Ch. 9: I Swear On My Grave

The moment I realize that it's Austin hiding behind the sun glass, I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of seeing him every day. I'm frustrated with the fact that all we're doing is falling into temptations. I'm annoyed that he keeps bugging me with the illusion that he still loves me. There's nothing left to do. Nothing left to say. Everything has been said and done. We were wonderful. We were magical. But that's all we'll ever be…

He starts to explain himself but I don't want to hear him. I don't care what he has to say. I don't want him to fight for me anymore. He had his chance and he lost it. We both gave up on each other. We can't pretend that we haven't met someone new.

Rolling my eyes at him, I get up and leave. I just don't want to be here. All these empty conversations just lead us back to the reasons why we left. We can't have a conversation without yelling. All we do is play the blame game and try to make the other look worse. And frankly I don't want to play anymore. I'd rather have him as my friend and know that we'll go back to how we used to be… when we didn't have our guards up.

I'm walking as fast as I can. I'm clutching on to my purse as I try to navigate through the crowded streets of Miami. Strangers give me warm smiles as I move along them. I try to give them a nice smile but i cant at the moment. I keep planning my escape but my thoughts get interrupted all too soon, "Ally I'm not giving up until we talk!"

I stop at his words. He just doesn't know when give up. He can't see that all the signs are clearly recommending us to stay as acquaintances. He can't realize that he is freaking getting MARRIED! Technically, he is OFF limits already.

Feeling frustrated at him, I turn around and yell, "Austin I already told you that there's nothing to talk about! The last conversation we had only made it loud and clear on how dysfunctional we are together and how easily we get mad. What's it going to take to get you to leave me alone!?"

I'm tired of acting like we still have something to talk about. It only reminds me how we could barely speak to one another at the end of our relationship. It just reminds me how we would break up and make up and how complicated it all was.

As I see him get closer I hold my ground. As much as he annoys me, he still has me enchanted with those brown eyes of his. His smile still makes it hard for me to breath and when he's close, when he gets too close... it gets so damn hard to think straight.

I'm impatiently waiting for him to answer my question. I'm using anything as a distraction from him. Anything that will help me stay strong in my decision. He doesn't answers my question; instead he replies with, "Ally I talked to Halley and stopped the wedding. I just couldn't go with it after knowing that the girl-"

His broken voice makes me want to comfort him. I want to let him know that everything will be alright. But the moment I hear him say that he's stopped the wedding I feel my eyes pop out of my head. What does he mean he stopped the wedding?! You can't just stop a wedding. And especially not to a girl.

"You what!? You did exactly what Austin?" I ask him frustrated.

Why do boys have to be stupid? You don't break a girl's heart cold heartedly after asking them to marry you. Especially since he knows how it feels like to be stood up at the alter. After all, I think after having the experience he had with Cassidy, he would have learned not to play with fire.

I'm still trying to comprehend his words when he's starting to repeat himself. Hearing him repeat the same words makes me go insane. How did our conversation get so out of hand?

"Austin why the hell did you do that!? Why would you do that to her? Are fucking craz-" I never get to finish my sentence. Because next thing I know, he's lips are on mine.

I can't do anything. I have my eyes wide open as his are closed. This is wrong. This isn't right. The way his lips move against mine only make me wonder how many times has he kissed Halley with the same passion as he is now.

His lips burn my skin. This simple sweet kiss is bittersweet as it breaks my heart. I feel myself breaking apart in his embrace. I should pull away but I can't. I just can't. I'm holding back my tears but one falls out as I close my eyes.

My lips move natural against his. They always seemed to have a mind of their own when Austin's lips are on them. Seeing me react Austin shows me his desire. His lips kiss me with more need, more hunger, more rough. It doesn't take much for me to respond him in the same way.

I'm fighting with myself as I try to choose what's right and what's wrong. It feels good as I kiss him. It feels nice. But we just can't go back. I can't give him heart to only have him break it once again as he realizes that he only wanted me for a moment but not forever. I can't let myself be vulnerable with him anymore.

I don't think that I'll ever share a kiss like this with Zayn. I'm not even sure if I'll ever love him like Austin, in fact I'm not even sure if I do love him. But I can grow to love him as the time goes by.

Feeling tears falling down my face I bring my fingers through his hair. They make their way slowly but after a moment or so, I tug on his hair and pull him back. We break the kiss uneasily as I interrupt our moment. His face mirrors mine as I see the panic in his eyes. We're both hurting. We're hurting for a love that'll never happen.

I don't want to do this. I really hoped we could fix things on a good note but he's left me no choice. Before I can stop myself, I take my hands out of his hair and smack him across the face as hard as I can.

"Don't ever do that again! Do you hear me!?" I yell between my tears.

It's a tragedy. As I try to stop my heart from crying itself out, to Austin's hurtful stare, I can already see how the story ends. He's going to hate me. He's never going to want to hear from me again. But I need to do this for both of us.

The pain on his face is overwhelming. I dry my tears before I say in a hateful voice, "Leave! Get out of my life Austin!"

I feel myself losing my mind as I say each word. The only thought that stands out is how much is he going to hate me. I really hoped that we would be able to save our friendship at least. Now this last hope of having him close to me is going down the drain.

"You bother me Austin. Your stupid love words. Your idiotic attempts to try to make things better is worthless. It doesn't mean anything to me austin. You don't mean anything to me. You're just somebody that I used to know. You're just somebody from my past!"

The wind gets knocked out of me as I realize the cruel words that I'm saying. My heart is breaking piece by piece as each word gets said. The horror that I'm seeing in his eyes kills me. I want to stop. I really do. But I can't leave him with any hope.

"You disgust me. The fact that your throwing your promise away with Halley just proves what a player you are. I bet you didn't even consider her feelings when you led her on! You shouldn't even have been born."

He seems to shrink with every word I say. I've never seen him this down. Not even when he told me about Cassidy. Not even after we had our first break up. His eyes are tearing up and I'm losing my grip on reality.

"Ally... Please... Don't," he croaks out in a barley audible whisper.

I try my hardest to not show any reaction to his voice. I'm fighting the urge to bit my lips as his eyes look at me with hope that I'll change my mind. I want to move my gaze from him but I can't. It would only give away how much I actually love him.

These next words makes me fall apart. Any strength I had disappears as I mask my hurt. But it's the only way to end this for good. It's the only way to push him away. He doesn't want me. It's just the fact that he's seeing me in the arms of another man. That's why he wants me.

In a stern voice I tell him in the coldest voice I can muster, "I don't love you Austin. Stop putting words in my mouth that aren't there."

I sound crueler than I did in our last break up. It's worse than the time he came to ask me if I was alright after he dumped me. It hurts me a billion times more than when I heard Halley say that Austin Moon is her fiancée.

I expect him to say something. I expect him to stop me or try to change my mind but he doesn't. He looks dead. There no life in his eyes. I did it. I killed all his hope of getting back together.

I glue myself to the ground before I give myself away. My heart is tearing at me, screaming me to tell him the truth. To tell him how much I love him. But my brain wins. Logic tells me that I did the right thing for us.

"Austin I'm sor-" I want to apologize but I don't finish.

One second he was torn and the next second I could see all his hate for me. I really underestimated how much he would hate me. I want to start crying at his glare but I don't. I just stand my ground.

The next words he tells me hurts me the most. It's the last words to this love tragedy. "Don't be sorry Ally. Because I won't be sorry as I erase you from all my memories. From this day on, you don't exist. You got your wish Ally. I'm leaving you alone."

With that he storms away. He leaves me standing in the middle of the crowd. And the second he can't see me, I fall down. I let myself collapse on the ground and I hold myself as if that'll make a difference. My heart is most definitely damaged.

I'm crying. I'm sitting on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest in the middle of the mall in Miami. And I don't really care what people think. I just lost the person whose opinion matters the most

Austin's POV

The moment I finish telling her the last word of the sentence I storm out. I don't want to see her. I don't care how sorry she feels for a pathetic loser like me. I don't know what I'm doing. Nothing makes sense right now.

All I'm seeing is red out of the anger I feel. I thought that I'd be devastated if I ever heard her tell me those words. Instead I find a course of anger boiling through my veins. I feel like I'm a bomb waiting to explode at any second.

I run my fingers roughly as I think how that was the last kiss I will ever share with Ally Dawson. I was sure she'd put her guard down. I was sure that she'd come back to me. Now I'm starting to think that I imagined everything. Maybe she was just playing with my feelings. Maybe she was just getting payback on me for leaving her.

I push people out of my way; not really caring if it's adults or children whom I'm pushing. There's just one thing that I need to do. It's the only way that I feel like I can get her back.

As soon as my car comes into view I run to it. The moment I reach it I begin to kick it and punch it before I get in. Once inside I throw everything everywhere. Anything that's within my reach I go for it. I hit the sunshade at some point and a ring falls out onto my lap. It teases me as it glimmers in the sun.

It's the stupid, fucking engagement ring that I never gave to Ally. It's the stupid ring that I put all of my heart in. It's the stupid ring I have anywhere that I go; thinking that having it with me would allow me to have Ally after we broke up. I grab it and throw it out of my sight. I grab the steering wheel forcefully before turning on the engine and driving to my hotel.

First thing I do as I get there is to call my servant back home and tell him to throw away the box that's hidden in the left top corner of my closet. I don't need to be reminded of her when I get back home.

I grab the stupid teddy bear that was on my bed. I was going to give it to her after she'd say yes. To bad that it'll never be given away; might as well destroy it. But it's not enough. It doesn't make me feel better. In fact, it actually makes me feel worse.

Not being able to control myself I throw everything everywhere. My belongs are all over the place and I even dented the wall. I palm my face as I remember her little speech. I guess I never meant much to her. I guess her farther was right about Zayn being the right guy for Ally. I guess the universe finally made her realize how worthless I am.

I throw myself on the bed. I'm grasping onto the sheets so tight that my knuckles are turning white. I'm shouting my eyes as tight as I can; as if that'll make me wake up from this nightmare.

When I open my eyes again, the stupid ring catches my eyes. Not being able to take the sight if it any longer, I get up and roughly grab it as I storm myself to the sink.

I look at the engraving inside one last time, You're the Only Exception.

I let out a cruel laugh as I try to make myself feel better. She really was the only exception. She was the only exception to my silly rule of not falling in love. She was the only exception to my rule of not seeing a girl more than two times. She was my exception to a lot of things... Because I cared.

This time around I'm just going to think about me. No more exceptions. I should have learned from Cassidy that all women are the same. Ally was no different in the way that she hold me to the trust she gained from me. She knew that she was going to leave me since the beginning. I did the right thing in breaking up with her. She would have dumped me sooner or later for Zayn.

I'm ready to throw the ring down the drain. To throw down the last memory that will remind of Ally... But I don't. Holding on to the ring, staring at it intently I decide to keep it. To remind me how dangerous it can be to put your guard down.

I grab all of my belongs and stuff it in my suitcase. As soon as I have everything and I check out, I go to the only person who loves me but I'll never love her back. After all she could just be another one like the last two girls I've had. She's no different than Ally. She's probably lying with the fact that she loves me. Which makes us perfect because I'll never love her.

I'm driving violently as I try to get there as soon as possible. The moment that our hotel comes into view, I park my car and make a run for it. I don't even bother getting my suitcase. I just need to do this as I'm feeling numb. When I'm not thinking nor feeling.

I run to the elevator, ignoring the stares of the people as I push on the sixth floor button. It goes too slow for my liking. I just need to this in cold feet. When I'm not thinking how bad my heart is hurting. When my heartache doesn't reminds me how much I love heR, but rather increases my hate.

As I hear the ding of the elevator indicating that I'm at my destination I go straight to our door and start banging on it. I hear her shout to go away but when I tell her that it's me she gets quiet. I'm not sure what to expect. I can see many different outcomes from this encounter.

I'm about to leave when she opens the door. I can tell that she's been crying. I can tell that I hurt her like how Ally hurt me. The moment I see her I pull her into a kiss. It's not as sweet as Ally's lips. In fact it's hard and rough and painful. Her lips are like poison to mine. She can't move them in sync with mine but it'll have to do.

When we pull apart she looks confused as she says, "Austin what are you doing here? I thought you said the wedding was off?"

I'm holding her face in my hands as I say, "I know what I said. But I just got nervous. I wasn't thinking straight. I want to marry you. In fact," I pull out the ring from my back pocket and get down on one knee, "will you marry me?"

Her eyes grow big as she takes in the image of me on my knee asking her for marriage. I'm expecting her to slap me before she says yes but to my surprise she shouts yes in glee and pulls me up to give me a hug.

As soon as she pulls away she grabs the ring from my hand and puts it on her finger. For a second I fight the urge to take it off her finger and tell her that I'll but her another wedding ring. One that's not meant for Ally, but I don't. As I see her show me off her new engagement ring all I can think about is how I'll never love again. I swear on my own grave.