A/N: This, my friends, is the actual first chapter of the challenge response. I hope you enjoy. Oh, and there will be some swearing, so if you're sensitive to a few expletives, don't read!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Thing-Thing belongs to Diseased Productions, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. But, my depiction of #154 belongs to me.

Speech Legend:

Bold Text: Demon speaking/REALLY angry yelling/etc.

Italic text: Thinking/written messages/etc.

Naruto: The Ninja Gunman

Chapter 1: Zero arrives in a New World!

Gamma-Class Bio-Weapon Project #154 (or Zero, as he'd like to call himself), couldn't believe his luck. Just when he thought that he had found the Systems Corp. CEO that ordered his creation and death, he instead found a bunch of monitors, with the CEO himself giving him a long, winded speech on screen. To make things worse, the room is filled with a gas that can negate his regenerative abilities, and a whole horde of armed Systems Corp. mercenaries are coming into the room and closing in on his ass real fast.

He wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead and drew his newly-acquired Hades Rifle, knowing that he'll have to fight off these numerous enemies AND potentially die in the process. However, before the mercenaries could fire as much as one shot, something strange had just happened that caught the thugs in awe; an electric blue dimensional rift appearing out of thin air under his feet.

Seeing an opportunity to make his escape, Zero quickly pulls out a smokescreen bomb and throws it at the mercenaries before jumping into the portal as it then has now found himself in a new place, which appears to be the interior of a decently fancy mansion, fit for a nobleman. Before he could do anything else, the super-soldier notices a figure walking down a nearby stairwell towards him. This individual wears a navy-blue cloak with ornate gold designs. Zero couldn't see the man's face under the hood, but could make out a pair of eyeglasses.

The figure starts in a voice whose tone exudes wisdom, "Welcome to my mansion in Pocket Dimension #11567-A, Zero, or should I say Gamma-Class Bio-Weapon Project #154. Now, I suppose you're wondering why I had opened that portal to bring you here, Zero. It's because I have a job for you to do, and no, I'm not trying to set you up to be killed off for your super-soldier genes." Initially untrusting, Zero inquires, "And what kind of a job would that be, exactly, and how do I know that you're not someone from a rival of Systems Corp.'s?"

At this, the cloaked man thought, "Tough crowd in this one," before replying, "I'm not affiliated with those creeps at Systems Corp. nor any rival of theirs. I am Nasrudin, one of the last of the Dimension Masters, the guardians of the boundaries between the many different alternate realities of the Multiverse."

Zero nods, before asking again, "What do you mean that you are 'one of the last'? What had happened to the others?" Nasrudin replies with a rather sad tone, "That, my friend, is a story for another time," before continuing, "Anyways, as for that job, let me brief you; You will be sent to an alternate reality inhabited by ninjas that can control the elements. There, you will find and train a young boy named Naruto Uzumaki, of Konohagakure no Sato, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. It's a military ninja village in Fire Country, in a continent known as the Elemental Countries."

Zero asks incredulously, "You expect me to train some little kid on how to use a gun?" as Nasrudin retorts, "That may seem so, Zero, but the circumstances surrounding this boy are…tragic, to say the least. You see, when he was born, a Nine-tailed Fox demon appeared and attacked Konoha. Its tails could crush mountains, create tsunamis, and anything else destructive. Many Leaf Village ninjas died fighting off the Fox, which so happens to be a living entity made of pure energy. When all hope seemed lost, the village's forth leader or Hokage (Fire Shadow), Minato Namikaze, a man who is also known as the Yellow Flash, sacrificed his soul to seal the Nine-tailed Fox into a newborn boy. That boy is Naruto. However, there were civilians who had lost their lives in the attack, and their families grieved. Minato wanted for Naruto to be treated as a hero for carrying such a Herculean burden, but the civilians and some surviving ninjas couldn't see past their grief, and had come to see Naruto as the demon reborn. Because of this, he's been having a tough childhood. He's been abused, shunned, ignored, overcharged for food, used as a scapegoat, and in the worst cases, attacked brutally and left for dead. Because of the boy's status as the Fox's container, his wounds had always healed. Naruto has yet to know of his burden; Minato's predecessor, who had to reinstate as the Hokage, made a law forbidding anybody from telling the younger generation or Naruto himself about the Fox. That didn't stop parents from convincing their children that Naruto was a bad influence."

As he hears this explanation, Zero thought, "So this is why he wanted me to train this kid, so he could at least have some chance to fight back against these damned civvies, and to give him a family. I'll accept this job, if it keeps me away from those mercenaries, even if there are other hostiles I'd have to deal with."

He then asks the Dimension Master, "When can I start this job, and does it pay well, if I may ask?" Nasrudin smiled, "Oh, it does, and you get to start in a moment after you make the necessary preparations." Moments later, Zero, with help from Nasrudin, made the preparations for the trip into the Elemental Countries, packing up food, weapons, ammo, and supplies in a specially-designed hammerspace backpack. The Dimension Master opens a rift that leads to the Elemental Countries, as he sees Zero off, with the bio-weapon jumping into the portal to begin his journey to the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

One night, we see young Naruto hiding from yet another angry mob in Training Ground #44, most infamously known to even the toughest jonin as the Forest of Death. Though he managed to escape unscathed, he's still upset at not knowing why almost everyone in the village hated him, as he silently sobbed. But, the question is why? Why would they treat him like this? He's never done anything wrong to them, save for the occasional prank here and there.

Before he could dwell on those questions any further, he noticed something that truly garnered his attention to the point of making him forget his plight; a dimensional rift opening in front of a nearby tree. Out of it walked a figure wearing a red trench coat, in addition to finger-less gloves of the same color, and red steel-toed shoes with metallic spikes jutting at the front. He also has a mop of black dreadlocks with small red braces on them, along with a scar over his right eye and a short beard. On his back is a backpack colored in black with red designs. All and all, this newcomer means business with the looks to back it up, and that made Naruto feel scared, as he hid behind a tree, watching the stranger look at his surroundings. That individual, who came out of the portal, is none other than Zero.

The bio-weapon himself thought, "Hmmm, so this village has to be somewhere in or outside of this forest. I've still got to be on my guard for when I end up encountering a ninja or two," as he then reaches into the hammerspace backpack, and pulls out and loads an XM-435 Super Mag handgun, while getting the feeling that he was being followed. After a few miles of trudging through the oversized woods of the forest, he decided to get his stalker to come out of hiding with a warning shot, which he fired up in the air. He then shouts, "Alright, I know you're following me, so come out!" Not wanting to risk dying, Naruto nervously comes out into the view of the red-wearing stranger.

Seeing the fear in his stalker, apparently a young blonde boy with baby-blue eyes and whisker-like marks on his cheeks, he decided to be gentler with him. He ushers, "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay, kid, just come out." As Zero watched the kid come into view, he noticed that his clothes are ratty and torn up, that which made him frown. He asks Naruto in concern, "Kid, I need to ask you something; what are you doing out here in this forest?" The boy replies, "Please, don't hurt me, mister. I was hiding from all these villagers who were chasing me," as he felt Zero's strong arms wrap around his small frame in a fatherly embrace.

The young jinchuuriki, unused to such gestures from other people, shivered, at which Zero soothes, "I would never do that," as he runs his hand through the child's hair. The genetically-engineered super-soldier realized then, that he's found Naruto Uzumaki, the container of the Nine-tailed Fox that Nasrudin had told him about earlier. Seeing as this stranger seemed to care about him, Naruto buried his head into his chest, as he felt Zero's hand stroke his back.

The bio-weapon felt a warm feeling as he comforted Naruto, smiling contently. However, he then hears a whizzing noise, causing him to hit the deck on a large tree branch with the boy in his arms. Boy was Zero glad that he did hear that sound, because when he turned around, he finds a large shuriken embedded on the trunk of the tree that they stood on. He then puts Naruto down, and has the boy hide someplace safe while he dealt with the assailant. Zero turns around to see his attacker, an ANBU with a porcelain dog mask and silver, gravity-defying hair.

The bio-weapon growls, "Watch where you throw that damn thing! You could've killed us," as he draws out his Super Mag and cocks it. The ANBU replies, "It was to get rid of that demon and anybody associating with it, including you," as he draws out another one. However, before he could throw it, there was a loud bang, as the shuriken was sent flying out of his hand and onto the forest floor. The ninja clutched his hand in pain, as Zero blows the smoke from his Super Mag's barrel. The red-wearing gunman sneers contemptibly at the ANBU, "Listen good, asshole, you don't get off easily with picking a child like the pathetic rat that you are, and I don't think that these other ninjas coming our way would be happy with what you tried to do."

Behind his mask, the ANBU paled, also sensing that his fellow operatives along with the Hokage are approaching, as Zero then finishes, "And to prevent you from fleeing like a coward," before firing shots into his elbows and kneecaps, causing him to scream in pain, writhing on the ground. It is then that other ANBU ninja came out with their weapons ready, along with another individual wearing red and white robes, along with a triangular hat with the Japanese symbol for "Fire" on it. This individual is also an elderly man whose visage exudes the wisdom of a grizzled combat veteran and a powerful leader. That robed elder is Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage who had to reinstate when Minato Namikaze died sealing the Nine-tailed Fox.

Recognizing the Hokage's regalia, Zero inquires, "Excuse me, but are you the Hokage by any chance?" The old man nods, before asking, "Who exactly are you, and why are you here?" Zero thought for a moment, scratching his beard, before replying, "I'll explain everything when we get back to your village. As for dog-mask here, I had to stop this motherf***er from killing that kid. I wouldn't just stand there. Plus, he tried to kill us first, too!"

Later that night, we see Zero in the Hokage's office in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, which reminded him of a mix between ancient and modern Japan, while Naruto is in the hospital under ANBU watch. As for the dog-masked ANBU, he was demoted as punishment for trying to kill Naruto.

"Now, before I explain anything, Lord Hokage, I'd like this to be a private matter between us. We can't afford for the information we're about to exchange to get to the wrong sort of people," remarks Zero, as Sarutobi orders all ANBU in the room to leave, but the bio-weapon advises, "There's still one more remaining," before firing his Super Mag on a fleeing ANBU wearing a blank, non-animal mask, killing him. The Hokage remarks, "Good eye, Mr. Zero, that ANBU wasn't meant to be here," before having another ANBU dispose of the body, as the village leader himself then uses a soundproofing jutsu on the room.

"Now that we've set things up for our private conversation, I'd like to ask you something first," said Zero, before taking in a large gulp of air into his lungs, and letting out a seriously PO'd, "WHAT THE F***ING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, OLD MAN, LETTING A LITTLE KID LIKE THIS GET PICKED ON BY THOSE GODDAMNED CIVILIANS!? ARE YOU LETTING THIS ABUSE HAPPEN, AS PART OF SOME SICK PLAN TO MANIPULATE HIM FOR POLITICAL PURPOSES, OR IS IT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GROW A SPINE AND ASSERT YOUR MOTHERF***ING AUTHORITY!?" The "God of Shinobi" himself was surprised at this sudden outburst laced with such vulgar wording, though inwardly very indignant at the accusation of manipulating the poor child for his own selfish reasons. He wouldn't deny that a certain warhawk would be willing do something like that.

He regained his composure, and cleared his throat before replying, "I assure you that I am not trying to manipulate Naruto. As for your question, it's because that the Civilian Council kept overruling me, since they are supported by the Elders, who were once my teammates. Plus, they keep sending me unreasonable amounts of paperwork to sign in my office, and it doesn't help that Naruto is currently a civilian at the moment, which allows them to abuse him as they please."

Zero nodded, now wanting to pump those selfish ingrates full of lead, as he asks, "What makes these civilian scumbags think that they could poke their noses in ninja affairs and not civilian like they are supposed to?" The Professor himself responds, "When the Forth Hokage died, the Elders and the Civilian Council seized as much political power as they could, enough to override my authority at any time they want in the meetings."

The super-soldier nods, before explaining, "If you think the kid's got it bad, wait till I explain what I really am. I wasn't born naturally; I was created in a research facility by Systems Corp., a large megacorporation dealing in high-tech military weapons and genetic experimentation. I go by the name of Zero, but my actual identity is Gamma-Class Bio-Weapon Project #154. I was designed as a sort of advanced infantryman created to withstand the hydrostatic shock of multiple bullets and still have plenty of endurance left over, with regenerative abilities to boot. However, they wanted to make sure that I could be controlled, especially for potential clients. I wouldn't want that to happen, so I killed a doctor in my cell at the facility and escaped, before fighting my way past the security guards of the facility, before meeting up with my first obstacle to freedom."

The Hokage was awestruck at what Zero told so far, before asking, "And what, pray tell, was this obstacle?" The 154th bio-weapon project himself responds, "Another bio-weapon, much like myself, but an elite unit. He is an Alpha-Class Bio-Android codenamed "Poseidon". He was deployed to guard the exit, and prevent my escape. If you want to know what he looked like, he wore blackish armor, with a distinctive gas mask with spikes on it and a red visor. He was armed with a powerful handheld laser rifle. He may have been an elite bio-weapon, but he proved too easy for me to defeat. All it took were some well-placed shots in his head, and he went down. After that, I left the facility, experiencing the outside world for the very first time. I killed a few more enemies, before learning that I was to be terminated on sight because of my escape. Not only that, but two other elite bio-weapons that were also developed at the facility, named "Zeus" and "Hades", were deployed to hunt me down and kill me. Systems Corp. had put quite a bit of money into my development and didn't want to lose control of it, so they also began hiring mercenaries left and right to eliminate me. Thus began my perilous journey."

Chapter 1 End

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. If you're a fan of either or both Naruto and Thing-Thing, review your heads off! ;) Oh, and in case you don't know, I named Nasrudin after the Sufi satirical figure, Mullah Nasrudin.