THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE MAN AND THE MICROWAVE

Chapter 4

Sam calls upon previous experience ...

xxxxx

"And who is our guest?" The man on the throne languidly waved a hand in Sam's direction.

Sam was so immersed in his thoughts and observations, he jolted in shock when he realised he'd been spotted skulking in the shadows between the two massive trees. He cautiously stepped forward.

For the first time Dean looked up and his battered face gaped in shock. He made an attempt to stand, but weighed down and unbalanced by his chains, stumbled forward; recoiling when he suddenly found himself with the blunt end of Puck's pikestaff thrust fiercely into his breadbasket.

"Be still, man of earth," Puck snapped in a voice that was as sharp and waspish as the rest of his features.

"Sonofa …" Dean gasped, doubled over in winded pain. Shooting the glowering fairy a snarl of pure venom, he hesitated for a long moment before he clumsily shuffled backward and slowly lowered his butt back down onto the log.

"I'm Sam … his brother," Sam mumbled as humbly as he could manage, his eyes flitting warily between Dean and the resplendent figure on the throne before him

"Welcome, Sam," the man replied in a deep, lyrical voice which seemed to fill the entire glade; "My name is Oberon, these people call me their King, and this fine lady is my queen, Titania."

For the first time in his life, choking on his tongue became a very real possibility for Sam. "O-Oberon and Titania, really?"

"What brings you to our realm, my young friend?" Oberon asked, a warm smile playing across his handsome face.

"Well, I - uh, I came, be-because - uh - you, well, you took my brother," Sam stammered in reply, pointing across to Dean.

Oberon nodded slowly, an expression of intense regret crossing his elegant face. "An unfortunate happenstance my young one," he sighed; "but your brother has inflicted grievous harm upon one of my own and he must face the judgement of my people." He turned and gestured theatrically to the three chittering fairies hovering alongside him.

The Tooth Fairy scowled across at Sam and shook her tiny fist.

Oberon's dark, depthless eyes bored into Sam, making him squirm. "Your brother was brought to our realm once before but chose to be a most ingracious guest."

"He said you abducted him and he fought his way out," Sam replied, working hard to keep the quiver out of his voice; after all it wasn't every day, he reflected, that he engaged in a discussion with the King of the Fairies. Was he supposed to curtsey or something?

Reaching into his pocket, Sam took a deep breath, feeling slightly more reassured as his finger slid across the secreted weapon nestling there.

"He said 'abducted'?" Oberon replied calmly; "I prefer 'invited'."

"Well, whatever you call it, you took him. How can you snatch someone away against their will and not expect them to try to escape?" Sam replied sharply; "Your – uh, Majesty," he added contritely, suddenly aware that Dean's welfare may be dependent on the goodwill of this character.

Oberon glanced back at Titania with a loving smile and then back across to Dean, where his smile took on a more predatory edge; "but he was to be my honoured guest; I desired him," he stated bluntly.

Sam's jaw dropped. He remembered what the odd lady back in Elwood had said about 'servicing Oberon, King of the Fairies,' and he'd assumed she'd just been inhaling one recreational drug too many. He felt a deep blush spread across his face as he glanced across at his outraged brother who, in response, ducked his head and steadfastly refused to look Sam in the eye.

Blowing out his cheeks in disbelief, Sam blinked hard in an attempt to bleach his brain of the images generated by what he'd just heard; no wonder Dean had been infuriatingly silent on what had happened during the time he was away with the fairies.

He kept his eyes trained on his squirming brother. "Did you, uh … ?" Absently rubbing the back of his neck, he wilted as he gave up trying to find the appropriate words.

"No I freakin' didn't," Dean yelped furiously, leaping to his feet and receiving the handle of Puck's pikestaff in his ribcage for his trouble.

Oberon shook his head regretfully.

"I am saddened that he so rudely refused our hospitality," he sighed; "he did not seem to appreciate that it is an unparalleled honour for one from your bestial race to be chosen for such a purpose."

"I told you, asshat, I don't swing that way," Dean growled, defiantly shrugging Puck's threatening weapon away.

Oberon turned back to Sam who shook his head; "he doesn't," he confirmed.

"It is of no consequence to the people of the fae," Oberon smiled; "we appreciate beauty in all its wondrous forms."

Sam glanced across at Dean who sat meekly back down, blushing puce. If the circumstances hadn't been quite so terrifyingly freaky, he'd have been ripping the crap out of his 'beautiful' brother right now.

"But that is not the reason why we are here," Oberon spoke up again, this time gazing straight across the glade at Dean; "we are here because you must answer a grievous charge."

Dean finally looked up at Sam, the expression beneath the bruises that marred his face, an unreadable mix of bemusement and apprehension.

"You are here to answer the charge that you did murder one of my people by melting her in your wicked fire box."

"She deserved it," yelled Dean, aggressively shrugging his shoulders in the absence of being able to gesticulate; "she hit m…"

Dean was abruptly silenced by a backhanded slap across the face by Puck who had seemingly given up on his pikestaff, given its complete failure to silence his prisoner.

"Wait," Sam ventured hesitantly; "is this a courtroom?"

"Why yes," Titania spoke up quietly but with authority; "your brother must answer the charges against him to our fairy tribunal."

"Then Dean needs legal representation," Sam countered; "I volunteer."

"Sam, no …" Dean shouted, leaping to his feet and earning himself another smack round the face. He rounded aggressively on the willowy fairy; "I swear if you hit me one more time, you pointy-eared dickwad, I'm gonna shove that goddamn stick right up your leafy green …"

Calmly ignoring the fracas, Oberon clapped his hands enthusiastically.

"What an excellent idea," he announced; "I am keen to show that we of the fair realm are a just and equitable people. Sam, my fine young friend, you may be a voice to represent your brother." He gestured toward the log where Dean sat stewing moodily beside his po-faced guard.

Sam hesitantly crossed the glade toward Dean, nervously eyeing the frowning Giant, Wayland Smith, and more specifically, his ridiculously large axe. Given that Smith was about nine feet tall and equally as wide, Sam couldn't even console himself that the man was probably compensating for something.

He stiffly lowered himself onto the log beside Dean, and cast a nervous glance toward his bruised and battered brother.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Dean hissed.

"Saving your stupid ass," Sam replied.

"This fairy tribunal is in session," Oberon's resonant voice cut the air before Dean had a chance to respond.

"The man of earth stands accused of melting one of our own in his evil box of fire," he began; "how does he plead?"

Dean opened his mouth to tell Oberon exactly how he pleaded when Sam shut him up, clamping his hand tightly over his brother's smart mouth; "uh, your Majesty" he began, as clearly as he could; "my brother admits that there was an incident involving him and a fairy, but would ask that you …"

"The prisoner pleads guilty," Oberon exclaimed, gesturing expansively toward the brothers; "sentence will be passed."

Sam sat in open-mouthed astonishment; "but …I mean, let me … I haven't … wait … uh?"

His voice was drowned out by the shrieking exultation of the three tiny harridans that were flinging themselves in gleeful abandon around the glade.

"Nice work Perry Mason," Dean grumbled to his crestfallen brother.

"Chop … chop … here comes a candle to light you to bed," they sang as they joined hands and fluttered gaily around the glade; "here comes a chopper to chop off your head!"

"choppity chop, chop," taunted Sugar Plum buzzing gaily around the two perplexed men; "the last man's …" Tooth fairy trilled, "DEAD!"

"Wayland Smith," Oberon's voice commanded silence once again; "my friend, at sunrise you will do your duty."

xxxxx

Sam leapt to his feet. Fumbling in his pocket, he knew the moment had come for him to unleash his secret weapon; it was all he had left to save Dean.

"Wayland Smith can kiss my ass and count this before he does his duty," Sam yelled, hurling the small pouch of salt he had brought with him to the ground. He watched in satisfaction as it burst, scattering a myriad twinkling grains across the glade.

The brothers shared a nervous glance, but within moments Sam's heart began to sink as he realised the glade wasn't suddenly covered with fairies scrambling around frantically counting the salt grains.

His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"My dear Sam," Oberon announced casually, gazing at Sam with an expression that hovered somewhere between curiosity and pity; "I applaud your ingenuity, but you should know that this trick works in your world. Not ours."

He stood, and without another word, strode away, in doing so drawing the tribunal and Sam's last rescue attempt to a close.

Titania stood after him, giving a last wistful look at the two men, and followed her husband into the forest.

Before either brother could even rationalise what was happening, Dean found himself being dragged away by Puck. The freaky, pointy-eared sonofabitch was way stronger than a stringy squirt like him should ever be.

Sam took off to wrestle Dean away from him but stumbled to an abrupt halt as his way was barred by Wayland Smith stepping in front of him. The giant man planted himself before Sam, with a force that shook the ground and folded his vast meaty arms across his mighty chest.

Standing helplessly in the man's immense shadow, Sam looked up at his weatherbeaten face, largely hidden under a fiery red beard. What little of it Sam could see brooked no argument; it was abundantly clear that Sam was going nowhere.

That was the last Sam saw of Dean.

Lost in his despairing thoughts, he could hear the Tooth Fairy behind him excitedly chattering about how she wanted to get Dean's nice shiny teeth before his appointment with Wayland Smith in case they got damaged when his head rolled across the floor.

Where was a microwave when you needed one?

xxxxx

tbc