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Chapter Five

River hadn't had any of the water.

Wash peaked up at the water glass that he had left out, sitting in a neat row next to the package of seaweed crackers from Zoë and the small bar of chocolate from Inara. It was beginning to look like a regular pile of gifts up there, but she hadn't touched it.

He frowned up into the airshaft. Maybe he had been wrong, and she wasn't up there at all. He cupped his hands to his mouth and called up quietly. "River, mei-mei, you up there? You're giving us all a bit of a scare down here."

There was no response. He hadn't really been expecting one, but he felt his heart sink down a couple inches.

Simon came up alongside him, his forehead furrowed in worry. Wash hadn't seen him like this once, not when Kaylee was shot, not when Mal and Zoë got held up and no one had heard anything for nearly a day. "You hear anything?"

"Not a giggle," Wash said back, trying to keep his voice light. He still imagined that River was above him, listening to them, and he wanted her to hear that everything was fixing right up. "Zoë and Inara put some snacks up there for here, but she hasn't come for them yet."

"What about the water?"

"None of that either. Guess she isn't thirsty."

Mal and Jayne walked up, making there a regular gathering beneath the air hatch. "Wash, everything good here?"

"Yes, Captain. Going to head back to the Bridge now."

"I'll come with you."

Simon frowned to the airshaft. He didn't think it was any sort of coincidence that he and Jayne were being left alone, and frankly he had bigger things to worry about than apologizing to the man who had made their existences frightful ever since he set foot and cryo-crate onto this boat.

Jayne looked between the airshaft and him, and then cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hey, doc. Uh…I hope she turns up real soon."

Simon glanced to him, surprise scrawled messily all over his features. His polite Core-planet manners came back to him, and he managed a tense smile. "Thanks, Jayne. I hope she does too."

Jayne nodded, and then walked away, leaving Simon to stare after him, puzzled.

Serenity was singing up through her spine.

If there wasn't a nail in her head, pinning her flat to the metal, she would get up and dance, tapping her feet lightly on the back of her ship, home, night-light up in the black, black, black sky black.

River struggled up to some semblance of a sitting position. Her brain was shutting off, turning some parts of itself into heavy lead, coal, dark and heavy and unmovable and her thoughts were turning into spirals, torn spider-webs.

Spider webs are stronger than steel, she remembered thickly. Put them among Mother's silk dresses and Father's silk shirts. Didn't appreciate the joke.

Dragging herself into a crawl, she began to crawl deeper into the bowels of Serenity, seeking somewhere quiet. Finding a quiet corner, she curled up like a kitten and put her hands over her eyes, digging her thumbs into the undersides of her orbital structure.

A nail went through her head into the ship. A needle in her brain!

Curled up sideways, sobbing no no no no needle in her brain.

Needles.

Simon.

No, no no, no no.

Mal couldn't focus worth seagull splat on a rim planet roost.

He went with Wash to give the doc 'n' Jayne some privacy to work through the squabblin', and he could only hope that they did as his Captain duties didn't involve makin' two grown man apologize (that was for children, and there hadn't been a child aboard Serenity just yet, thank heavens, unless someone took to countin' River). He hadn't heard any shouting or cursin' and they all knew Jayne was gorram loud when displeased, so he had some hope of things goin' the right way without any stabbing or shooting.

Staring out into the blackness of space usually comforted Mal, but even he was getting that ache in him that meant it was time to stand on the ground for a bit. He'd really pushed all of their limits this time, and he wasn't likely to forget it.

His pilot had been prattling, tryin' to keep the mood light, but he hadn't managed to focus on a word he had said.

For the first time in all his years as a Captain, he had lost someone in the physically misplacing them sense. And they were on a closed ship.

If River were here she'd probably make some speech about not bein' a static object, he though to himself with grim amusement. Granted, if she was here, I wouldn't have half my crew goin' gorram mad lookin' for her skinny hide.

Turning away from Wash, he stalked back down into the kitchen nook, catching Simon glancing for at least the twelfth time under the kitchen table. He looked up, looking ashamed for some unfathomable reason, but Mal only bent down and started looking with him. He had to take pity on the doctor's lost-looking eyes.

Gorramit girl, you're puttin' us all through hell down here.

Her head was nailed to the metal slab, and they were putting needles in her eyes. They couldn't they couldn't! But they did.

She wiped at her eyes and forehead, expecting to find blood, but the only thing she found was tears. Salty-burning, no copper no iron no metal rushing out of her like Earth-That-Was sliced open.

There was fire in her stomach and pain pulling its way down her spine and she sat up and tried to bat the flies away. She wanted birds. They were birds, little birds, lost out in the black.

Then it happened.

She came up in chunks, up through her own mouth, and she could hear Serenity protest at being covered with the girl's self. Liquid self. She leaned her head into the metal in apology, the cool outside her skin but she was burning, she was burning take her out!

She was splattered and she was crying.

Needles in her brain, claws in her brain take it out Simon Simon take it out!

Kaylee came out of the engine room, looking a little flustered. Simon had left by this point, replaced with Zoë who was making herself a cup of tea. "Captain?"

"What is it, Kaylee?"

"Serenity says she needs to be cleaned up inside the airshaft…"

Birds are singing in the black, but the knives are going to get them.

Splattered River.

Knives will get the birds.

No no no no.

Crying now. Make it stop.

Simon, ge-ge, make it stop….