CH. 23: Almost Is Never Enough

Ally

The next morning everyone is stuck in their own world as we each pack our belongings. Patricia is at the hotel's restaurant trying to take advantage of the last all you can eat buffet while the other girls are running out to do some last minute shopping. All the while I am already packed, and have nothing left to do. I feel bored as I throw myself on my bed but all I can really think about is last night with Austin. I've been trying to push it as far back into mind but it always seems to pop back up.

I'm still unsure about how I feel about the meeting. Everything is just… well mushy and confusing. I'm not sure what I am doing anymore. Anything to do with him is just complicated, and frustrating, and to some point it must be intoxicating. It was weird hearing him talk about her. And to know how she took him away from me. I know that I shouldn't have asked but I couldn't help myself. I just had to know. But now, maybe I am starting to realize that maybe I shouldn't have asked because now I can't help but constantly remind myself the reasons why he chose to get married.

On the other hand I am still trying to believe that I am engaged. The ring on my finger feels heavy and surreal. Although it is nice to know that in future months I will start a family in a nice house. My dad is going to be thrilled with the engagement announcement considering that he has always loved Zayn as a son. Plus he really is an incredible guy. And when I get back home all my friends will be jealous as they ask me to tell them about the way that he proposed.

Who would have known that in a matter of months my life would have taken a 360 degree turn? Nowhere had I had this planned in my life. In fact it was quite the opposite of the chaos that I have been involved with. As soon as all of this is done I will try my best to forget about it. Before I know it everyone is ready to leave and we begin the long drive home. Except this time I manage to get stuck with Patricia and Cristina instead of Austin and Halley. And somehow I can't help but pray to God in thanking him for the nice break he's given me in this mess.

Austin

Everything turns into a blur when we get home. Never has getting married felt so real until we sent out the invitations to our family members. Everything goes as planned as Halley and I continue to plan the wedding in careful detail. We almost have everything done with the exception of a few minor things but we still have three months to go until the big day. I think that gives us enough time in case of an emergency, Halley and Alice on the other hand are freaking out about it.

To be honest I still can't believe that after everything that happened a couple of weeks ago, Ally and I are just… friends. We talk to each other civilized and nothing is ever mentioned about our past. We both simply just do small talk but most times we tend to sort of avoid the other if possible. I think I haven't seen her for more than three times this month. Which to be honest is fine by me because lately Zayn has been following her around and I still can't stand him even after all the time that has passed by.

It's just sad to see everything die because Ally is so distant. And to be honest I can't help but have my guard up when she is near me. Because I know that if I let it down for one second, it is all it'll have to take to be in love with her again. But I am actually doing just fine. Not seeing her as much helps a lot.

Although the only thing I am grateful for are cellphones and e-mails. Because though Ally and I do not know how to act towards one another in person, we somehow seem to be comfortable with each other when we talk or when we write to each other. So in some way we are close, just not like before. And it somehow brings us comfort of knowing that we can still know what is going on with the other even if it's just through indirect communication.

Ally

It's funny how easy it is to forget and move on. A month ago I didn't know where the heck my life was going. And now I am at the bridal shop picking out my dress. Trish has been having the time of her life with picking everything out for me. She keeps telling that I have nothing to worry since she'll be the best maid of honor there could ever be.

Although it is interesting to see Patricia and Trish interact with each other. Since they are both head strong and very opinionated, they always somehow tend to get into a yelling match or a competitive game. To be honest I just want my wedding to happen so that I can stop hearing them argue. Although it scares me a bit more when they do get along. Something about it just doesn't feel right.

Planning the wedding for Austin and Halley is getting easier now since everything is completely done. Now we just have to wait for the two months to pass and soon they will be a newlywed couple. Everything has completely calmed down. It's strange to see how Austin and I somehow can get along and be completely fine. This makes me wonder if we ever were in love or just in love with the illusion we could be.

I'm just glad we both are moving on. Because I'm happy with Zayn. He seems to be over the moon as the day for our wedding comes closer and closer. In fact he is so excited that I said yes that we've made the date as soon as possible. He keeps saying that he wants to make sure I won't change my mind but I think it's silly of him to think so. I feel comfortable and safe. I know exactly where we are going and I feel comfortable with that. I can live with knowing that things will be the same every day for the rest of my life. I don't want to be so reckless anymore.

Austin

Is it stupid of me to remember? I know it's a mistake. It's reckless of me. But for some reason Ally popped into my mind today and for the first time in two months since the vacation to Buena Vista, I remembered something that I wasn't supposed to. I've let her go to some extent. I buried the idea of having her with me but after having her voice stuck in my head I just had to listen to the song she wrote me for at least one last time. Even if it means that for an instance I'll be wishing we could give it another try. Even if it means that I'll be breaking the promise of only being friends.

It's weird because my heart isn't breaking any more. I'm still breathing and living but it's different to some extent. It's safe. It's nice. And I feel perfectly fine with that. I'm no longer looking for something more but just enjoying what I already have. Des keeps asking me about any old feelings I might have for Ally but I am honest when I say that it's all in the past.

Everything about us is in the past. And what I have with Halley will someday be better than what I had with Ally. In just can't wait to get married and go back to LA where things make sense. To just forget about everything here. But for today I might let myself remember the good old times for past sake. After all, Ally will always be a part of me to some extent. She did after all help me become the person I am today.