A/N: This here's the second chapter of this fine challenge response. A friend of mine said that there aren't enough humorous moments, so I decided to put some in this little number.

Disclaimer: Sean McGee AKA Weasel owns Thing-Thing, while Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto. I own my own version of 154, though.

Speech Legend:

Bold Text: Demon speaking/REALLY angry yelling/etc.

Italic text: Thinking/written messages/etc.

Naruto: The Ninja Gunman

Chapter 2: Zero and Naruto, Father and Son!

Hiruzen Sarutobi (AKA "The Professor"), in all of his years as a ninja, had never heard such a tale, of genetically-created soldiers made in a laboratory, near-endless armies of deadly mercenaries, perilous battles ending in the deaths of said mercenaries, a demented megacorporation out for blood, and an inter-dimensional guardian that had sent him to this world to raise and train Naruto to be a gunman. Zero then asks, "Naruto is an orphan, right?" at which the old Hokage nods, before hearing him say, "I want to adopt him." The village's war chief was shocked at this request, before asking, "I beg your pardon, why would you want to adopt Naruto?"

At this, Zero answered, "Well, it's obvious that this kid isn't safe in the village with all those villagers and ignorant ninjas wanting him dead. Plus, Nasrudin needs me to train him, so that he could at least have a fighting change in this world, while also giving him a family. However, there is this Ninja Academy in your village, but then again, I assume that some of the instructors also hate Naruto, and would gladly accept any bribes from the Civilian Council to sabotage his education, and to play favorites with certain other students. I'm not a bio-weapon for nothing, you know."

Sarutobi was both surprised and impressed at his perceptive logic, before thinking, "Would it be the right thing to let this man train Naruto into a warrior of his caliber? Then, he would be formidable in this way, and perhaps even more so as a ninja? That gives me an idea!" The Hokage takes out a blank adoption form, and hands Zero a pen to sign it with. "So, you're letting me adopt the kid, but I have a hunch that there's a catch," said Zero. Sarutobi replies, "You thought right. My late successor wanted for Naruto to grow up to be a great ninja and a true hero of this village. In addition to the training you will give him, I will assign one jonin-rank ninja to teach him in the ninja arts. When he finishes his training with you and the shinobi I'll have assigned, he will have to go to the Ninja Academy to take the graduation test in order to become an official ninja of the Hidden Leaf, starting at the genin level."

The bio-weapon nodded, before asking, "Since the signing of this adoption form is done in private, would the Civilian Council, even with the help of the Elders, still be able to overrule your authority?" The old war hero shook his head with a smile, as he smugly thought, "How do you spoiled civilians like me now?!" "Now that we've settled things," started Zero as Sarutobi deactivates the soundproofing jutsu, "I think it's time we pay my new son a visit at the hospital."

But, before they could do that, another ANBU shows up, before reporting, "Lord Hokage, the Council is calling for a meeting concerning on what had happened in the Forest of Death." The old shinobi veteran sighed, as he says to Zero, "I afraid that this visit will have to wait," at which the latter replies, "Oh, don't worry. I've got some things to say to those pathetic piles of shit. I think it's time I taught a lesson they're not to forget, the Elders, too," as he pulls up one of his trench coat sleeves, revealing battle scars from his past brush-ins with Systems Corp.'s mercenaries, to the shock of the old war hero.

The two walked through the hallways of the tower, before coming into the meeting chamber. Sitting on one side is the Shinobi Council, consisting of the heads of the various shinobi clans residing in the village. One the other side of the chamber are the members of the Civilian Council, made up of the village's merchants, business owners, and nobles. And then, there are the Elders, consisting of some former teammates of the Hokage; Homura Mitokado, Koharu Utatane, and lastly, the war-hungry Danzo Shimura, identified by his bandages and grim expression. The Elders act as his advisers, yet providing the Civilian Council the means to override the Hokage's authority.

Zero made a look of contempt on his face toward both the Elders and the Civilian Council, having known of them because of the Hokage, who then took his seat as he declared, "This council meeting has come into session," before explaining, "As you may know, Naruto Uzumaki had escaped yet another angry mob, and hid out in Training Ground #44 A.K.A. "The Forest of Death". The ANBU Dog went against my orders and had gone to kill him there, but he was thwarted by this man," pointing to Zero, "Identified as Zero, no surname."

At this, a fat councilman demands to Zero, "Why did you stop that ANBU from finishing what Lord Forth had started?! The village needs to be cleansed of the demon's taint!" Zero replies in a growling voice, "I don't know what worthless crap you're talking about, fat boy. What I'm hearing from you is nothing more than a crap-load of finely-aged bullshit! The only taint I'm seeing is that of a bunch of greedy scumbags wanting more and more power for their pathetic little selves. Asides from that, I stopped him because he attacked me and the kid first, idiot!"

Indignant at being called names by the hardened warrior, the councilman foolishly attempts to rush Zero with a sharp knife, but was harshly grabbed by the collar of his robes and tossed aside like trash into a wall, and with only one arm at that! Koharu was about to order the ANBU hidden in the room to attack the bio-weapon, but was stopped by the Hokage, who warned, "Koharu-san, don't. You do not wish to provoke this newcomer. Besides, he had the right to have done that, and didn't even come from this village, anyways," before turning to Zero, "Could you care to show us the weapon that you've used to stop Dog?"

Zero sighs, "At least have someone bring in a bull's-eye target to demonstrate it with," before turning to the Elders and Civilians, "Now listen here, I don't want you getting any ideas about what you're going to see, YOU GOT THAT?!" The civilians nodded fearfully, gulping nervously at the super-soldier's tone, while the Elders kept a straight face. The Hokage orders the ANBU to bring in a bull's-eye target, which they did, as Zero brings out his XM-435 Super Mag. The council gasped at the appearance of the weapon, as he loaded a magazine into it, cocked it, and took aim at the bull's-eye. He pulled the trigger, and with one loud bang, the Super Mag fired a single round at the bull's-eye, hitting it dead center with a small explosion, before firing the other rounds in the clip, decimating the target.

It is then that Hiashi Hyuuga, head of the prestigious Hyuuga Clan and a member of the Shinobi Council, remarks, "This weapon looks powerful. From what I could make out, it is based on the concept of a handheld cannon." At this, Zero replies back, "I guess you could say that, sir. This is what we call a handgun, which fires metal projectiles by explosive action. You pull the trigger, and a hammer strikes the primer of the loaded cartridge, which holds the propellant and the projectile. When the primer is struck by a hammer in the weapon, the propellant is ignited, the force of which fires the bullet through a rifled barrel. The distance and speed that the projectile travels at depends on the muzzle velocity of the weapon that fires it. This handgun, of the pistol sub-type, is the semi-automatic XM-435 Super Mag. It fires specialized .435 caliber explosive rounds that detonate on impact."

Inwardly, Danzo is drooling at the aspect of ordering the mass-production of such a powerful weapon, the village's ninjas using it to great effect to conquer Konoha's enemies, and being named Hokage for it, the delusional old fool. The arch-rival of Sarutobi himself remarks, "I propose that we ask Zero's permission to borrow the weapon for reverse-engineering and mass-production. Our enemies would not see this one coming!"

At this, the super-soldier retorts with narrowed eyes, "No way in Hell, old man," as he puts the Super Mag away, "What if a ninja from another village gets his/her hand on this weapon, then what?!" Another civilian, this time a merchant running one of the village's banks, remarks, "You know, this guy's right! What if an opposing village gets their hands on this weapon? We could be at a real disadvantage!" Danzo may not appear it, but he inwardly steamed as he thought, "Damn this Zero for making such a good point! However, I can't help but be impressed by him..."

The bio-weapon then asks the Hokage, "Now, may I leave? I've got someone to visit at the hospital, and I'm not willing to waste anymore of my breath here having to put up with the spoiled brats in grown-ups' bodies known as the Civilian Council!" The Hokage nods, as he unleashes some KI (killing intent) to silence the Civilians before they could react to the hardened gunman having called them that. Zero left the meeting chamber, and then the tower as a whole to make his way to the hospital.

As he walked through the village, he noticed that some people are giving him strange looks, which is understandable since he's new and he dresses differently than most people there. He soon made it to the hospital, as he asks the receptionist, "Excuse me, I'm asking for the room that a Naruto Uzumaki is in. Do you know which one?"

At this, she retorts, "Why should I tell you which room that the little demon brat is recovering in?! Do you wish to get corrupted by it," when she was interrupted by the head doctor, who isn't pleased by the behavior of the receptionist. "I have no room in my hospital for bigoted people like you! Pack your things, you're fired!" he growled, before turning to Zero, "I'm terribly sorry about her, sir. She's one of those narrow-minded civilians who ACTUALLY thought that Mr. Uzumaki was the Nine-tailed Fox reincarnated. Anyways, the boy is in recovery room 201 on the second floor."

Zero nods, before taking an elevator to the second floor, and reaching recovery room 201. As expected, the door is guarded by ANBU operatives, as Zero comes up to them and asks, "The Hokage has given me permission to see this kid, so could you let me through?"

The elite ninjas simply nodded, before letting Zero enter the room, where he sees Naruto laying in bed. He comes to the side of the bed, before gingerly stroking the blonde jinchuuriki's forehead. He thought, "Just you wait, kid, I'll get you out of this village, away from those idiots," as he then noticed the 6 year old's baby-blue eyes opening.

Zero smiled in a fatherly manner, before asking, "How'd you sleep, kid," at which Naruto replies, "I slept fine, thank you," as he then inquires, "But, why did you save me from that mean ANBU? No one ever helps me, save for Old Man Hokage and some of the other ANBU." The super-soldier replies, "I wouldn't just stand there, kid. I wasn't about to let some ingrate with an inability to let go of his grief kill a little kid like you," before whispering, "So, I talked things over with the Hokage, and he decided to let me adopt you, so I'm pretty much your dad, now," as he then pulls Naruto into a fatherly embrace.

The demon container had many thoughts running through his mind at a million miles per hour, before he began crying tears of happiness, as he returned the embrace. Zero tenderly strokes his back, whispering, "It's going to be alright, kid. Let it all out." The next day, we see the Hokage seeing Zero and Naruto off as they left the village gates, alongside an ANBU ninja that the old war veteran assigned to give the jinchuuriki his training in the ninja arts.

[Timeskip: 6 years later]

We see the two "Eternal Chuunins" Izumo and Kotetsu, guarding the gates of the village, but are absolutely bored out of their minds. They then noticed three figures walking towards the gate; One of them is the ANBU that the Hokage sent off for six years, another one is Zero, the who stopped the ANBU Dog from killing their favorite demon container, now with a five 'o clock shadow. The last figure is Naruto himself, now with a dramatic change in appearance. He is now wearing a black zip-up jacket with an ammo belt around it like a sash, in addition to a pair of deep blue jeans, in addition to a gun holster and a holster for shuriken and kunai. On his feet, he wears a pair of standard ninja sandals, and on his back is a hammerspace backpack like the one Zero wears and uses to store his items. The two chuunin welcomed the three back into the village, as they are then escorted to the Hokage's office. When they made it there, they still saw the ridiculous amounts of paperwork sent in mostly by the civilian council, but not as much as six years ago.

Zero greets the elderly war chief, "We're back, old man, and Naruto's ready to kick some major ass at the academy!" Sarutobi himself smiled back, "Ah, welcome back you three," as he finds himself caught in a friendly embrace by his surrogate grandson, who asks with a smirk, "So, have the civilians been giving you trouble as always?" The old Hokage nodded, as he replies, "Why, yes. When I revealed to them that I've let Zero adopt you, they demanded that I send Hunter Ninjas to track the both of you down. However, I finally asserted my authority, and reminded them about their place on the council. I was also informed that certain members of the Civilian Council were corrupt, and I had them stripped of their ill-gained political power and arrested on charges of treason by selling information to enemy villages, money embezzlement, and bribery among other acts of corruption. It serves them right. I still have to deal with paperwork, only it's less severe than six years prior, thankfully, but still, the other remaining members of the Civilian Council proved to be real pains in the neck at times." He then asks the ANBU, "And how had Naruto's training in the ninja arts went?" The ninja reports, "This kid absorbs knowledge like a sponge, and paid a lot of attention to the lessons we gave him. In short, he did excellent, Lord Hokage."

Meanwhile, at the Ninja Academy, we see chuunin-rank instructors Iruka Umino and Mizuki Touji getting ready for the Genin Exams. They hear knocking on the door, as Iruka replies, "Come in." In came Naruto Uzumaki himself, as he hands the scarred instructor a note from the Hokage. "Alright," Iruka started, "We have a new student joining us for the Genin Exams with permission from the Hokage. The note also said that he had been on an extended training trip for six years. Please welcome, Naruto Uzumaki." This got some reactions, some excited, some irritable, and others motivated by…erm, fan girl-ness.

"SIX YEARS!? You're joking, Iruka-sensei!"

"Hey, we spent a few years through this academy, and he gets to come in, without even having gone through the lectures. So unfair!"

"Hey, stop complaining, man! If he's truly gone on such a long training trip, then he doesn't even need to go through them."

"I'd *munch-munch-munch* pay to see what he *munch-munch* might do in these exams!"

"What a show-off!"

"This guy means business, I can tell!"

"Hmm. How troublesome."

"DON'T LET THIS GUY PARTICIPATE IN THE EXAMS, HE'LL TRY TO MAKE SASUKE-KUN LOOK BAD AND STEAL HIS THUNDER!"

At this, Iruka used his infamous "Big-Head Jutsu", and yelled out, "SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU BRATS!" It is one thing for a student to not pay attention to his lectures, but it's a whole other deal for female students to be arrogant fan girls who don't take their lessons seriously and only concern themselves with looking good for their Prince Charming, whoso happens to be a certain, black-haired self-proclaimed avenger. He regained his composure, before continuing, "Listen, if there's something about this you want to complain your head off about, take it up with the Hokage. Now then, class, to begin the written portion of the exams," as he motions for Mizuki to pass out the worksheets.

However, the silver-haired instructor is one of the few ninjas in the village who hated Naruto, thinking that he is the Nine-tailed Fox reincarnated. Not wanting him to become a ninja, he covertly places a genjutsu on the copy of the worksheet meant for Naruto. Unfortunately for Mizuki, the blonde gunman had caught on to it, and released the illusion, and wrote the correct answers to the questions on the paper. When the time came for the test papers to be turned in, Iruka gathered them, and graded each one. He was surprised when he graded Naruto's worksheet, for all of the answers on it are absolutely correct, narrowly beating Sasuke Uchiha, who only got one answer wrong.

When he announced the grades for the test papers, the Uchiha's fan girls fumed that a newcomer was upstaging their idol, as the loudest among them all, a pink-haired banshee named Sakura Haruno, who is the daughter of one of the civilian councilwomen, accuses Naruto of cheating, only to be silenced by said blonde with a smidge of KI while pointing at her one of his two favorite handguns, a Podbyrin 9.2mm from Russia, which by appearances resembles a cross between a Desert Eagle and a Walther P-38. Sakura attended the Ninja Academy, like most other civilian girls, just to get close to Sasuke, who usually ignored their advances. Speaking of which, the black-haired brooder is the lone survivor of his older brother Itachi killing off their family, the prestigious Uchiha Clan, and fleeing from the village as a rogue ninja. Sasuke vowed vengeance on his brother, and began to train intensely in the ninja arts to become strong enough to face Itachi.

However, the Civilian Council and the Elders saw fit to spoil him rotten with lies about his so-called greatness, due to their belief that because the Uchiha clan had the jutsu-copying bloodline ability known as the Sharingan, they were invincible. Plus, the Uchiha Clan is one of the founding clans of the village, as well. However, all the Civilians did was to turn Sasuke into a power-hungry jerk. The brooding avenger was also seething at being upstaged, but was curious to know what kind of training the newcomer had exactly undergone. "Perhaps if I find out his secrets," he thought, "I'll take them for my own, and I might finally be on the level needed to kill that damned older brother of mine!"

The next part of the Genin Exams consisted of target practice and taijutsu matches. After several students, including Sasuke, performed their target practice tests, Naruto was next.

The raven-haired boy, after hitting 9 out of 10 targets, said smugly to Naruto, "Beat that, newbie." The blonde jinchuuriki replies, "Oh, I plan on that, alright," before turning to Iruka, "Say, Iruka-sensei. You said that you can use ANY kind of weapon to hit the targets, right?" The pony-tailed chuunin nods, before noticing Naruto reaching into and pulling out something from his backpack; An S&T Daewoo K11 assault rifle, along with a 30-round STANAG magazine clip and a larger 5-round box magazine for the weapon's bolt-action airburst grenade launcher component.

The other students watched in awe (some with their jaws on the ground) as the blonde loaded the magazines onto the weapon, charges the gun, and takes aim at a target. He holds the down the trigger for a brief moment, firing a three-round burst at the target, leaving some holes at the head area. He did the same with the other targets, Swiss-cheesing them with rapid-fire bursts from the weapon. For good measure, he blows some of them up with 20mm airburst smart grenades. The students were awestruck by the destructive potential of the assault rifle, but Mizuki was inwardly steaming that Naruto is passing the target practice test with flying colors with this strange weapon. However, there is still the taijutsu portion, so there may still be a chance that his plan to use the 'demon brat' to steal the Forbidden Scroll and giving it to a certain S-Rank traitor may still work.

As Naruto blew the smoke from his gun's barrels with Iruka passing him, he noticed the duck-haired emo approaching him. He asks, "What do you want," at which Sasuke replies, "I want that weapon that you've used just now. As an Uchiha, I demand that you hand it over," at which Sakura screeches, "Yeah! You should give that thing to him! He obviously deserves to use it more than you do, loser!"

Naruto shook his head, before narrowing his eyes and replying, "Sorry, but you can't have it, and for some very good reasons, too. #1: You don't know how to use this, and you don't know how to properly maintain it, either. #2: You're spoiled rotten and way too emo. #3: I just don't like you, judging from your arrogance, and the way that your fan girls act. #4: The K11 was a gift to me from my dad, who also happens to be a hardened warrior who could kick your ass faster than you could say 'Sharingan', and still have plenty of endurance left over to do it again FIVE TIMES OVER."

The second and third reasons made most of the male students laugh, and even the quiet and secretive Shino Aburame, who is from the Aburame Clan of insect-using ninjas, was chuckling lightly. Infuriated, Sasuke charged towards Naruto, attempting to swipe the weapon, only for the jinchuuriki to simply sidestep and trip the arrogant rookie. As Sasuke got up to try again, he is faced with Iruka, who scolded, "Sasuke Uchiha, do not even think about it! This weapon belongs to him, and if you want to get down and dirty, save it for the taijutsu portion of the exams!"

Moments later, we see the rookies pitted against one another in one-on-one taijutsu matches. The last pair of rookies to fight each other are (you guessed it) Naruto and Sasuke. The latter went into his family's Interceptor stance, while the blonde adoptive son of Zero took on a Japanese kickboxing stance.

To start the match, Iruka shouted, "Hajime!" as Naruto made a "your move" motion with his hand, prompting Sasuke to make the first attack, swinging a punch which Naruto parried. He then began parrying subsequent blows from the Uchiha heir, before deciding to go on the offensive, landing a combo of kicks, elbow strikes, hooks, and punches, ending it with a powerful bolo punch. Sasuke was knocked out onto the arena floor, much to the outrage of most of the fan girls (Sakura among them), even though some (including Ino Yamanaka) began having second thoughts about the so-called 'Great Uchiha'.

As soon as Naruto was declared the winner of the match, an enraged Sasuke got up, and performed the hand signs for the Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu, which he promptly performed a double-jump over the flaming projectile, landing behind the spoiled emo. He quickly catches him in a choke hold with one arm, while pointing his other favorite handgun, a 2009 Colt Delta Elite (chambered for 10mm Auto) to his head with the other. "Listen, Uchiha, I won fair and square," growled Naruto, "If you have issues with this, *puts on a pair of sunglasses for effect* deal with it!"

Chapter 2 End

Whoo! Now that was a long one! Sorry that I had to end it right there. I don't want to end up making it too long, or else I'd make this a two-in-one sort of a chapter. Anyways, be sure to review. Constructive criticism is good, too. Oh, and did you see the way I referenced that meme? I bet you did!

In case you lovely ladies and gentlemen haven't noticed, I've been fixing any mistake and/or editing the chapters to make them look better.

EDIT (6/9/2014): Minor fixes