Perfect, Anger, Worth, Happy (2012)
By: AndiKaneUnderwood

Perfect

Perfect. He had to be perfect. There was no other way. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect form, perfect kick, perfect execution, perfect landing. Flawless.

The weapon in his hands where gripped tighter as another strike was preformed without flaw.

Flaws are for the weak. Perfection for the strong. Perfect. Must be perfect.

He ignored the concerned voices of his brothers telling him to rest, he'd been training too long, and he was beginning to scare them.

Have to be perfect. Can't fail. No room for failure.

He collapsed from exhaustion hours ago. His brothers pulled him into the Lab with worry and concern written all over their faces. You can't push so hard. You're starting to scare us. Brother, please.

Perfect. Must be perfect. I have to protect them. I cannot fail.

TMNT~TMNT~TMNT

Leo woke up hours later after collapsing in the dojo. "Ugh. What hit me?" He asked.

"Leo!" Called Donatello, worried brown eyes staring at him through equally brown bangs.

"You're alive!" Cried Michelangelo, spiky blonde hair laying flat as he hugged Leo tight, blue eyes squeezed shut.

"Don't you ever do that again!" Yelled Raphael, but though his green eyes where angry, they where also relieved and he ran a hand through dark red hair.

"I'm sorry, guys. I was training a lot. I had to get a last move down." Leo apologized.

"Leo, you where training for six hours without water." Donnie said softly, his chocolate brown hair was disheveled and his eyes where dull. He'd been up at least two nights in a row.

"How long have I been out?" Leo asked.

Raph looked like he didn't want to answer, Donnie looked down in sadness and his older twin put an arm around his shoulders, Mikey bit his lip, then baby blue eyes looked at him nervously. "Leo. You've been out for three days."

Leo nearly jumped off the bed, but he was so tired, he couldn't do much more than keep himself awake and talk to his brothers. "Three days?" He asked.

Donnie nodded."Yeah."

Leo sighed. "Perfect. Just perfect." He mumbled.

They managed to pull him out to the living room after a few days of resting and re-hydrating and turn on a new movie that had just come out.

As Leo laid there watching the movie, he looked around. Mikey was sitting in front of the couch, leaning back to that his head rested on Leo's leg. Leo was sitting on the couch with one leg hanging down the front, and the other folded underneath him. Raph and Donnie where sharing the other couch, Raph's head laid on the back of the couch, a pillow supporting his head (most likely put there by Donnie). The brunette boy laid curled up on his side with his head on Raph's lap, his glasses neatly folded on the floor in front of him, and the blanket thrown over him (undoubtedly by Raph) that had somehow been pushed back to the floor.

Raph suddenly stirred and opened emerald eyes. He leaned down and pulled up the blanket, spreading it out over his twin before settling back down and going back to sleep.

Leo smiled, then reached down and ruffled Mikey's blonde hair and holding back laughter when Mikey pushed his head into Leo's hand. He'd never seen anything anymore perfect.

TMNT~TMNT

Angry

Do it. Do it. It won't be hard. Just one small push and he goes tumbling off the edge. Do it.

His mind whispers to him as he paces the floor.

It's not hard. You're angry enough. Do it.

His brothers didn't understand. They didn't know. Only one knew. The only one. He was the only one who understood.

It's easy. Do it. No. I can't hurt them. Won't hurt them.

Clenched fists as he drove them into his punching bag and tried to ignore the voices in his head.

They won't miss him. Can't hurt them.

TMNT~TMNT~TMNT

Raph growled, driving his fists in deeper. The door was closed as it had been since he slammed it shut after Mikey's latest prank.

He yelled, roundhouse kicking the punching bag and knocking it off it's chains.

A quiet knock at the door. He stomped over and wrenches it open, prepared to yell at whoever disturbed him. Then he saw the cake.

It was covered in red and black frosting, chocolate underneath, and had the white words I'm sorry written on top.

The blonde boy presented it to the ginger and waited. A raised eyebrow. "Chocolate cake?" He asked.

"Yup."

A sigh. "Got a fork?"

Two where held up. "Yup."

"This better taste okay." He took a bite. Flavor burst to life on his tongue. It was the greatest thing he'd ever tasted.

And suddenly, he wasn't so angry anymore.

TMNT~TMNT

Worthy

Worthy? Not worthy? Which one, which one? Worthy? Not?

He sits there crying as he tries to pull himself back. He can't do this, what is he thinking?

It doesn't matter. Not worthy. Never worthy. They are. They're worthy. Can't hold them back. Won't.

He sobbed harder as he held the sharp end of the silver knife against the hand that held the wooden weapon the knife had come from.

Not worthy. Have no worth. There's no one to cry when this is over.

He ignored the tapping at his door and the voice of a concerned brother asking him to come out.

No. Can't. Won't hold them back. Doesn't matter anymore.

The door cracked and bust in just as he drug the blade across his arm the final time. His brother cried out and new hands wrestled the broken knife from his hands and clamping cold fingers over the wound. Blue eyes looked at him and pleaded for his life while he opened his mouth and called for the others.

What did I do? What have I done? Worthy? Not worthy? "Donnie! Hang on!"

TMNT~TMNT~TMNT

Donnie opened his heavy eyes and tried to figure out what the heck had happened.

"Donnie?" Asked a soft voice, thick with sleep.

He moaned softly, the pain in his arm making itself known.

"Donnie. Oh thank God you're okay!" The voice was more alert now and there was a new pressure at his stomach. A blurry blob of fiery red came into his line of vision.

Then he realized. "I... I'm alive?" He asked.

The red blob nodded as it came into sharper focus. "Yeah, you're alive." Raph looked at him with concerned emerald eyes. "What where you thinking Donnie?" He asked. The pressure at his stomach transferred to a feather light touch on his left wrist.

The brunette looked down at his hand and found several red bandages binding his wrist together. "Raph. Wh-where am I?" He asked.

Raph sighed. "We took you to the hospital Donnie. When Leo found out what you'd done, he yelled for an ambulance. Father got on the phone with 911 and Mikey called me."

"Why?"

"Because. Those cuts on your wrist* may tell you what the world thinks, but that's not what I think. I love you, Donnie and so do Leo, Mikey, and Father. We think you're worthy. You're irreplaceable and that's the way we like it. Whether you like it or not."

"Donnie!" Cried Mikey from the door way. He ran over and embraced the brunette, careful of the wires and wounds. "You're okay!" That came from Leo.

"Yes. I am now." Donnie replied. Maybe, just maybe, he could allow his brothers to show him just how much he's worth. Maybe he could believe that he was worth it. Just as much as his brothers' worth.

TMNT~TMNT

Happy

Happy, happy. Keep up the facade. You have to. They can't see what's inside.

He was the prank master. The happy one. No matter what. No one else could know what went on when he was alone in his room.

Doesn't matter what you think. Only that they did. Doesn't matter how you feel. Only that they're okay.

He's been skipping dinner and on rare occasions lunch too. It didn't matter anyways. He'd lost some weight. His brothers took notice and asked if he was okay. He just threw on his prankster smile and said yes.

Keep smiling. Keep up the act. Can't let them know. Never let them know.

His brothers had started taking more notice. He'd stopped eating right. It didn't matter any more. Then his brothers found him sobbing in his room after an attack where one brother had nearly gotten killed.

TMNT~TMNT~TMNT

"Mikey? Mikey! Guys!" Donnie yelled, coming in and holding Mikey close.

The others ran in and hugged Mikey too when they saw how hard he was crying.

He tried to push them away. He didn't want them to see him broken down and shattered like this. They wouldn't have it though, holding him tighter and eventually, he gave up and just let them hold him close.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" Raph. "What happened?" Leo. "Why are you crying?" Donnie. They all asked him questions to try to find the problem.

Mikey peered through low hanging blonde curls at the burn mark covered by a white bandage on Leo's chest. He placed a gentle hand on the upper edge.

Donnie covered his mouth with a hand to stifle his own sob, Raph's eyes widened in realization, and Leo sighed. "Mikey it's okay. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He told the blonde boy.

"You could've died tonight Leo. You could've died and I wasn't able to help!" Mikey cried. He'd been in the ShellRaizer with a gash in his side being stitched up by Donnie while Raph and Leo took care of the rest of the Kraang and Foot-Bots.

Leo pulled his little brother into his lap and stretched out his legs as Raph rested his head on the ebony haired boy's shins and Mikey vaguely heard Don's whine, saw him pressing himself close to Raph's broad chest.

Leo rocked his upper body, careful not to let his lower body move as Raph coaxed Donnie to sleep before following himself. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but when Mikey's tears finally stopped and both red and brunette heads where under sleep's spell. Leo lowered himself to the floor on his back, shifting his blonde brother so that he laid with his ear on Leo's chest while Raph's head was buried into a cotton covered torso and Donnie had his nose pressed against Raph's neck as they slept.

Mikey looked up at him with pitiful baby blue eyes. "You're really real? You aren't gonna disappear on me, are you?" He asked.

Leo smiled as he shook his head. "No. I'm here. Go to sleep, little brother. I'll protect you all tonight." He told the blonde, reaching down to ruffle Donnie's hair out of the falling pony tail (the band that held it, Leo slipped around his wrist) before settling his hand on Raph's short cropped, fire colored locks.

Mikey smiled tiredly as Leo drifted off too. The next thing he knew, there was a pillow being slipped under Leo's head, the movement threatening to wake the two brothers closer to the black haired boy's legs. Then a pressure at his forehead and a blanket dropped over all of them.

"Good night, my sons." Splinter whispered, flicking the light off and quietly closing the door.

Mikey smiled. He'd never been anymore happy.

*Here, I'm implying that Don cut the word unworthy into his wrists.

How did I do?