CH. 20 Why Don't Love Me?
I'm beyond mad when we get back to the hotel after dress shopping. Alice and Patricia keep apologizing to me as Cristina keeps asking me if I'm alright. Halley on the other hand is just as pissed off as I am as we walk to the small restaurant in the hotel.
Frankly I am just over it. I don't really care how this wedding comes out anymore. Everything has been going horrible lately. First the cake had to be reordered. Then I fought with the manager of the venue to rent me the place on the exact date that Halley wants. And today Alice and Patricia ended up ruining girl's day out when they started fighting over two dresses and then decided to rip them up. It forced us to buy both dresses and to get kicked out. Luckily Halley had already purchased her wedding dress because something tells me that the lady wouldn't have sold it to her for any amount of money. And to put the icing to the cake, I got to choose the bridesmaid's dresses. The only problem is that I won't be wearing it because Halley surprised me with a customized dress today saying how she wanted me to stand out. Now I get the honor of walking down the aisle with a big lime bow on my butt that marks it like a target while the rest of the girls get to wear the dress that I wanted.
When we reach our tables I slam myself into my chair. Austin and Zayn are looking at us confused as Halley and Cristina repeat my actions and Alice and Patricia whisper sorry once again. Automatically Zayn pulls me into his arms as he tries to comfort me. He whispers words of encouragement as he goes on to tell me how much he missed me today. Except I don't really hear anything he has to say. Instead I'm trying to think of different excuses I could use to not wear the horrible dress Halley had specially made for me.
After explaining everything to the guys as quick as possible, the tension seems to disappear as we all let it go. Everything goes as planned as we eat dinner with a nice conversation and then walk to the beach. For a second I can let myself relax as I just focus on holding Zayn's hand as we walk ahead of everyone. I don't let myself think about the wedding at all as I let myself soak in these few moments of peace.
When we all reach our destination I make myself comfy as I sit down on the sand. Everyone starts running to the water except for Austin who comes and sits by me. We stay silent for a while before he says, "So how are you doing? You looked a bit stressed out at dinner."
Not caring about anything or anyone at this moment I lean my head on his shoulder which surprises him. Ī softly start laughing before saying, "Was it really that noticeable? I thought I did a pretty good job in hiding it."
I feel him chuckle underneath me and he gently pulls me towards him as he lets me know that he knows me too well for his own good. We continue to see everyone playing in the water, getting soaking wet but right now I feel like everything's perfect. Absent mindedly Austin begins to play with my hair out of boredom and I start burying his closest hand to me. I continue to talk about the wedding as I vent to him. I never realized how stressed out I am until I start talking deep breaths from all the ranting I had been doing.
Austin starts to tell me that everything will be alright when I interrupt him with, "No Austin. It's only going to keep getting worse until the actual wedding day happens." With that silence surrounds us once again. Then he does it again. He takes my breath away as he begins to sing to calm me down. I close my eyes as I'm memorized by his voice singing, "See I can't wake up. I'm living a nightmare that keeps playing over again. Locked in a room; so hung up on you. And you're cool with just being friends."
When I open my eyes I find him staring straight at me. There's a childish smile playing on his lips as he continues to sing, "And I can't see… Why don't you love me? Touch me, tell me I'm your everything; the air you breathe. And why don't you love me baby? Open up your heart tonight 'cause I could be all that you need. Ohhhhhhh, why don't you love me?"
And then he turns his head to look at the ocean as I stare him like it's the first time. He's stopped singing by now but both of us know the silent conversation that is happening. I keep playing with his hand when he softly whispers, "If I had asked you to marry me, what do you think our wedding would be like?"
I stare at the ocean with a big wide eyed gaze as I let his hand go. I'm not sure if I should answer the question. It's dangerous for us. Anything that has to do with our past is just temptation. Yet my voice isn't trembling as I joke around, "Well you know, we would have gone to Las Vegas that very same day and eloped with Elvis as our priest."
This gets a chuckle out of him before he says, "No really. If I had asked you to become Mrs. Moon what would you think our wedding would look like?"
I bite my lip for a few seconds as I concentrate. What would our wedding look like? Then after a few moments I say, "Well first of all Trish and Dez would be our Maid of Honor and Best Man. Then we would most likely invite our entire family and super close friends. And our wedding would be a small private wedding in a small church where the paparazzi wouldn't find us. And we would say I do and then the party would be at a place near the beach because that's where we first admitted we felt something."
He only nods his head at my response. I'm holding back my question of asking what does he think it would be like when he tells me, "You know that when I left to LA that's all I thought about. I would wonder what our wedding would be like if we had lasted a bit longer."
His words make my heart race a bit as I wonder what our life could be like now. Then I realize that maybe he was going to ask me to marry him until he changed his mind. We stay silent but before I can ask him any of the questions that are forming in my head we hear the girls shouting out loud. We turn to their direction as Cristina says, "Look! The airplane is writing something in the air!"
Our gaze follows the words as we read the letters. I hear Austin whisper them out as they get written, "Will… You…. Marry… Me… Ally…. Dawson?" I hear the girls screaming in glee yet the only sound that stand out is my heartbeat in my ears. I keep blinking my eyes as I take everything in and then I'm standing up to demand what is happening but Austin beats me to it as he shouts, "Wait what?"
We're both in shock and then Zayn is coming out of nowhere with a small case. I'm taking jagged breaths as I see him kneel down. By now everyone except Austin have their phone out to take pictures of us and record us. I see him open his mouth as he tells me something but all I can think that it's too soon. All I catch him saying is, "I am desperately in love with you Ally Dawson and being away from you this week has made me realized that there's nowhere else I'd rather be than with you by my side. So will you marry me Ally Dawson?"
Everyone is staring at me now. But the only stare I feel burning a hole at me is Austin's. I keep switching my gaze between Zayn's hopeful ones to Austin's frustrated glare. If looks could kill Zayn would be dead by now. For a second Austin and I cross our eyes and I can see him begging me to say no. I'm about to turn him down when I hear Halley's voice. And the no that was at the tip of tongue turns into a yes as I force myself to smile.
Yet when Zayn smiles at my direction and puts on my ring, I can't help but question the empty feeling I have. This is everything I wanted before I meet Austin. I was finally in charge of my own recording studio. I was a songwriter. I got the perfect guy that every girl was jealous of at work. Zayn is a perfect gentlemen. He's the Mr. Perfect I had been waiting for all my life. Then why does his lips feel like poison as he kisses me?
When he pulls away I try to look as happy as a new fiancée should. Yet all I can notice is that a certain blonde head is gone. And when I ask Halley she tells me that he wasn't feeling good and decided to go back to the hotel. But I can still see his shadow as he runs to get away from here. And all I can think of is that if that boy had said something right now, I wouldn't have hesitated in joining him.