April 27, 2013
Niflheim
In his own defense, Shinra did not regard Izaya as a "friend".
Because in all honesty, in the eyes of ordinary people a relationship like theirs was far too odd and deviant to be called a friendship. It was to the extent that nobody could believe that the two of them were friends, because it was hard to imagine that there could be someone who was friends with a person like Izaya despite knowing all of the terrible things he had done.
However, if it had been by Shinra's own standards, it certainly wouldn't be too farfetched to qualify Izaya as a friend. After all, he had hung out with Izaya nearly everyday of his middle school life, even after that stabbing incident – Shinra would also admit that that was one of the reasons why anyone who knew about it could not believe that the two of them were still on speaking terms with each other – and he occasionally spent his break times with Izaya throughout high school. He even dropped by Raira University to check up on Izaya every now and then. Quite honestly, even Shinra himself was surprised it could last this long; most people would've given up and ostracised him because of his behaviour, but not Izaya. Nor Shizuo, for that matter, and that was why Shinra could happily call them both his friends. After all, what else did people call someone who still kept in touch with them, were still on casual, relatively good terms, and didn't mind their strange quirks or personalities?
But, of course, that was where it stopped in terms of friendship, if it was by Shinra's definition. And precisely because it had to be by his standards that Shinra didn't see the need to go further than that. If he had to make room in his life for friends in the world's definition, then that wouldn't do. That was troubling, even.
Because he had to make sure everything about him – his life, his mind, his heart, and his soul – was purely devoted to Celty and Celty alone. Having other people there would be getting in the way, and Shinra couldn't afford for that to happen.
Or, so he had thought.
Ever since that day, when he came clean before Celty about his inner conflict, Shinra decided to start seeing things in a slightly different light. Mainly, about his relationships with Shizuo, and Izaya in particular. Since Celty would be happier with him having some true human relationships, he would take that as her approval and try for her.
So, Shinra did not regard Izaya as a "friend". Not by the usual definition of the word, but he was going to try, at least. That was why he would say he could understand the Investigation Team kids' reactions, and why he was going to do something about it for once.
"But first things first," he chirped to himself, and walked over to Shooter with his hands in his coat pockets after being set free from Celty's shadows. With a smile plastered on his face, he tilted over, like a child playing peek-a-boo and watching from behind a wall. "Hey, Izaya. How're you feeling?"
Izaya's brows furrowed, and with a quiet groan his eyelids fluttered open. Shinra's heart gave a leap, and he felt his breathing quicken again, like how he had felt when he first saw Shizuo's display of strength, or the time he thought he had seen a Persona, or how he had felt earlier when Naoto completely neutralised that attack.
"...Shinra."
"Oh, you're finally awake. So that's how Apathy Syndrome is treated. I see, I see. Ah, but you better not let Father know just yet when we get back. He might want to use you as a specimen if he knows."
"...What are you doing here?"
"Ah, you recognise this place, then." Shinra straightened his back and looked to where everyone else was. "Well, this and that happened. It's a bit much, so I guess we can fill you in later. But first you have some loose ends that you need to tie up, am I right?
Izaya didn't reply. His auburn eyes, which were usually burning with the passion for life, remained dull and unfocused, as if there was a dull coat of copper over them. Shinra wasn't sure how much Izaya remembered exactly, but at one glance he knew that Izaya at least had an idea of what had happened to him and was reluctant to admit it. Yet, in spite of himself, Izaya got up from the holding compartment, steadied his sense of balance, and then turned back and smiled, all in a matter of seconds.
"Well, well, isn't this lively. Why are there so many people around? ...Well. People and monsters, I mean," Izaya spoke, making his way over to the group with Shinra walking by his side. Shinra maintained his smile, and made no comment on Izaya's choice of words.
"...Orihara-san," Naoto acknowledged, sounding more exhausted than she was relieved.
"Oh, Naoto-chan's here too. But that's to be expected, ne? After all, you specially made your way over to warn me."
"Um, if it's alright to ask, how are you feeling?" Yukiko said in a respectful tone.
"Just fine, just fine~ It's all thanks to your little gang that I'm able to stand right now. I mean, you're the professionals here, aren't you?" Izaya responded with a sort of cheer that sounded so genuine that Shinra could only describe it as nauseatingly fake.
Celty chose this moment to get up, and slowly walked over to Izaya, raising her hand to let some of her shadows escape and form words in the air. Shinra knew not to smother her at this point.
[In that case, can I say that you're sober enough to handle this?] She said, using another tendril to point at the hooded figure, who was getting up on its feet.
"Hmm? Why aren't you using your PDA, Celty?" the informant said instead.
[It doesn't work in here. Now don't change the subject. There's something you need to do, right?]
Izaya spared the lookalike a glance, and in that split second his smile faltered, but when he replied Celty, he addressed her like he normally did with anybody else. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Courier."
Shinra gave an inward sigh; this was going to be harder than he thought...not that he was expecting much anyway. Though it did make him wonder if Izaya was even aware of the fact that no matter how he hard he tried it was going to fall apart in the end. The high schoolers had already seen that part of himself, after all.
"Wha... Even at this stage, you're still denying it?" Yosuke blurted out, before mindfully correcting his tone and rephrasing that in a more polite way.
Izaya waved it off, and said, as smoothly as ever, "But there's nothing to deny."
This was when Shinra decided it might be a good time for him to step in. "He's right, Izaya. You can't keep running forever, no matter how good you are at it."
"Who said I'm running?" Izaya retorted, and though he still wore his smile there was no denying the venom and cutting tone masked behind it. "Anyway there isn't anything to run from. Shizu-chan isn't around, for one."
"Well then, funny how that works, huh?"
"...What do you mean by that?"
"I'm saying," Shinra clarified, despite knowing fully well that Izaya didn't need it, "that Shizuo-kun is rushing over here with all the others as we speak."
Izaya's smile turned sardonic. "Ah, I see. To check if I'm dead, I bet. Well, too bad for Shizu-chan, I'm still alive and well."
Before Shinra could respond, a tendril of Celty's shadows with a blunt edge nicked Izaya's shoulder, and she shoved another message formed from her shadows into his slightly irked face when he turned towards her, without giving him any time to reply. [How can you say that about Shizuo? Even though he might hate your guts he wouldn't want to see you dead. I mean, he was worried about you, you know!]
The informant shot her an incredulous look, and didn't even bother to reply to that. As though the very idea of his mortal enemy sparing even a split second of concern about his well-being was so hard to believe that it didn't warrant a response in the first place – but, of course, that wasn't entirely the case. If Shinra hadn't known better in the past, he certainly did now.
Celty's fingers trembled as she wiped the shadows away and formed more words. [You might've ruined his life before, created all that trouble for him – but he still came to visit you the moment Shinra told him you were close to dying! If he really wanted you dead, do you think he would've cared to even visit you at that point?]
"Ahaha Celty, do calm down," Shinra said, raising both hands in a comforting gesture. "Don't get yourself too worked up over this. It's okay, I can take it from here."
His spouse-to-be wanted to protest, but after considering his words she visibly relaxed. She hesitantly looked back and forth from Shinra and Izaya, then in that same fashion wrote another message in the air.
[Um... Did I say something wrong?]
"No, not at all, Celty. There's nothing wrong with being honest," Shinra said, positively beaming.
"Honest...about what, exactly?" Izaya questioned, trying to sound nonchalant. "So the monster came to see me. So what? Just because it appeared like an act of kindness doesn't dismiss the fact that it's just a gesture. Merely an attempt to look more human than he actually is."
"Izaya, you know that's not going to work on anyone here," Shinra replied, folding his arms with an unimpressed sigh.
Still, in spite of that, Izaya remained set on his ways. In the eyes of other people, Shinra thought, that must look like Izaya was dead firm on denying everything that had transpired. But in Shinra's eyes, Izaya had always been, and was still simply being true to his desires; the irony lied in the fact that those desires coincided with Izaya's fears. Or, to be more precise, they were locked in a vicious cycle: one giving birth to another that continued to add layers to the first.
The same could be said of any human being, really. The Investigation Team kids probably understood that better than anyone else here, and the inquisitive in Shinra wanted to ask if that was why Personas and Shadows were said to be two sides of the same coin.
And by seeing the way they were, and comparing them to Izaya, Shinra knew what he had to do. Not as a doctor providing professional care for a patient, but as a friend in the terms Celty and the world had recognised.
"Izaya," Shinra started again, putting both hands on his waist. "Who am I to you? And no, that's not a trick question, so I'd appreciate it if you'll be level with me."
The informant raised a brow, regarding Shinra with a slightly suspicious gaze, though he answered nonetheless, "A human with the strangest interests and hobbies that I'm aware of."
"Mmm, I knew you'd put it that way. But really, Izaya, like I said there's nothing wrong with being honest. I know you live for that kind of stuff, but quite frankly, unlike you I have no interest whatsoever in the reasons behind people's desires to be dishonest, and likewise I'm not interested to know why you're so fixated on trying to bluff your way out of this. The key here is, I'm not interested. But that doesn't mean I don't know." As he said this, Shinra enunciated every word carefully, keeping an eye on Izaya to gauge his reaction, however slight it might be. "I just didn't do anything about it, precisely because I'm not interested in it. Now, though? I think now's the perfect time to get things straight with you."
All this while, Izaya only stared. Whether he listened and took it to heart, Shinra didn't care to know, but the answer became apparent when a wry smile cracked on his former classmate's face as he gave a somewhat exhausted sigh. "This is going to be the gambling thing from middle school all over again, isn't it?"
"Only if you keep thinking it will."
"I don't see how this is any different."
"See, that's it," Shinra pointed out without a beat, knowing he had Izaya trapped there. "You're restricting your perspective, but that's not what you normally do. Don't you realise it? Most of the time, you try to stand in a higher position where you're at the centre of that situation so that you can have the broadest perspective of everything that's happening without those things personally affecting you. That's because when things concern you, you form a biased viewpoint, and you hate that because it blinds you to any other exciting possibilities going on with 'your' humans. And now that you've been heavily involved in this, you're bent on denying everything that's not consistent with the way you view yourself or the things that concern you – in other words, you're being biased."
"...Ah, I see where this is going. This is going to be along the lines of that puke talk we had once, am I right?"
"Well, since you insist, then let me put it this way. Izaya, the reason why you don't want that puke reaching you, is because you're afraid of the likely scenario where you'll be forced to puke yourself. And in the event that happens, you don't know if you'll ever be able to return to your former position where nobody's puke can reach you."
Izaya pulled a bland face and averted his eyes slightly. Everyone else remained just as quiet as Shinra took a step forward. "But, that's the thing, Izaya. You might have tried to avoid it, but the likelihood was always there. It was going to happen someday, somehow, and it did. You know it. This here," he paused to open his arms wide, gesturing to the wintry world inside the television, "is your puke incarnate. You can't keep running away from it like you used to anymore. Not when it's right here in everyone's faces."
"…"
"What I'm trying to say is, puking isn't all that bad. In fact, it's a pretty common occurrence. If I am to put an additional, slight medical spin to it, nausea and vomiting can be signs of a condition that needs to be treated. Holding it back, though considered as part of social graces in public, ultimately won't do you much good. Everyone has moments like that. It just manifests in different ways for different people. For you, it's this place, and this pitiful existence standing before all of us," Shinra said without having to stop or hesitate, in a matter-of-factly tone that was blunt yet gentle all at the same time.
Not giving Izaya a chance to refute, Shinra continued, "Sure, to you, or to anyone for that matter, you may think that the very sight of your own puke is revolting enough. And sure, there'll be people who find your puke disgusting, too. But don't let that bother or blind you to another possible group of people who don't find it disgusting at all. They might be in the minority, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. At the very least, I exist."
"...That was quite the interesting analogy you have there, Shinra, but aren't you going a tad overboard with the puke thing? And besides, didn't you once say I make you feel like throwing up?" Izaya replied at last, slipping his usual mask-like smile back on his face.
Shinra didn't bother to address the contradiction, and instead he said with a light chuckle, "Come on, Izaya, I said it was a compliment. If I really had meant it to be a bad thing, why would I still hang out with you even after graduation from high school?"
"Because you don't have anyone else to hang out with. Shizu-chan would have flung you somewhere if you had gone to whine to him after all," Izaya bit out, the harshness of his words in contrast to his seemingly delighted smirk.
"No," Shinra retorted, his reply meant as an answer to both comments Izaya had made. "It's because I see you as a friend."
For a split second, Izaya flinched. If it hadn't been the fact that he had grown reliant on studying body language in order to pick up on Celty's unspoken nuances, Shinra thought he might've missed that.
"And as a friend, I just want to say to you," Shinra paused here to take a few steps back, so that he was no longer blocking Izaya's line of vision from the Shadow that had fallen exceptionally silent, "however much you want to object to it, I don't mind helping you clean your puke up."
Now it was the Shadow's turn to jolt, taking a slow, but deep, breath. At this, all traces of Izaya's smile vanished, turning into yet another rare frown.
"You don't have to be so embarrassed, Izaya," Shinra said, which caused Izaya's frown to deepen instead. "I said it before, didn't I? I know. Though I won't say it's a hundred percent, I know enough, and yet I still haven't gotten rid of you, have I? I mean, really, to me your puke is already evident, but I haven't minded about it at all, so why are you getting flustered about this?"
"I should ask the same about you. You're the only one who's excited about cleaning someone's puke up," Izaya said, keeping his eyes on Shinra.
"This isn't about me," Shinra had to point out, knowing fully well that Izaya was aware of that himself. He knew Izaya was one stubborn bastard, so he hadn't expected this to run smoothly in the first place, but this was bordering ridiculous.
"Orihara-san," Rise interrupted, looking slightly apologetic for doing that. "You don't have to bring yourself to accept this right now if it is making you this uneasy. We don't want to force you into doing that, either. But...if you would allow me, I want to say something, and I hope you can hear me out, at least. Please?"
Izaya did not give a verbal reply.
Rise took that as consent. "We know this isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I mean, accepting yourself isn't just what it sounds like. It's not only about accepting that there's a side to you that you want to keep hidden. It's also having the willingness to do something about it so that you can feel at peace with yourself. And I don't... I won't say I can understand what you're going through exactly, and I know you might think it's all right to stay the way you are, but... But, Orihara-san, you know that that's a lie, right?
"I mean, your Shadow... After all this while, it hasn't disappeared yet."
Shinra perked up at this, and so did Celty and Anri, though they did so for a different reason, while Izaya's expression hardened. Meanwhile Yosuke-kun and the others didn't look like they were surprised by this.
"Eh? What do you mean, Rise-chan? A Shadow can disappear?" Shinra asked.
"To be honest, we can't be sure about this," Yosuke answered. "But it's happened before, to someone who denied his Shadow all the way. If what we've guessed is right, then that means..."
"Heeeey look, it's everyone! Yooohooo, Yosuke! Yuki-chan! Rise-chan! Nao-chan!"
"Ack, crap, stupid bear! Can't you read the atmosphere? There's still a Shadow around, in case you haven't noticed!"
With Yosuke's sentence cut off like that, everyone present except for the Shadow turned and looked in the direction of the newcomers' voices. Yosuke and his friends were all smiles when the rest of their group rejoined them after confirming that it was safe, coupled with relief upon seeing Shizuo along with them. Celty and Anri, too, visibly relaxed, with Celty quickly making her way over to him to ask if he was okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Shizuo replied, flashing a small smile that caught Celty aback.
[Did something good happen? You seem...happy.] Her message, though meant only for Shizuo, was visible for all to see.
"Do I?" Shizuo scratched the back of his head, his grin turning a little embarrassed. "Well...guess you can call it a good thing."
"Ah-hah, it has to be because you accepted your Shadow, huh, Shizuo-kun?" Shinra said cheerily. "That's perfect. Izaya can take a leaf or two from your book now that you're here."
"I don't need help from a protozoan," Izaya snapped, much to everyone else's surprise. Shinra, too, actually, but only because he had been wondering how much longer it'd take for Izaya to lose his patience.
"Flea?" Shizuo said, returning his hand to his pocket. He first looked at Izaya, then at the Shadow, before returning his attention to Izaya again, and started walking over to him. "Oh. You're okay."
"And doesn't that just disappoint you so?" Izaya replied, the edges of his lips curling to an acid smile, which was gone just as quickly as it came when the former bartender shook his head.
"Maybe before, it would," said Shizuo. "Now...I don't know. But, I know I'm not angry to see that you're okay. I'm sure of that."
"...Anyway, I heard that you're in a good mood?" Izaya deftly changed the subject, obviously peeved that they had gone back to an earlier discussion he didn't intend on having again. "Isn't that nice. You must've met your inner monster—ah, not that you're not one yourself, but that monster must've been even more of a monster than you are, and you've finally realised what you really are underneath that human-like exterior. So! Does that mean you'll finally leave humans be and let them settle their own problems by themselves without needlessly interfering with their lives? Not that I'm interested in what you intend to do, but out of consideration for my dear humans—"
"Izaya," Shizuo interrupted. "Don't."
Izaya's eyes narrowed slightly. "Don't...? Don't what, Shizu-chan?"
"Everything," Shizuo sighed.
"That's vague, even for you," Izaya replied, unimpressed.
"I mean everything," Shizuo repeated. "Stop doing whatever it is you're doing and spit it out already. Don't just keep it to yourself. You've gotta say it aloud, to whoever else is here."
"How can you expect me to do that when there's nothing to say?"
Shinra mumbled an "Oh dear" to himself as he stepped away just in time for Shizuo to swiftly reach out and grab Izaya by the collar of his long-sleeved black tee. The Investigation Team kids startled in varying degrees, but Celty managed to get them at ease.
Even though trails of white air were rapidly escaping his lips and nostrils, and his characteristic frown crossed the blond's features, Izaya showed not one flicker of emotion, keeping an icy stare at Shizuo who was close enough to look like he was expelling smoke right in Izaya's face. Shinra let out a little hum.
"...Really?" Shizuo breathed, sounding the exact opposite of what everyone thought he looked like at that moment. "You really have nothing to say?"
"I thought I just told you I don't. Or did that not register in your underdeveloped brain?"
"That's a load of bull and you know it. Dammit, you know it, Izaya. But just knowing's not gonna cut it. If you're that bothered by something that this kind of Shadow can pop up, that's a sign that you need to do something about it. And not by keeping it to yourself."
"That's good enough for me."
Shinra blinked at that, thoroughly impressed with how effective Shizuo was being at getting somewhere with this. Or maybe Izaya was getting fed up about this and having Shizuo right up in his face was simply the last straw. Nonetheless, it didn't downplay his effectiveness in the least.
Without any conscious knowledge of this, Shizuo spoke, "Oh yeah? Then why is this 'other you' still hanging around and waiting for something to happen? What happened to trying to kill you for denying it earlier? Why's it not doing that, huh?"
From where he was standing, Shinra could hear a little from Yosuke about how he was about to say that before Chie-chan and the others arrived.
Izaya shrugged. "Perhaps it's given up, seeing that its plan has obviously failed."
"It almost didn't," Shizuo emphasised on the last word, which got Izaya speechless long enough for him to continue, with a gentler and quieter tone than before, "Look, flea. I know how this feels. I dunno if it was the same for the rest, but... When I blacked out after my Shadow went crazy, I saw some things. Those things... They made me figure out some stuff. And that's just being knocked out." Shizuo loosened his grip on Izaya's shirt. "And my Shadow, it…didn't even land a finger on me. But Izaya, you..."
"Ahh, Shinra mentioned something about an 'Apathy Syndrome'?" Izaya said, letting a crack of a hollow smile creep across his features. "Well, not that I'm interested to know, but I can guess as the name implies that I was stuck in a period of apathy towards something? If that's the case, do you really think I would remember that experience?"
"You do," Shizuo insisted. "I don't have proof... But I just know it."
"Don't you think that sounds ridiculous? Shizu-chan, do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now?"
Shizuo took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah I know. I know it sounds really stupid, but so what? Something's telling me you remember and you're just pretending you're not, so I'm telling you as it is." Then, before Izaya could make a witty comeback, Shizuo's eyes brightened. "...Ah, that's it. I get it now. It was something...something one of your fleas said."
"What on earth are you—"
"You didn't die, just sent to a place you weren't supposed to go to." Shinra saw the corners of Izaya's lips twitching the moment Shizuo finished his sentence, which Shizuo – unfortunately for Izaya – caught. "Heh, thought so. That means I'm right, right? You did see something."
Shizuo let out a chuckle, and actually sounded smug for once. Like he had finally caught Izaya in his own roundabout game of beating about the bushes, using the newly obtained information against the renowned informant who had nothing left up his sleeves.
But Izaya continued to deny that such a thing had ever happened, which made the grin on Shizuo's face disappear.
"...Y'know, flea," Shizuo spoke, letting go and stepping away to give Izaya a little more space. "If you're really not trying to hide from anything and you honestly – and I mean honestly – think there's nothing wrong, I'm okay with that, but you gotta say it out at least. But, if it turns out that you're trying to hide because you're scared, and you don't wanna admit that... I can get that too. Hell, I'll be okay with it. Just as long as you say something about this."
The informant remained silent on the matter, but this time nobody prompted him to make any response. He didn't meet with anybody's eyes directly, but Shinra and Shizuo who were physically closer to him could see the harshness in those auburn eyes and the wrinkles at the edges of his brows that met in an irked frown. They left Izaya to his own thoughts, and only perked up when they saw Izaya draw in a deep breath.
He murmured something, but neither Shizuo nor Shinra could make out what it was. They were met with a glare when Shinra asked him to repeat what he had said. And he did, but again they couldn't catch what he was saying.
Shinra let out an exaggerated sigh. Of course Izaya would do something like this.
Then, from behind them, a slightly low-pitched female's voice muttered a string of equally incomprehensible words.
All eyes were on Naoto as she gradually stepped forward and continued speaking in the language that nobody else could understand. Izaya looked at her, his glare softening until his tensed features relaxed, and then with a sigh and a slight tilt of his head towards the sky replied back. The young detective had a smile on her face as she responded in turn, this time with an even longer reply that had Izaya chuckle at the end. Only, the chuckle hadn't sounded like anything close to Izaya's normal laughter.
With a curt nod and a few more words, Naoto left it at that and returned to her friends, who had been watching with avid curiosity and wonder. They didn't have time to ask her for details, if they had the intention to in the first place, for Izaya had shaken his head.
"...Well, well, to be told something like that by Naoto-chan... I must say, you've certainly," he took pause here to sigh again, this time lighter and filled with what Shinra could term as melancholic bliss, "certainly exceeded my expectations of you."
"Izaya...?" Shinra heard himself murmur. There was something genuine about the way he said it, yet at the same time Shinra could tell that Izaya still had reservations about the whole thing.
"Shinra," the informant spoke. "Since you asked me a question earlier, I want to ask you one thing myself. And likewise," he paused as his smile broadened, "I want an honest answer."
Shinra slowly raised his shoulders in a shrug, admittedly unsure where this was going to head to. "Well, sure. Ask away."
"Why...did you call me a friend earlier?"
"Hmm, that's an interesting question out of the blue. Well, since you asked for an honest answer, it's because I did some thinking and discussing with my beloved, and I decided that I should be playing my role as a friend to you better."
Izaya's eyes narrowed for a split second, before he closed them shut. Then, without warning, he threw his head back and let out a mirthful laugh.
"I see, I see! Yup, that's how it is, that's the answer I expected!"
"I-Izaya...san...?" Anri said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Hah..." Izaya breathed as the laughter faded. Then, sparing the Shadow one glance, he turned away and kept his hands in the pockets of his pants, until all anyone could see was his back.
"Orihara—"
"Thank you, Naoto-chan, for exceeding my expectations of you. If I have to give you payment, as part of fair trade... That's right, I think this should do fine." The information broker paused, raising his head slightly towards where the sky should be. "In response to what you said to me earlier, I only have this to say. I can't tell you that you're entirely wrong, because that wouldn't be a nice thing to do, and that, I admit, would be a lie. But, I'm sure… I like the way things are now. In fact, I wouldn't mind if they stayed that way forever."
Everyone visibly relaxed at that, but Shinra knew it had nothing to do with relief or happiness or anything of that sort. He had a feeling it would end this way, but still there had been a glimmer of something like hope or expectation within him when he had decided to step up to talk Izaya into openly accepting his weaknesses, so to see that Izaya had made such a decision in the end made Shinra feel a tad bit let down.
"Ah..." Shinra heard Yukiko murmur, and when he looked over his shoulder, he saw what it was that had elicited such a reaction.
"So the Shadow vanished in the end, huh..." Yosuke said. "Were we... Was I wrong in assuming...?"
"It's fine," Izaya cut in. "It's fine. This is how things should be. After all, this is what...it means...to be..."
"O-oi, flea!?"
Only Shizuo reacted fast enough to grab Izaya by the wrist when he collapsed right after, as though there had been a particularly rough knock to his gut.
"Whoa there, flea. Uh...flea? Hey you still with us?"
Izaya chuckled weakly as his eyelids shuttered close. "Ahh... To think that...this would..."
"Oi. Oi, flea?" Shizuo said, shaking the other man.
When Izaya didn't respond, Shinra went to run a quick visual examination of his former classmate as the others hurriedly ran over.
"H-how is he, Shinra?" Teddie asked, his voice trembling slightly for reasons Shinra was most likely unaware of.
"Hmmmm," Shinra drawled, before sliding his hands into the pockets of his coat with a jovial smile as he turned and face Celty, Anri, and the Investigation Team, who were all looking at him expectantly. "I think it's best if we try to leave this place and get back to my apartment as soon as possible. There should still be a spare bed that we can use. Because, well..." He paused when he couldn't stop himself from laughing, despite the outcome of everything. "It seems to me that Izaya's sound asleep."
Night, an apartment in Ikebukuro
'...Sonohara-san... In the end, she didn't return to class after lunch.'
Thinking this to himself while sitting in front of an old television set with a lowered gaze and some cup noodles in his hands, Mikado reached for his phone and stared at the screen. He pushed the menu button, and the screen sprung to life at the touch, but not even the brightness from the device could mask the gloom and concern in Mikado's eyes.
'She hasn't called me back or replied to my messages, either...'
And that wasn't the only thing that was worrying.
When he had returned home from school, the first thing Mikado did was to log into the Dollars site and comb through the forum thread he had started while on the way home. Though he received many encouraging responses, none of them had the answer he'd been hoping for.
That was when the idea popped in his head. When he remembered, out of the blue, that he still had the option of contacting Kanra-san – of contacting Orihara Izaya-san.
Although Masaomi told him, time and again, that Izaya was not to be trusted, Mikado still wanted to believe in the person who had given him warnings when he or the Dollars were in danger and leaked bits of useful info without any strings attached. Of course, that didn't mean that Mikado didn't have his doubts about the man; namely, regarding his intentions behind his actions. But in times like these, Mikado didn't want to give those reservations any unnecessary weight, like the decision he had made to trust in the Dollars network to find Sonohara-san, for just one more time.
And so, Mikado logged into the chatroom. But, as he had expected, he was alone in there. Disappointed and unable to think of anything else he could do, the high school student was about to reach for his phone instead until a pop-up with a message in private mode flashed across the screen.
"Has the fog finally been cleared from your eyes?" was what it had read.
Startled, yet curious at the same time, Mikado had questioned further, and requested for the sender – whoever it was – to elaborate on what they had meant. They did, but in an extremely abstract manner, which only served to add to his ravenous curiosity.
Ultimately, however, Mikado still didn't receive any information about Anri's whereabouts. And what made it worse, was that according to that stranger who messaged him, he couldn't turn to Izaya for help, and that he would only hear of news from either when they themselves were available to.
Then, there was also the matter of the very strange "fog" that had enveloped the city. The "fog" that had, for some unknown reason, prevented any of the townspeople from accessing their memories of the man named Orihara Izaya, Mikado himself included.
He didn't remember anything of that sort happening, though. Just the thought of forgetting that Izaya-san even existed was baffling enough in itself. But the evidence was irrefutable – the chat log that had recorded an earlier conversation with Setton-san that he didn't recall having was still in the chatroom's records.
Adding all this to the other strange things that had happened – Yagiri Seiji's unsolved death, television sets stirring in the middle of rainy nights, the Slasher incident spinning out of Anri's control – Mikado didn't know what to make of it all. The only conclusion he could arrive at, was that there was something brewing within the city of Ikebukuro again, on a similar or maybe even larger scale than the first Dollars meeting that took place two years ago. Larger than any widespread colour gang scuffles, or even the potential purge of the Dollars that Mikado had once been resolved to carry out.
Except this time, Mikado had no direct involvement.
The mere realisation made his heart tangle up, as though someone had used it to tie a dead knot to a brick of lead, and he tried to shake the feeling away.
'I can't,' he told himself. 'I promised Masaomi... I promised him that I would stay away. From the Dollars, from the Blue Squares… Izaya-san and Aoba-kun...'
"Please, Mikado. If you can't promise me anything else, just promise me this. I won't run away or hesitate anymore, so I'll always be around here for you. If you need help on fixing the Dollars, just say the word and I'll help you in whatever way I can. If you feel like you need to do something, I'll let you do whatever it is. So long as you're satisfied, I don't mind, but in return, I just need you to make that promise to me. I'm begging you, Mikado, I...
"I don't want to see you lose yourself."
Mikado clutched onto his phone and sighed before finally putting it aside after what felt like an hour. Then he returned his attention to his cup noodles, and began eating quietly.
But just as he was around halfway through, a thud against his door followed by another in quick succession urged him to set it aside.
'Who could it be at this time...?' Mikado wondered as he got up and headed for the door, but did not open it immediately. Instead, he pressed his ear against the door, and when he made sure he couldn't detect any movement or voices, he slowly opened it, enough for him to look through with one eye.
There wasn't anybody around, not even along the pavement. Mikado then opened the door fully, and was about to take a step out when his foot knocked against a solid object on the ground. Startled, he looked down, and saw a small brown package with a note attached to it, which, upon closer inspection, read:
To: Tanaka Tarou-kun
The answer you are looking for lies within. What you choose to do with it is up to you, but I have faith that it'll be of use to you. You know how to contact me if you need any more help.
No need to thank me. For you, this will be on the house.
Toodles!
From: Kanra
'Kanra...san...? Ah, does that mean Izaya-san is the one who sent this?'
Mikado heaved a soft sigh of relief.
'I'm glad... He's alright.'
Though part of him did question if it was really Izaya himself who wrote the note and sent the package when he recalled that the information broker was in a tight situation himself, Mikado eventually shot that doubt down. There weren't many people who knew he was using the handle Tanaka Tarou in the chatroom, after all; he could count the number of people who did in just one hand, and none of them, to his own understanding, would do something like this. Moreover, the arrival of this package which had been claimed to contain the "answer Mikado had been looking for" was so timely that it simply couldn't have been anybody else.
'Even though he was in some kind of trouble, he still tried to help me.' A warm smile found its way on Mikado's face. 'Izaya-san...really is a nice person, no matter what other people say.'
And with his refreshed belief in the man who once sought to bring about an all-out war between the colour gangs of Ikebukuro, Mikado carried the box in and hurriedly closed the door behind him as he took the package to where the light was. Then, without giving it further consideration, he removed the duct tape and opened the box.
At an apartment along the Kawagoe Highway
If there was one thing Yagiri Namie hated more than anything in the world aside from the world itself, it was to be kept waiting.
And if there was anything even more detestable than that, it was to be kept waiting without the guarantee that she would even get the answers she needed.
Before, her reason would be: not wanting to waste a second of her time that she could've spent with Seiji. But now, if asked the reason, she would say: not wanting to waste a second of her time that she could've spent on investigating any lead, even the tiniest possible, towards her brother's murderer. If she was to be held back from that, and for a purpose that had no personal meaning to her, she wouldn't be able to forgive whoever had committed such an offense.
And her former employer, Orihara Izaya, had just done the unforgiveable.
With her mobile phone to her ear and her free hand repeatedly pressing the doorbell over and over, Namie gritted her teeth and clicked her tongue.
"Why isn't there anybody answering?" she hissed, applying even more pressure with every jab on the doorbell. With a snarl, she ended the call and redialled the number, only to have it ring in her ear. "Kishitani, you'd better pick up, or so help me I will raze your house to the ground, toss that despicable thing into the ocean and—"
"Oh—eh? Namie-san? What are you doing here in the middle of the night? ...And what's with the get-up?" the annoying underground doctor Kishitani Shinra had said, peeking from the edge of the opened door.
Namie withdrew her finger and kept her phone away.
"Where is the lunatic?" she asked, with every intention of making it sound as bitter and cold as possible.
Shinra tilted his head to the side slightly. "Lunatic? Oh, you mean Izaya?"
"I'm glad we agree on something. Now spit it out and don't waste any more of my time."
"Ahh I can understand your concerns, but I'm afraid you'll have to come back another day, Namie-san. Izaya isn't exactly—"
"Wait, so he was here all along?"
"Well, yes. Actually, no. Hmm but in a way yes."
Namie's eyes narrowed.
"But really, this isn't the best—wait Namie-san?"
Shinra was cut off when the door was slammed wide open and he found himself shoved to the wall of the corridor as Namie invited herself in. It didn't matter to her if she had found Kishitani at an inconvenient time – there was only one thing that mattered to her, and barging into Kishitani's place was the least of the least of her concerns. Perhaps even the least of the least of the least.
Before Shinra could catch up to her, Namie opened the door to the living room, and when she saw the state it was in, she raised a brow.
"Quite the crowd you have at this time of the day," she noted with growing suspicion, scanning across the room unperturbed by the stares she was getting. She scowled when she saw that that bastard wasn't among them, and without addressing the occupants in the living room she went over to the other rooms of Kishitani's apartment.
"Wait, don't open—"
Namie ignored the doctor's request.
But just as she turned the knob and creaked the door open it closed back right in front of her. In the corner of her eyes, a shadowy thread that had been wrapped around the doorknob slithered back to its owner, and another was ripping towards her, holding up an electronic device with a lit display screen.
[I'm sorry, but please let Izaya have some rest. He's had a really rough time, and it's taken quite a toll on him...]
"Does it look like I care about how his life has been?" Namie spat, folding her arms as she regarded the Dullahan, who was standing in the middle of the large group of people that had gathered in the apartment.
[Well... No, not really, but...]
"But nothing. Look, I don't give a damn about how exhausted he is or whatever. That man has the information I seek and he will pay dearly for withholding it from me. Aside from that, I have no reason to be here. To be frank I was even expecting to find him dead, but since he's still alive I don't intend on letting this chance slip away from me, so I'd appreciate it if you don't get in my way."
One particular young man with bright blond hair jumped to his feet and swerved sharply towards her, fixing his blue eyes on her. "Now that's just cruel, Miss! No matter how much Izaya has offended you, that's no reason to disturb him when he needs to rest up."
Namie let out a snort. "What? That's every reason to disturb him. Do you even know what kind of a person he is?"
The answer she had received, and whom she had heard it from, was beyond her expectations.
"Yeah, we know. Maybe even more than you do. And I dunno about the others, but even though I never would've thought he'd have this side to him, it still doesn't change the fact that I hate him. Just maybe less than before. But even then, I wouldn't want to disturb him, no matter how pissed off I might be. I mean, if someone's so damn tired that they keel over and black out, you shouldn't be disrupting his rest, you know."
"...Huh," Namie let slip, turning her gaze onto the man in the bartender suit leaning against the wall. "I never thought I would live to see the day Heiwajima Shizuo coming to Orihara Izaya's defense."
"I'm not," Shizuo clarified. "All I'm saying is that you should let people rest when they need it."
"How bad is this 'exhaustion' of his, exactly? You're all making it sound like I'm not letting his dead spirit rest in peace," Namie asked, the question meant for Shinra to answer even though she was still facing the group as a whole.
Despite the blunt morbidity of the statement, Kishitani laughed. Sometimes that doctor was as eccentric and abnormal as her former employer was. "Oh no, Namie-san, it's nothing quite so drastic. Izaya is, how should I put it... Ah, right, experiencing extreme physical and mental fatigue. Particularly on the mental side."
Namie considered that, before she replied, "In other words, you're saying that even if I go in there and demand for him to wake up this instant, it won't have any effect on him."
"Mmm I won't say there's entirely no effect, but even if you do get Izaya to do that I'm not sure if he'll be lucid enough to be of much help to you."
"...So you're also saying that I made a wasted trip."
"Well, technically, I didn't say that, but I won't deny that the implication is there, yes."
Namie sighed and placed a hand on her forehead. Then, with the same hand, she grabbed the cap on her head and crushed it in her grip.
"Um... Are you okay?" a voice she was not familiar with asked.
Not caring that it was to a stranger she had just met who was attempting to reach out to her, Namie shot daggers at the grey-haired boy. "It's none of your business," she spat before turning to Shinra. "Call me when he wakes, then. I'll attend to some other things in the meantime. You have my number, right?"
"Eh? Well, I can do that, but… Oh, I know! Is it okay for you to come over again tomorrow anyway?"
Namie was already on her way to the door when the doctor popped the sudden invitation. "Hah? Why would I do that?"
"Ah, I mean, I thought you might want to listen if you know about what we're about to discuss," Kishitani replied, his sickening smile widening.
"Unfortunately for you, Sensei, I'm not interested in knowing why you have so many guests over or what you intend to discuss, so unless it's for informing me about the asshole waking up then don't call me unnecessarily."
"Even if it's something to do with Seiji-kun?"
Namie froze, then she turned around, very, very slowly. In that moment, she had forgotten all about the presence of other people in the room as she focused her attention on the underground doctor. "What...did you just say?"
Shinra kept smiling, as if that was a permanent feature on his face. "The culprit who might've killed your brother. We were about to talk about him, but—"
"Who is it?" Namie cut in, stomping her way over.
Kishitani raised both hands and backed away. "Ah, hold on, hold on, Namie-san. At the moment we're still—"
"Just get to the point, Kishitani-sensei. Who. Is. It?" Namie said, emphasising heavily on the last three words.
"We still don't have a real name to go by, but it's highly likely that it's the same person who wanted Izaya dead," Shinra replied, which made Namie blink and stop in her tracks right before the Dullahan's shadows could reach her and pull her back.
"...So," she said, after a brief moment of silence, "it's not that girl, then."
"I'm sorry?"
Namie sighed, though it sounded more like a snarl, and ran a hand through her hair. "This is ridiculous," she said, first under her breath before repeating it, but at a louder volume, "This is ridiculous! Every damn time I think I'm finally getting somewhere, it just has to be turned upside-down in the end! Just who is the person that took Seiji away from me?!" Her breathing hitched without her intending to as she turned and slammed her hands on the sofa and dug her fingernails deep into the material, earning stunned and sympathetic looks from the people who were also in the living room and witnessing her outburst.
"Namie-san..."
"Don't, Kishitani. Don't you dare. It's not like you really care anyway," Namie growled, fixing an icy glare on the doctor as she released her grip on the sofa, the surface of which had been torn slightly. "Let me reiterate: I want to know who's the bastard that killed my brother. So if this discussion of yours is as useful as you imply it to be, then I'll take up on your offer to listen. But. If it turns out to be nothing concrete..." she trailed off here, and deliberately rolled her eyes to the right where the Dullahan had been standing.
"It will, trust me on that," Shinra hastily replied.
"It'd better." Namie straightened her back and squared her shoulders. "But why tomorrow, though? Can't you have that discussion now?"
"Ahh, you see, we did consider it, but these brave, young teenagers who did all they could to save Shizuo-kun and Izaya are too burned out for that. Look, their eyes can barely open right now."
Namie thought those kids looked just fine, though. If they had enough energy to be jumping up and yelling at her for being a so-called disturbance to Orihara Izaya's so-called well-deserved rest, they were probably more than fine. But then again, their eyes did seem a bit clouded and glazed over with a sort of fatigue that she couldn't really identify.
"...Alright," she agreed.
"Then that settles it," Shinra said approvingly.
A/N: I think the A/N section is just going to make its permanent placing here, lol.
Alright, so... With this chapter, we've come to the end of Arc 2. It's been quite the journey, hasn't it? I'm relieved myself, to see the story progress this far. We're technically two-thirds done with the story, but the events that will be happening in the third and final arc are going to be of a greater scale than that of Arcs 1 and 2 combined. You have Izaya to blame for that. Yeah, that decision of his is going to come back and bite him on the arse while dragging other people into the mess he's responsible for again - that's Arc 3 (and the entirety of Gameplay, actually, now that I think about it) in a nutshell. Just a bit of a heads-up because Arc 3 is something I've been working towards this whole time, so I'm quite excited about it and just had to say something about it. :D
Speaking of decisions, there were two ways a certain scene in this chapter could've gone. I'm not sure how many of you were expecting me to choose the other, haha. While I admit that I did consider it during the planning stages, ultimately Izaya denying his Shadow again just seemed more fitting, so I went with that. The reasons, I will go into when I wrap up the story and give a detailed A/N - though I'll be dropping hints as the chapters go by - but for now, yup, that's what I decided.
As always, thank you all for supporting Gameplay! I'm always very happy to see all these hits/follows/favourites/reviews, they make my heart melt :D