Ichigo's world began to shake. "Ichigo, wake up!"

Her bleary eyes opened slowly. They ached and burned as the light entered. Even though they were open she still could not focus on a thing. What happened? Where was she? Why was the world moving? Were the aliens attacking? She blinked hard and tried to remember what was going on in life before now.

"You can't sleep all through lunch, Ichigo! You need to eat!" Moe persisted, but stopped shaking her shoulder.

She was at school? How did she get here? She did not remember going to school. She did not even remember waking up or doing anything at all, let alone going to school. Ichigo forced herself into a sitting position. Moe smiled and pushed a sandwich at her. School. . . lunch time. Right. Moe and Miwa stared at her expectantly and would probably keep staring until she started eating. She peeled the paper off the sandwich and bit into it. It tasted good, and eating was helping her wake up a little.

"Come on, Ichigo!" Miwa stood up, "Class starts in a few minutes!"

Ichigo waved her hand, "Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just hurry and get to class. You don't want to be late." Ichigo forced a big smile and took another bite of the sandwich. Moe and Miwa hesitated but finally agreed and hurried off to class. Ichigo was lying, of course, because she had no intention of catching up. She was not going to class, she was skipping. All she had to do was hide in the trees and no one would know she was there. A few birds were pecking around a table near by so she broke up the rest of the sandwich and tossed it to them. She did not really care to eat today. All she felt was darkness inside. She did not feel like eating or being around anyone. Taking a few glances around she sneaked off into the trees next to the tables. The bushes swished as she dove in. Home free! She crawled farther in and sprawled out on the grass.

All she wanted to do was sleep. Today she did not have the will to care about anything, anything at all. She felt tired; tired in every way possible. This tired was not just the tired she felt from not sleeping enough, it was the kind that made her feel like going to sleep and never waking up again. She did not want to wake up! She wanted to go back to sleep and forget anything existed, anything at all - No past, no present, no future. She especially did not want to think about the past. Ichigo draped an arm over her eyes to block out the sun. She closed her eyes. . . but now that she was awake she could not turn off her mind.

The past few months had brought so many questions to her mind. She questioned a lot of things including herself. There were times she even wondered what good her powers were supposed to be. She wondered many times if, even though they worked hard, some people had died. With all the damage the Chimera had done it was impossible that no one had perished. When they used Mew Aqua it reversed a lot of damage, even so, some people had likely died. The last day when they fought Deep Blue, they said she was the only one who could save the world. The Mews even entrusted her with their powers and their lives. Because of the efforts of others she got into the vessel and battled Deep Blue. She did manage to change everything, but only by borrowing the power of Mew Aqua. Even with the Mew Aqua though, not everything was brought back. All of them fought with everything in them. She put every last bit of herself into it as well. Everyone said how powerful she was. She was the leader of the Mew Mews. . . But what good was power if you still could not protect anyone, or protect the things you loved most? Some people had still died even with all her power.

Ichigo smiled angrily. Of course, then again, that was not even her power anyway. She just never had the power to do anything at all! Not ever! She still had nothing, no power to save things most dear to her. What good was any of this? What good was it? All she did was worry and try to hide her secret from people. It was as if her powers were something dirty! Why were they something she had to hide? Because of what would happen if she didn't hide them, that's why. People were fine with the Mew Mews as long as they did not make a mistake. Even after they saved the world people were angry they messed up the train system - Her dad said that. They saved the world but people still were not happy. So what if people knew who they really were? They would be called freaks in the end, that's what. They would be blamed for everything and they would be treated differently. Didn't Kisshu point that out once? It was something about how different they were all becoming from humans.

It was the burden of being blamed for things, being seen as a mutant. . . that was what she lost everything for. She did not regret saving the world, it was not that. Everyone deserved the chance to live their own life. It was just that not everyone could live their own lives. Some people were always sacrificed in the end for others to live peacefully. Every war was that way, every battle of history. For every victory someone had to pay a price. She payed a price to save everyone too. She gave up the right to have a normal life, and she gave up her ability to be happy. She lost her heart - He died.

"Mew Ichigo! Found you!" She knew that voice; the crazy vampire with the stupid title.

She sat up quickly. What timing! He had to show up when she was already depressed. The Saint Rose Crusaders showed up not long after the aliens left earth. The thousands of Chimera Anima had been hunted down for the most part by the Mew Mews. Somehow, though, this group captured a great many of them and used them. The Crusaders were set on turning the world into their own personal playground and "reshaping" it to fit their desires. She was hoping they were going to leave them alone from now on. It had been a long time since they tried anything.

Yuzen Akizuki, the creepy looking psychic powered vampire walked up to her. All the Crusaders had special abilities of some kind that they were born with. Two vampire bats flew by his side. He dressed like he was back in the old English times, or like the stereo type vampire typically dressed. He even had a mask. She always thought this one was the worst of the group. He was actually human but he had powers normal humans did not possess; he was highly skilled in hypnosis but he also had telekinesis. He had a handsome face, smooth voice, and a strange allure, but he made her skin crawl.

"I was looking for you." His voiced oozed with charm, too much. "I decided to kill you off first. Will you die quietly? I can send you painlessly to the afterlife."
Ichigo stared at him without answering.

"Is that a yes?" He walked closer, light brown hair swaying. "If not I will have to have my pet feed on you for his lunch. . . Not that I will mind the sweet scent your blood will make as you die." The Chimera Anima flew beside him. It was at least the size of a large person but when it unfurled its giant wings it twice that. It looked like a mixture between an eagle and a bat. It screeched and flailed its wings sending a powerful gust of wind at her. She was swept off her feet and flung back hard against a tree.

Her eyes widened, "It's so huge!"

Ichigo knew she had to transform so why was she doing nothing? Somehow, even turning into a Mew Mew seemed too much right now. Somehow she did not want to. Part of her did not care if he killed her now. Eventually she was going to die anyway. Maybe now was as good a time as any. If she let him kill her at least she could sleep forever like she wanted to. If she let him kill her it would all be over and she could rest. Her chin fell a bit. What was she doing? Could she really just give up that way? Since Masaya died she had battled before but she always had the others by her side. She fought more to be sure they were alright than anything else. Now that she was alone she simply did not feel capable of anything. If it was not to defend her friends she had no capacity to fight anymore.

Her body tensed. Wait. . . Maybe the Mew Mews were not here. . .but she did have friends inside that school. There was no choice, was there. . . She never did have a choice. She had to fight whether she wanted to or not because she was a Mew Mew. Weak or strong, she had to fight. If she defeated the Chimara Anima maybe she could let him kill her. Her death did not need to be a painless one.

"Mew Mew Strawberry Metamorphoses!" She called out as she became her secret self; ears, tail, pink hair, bell and all.

"Then that would be a refusal to comply." He cackled wildly, "In that case I will drain you forcefully of your sweet smelling blood!"

She saw the creatures fangs extend as it took flight. Ichigo jumped out of its way by mere second, only to be caught by its massive wing. All the air in her lungs left her for a minute. It was fast, wasn't it! Pain drilled into her back where the leathery wing caught her but she stood up anyway. Even though she transformed it might not matter. The Chimera dove for her again and she vaulted over its back. Now she had a clear shot at its back. Its head twirled around like an owl's and caught her arm in its mouth. She cried out as her body connected with the ground and a huge eagle's foot pinned her down. It was no use after all. She just could not manage to fight the way she was, she just could not do it.

"Attack! Finish her!"

Ichigo waited but the bird did not move.

"Why won't you attack?" Royal Highness screamed.

A strange bolt of lightening jolted through Royal Highness. The young man howled and dropped to one knee. He rolled away as a second bolt crashed into the ground narrowly missing him. The air rippled behind him and he whirled around to see a green haired alien hovering off the ground. Yuzen stepped back, surprised by the sudden and unexpected entry. Kisshu's golden eyes gleamed as he stared down at the Crusader.

Kisshu grinned, "You may have been controlling it before, but I created it. It can't disobey me. My orders supersede any of yours." The creature hopped off her.
"You're one of the aliens!" Yuzen growled. "What are you doing interfering with me? This has nothing to do with you!"

"It does! No one touches my Koneko-chan!" Kisshu narrowed his eyes. "Go die!"

The Chimera flew toward Royal Highness like a falcon diving for a rabbit. Just second before the bird made impact with him he vanished. There was a swishing, fizzing, popping sound as the Crusader exited. Ichigo let her transformation disolved but did not bother to stand up. Kisshu's hand glowed as he reached into the chest of the Chimera. He fished around until he caught hold of something and finally pulled the parasite out of the creature. The colorful parasite aline wriggled in his hands like a little jellyfish. The air rippled as he shoved the creature into the void. She was surprised to see that the bird was a falcon after all. That accounted for its speed she supposed. The majestic creature spread its wings and soared into the blue sky, eager to taste freedom again after too long a time in captivity. Until now she had never seen one of the aliens undo one of their fused creatures.

"I did not know you could take it out like that." She said as she finally sat up.

"Of course I can." He smiled as he held out his hand to her.

Ichigo reluctantly took it and let him help her up. "What are you doing here anyway? You're supposed to be sleeping."

He shrugged, "I had a feeling my little kitty needed me." His golden eyes bored into her. "What happened to you, Ichigo? Normally you would not have had a problem with that Chimera. I know you could have taken it ordinarily!"

She looked away, "I'm too tired today, I suppose. I can't seem to get myself together."

"You're even being naughty and skipping class, huh? Did he interrupt your catnap?" He teased.

"He did! I sneaked away just so I could sleep and then he messed up my plans."

Kisshu dropped to the ground and pulled her down with him. "If that is the case I will stay guard while you sleep here for a while." He pulled her to him, "You can use me for a pillow, okay?"

For reasons she was unsure of she complied and laid her head on his leg. She closed her eyes, already glad for the chance to sleep again. It felt wonderful to curl up this way in the shade of the trees and the quiet breeze. Her aching eyes celebrated the delicious sensation of closing. His fingers began to slide through her hair - He was treating her like his cat already but she liked it. If only she could turn off her mind and let him lull her to sleep, but it was not working.

"This was your fault, you know." Ichigo mumbled.

"What did I do?"

"They would not have Chimera if you hadn't left those things around here. You could have taken those things with you when you left." She grumbled.
"Sure, blame your interrupted nap time on me, the one who came to save you." Kisshu sighed dramatically.

She rolled off her side and onto her back. She just could not stop these thoughts. Part of her was disappointed that he stepped in to save her but another part was glad. The truth was that her feelings were so mangled and distorted that she could barely distinguish anything anymore. Her own true feelings were a mystery to her. Everything was so hard to understand and so hard to deal with. Feelings were so horribly hard. There were times she wished she did not have any at all.

Ichigo opened her eyes and stared into the sky. "I have wondered many times. . . We fought a lot, and you tried to kill me several times, but. . . I don't believe, anymore, that you ever would have really done it. You never did kill me after all." She paused, "I wonder if the reason you never could kill me was not because I was skilled, or lucky, but because in your heart you did not want to."

Kisshu let out a low chuckle, "Could be."

Ichigo rolled back onto her side. "Why did you come here today?"

"I told you why. You needed me. What? You don't believe me?" His fingers gave her hair one playful tug.

"Why did you help me?" She persisted.

"What do you mean why? You were about to get killed, that's why!"

"Kisshu, I don't get why you even bother with me! I've hurt you before, I never understood your feelings. Even when you tried to make me understand, I didn't. I've hurt you in the past, right? So why, why would you come back? Why do you still care?"

"Ichigo. . ."

Before she knew it her pillow was gone and her head hit the ground. He flipped her over and laid over the top of her. She stared up at him lazily. This should have concerned her but for some reason it did not. She either trusted him to be good or she had stopped caring for today. It could also be that she was getting used to things like this since they slept in the same bed each night for several days. There was also a chance she was too tired to be worried. His eyes stared into hers with a bit of annoyed intensity. He looked like part of him was contemplating shaking the tar out of her, gently of course. She wondered what might be going through his mind.

"There are times, Ichigo, you exasperate me."

"Sorry." She shrugged. "I'm not trying to."

He pressed his forehead to hers. "I am going to kiss you now, I just decided."

"That's random." She arched an eyebrow playfully.

"So were your questions." He countered.

"Maybe to you."

"Ichigo, I'm going to kiss you so you can't argue with me anymore!"

"I can argue after you kiss me, so it doesn't end your troubles." She simpered.

"Then I'll just have to kiss you forever and not stop." He returned her coy look.

She paused, "That would be a ridiculously long kiss."

He started snickering but it soon turned into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "Oh, Ichigo. . . you are so cute! Whatever am I going to do with you?"
"I'm guessing, kiss me since that's what you said you were planning."

He shot her an alluring smile. Kisshu began giving her little kisses - Nothing passionate, just a simple, sweet meeting of their lips together. Her eyes fluttered closed. It was nice. She liked the soft feel of his lips, and enjoyed the taste of his kiss. She had no idea what the taste would be comparable to, nothing she could think of, but there was a pleasant taste. This time her mind was clear enough to truly notice how perfectly smooth his lips were. Until now she had not realized his lips were just slightly different than a human's. They were smoother somehow, more perfect, like they had never been chapped a day in his life. She had always been much too flustered to actually realize the slight difference before now. Maybe the way he was kissing her, the simplistic, friendly, calm manner he was using allowed her to take notice. Maybe she was just at ease enough about it this time that she could observe more. These little kisses did not feel threatening or scary at all, just enjoyably easygoing - Like the two of them were doing nothing more than playing around. She could be persuaded to let it go on for as long as he wanted.
He pulled back and gazed into her eyes. His golden eyes were so gorgeous. . . such a bright gold. Taruto had golden eyes too but his had a tint of brown in them too. Kisshu's were nicer. They looked more pure in a strange way, considering. It was peculiar though because he did seem pure, placid, and overly gentle right now. Not long ago he had been threatening to kill someone and now he was next to her seeming as innocent as a lamb. Just who was this person? Who was he really? Was this his true self, the side he seemed to only show to her? There really was such a tenderness in his eyes as he looked into her eyes. If she was not careful she could get lost in those golden pools.

She reached a hand up and toyed with the ends of his hair. She liked his hair too, it was silky. Absentmindedly, her fingers laced through his hair, then gently explored the lines of his neck.

He shivered, "Ichigo, your giving me chills. It feels rather nice but it tickles too the way you're doing it."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't apologize. I didn't say I disliked it." His lips found hers again with a sweet, long kiss.

She felt heat rising into her cheeks. This kiss was starting to be a bit different; it was getting deeper, less tranquil and more zealous. After he broke the kiss he returned to the kisses he was giving her before but after the first one they did not seem the same. Her heart was beginning to flutter each time his lips touched hers.
"You should probably go back now. Someone might find us out here. I should go too." She mumbled.

"Yeah, probably." He stared at her a bit more and nodded.

She did not really want him to go but her logical side was screaming loudly in her ear. He should go and they should stop; she should go back to school. Letting this go on was a bad idea. It was better for him if he did not get involved with her, she knew that. Letting him get involved with her in any way was the wrong thing to do. She knew she was not the girl he needed to be with. Eventually she was going to die the way Masaya had. Ichigo knew she could not give him what he needed anyway, she was too damaged. Truthfully she was afraid if she let Kisshu stay much longer he would end up hurt even more. All this time she should have forced him to go, but she could not force herself to. She felt so terribly alone, so dead. . . but when he was with her she felt a bit more alive. When he left she would die inside again and she would be alone again. She really wanted him to stay.

Instead of telling him he should go, what she really wanted to do was ask him to stay. What she wanted to say was: 'Please, stay because I never want you to leave me. Please stay with me forever.' But she did not say that, could not say that. How could she say that to him? It would be like the fish asking the bird to stay with her forever. If the bird stayed with her he would eventually drown. Even though the fish had fallen in love with the bird her love would kill him. The fish could not join him to fly in the sky because he had wings to be free and she did not. Those were such things that could never be.

Kisshu moved to get up and her heart constricted. Don't leave me! She suddenly felt desperate. She could not deal with him leaving her alone yet. Not today, not yet! She could not deal with him leaving her to her darkness again. Ichigo slipped her hand back the rest of the way and held the back of his neck gently but firm enough to hold him in place. He arched an eyebrow, confused by her self contradictions. Her arms wrapped gently around him. This was as close to begging him to stay by her side as she would allow herself to come.

She was vulnerable now, she knew that. Vulnerable in a great many ways. Whether it was her vulnerability that lead her to think this way about him or not, she had no idea. Maybe it was vulnerability that made her susceptible or open to him. True or not it did not matter to her right now. All she knew was that she really wanted, needed someone to be with her. All this time she felt so alone and isolated because she had no one to turn to. People she would have turned to normally were people she could not talk to. Either she could not tell them because she could not let them know her secret or she could not tell them because they had the same secret she did. The truth was, there was not anyone she could turn to besides Kisshu. She was not sure she would tell him anything, but if she was going to talk to someone, it would have to be him. There wasn't anyone else in the world she could go to, but she did not mind that it was him.

The truth was she never realized just how terribly dependent she had been on Aoyama-kun all this time. Without him here now she felt lost and alone. She relied on him for so many things. When she was down she could rely on him to make her smile; she became dependent on him for her own happiness. His gentle eyes and tender words always made her feel safe; like things would always work out as long as he was there. When she needed advice she went to him. He was always there for her, protecting her. She leaned on him for so much. But now he was gone. She stopped short. Her mind returned to that last day with Deep Blue. Aoyama was not the only one that risked his life for her sake, Kisshu had as well. Kisshu may have stuck his neck out for her more times than she even knew about. Even though they were enemies he really had been her protector too.

In their first meeting her ears had been out. When Kisshu came he dropped a coat or something over her head and when he took it back the ears were gone. Had he done it to help her? Had he helped her to hide her secret? He stole her first kiss then too, but maybe, in his own way, he helped her as well.
Tears filled her eyes again. She really was terrible, and weak. She always was too weak to help anyone. Everyone had to hold her up, support her, come to her rescue. What had she ever really done alone? Whether it was Masaya, the Blue Knight, Ryou, Kisshu, or the other Mews, she always relied on someone. Someone was always having to save her, always! Now that Aoyama-kun was. . . now she was leaning on Kisshu the most. What good was she? The past began to play through her mind, re-visiting all the times others risked something for her. What good was she? In the past she felt so confident. People told her several times how different, special, strong, or powerful she was. . . but it was not true. Sobs welled up in her throat until they finally spilled out. She had been determined not to cry in front of him again but this time she just could not help it.

Oh, Ichigo, what should I do with you? Kisshu pulled her tightly into his arms. He knew she was especially sad today, almost like the first day he came back, but now she was showing it. This sadness inside her was so deep he was starting to wonder if he would every be able to reach her. Seeing her like this felt like a knife to his heart. Every day he saw her sadness eating away at her spirit. It was like watching this girl he loved slowly drowning in the depths of the ocean. Because he had been gone so long, by the time he discovered her in this ocean she already seemed half gone. He was not sure he would be able to get her to the surface in time to save her from drowning.

Her small frame shook with her tears. She clung to him as if she were a child frightened by a thunder storm. He could feel her pain and fear like water soaking into his skin. What was wrong with her? What was it that tormented her this way? He stroked her hair and began rocking her gently back and forth. He had always hated to see her cry. He could not help remembering the last time he saw her cry before he and the others took the Mew Aqua to their home. She had been the one holding him in her arms that time. Even that time he hated the sight of her tears.

"Shhh. . . don't cry anymore, my love. I'm here to protect you, okay?" He whispered into her ear.

She shook her head wildly, "No, you can't. It isn't even possible!"

"Of course it is, Koneko-chan."

"No! I don't want it! You should go home, back to your planet!"

His heart twisted a little and it took him a moment to speak. "Is that what you want me to do?" He asked quietly. "You want me to leave?"

She did not answer, she just cried harder. Something in his chest ached. Her words echoed in his head like shattering glass. His hold on her slackened a bit. So that was what she wanted, was it? He supposed he should have known this time would come. In the end history often repeated itself. Part of him had begun to believe this time would be different, but he should have known better than to indulge in those thoughts. He did not regret having this time with her. . . but. . . his heart already hurt. He tried so hard to help her and they had come so far but maybe he really could not help her. Maybe he was part of the problem for her rather than a help. Maybe she was crying because she did not know how to tell him she did not love him. She would always love Aoyama rather than him. That might have something to do with why she never would tell him anything about what upset her.

Kisshu let his arms fall to his side as he pulled back. Somehow he had hoped things would end on a better note than this. He always intended to leave when she told him to. He would not force her to love him or force her to be with him. He always knew he would have to leave when she asked him to, and now she was asking. At the moment he felt like he could not breath. He tried to tell himself it did not matter to him if she loved him and tried to tell himself it did not hurt that she just told him to go home. If she wanted him to go back to his home he would, but that did not mean it did not hurt. Some of the things she had been saying made a bit of sense now that he thought about it. She had been trying to get him to leave, trying to break it to him slowly.

He started to get up but she grabbed his arm. "Wait. . ." She said quietly.

Kisshu pulled out of her reach. "No, it's okay. I understand, you don't have to say anything. I won't try to force you to do anything this time." His heart screamed with pain as he floated into the air. "I'll go quietly. . . Just take care of yourself, Ichigo."

He could not look at her anymore, it hurt far too much. Kisshu turned away, eyes squeezed shut, trying to control himself. It did hurt more to leave her now that they had been closer. Loving someone really was painful. Nothing hurt more in the past or now than Ichigo. Everything in him screamed to stay but he swore he would obey her wishes when this time came. He swore he would leave the minute she told him to. His vow was never to try to force her to be with him. He would not make the same mistakes again. No one could force someone to love them.

AN: Well, things are heating up a little more at last. Plot is slowly making its way into things!