Ch. 10: Almost There
I've never felt so alone in my entire life. I've never been broken as I am tonight. It was all too much. Everything, all of us... It was too much to handle. It was too much to prevent from getting burned.
Maybe he really does loves me. Maybe he does mean the words he said, but he should have said them sooner. He should have told me these words before he decided to disappear out of my life.
When he moved to L.A. for that record deal... He didn't even say goodbye. He didn't even tell me he was moving. If it wasn't for Dez I would have never found out about his new record label.
He didn't care enough about me to let me know anything. I knew that we broke up but that didn't mean that we had stopped being friends. That didn't mean I stopped caring for him the moment he dumped me.
He should have known that if I was still throwing things at him after we broke up that I still felt something for him. I still felt something for him so strongly that it was hurting me so badly after he left.
Even after he was gone he would call Trish, he would call Dez, he would call everyone but me. He would tell them how he was doing, how great his life was, how he met someone new, how he was living the dream... Did I mention he even called Mindy?
But not a phone call for me. Not even a text. Nothing to let me know he was doing fine or how great it was to be musician. Nothing. He just disappeared out of my life. He made me think that I wasn't worth anything to him. He made me feel so low. And now he thinks he has the right to ask me to run away with him and expects me to go?
Does he even think how hard this is for me? To see him getting married to another girl? I mean he's just moved on so much. He dumped me, he left, he dated, he proposed, and never once did he stop to think how I felt when I heard that he left without saying goodbye. Not once did he stop to think how I felt when I heard that he had started dating.
I didn't even go out with Zayn until I read in a magazine how he was moving on. In fact the tittle said, Ally Dawson Old New? Yea, that article made me feel like dirt. At the beginning I even used Zayn as a distraction.
As I open the door to my apartment I can't tell whether I did the right thing or not for the both of us. But I know I did the right thing for my heart. I can't risk getting hurt. I can't risk him leaving again without another goodbye.
But what hurts the most to this love story is the fact that we were almost there. We had it all. We were it. We were everything and now... Now we're nothing. We were almost there.
I bit my lips as I feel lyrics rushing through my head. I take a deep breath. I haven't really done anything with music since Austin dumped me. But as the lyrics become louder in my head I know that I need to write them out.
I turn to grab a piece of paper but in the end decided to take down the box that holds the memories of Austin and I, and rummage through it until I find the journal.
When I take it out it looks exactly how I remember it. It's made out of leather that has musical notes all over. In the middle you can see Austin's handwriting spelling, Forever.
I untie the bow that is holding the journal closed and open it to the last page that we wrote. I wonder if our journal was a sign that we weren't going to work. I mean we barely talked to each other at the end that we had to use this as a way to communicate.
Things just got so out of hand as he became more famous. He had more meeting and interviews, at moments I would be alone for a week or two as he went to meet and greets in other states. I on the other hand, was busy with setting up the recording studio we were about to open. Paper work, meetings, my annoying arguments with my dad, kept me busy enough. When I was awake he was gone. When he got home I was sleeping. When he was here he was too tired to do anything. When he did have energy, I had too many things to do.
We couldn't get the timing right so we would use this journal. I read over the last things we wrote.
10/3
Good morning Beautiful! Sorry I can't be there to give you a good morning kiss but I'll come back on time to give you your goodnight kiss.
It's never a good morning without you. :)
Goodnight Austin. Hopefully you got home safe and don't worry. You can give me my goodnight kiss tomorrow night. Love you.
10/6
So last night I couldn't go to sleep cause I spend the whole night rearranging the alphabet to make u and I next to each other. ;)
Cheesy Austin. I've hear it before. Why not... Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print. ;)
Nah I think that this one suits me better. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
10/7
How about, you have a big head filled with your big ego, but I still love you.
10/8
Well I'm not sure if that is hundred percent accurate but I know the last four words are! :)
Oh trust me that sentence is a hundred percent accurate. If you're in denial that's your problem. :)
10/9
Good morning love! :) I have to go in for work early so if you need me just call the office.
10/11
Well I'm still not sure about the big head but I know I have a big heart that loves you. Sorry I haven't been around for much. I promise to make it up the second I have free time.
Don't worry. We've talked about this. I'll be the every step of the way supporting you. Plus it makes seeing you all that special.
10/13
Want to go get ice cream with me? :)
Sure when?
How about after I get out of the studio tomorrow at 5? Does that work?
I'll be waiting for you to pick me up. I love you.
I slightly close the book as I remember this. We didn't go for ice cream. He came home and we fought instead the next day. So much for getting along. I take a deep breath before I go back to reading.
10/14
Don't you even dare think of coming to sleep in the bed room whenever you get home tonight! If you can't remember our dates than I'm pretty sure you can't even remember where our bedroom is!
Yea I got mad that he had stood me up... Again. But I shouldn't have done that. I should have waited to listen to his story and then acted. The fight we had the next day was horrible. So many things were said. In fact all of our fights were terrible. I don't think I've cussed as much as I did in those fights.
It ended with me going to Zayn after Austin told me that I wasn't allowed to go see him. Austin went to who knows where and at the end of the day when I came home I saw him passed out on the couch with a beer in his hand and the journal in the other.
When I picked it up it said, Baby I'm sorry for forgetting. I just wasn't paying attention to the clock and when the guys started making plans I thought how nice that sounded and yea there's not really any excuse. But I'm sorry. I'll make it up. Tomorrow we'll spend the whole day together. I've already cleared out my schedule for you. And sorry for telling you that you can't see Zayn it's just that he seems so perfect and I can't help but get jealous of you spending time with him. Hope you still love me and don't worry I've already brought blankets from upstairs in case your still mad. Just don't forget that even when I'm gone I'm still thinking about you. Remember I can take care of it. Even though at moments it seems like I can't. Love you.
A small smile forms on my face as I remember how we slept on the couch that night. W were cramped, it was uncomfortable but i have to admit that that night was one of the few nights that I actually had a goodnights rest. He always knew what words to say. Except the moment that I need to hear them he didn't say them.
As I skim though the other pages I notice how our entries we farther apart and the last thing that is written in this journal is Austin writing, Do you still love me?
And my response of, Are you still asking that question after all this time?
I wipe a few tears and grab a pen to write down the last entry to this journal.
4/4
we crashed and burned; we ended like a love tragedy.
it was sweet and slow; didn't think it would end down the road.
but every hello, ends with goodbye.
and i think it was finally our time.
and it's hard to belIeve that we were almost there.
it felt juSt like a dream cause we were almost there.
now we're just fading, but we were almost there, almost tHere, almost there.
it's hard to erase, every single memOry that we made.
i don't know how, how we fell apart before we begUn.
there's not a moment that I don't wish we couLd go back;
to everything that we coulD've been, but it's just restless wishing.
it's hard to belieVe that we were almost there.
it felt just like a drEam cause we were almost there
now we're just Fading, but we were almost there, almost there, almost there.
the darkness creeps in as we wait for the Other
to say something but the silence just grows loUder
i don't know what we were thinkinG
but hearing you swear tHat you loved me, jusT reminds me
How we were Almost theRe
it's harD to believe that we were almost there.
it felt just like a dream cause we were almost there
now we're just fading, but we were almost there, almost there, almost there
cause we crash and burned; we Ended like a love tRadegy.
As I write down the last word I know that this is the last time I'll ever look through these things. It really is the last time for a lot of things. I just hope that it doesn't make things worse. Well at least he canceled the wedding so I don't need to worry about planning a wedding and better yet, seeing him get married to another person.
A/N: I know I know, the last chapter hurt and it seems like it's the ending. Trust me, that is not the ending and new are still trying to make it to present time of the first chapter. I know that since you guys can't see what I'm planing ahead can be frustrating but trust me there's more to come to please be patient and trust me it will end n AUSLLY off you guyes haven't noticed I love this pair and I would never make them split. They're just too cute. So sorry for not giving shout outs the last time or an authors note but I was rushing like always but here I am with an update. Please don't use tdo song without my permission. I wrote it and if you want to use it please ask. Same with promise I'll leave.
so on to shout outs! :)
ch.8
APlusAzian:so first off, thank you for being A Trooper and hangingin there. Thanks for both reviews on both chapters and I don't want to crush your poor soul but its just going to be a little bit rocky. Hope this chapter let you see Ally's reason for doing it. I know it kill me to write this and you might want to slap me at moments but the ending will be worth it. At least have the reassurance that it will end in auslly. So thanks once again and sorry and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)
supersweetp:aww no need to thank me! I lonely say the truth and thank you for reviewing. It meant a lot. I'm not sure if you've read the next chapter but hopeful that chapter and this one didn't disappoint you. I know it's a roller coster just hang in there. :)
Frenchie12:I know. I know that was I justo going to happen. Thank you for reaching and reviewing. It means so much. And I hope I have disappointed you. :)
Awesomesauce325:thank you so much for reading and all the support! I'm not sure if you've read the 9th chapter but I apologize in advance and sorry for not updating earlier. So I hope you liked this chapter and thank you so much for everything. :)
Randomsmileyperson:thank you so much for all the support and thnks for not saying anything about me ruining AUSLLY. Hope you've enjoyed this chapter. :)
jamesmaslow4evz:hey there! :) so first off thank you for reading and reviewing. It meant so much and second of all, yea this is still before Zayn and ally are getting married. Trust me you'll know cause he'll propose to her at some point. So sorry for making you cry and I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks!
queenc1:thank you for all the support. I know i felt bad for halley when austin broke up with her And sorry for killing you on chapter 9. Trust me some of the next few chapters might be on the edge but it'll be worth it. Hopefully it will be. Thanks for reading and viewing. It means so much. So thanks you! :)
HappyBeginnings3:thank you so much for your reviews and thnk you for reading! I know that I'm horrible at updating and such ask this for stickin with me. I hope you liked this chapter! :)
XxChasingMoonlightxX:first off, thanks for the pm of the the name and second of all love the name! ;) so I'm glad you were happy that they kissed and sorry for crushing your hopes in the next chapter. Hope you like this one and understand her a little bit more and thanks for being patient. You rock! :)
NE:thank you for revising and I'm glad that your enjoying yourself. Hope you lik this chapter and thanks! :)
Jennifer:sorry for taking a while to update although I'm not sure if you've read the next chapter and if you have, sorry but itll get better I promise. :)
LilRed29621:thank you so so so much for reading and review! I really enjoy reading what you have to say and sorry for making you cry but I hope I haven't let you down tabs that you still want to read. :)
kooljen9:k so for first response, thanks for the review. It was fun to read and he's, that episode made me so dead I wato screaming at the TV and all of them especially ally and Austin while my mom gave me a weird expression. So on to the second one, yea I've heard the song. I actually use it as inspiration to write that chapter and I know ally looks dump for doing it but I hope this explains her reason a little bit more. And no worries about my story. I get that your busy I'm probably like one of the most busiest person here which makes me feel bad when I don't update. Hope you liked the chapter! :)
guest:thank you so much for reading both stories. It means so much and thanks for checking this one out. I hope you liked this chapter and keep reading! :)
naadabh:thanks for reviewing and I'm glad that you liked the kiss. I know gt hat it was hard for Halley but if you keep on reading things with her might get crazy. Thanks for reading and hopefully you liked this chapter. :)
Hi:well I added more chapters not sure what your reaction is but I hope you are still interested and it'll get better. But thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)
Smile:sorry for the long wait but hopefully thou weren't let down. I know it's hard but it's a plot so it'll get better. Thanks for reading! :)
TaylorPriestxoxo:thanks for reading and sorry for making the next chapter you know but hopefully you liked this chapter and it explained a little bit of things. So thanks! :)
cupcake291: thank you so much for reading and I totally understand the whole Zayn thing being a big plus! ;)
KeLLeYWeLLeY99:omg I feel sorry for you. I love fanfic and that is really bad luck with your parents. Those stories can be scary! And sorry for taking a long time to get back to you but I don't have a black berry. :( but maybe we can email each other? :) if you do just let me know and I'll send you mine. And I'm not sure if you've read tn exalts chapter but sorry for crushing AUSLLY for a little while but trust me it'll get better you just have to be patient. And I will do if I ever visit Africa. I'll tell my mom that it's the first place we have to go to! ;)
Guest:I know I was horrible at updating but hopefully it's getting better. So thanks for reading! :)
ch. 9
Lover-Bug:so I know I send you a pm already to your review but I understand and I hope you like this chapter and the rest of the story. Ask for still supporting me! :)
Guest:I'm sorry. I felt like I went to far after I re read what I wrote but hopefully this let you see why she did what she Did. so thanks for reading and hopefully you want to continue reading... :)
TheyreJustFriends:thank you so much and sorry for making you cry. But it'll gt better. I promise. :) and I hope you liked this chapter.
Hey149: thank you so much for reading this and reviewing. I'm glad you liked the last chapter and hopefully you liked this one too! It means so much. :) so thank you!
Guest:thank you so much! Ad I try to upload as much as I can and I'm sorry for the long waits but I have other stories to do too so yea. Not one of the most smartes tmovies I've ever made. But I'll try! :)
Guest:thank you so much for reviewing and I'm glad your enjoying it.i hope I didn yet you then this chapter and thanks! :)
Jason:hey there! Well thirst off, thank you for reading and second of all, thanks for the review. :) I'm glad you're enjoying the story and hopefully this wasn't a bad update. Hope you liked this chapter and keep on reading! :)
Astrawberry11:I know that I looks like I am but trust me it'll get betTer. It's just going to be a long bumpy road but in the end it'll smooth out. :) thanks for reading though. I hope you still want to read.
vallerinagirl:sorry for making you cry and hopefully this one doesn make you want to cry but I had to do it for plot purposes but I promise itll get better. Just be patient. :) thanks for reading and reviewing!
XxForeverDisneyGirlxX: thanks for adding and reviewing! Iti meant so much and I hope I haven't uploaded late but here it is. :)
Lills:I know it was a tough chapter to write but it was a huge debate in my mind and I think that I'll be better off for the rest of the plot. It'll get better I promise but you might need to be a little bit patient.
AA 13:I know. It's hard to write out for this story cause I just want to put them together but at the same time I know that if I rush it too much it'll be all a blur. If that makes any sense. But it's not the ending right here. It'll get better I promise. :) thanks for giving it a try though.
AUSLLY:I know that I'm ruining AUSLLY but of course I have a point for doing so and trust me it will work out in the end. Patience is just required but I'll work out.
Hihi: don't worry it will happen. Not sure when but itll happen. :) and thanks for reading and reviewing. It's meant so much! :)
so there it is. I know some of you safe trying to figure out my reasons while others are just going with the flow but it's for the plot line. Trust me. So thanks for reading and I know it's short but I'll make it longer next time. I wanted to add more bu I felt like this should be it's own chapter for some reason. So thanks for everything and Im not sure if I can as for this but review? :) pretty please!
so have a Rossome day or night!