CH. 16: Ben and Jerry Ice Cream

This is beyond awkward. It's tense and stressful and the uncomfortable conversation that we have started only makes this more frustrating. We keep sharing one worded answers and try to lighten up the mood by making jokes but our laughter only seems forced.

To be honest, I think I should just start writing my will and start saying my goodbyes. Because right now, we are all sinking faster than the Titanic, and even if I survive this miraculously, something tells me that my death will happen in the night where there is no one to witness my murderer.

Ally keeps laughing too loud to sound genuine and Halley's smile looks too forced to seem honest. And the way that she keeps looking at Ally and me makes me feel as guilty as hell. I feel like she can see all the tension that has always been between Ally and me. I feel like she can see all our history and is judging us on the past relationship that Ally and I had.

But when she places her hand on mine, I know she is still blind to the truth. And something tells me that I need to tell her about Ally and me. Everything. It doesn't matter if it'll hurt her because keeping this away from her the longer is only going to make this worse. It's only going to make the pain sharper for her. And it's only going to keep me up at night.

Every time that I see Ally fidget in her sit, tug her hair, or bit her lips, it only makes my conscience scream at me louder that this is all my fault. And to be honest, it is. I shouldn't have eaten off of Ally's plate. I need to get through my thick skull that Ally and I are over. I let her go, she moved on; it would be selfish of me to throw away my engagement and have her break up with Zayn so we can give it another. Especially when she has finally found the ground to stand on two feet… without me.

We are halfway there when Halley brings up the worse conversation ever. Her voice feels strained as she says, "How's Zayn doing Ally? I haven't heard much about him?"

Automatically Ally finds my gaze and she looks panicked at me as she hesitates to answer the question. I try my best to give her a comforting smiling but if it's anything like Halley's., I know that comfort is the last thing that Ally's feeling.

There's a quick silence and then Ally simply responds, "He's doing fine you know? Hanging out with the guys and all."

Halley nods her head in content when she decides to ask the worst question of all. She asks her, "Um Ally, I hope you don't feel awkward by this question, but how did you fall in love with my cousin?"

I can see Ally stressing out through the rearview mirror and I'm pretty sure my face looks pissed off. Laughing hard, Ally starts off this topic very nicely. Her rambling is always a pleasant thing to have.

"Psh… what… No… why would it be awkward Halley? It's only your cousin. And I happen to be dating him. There's nothing weird in that question."

Halley raises an eyebrow in confusion to Ally when I let out a small chuckle. I don't need to look up to see Ally glaring at me. I can already feel it. Taking a deep breath, Ally says, "I fell in love with his eyes you know?"

Well I have always had better eyes than him. Just ask Halley and the other thousand female fans who call me the handsomest person on earth.

"And he's just sweet. He always makes sure to let me know that I am all he's thinking of."

And the gifts I would get her or the cooking I would do didn't fall in this category. Was I really that much of a bad boyfriend?

"But best of all, I know I can always count on him for anything. He's like my solid rock. I know that he'll always want the best for me without even considering himself. He's just a perfect gentleman."

I cringe at this one. For some reason I feel like all the qualities that Ally is listing are things I didn't do in our relationship. And the last one hurt the most. The fact that I wasn't there when she needed me the most; the fact that she thinks I left her hanging hurts me.

"Austin!"

I jump when I hear Halley call my name out. I turn to look at her with a blank expression when she says, "We're here."

I look out the window and it's true. The past 20 minutes of torture are done. But hearing the reasons why Ally loves Zayn, only makes me feel worse than the car ride back here.

"Oh," I can't get my heart nor head to think straight. I feel like I'm drunk. And it's not the kind where you feel all giggly and happy for no damn reason. It's the kind where you can't seem to get drunk enough and all you need to feel is numb.

I just get out of the car and leave as soon as possible. I just need my space for a little while. I don't even need to look back to know that Halley and Ally know that I'm upset. I know that they're whispering about me because as soon as I go into my hotel room Halley walks in and she sits down right next to me.

And she softly tells me, "It's not your fault Austin. The backer didn't know any better. I don't blame you."

And she is trying to comfort me by running her fingers through my hair and rubbing her hand at my back. But the funny thing is that her touch doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel anything but trapped. And all I can think about is how Ally wouldn't tell me a word if we were in this scenario. She would only give me a kiss on my head, a kiss on my cheek, and would tell me that she loved me with just one look in her eyes, and everything would be fine.

But that was then, this is now, and she used to love me, but she has given her heart away to someone who isn't me.

I'm not sure where I'm going. I just keep walking to wherever my feet lead me to. And soon enough, I find myself at the rooftop, staring down at the city whose lights are just getting lit as the sun goes down. Who would have known that getting married is a stressful task to do?

I am stuck in my own thoughts when I hear someone say, "Knock, knock. Can I join you?"

As soon as I hear her voice, I feel a weight come off. Maybe it's because I still love her. Maybe it's because she's still my friend. Maybe it's because I have told her things that Halley has yet to hear, but having her here, makes this situation a little bit better. It calms my nerves a bit.

I just nod my head and she slowly makes her way to me to take a sit. We both stay silent for a few moments. We just take in the view that we have up here. And then she is softly saying, "Halley's worried about you. She told me to come and check in on you if I found you."

"Yea I know. I kind of left her hanging. It's just that…" I don't know why this is bothering me so much. And I don't know if it's because I made Halley go through an awkward situation at the bakery or the fact that I know why Ally choose Zayn over me.

"It's just what Austin?"

She's staring at me, but I'm trying to look at anything but her. I don't think it would make things easier. As if reading my mind she says, "Hey you can trust me. This stays between us. I promise I won't judge."

I clench my jaw as I turn to look at the traffic. And before I can stop myself, I am saying, "I just feel bad you know? I am supposed to be taking care of Halley, I'm supposed to be honest with her, but lately it just feels like we're basing our relationship on lies. Well at least on my part. I still haven't told her about our past. And I don't know if I can."

I can see her trying to read between the lines from the corner of my eye. She's trying to figure me out, but I'm not putting out. To be honest I don't know why I didn't tell Halley. I like to think that it's because I care about her too much to hurt her like this. But then again, I know that if I do admit it to Halley about my past relationship with Ally, it's like accepting the fact that Ally and I aren't together anymore. And something about that is frustrating to me.

"Austin it's ok. It's-" I don't let her finish. I've heard it before. Halley's already told me that it's going to be fine. But that's just it. I don't know if it is going to be fine.

"No it's not Ally. I need to tell her and I'm just stretching it longer. I should have never eaten off your plate."

It gets quiet again and then Ally says, "Yea. And to think it was all for a piece of cake."

I turn to look at her and her doe eye expression makes me laugh. She looks cute. This snaps her out of her trance and she quickly says, "Hey don't laugh at me!"

I calm myself down, but the smile on my face only makes her roll her eyes at me.

"You know that we need to be careful how we act Austin. We aren't a couple anymore. I know that old habits are hard to leave behind but I think it'll be for the best."

I don't know why. But I open my big mouth and say, "Yea especially when those actions don't mean anything at all. It's not fair to put Halley through a situation like that again when we don't even care about the other that way."

It gets awkward as we let the traffic noises fill the silence between us. And with the awkwardness that we have been going through today, I take a deep breath and ask her, "Ally was I bad boyfriend?"

I catch her off guard. I can tell by the way she loses her breath and the way her eyes get big. Trying to get control of the situation, she only responds by, "Why do you ask?"

I just shrug my shoulders and run my fingers through my hair. "I don't know. I guess hearing you talk about Zayn just made me feel like a lousy guy to girls."

She starts to play with her hair, a habit she has always had. She once told me she used to chew her hair when she got nervous but somehow overcame it.

"Well you weren't a bad boyfriend. You were good."

It gets quiet. But somehow I don't believe it. She's just being nice. Ally is always nice no matter what. It's just what makes her, her. Realizing that I don't believe her, she forces me to look at her as she moves my face to look at her with her hands.

She gives me a small smile before moving a strand of my hair out my eyes. And she doesn't do much. She just leans in and gives me a kiss on my cheek. And her eyes look at me this certain way that makes me believe that she still loves me. But I don't let my head think ahead. I just give her a small smile and then she is whispering, for just me to hear, "You'll always be the best thing I never had."

And before I can react, she leaves. She leaves me sitting dumbfound on the roof top. She leaves me with my thoughts. And when I look back at the city, I realize that the sun is gone and the lights are bright. But all I feel is comfort at her words. I feel like things are going to be better. I think I can tell Halley about Ally and me.

Ally POV

As I walk back to my room I can only think of the words of Austin saying that our actions don't mean anything. And something about this makes it painful for me to remember. Something about this seems so bittersweet. But it's not like I have the right to tell him that his actions did mean something to me. It's not fair to ask him to run away when I declined his offers so many times before.

It's just complicated. That's all we are. We're complicated and things seem so confusing. And I wish that right now I could be home eating Ben and Jerry ice cream, yelling at some stupid chick flick whose story plot I don't know.

I just wish I could go back. I just wish I knew why everything we had crashed and burned. And the only thing I can remember is when he promised forever. But I guess that's one thing I've learned. Most times people just say things and don't mean them. But then again why does his actions counter act his thoughts. He tells me that his action didn't mean anything but then he's asking me if he was a good boyfriend.

When I get to my room, Patricia is in our room watching Brides Maid and it only makes me shudder. Why does this movie remind me so much of my life? Is that a good sign of what my life has become? I tell her that we are all going to go out to eat dinner and then we are free to do whatever we please.

The entire time at dinner, we are debating which cake we should choose for the wedding but I barely have my head screwed on right. I pretend to be fine and completely interested in taking about how the tabloids are going to react to vanilla cake or chocolate cake but the truth is I couldn't care less. The only one who can't see through my façade is Austin. And I know this when he sends me a text asking me if I'm alright.

I try to act like it's nothing. When I send him a text saying I'm fine, I can tell that he doesn't believe me but doesn't ask for more answers. As soon as we decided that we'll get this vanilla bean flavored cake, I make what I hope is a warming smile and say, "Well it's been a long day. I think I'm going to relax a little bit."

The girls all tell me goodnight and say that I deserve a little bit of relaxing time before they go back to a conversation. The only eyes I can feel looking at me as I leave are Austin's. And right now, I'm not sure how I feel about this.

As soon as I walk through the door, I search for my journal to start writing. I have no clue what but I just need to let this out of my system. I am concentrating on writing a new song when I hear a knock on my door. But when I open it and look out, no one's there. The only thing left behind from the person is a note saying, I'm not sure if this is a big problem or not, so I got you both. Hope you feel better. P.S. look on the ground.

And I can't fight back the smile that forms on my face. As I see the logo of Ben and Jerry Ice Cream in chocolate and dark chocolate, I feel all of a sudden relaxed. And I'm not sure if it's because of the ice cream, or the reason of how I got the ice cream.

A/N: So I just want to start off by saying that no, i do not own Ben and Jerry Ice Cream. And second of all, I'm Back!" So i am glad to finally be writing again and i hope you guys enjoyed the last chapter. i have to admit that this was a filler but it'll get better. And I also want to say a big thank you to all of you! You were all supportive when i said i was going to volunteer and i just finished like a few days ago and had been relaxing so sorry for the long time to update but i am back! And also I want to say another big thank you for all the reviews and support on this story and this makes me feel horrible because i can't thank you all enough. Also i wanted to ask if you would like it better if i just PM my thank you for my reviewers or do you guys prefer shout outs? Either way, I will do shout outs this time through PM and after that i shall see what happens.

But either way, I have missed you guys and i hope you had an amazing summer! BTW how many saw Teen Beach Musical? And whatcha think of it?

Well thanks once again to all of you and for reading this story. Have a beautiful day or a restful sleep. And don't forget to smile! :)