Chapter 8: Expectations and Heartbroken Aggravations

"How'd your mom like the campus?" I asked Rose the next day over dinner at the cafeteria.

"She thought it was nice. She really liked you though," I noticed a hint of annoyance in Rose's voice. Jealously perhaps?

"Oh?" I asked.

"Yeah, kept going on about what nice young man you were." Rose rolled her eyes. "She's under the impression that her nice straight daughter has finally found a nice young man to settle down with and raise 2.5 children with a nice white picket fence in the suburbs." Rose made a face like this lifestyle disgusted her, but being married to Rose, having a family with her, sounded like a paradise to me.

"We could paint the fence blue if you want," I joked. She offered a faint smile.

"I can't even imagine her face if I brought a bride to the wedding instead of a husband," she said softly, and it was so sudden I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. "I love my mother, and that's what makes her homophobia all the more painful."

"Wait, you're gay?" I asked, feeling confident I knew the answer, but dreading it nonetheless.

"Yeah. I thought you knew that."

"No. I-I didn't. So I guess the wedding is off then? That's a shame." I joked, but I could feel my eyes tearing up.

"Henry?" Rose asked, seeing that I was in pain, oblivious to the fact she had caused it.

I avoided her eyes. "I'm fine." I stared down at my empty plate.

"Henry, what's wrong?" she asked a bit more forcibly.

"Nothing," mumbled as I took my stuff to the dish return window and walked out of the cafeteria, desperate to be left alone to cry in peace.

"Henry!" She chased after me, into the outside parking lot. One of the worst part about being in love with your best friend was having to hide your pain from them. They knew you too well. A random crush rejecting you, while still painful, could be coped with. How could you expect your best friend to comfort you, to mend your broken heart, when they were the one who shattered it in the first place?

I couldn't avoid her. She knew something was wrong and she wouldn't take no for an answer.

I stopped and turned to face her, my eyes filled with tears.

"I like you, you know that?" I don't know how I was able to say something so bold, perhaps because my fate had already been sealed, my world already shattered. We both knew she wouldn't love me back. Why hide my feelings any longer?

"Of course, Henry. We're best friends. I like you-"

"No!" I interjected, determined that she understand my meaning. "I like you more than as a friend. I would be perfectly happy in the hypothetical wedding."

"But Henry, you know I don't-"

"You don't like boys," I finished. "And I'm a boy. So, no love for Henry!" I was almost shouting at her. I didn't know why. My sadness had turned into anger. "No matter what he does, no matter how he treats her or her mother, no matter what he gives her! Nothing!"

Now Rose was mad at me. "I can't believe you, Henry Mills!" Her eyes were tearing up in her anger. I would have been terrified had I not also been infuriated. "I can't believe I thought you actually cared for me! I thought you were my friend. Turns out you're just another insufferable horny pig!"

With that, she stormed off. I retreated to the solace of my room. I don't know if there was anyone in my common room. I wouldn't have noticed anyway. I collapsed on my bed and cried into my pillow until I fell asleep.

In my dreams, I saw myself having dinner with Rose, right before the dreaded fight. No, hang on. For some reason, I sat a few tables over, scanning the cafeteria. But I saw me (Henry Mills) sitting a few tables over. When I saw Rose, I recognized her not as my best friend/crush, but as my roommate. My memories came flooding back to me, just as the memory of a dream fades when you wake. My name was Ally.

Ally and Stella sat at their table, waiting for Juliet to join them.

"Should we just go?" Stella asked, since the two of them had finished eating long ago and there was no sign of their friend.

Ally sighed. This wasn't the first time Juliet had flaked on them because of her new boyfriend. Stella didn't have a boyfriend, so she didn't fully understand what captivated Juliet.

From the moment Juliet and Nikola started dating, they became inseparable. Not only were they spending all their free time together, but they refused to eat, sleep, or even shower separately (really, how they both fit in the tiny dorm showers was beyond Ally's understanding but she preferred not to think too much about it).

For the most part, the only moments they spent separately were those in class.

Ally had been dating her boyfriend Grayson for almost 2 years now. They had kissed a few times, but the two of them were so awkward that they only ever kissed every few months and on holidays. Mostly they cuddled and watched tv shows or ate candy and played board games. They held hands and gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. Everyone said they were a cute couple.

At first, Ally took this as a compliment. Then it started to bug her. The others called them cute because their relationship was nonsexual and child-like. Cute as in elementary schoolers on the playground holding hands. Cute as in they were oblivious to the real grown-up stuff that goes on in ordinary relationships.

Was Juliet and Nikola (Juliola, as they had started to refer to the two as a single entity) an ordinary relationship? Ally shuddered to think so. They seemed happy. She was happy, at least she thought she was.

Grayson was pretty introverted and liked to have time to himself. As much as Ally didn't want a Juliola relationship, she wished Grayson would make more time for her.

She could hardly imagine him loving her so much that he didn't want to be apart from her for a second. That might be nice, she mused. Although, she wouldn't want to leave Stella alone, deserted by her two best friends for their boyfriends. So maybe it was good that she wasn't with Grayson all the time.

Neither Ally nor Grayson were particularly sexual people. Ally had always loved the childish hand holding, but seeing Juliola move so quickly made her want to try something new: kissing with tongue. Some of her other sorority girl, though shocked to discover she had never done so before, gave her a few tips that she wanted to try out. She proposed the idea to him, but he just didn't seem interested.

Weren't boys supposed to be horny all the time? But Grayson was different. He just didn't seem interested. Ally didn't want to admit this to anyone, because she had a feeling that she knew what they would say. He's gay. But he wasn't gay, because he wasn't interested in other boys. He wasn't interested in other girls. She knew him well enough to be sure of that much. He just wasn't interested in anything sexual. And she never had been before, which allowed both parties to feel satisfied in the relationship, but now she was starting to get curious, and he was still stuck in their elementary hand holding relationship.

But the trouble was, she didn't want to make out with anyone else. Whenever she pictured any other handsome stranger, she could appreciate them for astatic value, but didn't want to do anything with them apart from maybe a hug or something. She only had eyes for Grayson. She loved him. She could trust him. But maybe he didn't love her as much as she loved him. Maybe he didn't quite love anyone.