In which a bigot is confronted...
Dakota marched over to where Bart and Alice were sitting; Alice looked embarrassed, hiding red cheeks in her hands, but Bart stared straight ahead in the fading light. Nick and Sean stood a little off to the side, unsure what to do. The tiny little Eisbiber sat down in front of Monroe's parents and waited. They all waited in silence, until Bart broke it roughly a minute later.
"So what the hell are you?"
"Why does it matter so much to you?" Dakota countered.
"Because I did NOT raise my son to be a fucking hippie! First he goes Wieder, then he gives up meat! Then he starts screwing a Fuchsbau and decides he wants to marry her! Then he makes friends with a Grimm and hunts with him! And then he lets a fucking... whatever the fuck you are... plan his wedding! With the fucking Grimm standing by his side as he marries...!"
"BART, please! Stop it!" Alice interjected, looking on the verge of tears. "You know he loves Rosalee! And she took a bullet for him, so you know she loves him, too! And you said you would be okay as long as Nick left you alone... Why are you acting like this?"
"Because it's too fucking much, Alice! There is only so much of this nonsense I will tolerate from him! How are they going to raise children? OUR grandchildren?"
"If what I've seen is any indication, with a lot of love and respect," Dakota said quietly.
"And what the hell would you even know about raising children, you... you freak!"
"I was raised by parents! I have a mother and a father... and two brothers and a sister."
"Is that why you can't decide what you are?" Nick and Sean started moving a little closer. Dakota bit their lip.
"I know what I am, and as I told you before, I am neither male nor female."
"How is that possible?" Bart was getting very angry, staring hard at the wedding planner. Alice shook her head, got up, and walked away without a word; Bart was too absorbed in his staring contest to notice. Dakota matched Bart's gaze in intensity, and Nick and Sean stood together, still puzzling out how to help. Dakota broke the silence, but their gaze did not falter.
"It shouldn't matter to you what body parts I have. It isn't important unless you're looking to cheat on your wife. Or if you're expecting her to cheat on you."
"You stay away from Alice!" Bart lunged forward, but Dakota was too quick. Nick and Sean appeared on either side of the Eisbiber, and Nick put on his best "angry Grimm" face. Dakota looked flustered, smoothing their tie.
"Not that it's your business, but I guess now is a good time to tell you that I am asexual as well as agender."
"What? What the hell does that even mean? Are you a homo?" Dakota rolled their eyes.
"No. It means I have no sex drive. I am not sexually attracted to either gender, or to anyone for that matter." Bud cocked his head in a very canine look of confusion. Dakota sighed. "I basically have as much desire to have sex with you, your wife, or anyone else as you desire to have sex with the rock you're sitting on."
"But how is that possible?"
"Bart, look," Dakota began quietly, "I am a very, very patient person, sir, but I can see that there is no way through your thick skull. It is NOT your business. And more importantly, what does this have to do with the wedding? Nothing! Haven't Monroe and Rosalee been through enough without you acting like a petulant child, fixating on something that has no bearing on the ceremony, their commitment to each other, their future? You are doing them a great disservice by fixating on me! They interviewed me and a few other wedding planners, but they hired me because I am THE BEST at what I do. I have worked with them and supported them as much as any member of the bridal party, if not more. And you know what? I've already been paid, and they gave me my price and a half because I've been so helpful and because they knew the potential for disaster this day could bring. They have taken literally EVERY potential disaster into account, everything from rain to a volcanic eruption to a PWO* demonstration to an all-out Grimm-versus-Wesen smackdown. Because they love each other, and they love their friends and family. They are by far one of the sweetest, most considerate couples I have had the pleasure of working with, and it makes me ill, physically ill, that you would not be able to hold your tongue and keep your opinion to yourself long enough to let them have their moment. If I were anything less than a consummate professional, I would not be going to this dinner right now and I would tell them they were out of luck for tomorrow. But I will not do that. I am a professional, and I NEVER let my brides and grooms down. And I will especially not let them down because they deserve the best day I can possibly offer them."
"But my son..."
"You son is almost forty goddamn years old! He is perfectly capable of making decisions for himself! He gets to decide what he eats, whom he marries, who his friends are, who plans his wedding, and how his children will be raised. Not you, not Alice, not Gloria, not Nick. And all he wants from you is to trust him enough to do so! I suggest that if you have ANY love for your son at all, you will keep your damn mouth shut tomorrow. After that, you'll never see me again, and you can go back to whatever backward-ass little rock you hide under and call home. Now, if you'll excuse me, my clients are waiting." Dakota turned and marched back toward the parking lot without so much as a backward glance. Bart made to lunge again, but met with both a Grimm and a Royal blocking his path.
"What, are you two homos, too?" Bart asked angrily. Sean put his hand on Nick's shoulder.
"And what if we are?" the Royal asked, projecting every ounce of his authority as a Royal and as a police captain. All of the color drained from Bart's face. "It shouldn't matter. And it doesn't matter. What matters is we are important enough to your son to be here, with him, as he pledges his life to the woman he's been searching for his whole life."
"And they deserve this," Nick added, "after all they've been through, together and apart, they deserve to have a beautiful day surrounded by their love and people who love them. And if you can't let them have that, you will be dealing with me." Nick punctuated the sentiment by poking Bart in the chest, causing the Blutbad to jump back, woging in terror.
"You... you wouldn't kill me at my son's wedding..." The elder Blutbad sputtered.
"I didn't say I would kill you... I was thinking more along the lines of cutting your tongue out, save us all a headache..."
"You know," Sean added, his voice betraying his deathly serious expression, "if we heat the blade up first, it'll cauterize the wound so you wouldn't need to go to the hospital right away..."
"Ooh, good thinking, Sean. Learn that technique from your family?" Sean shrugged. Bart was now sweating profusely, swaying slightly. He looked faint.
"Now, sir," Sean said, eyes burning like peridots lit from within by the fires of Hell itself, "do we have your cooperation for the rest of the night and tomorrow, or do you need more incentive to behave?"
"Like... wh...what?" Bart choked out quietly, as if he feared the answer above anything else.
"I could woge for you. How do you like Zauberbiest?"
"N..no... I'll be... good... I promise..."
"Good!" Nick said, trying to hit a sweet spot between cheeriness and dire threat. It must have worked, as Bart gulped and nodded frantically.
"We... we shouldn't keep them waiting..." the Blutbad whispered.
"No, we shouldn't!" Sean agreed as Nick's phone buzzed. A text from Monroe.
Hurry up. Rosalee's hungry. Don't smack him around too much, we have a reservation to keep.
"Monroe says Rosalee's hungry. We don't want to keep them waiting." Nick said with a toothy smile. "After you, Bart." Bart gulped again, and started heading toward the parking lot, casting glances behind him every few steps. Nick and Sean followed close behind him.
*In the Grimm comics, the PWO or Purewelt Orden is a group of Wesen who actively crusade against interspecies marriage and interbreeding, upholding the Reinheitsgebot, or purity laws. According to the comics, their method of demonstrating is kidnapping the bride and groom and burning them at a stake together and making the remains into sausage.