part of him felt a little thankful that the pain meds knocked you out for this.
When he was sure their conversation wouldn't wake you, Castiel looked up at Sam and spoke as they walked to the dungeon. "It's time, Sam."
"Yeah. I figured." Sam ran a hand through his hair. "How is he? Did he… did he say anything to you?"
Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "Dean passed out again while you were away. He was still unconscious when I left." The two men walked in silence until Cass stopped just outside of the dungeon. "Sam, are you ready for this?"
Sam let out a heavy sigh. "No. No, Cass, I'm not. But that doesn't matter."
He nodded. "I understand."
Sam had no doubt that Cass did. He knew the angel well enough not to return the question. "Right. I guess we just have to have faith that this'll work."
Cass was silent for a moment. "I have faith in Dean." With that, he stepped forward. Sam followed behind him. Castiel reached for a syringe.
Sam got there first and shook his head. "I'll do it."
Cass stepped back and watched him give Dean the final injection. After it was done, Sam let out a heavy sigh. All there was left to do was wait and see.
"Even after we gave him all that blood, he still didn't want to be cured. He didn't want to be human." Sam confided to Castiel as they waited.
"Well… I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but… also such profound pain. This is easier."
Sam saw why he said he had faith in Dean. Dean never took the easy way out. He was a fighter. Oddly, the statement gave him a little bit of hope.
Dean started to show signs of waking up. Sam grabbed the flask of holy water and braced himself for whatever happened next. His heart felt like lead when he saw Dean look up at him with black eyes. He watched them turn back to green as Dean became more alert. Both Sam and Cass looked at Dean skeptically until he finally spoke.
"You look worried, fellas."
They both glanced at each other. There was a silent agreement, they had to make sure he wasn't tricking them. Sam tossed holy water into Dean's face. Dean knew what was coming and honestly looked surprised when it didn't burn.
A huge weight lifted off of Sam and he couldn't help but smile at his brother. "Welcome back, Dean."
Dean glanced between his brother and best friend. They both looked pleased. Everything still felt a little foggy. There was something bothering him. Where's Y/N? His memory was like swiss cheese right now. Dean remembered being a demon. He searched the back of his mind and the few snippets that came easily to him right away hit him like an avalanche.
Shock and horror swept across his face. "Oh God… What've I done…?"
There is much more coming. Please review and give me your feedback. It will only make this fanfic better for everyone. I've been known to take suggestions and reviewers get special treats as well as my appreciation.