So, a year later, I present you the second chapter of Recalling Mischief. Please enjoy~.
This chapter is dedicated to: CandyassGoth, janet1982, PiggyBackRidesz, Mel, Heero,randon2crazyness, Guest (11/7/12), Shawntail, Angieboda, TwT, Freddy (I hope you're still alive, lol), Annuin, Mandu, Matt, Shounen-aiLover23 and Random. Thank you for leaving me your thoughts on this fic . . . without it, I would have given up a long time ago.
Warnings: Angst . . . Lots of it! Any errors will be corrected later, in the meantime, please ignore them.
Disclaimer: I do not own Thor! I just borrowed the characters for Chibi's perverted amusement!
"I don't know what is happening to me, Brother . . . I know this is wrong, but I can't help myself. Why? Why am I drawn to you when the one I desire haunts my dream?"
He doesn't remember, thought Loki. He doesn't remember!
Realisation hurtled into him like a plummeting comet, his body rocked violently with the force. Retreating a few steps back from Thor, Loki stared at the offender with eyes wide with disbelief and horror.
He doesn't remember . . .
Closing his eyes, Loki reached out to support himself on the back of a chair, his slender form swaying from the impact. It provoked a whimper of concern from his sibling who stood stunned and motionless.
Thor looked deathly pale. The hand imprint was bright on the ashen face. To Thor's credit, he did not flinch nor did he attempt to nurse the reddened flesh.
"Brother," Thor said softly. Extending an outstretched hand, he took a hesitant step forward and then another . . .
"Get out," the tone was clipped and cold. Reproachful eyes, glowering at the nearing figure, blazed with angry hostility.
Thor's steps faltered and stilled.
"Brother, I—"
"I said 'get out'!" Refusing acknowledge the other further, Loki turned his back to Thor. The rigid pose signified the end of their conversation and subsequent meeting.
Thor stared blankly at the slender back. The desire to pacify his brother was great, but he did not know how to go about it. He knew he crossed the line when he kissed Loki, he knew it was inappropriate behaviour; but the urge had overcome the sense of propriety and prudence, and the result was this disastrous confrontation. The unforgiving manner Loki displayed towards him was richly deserved.
With sagging shoulders and an air of defeat about him, Thor silently made his way to the exit. He could only hope with time Loki would have calmed down enough for him to approach him again. But for now, he could only retreat and reflect on his compulsiveness and stupidity.
Upon reaching the door, Thor paused and twisted his head for a backward glance at Loki. The other's unchanged stance had him sighing with resignation as he left. Loki's defences were impregnable when he put his mind to it, his presence would only antagonise him further. With relationships turning sour and events spiralling out of control, Thor was stumped on what to do next.
The closing of the door signified his departure from the room, but it also erected a barrier—both physical and mental—between him and his brother. Suffice to say, it estranged them more than ever.
Expelling a deep sigh, the Asgard heir went in search for his boisterous friends. Moping outside his brother's quarters wasn't going to do much good.
O-o-O-o-O
Upon hearing the click, Loki turned and glared at the closed door.
He doesn't remember . . .
Hot anger boiled inside him like molten lava in a simmering volcano. With a loud ear-splitting shriek he picked up the chair and hurled it across against the wall. Soon, everything in his neat and orderly room followed. Books, scrolls, furnishings and furniture were tossed, smashed and swept aside. Unlike Thor he didn't possess much. He did not have mementos from dear friends, he did not have tokens of love given to him from past and present lovers, and he did not have gifts bestowed on him from adoring subjects. Before long, Loki ran out of things to throw and destroy. The sparse room could no longer contain his wrath and his fury spilled over with a gut-wrenching cry.
He doesn't remember!
Dropping to the floor, he clutched his head whilst the same words spun around in his mind like a vicious vortex . . . reminding him of his lame hopes and foolish endeavours. Each word—like an attack from Gungnir—pierced through his heart, stabbing him with its callousness and causing a small part of himself to die.
It was so close . . . yet so far!
He almost had him. He almost had his brother, his beloved within his grasp. He was so close to obtaining what his heart desired—only for it to be cruelly snatched away from the cusp of victory. If Thor didn't remember after that kiss, he will not remember ever.
It was brutal. It hurt. It hurt so badly.
Loki bit back the sob that rose in his throat. Slowly, he got up. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears—tears of anger, frustration and sorrow. Digging the heel of his hands into his eyes, he scrubbed away the traces of his grief and weakness. Then, like drunken man, he staggered to the door. His body weary but his ire far from spent. He needed to get out. Alone with his anger and pain, his confinement threatened to stifle and choke him. It threatened to snuff out his sad existence. No one would care if it happened. After all, wasn't he a prince that nobody wanted, a person whom nobody loved? He was an insignificant nobody. His brother had proved that.
One hand gripped the clothed chest that was heaving with laboured gasps, the other wrenching the door open as he stormed out with unsteady steps.
It doesn't matter now, he told himself. It doesn't matter anymore.
In Loki's turbulent mind, all was lost. Nothing mattered anymore.
O-o-O-o-O
"Brother!"
The body stiffening to the familiar voice he had not heard since that incident in his room some days ago, Loki stopped but he did not turn around. Instead, he listened to the footsteps as it thundered towards him, his heartbeat speeding up as the person neared.
"Brother," Thor repeated the name with a hint of urgency. Stopping short of his brother, he continued on, "Is it true?" he asked. "Is it true you are paying a visit to Celestial Heliopolis?"
For the second time in days, Loki's rigid back remained facing Thor. Silence was his answer as his lips thinned and remained sealed.
Impatience got the better of the older prince. He grabbed the younger by the shoulders and spun him around. Frantic aquamarine fixed intently at the cold mask in front of him. Antagonism radiated off the smaller male, the aura enveloping them and warning him to back off. However, it did not deter Thor. On the contrary, Thor insisted an answer as he shook his slender companion. "Brother, answer me!"
"Is that an order from the Crown Prince of Asgard?" sneered Loki, his eyes narrowed mockingly. "Are you demanding I tell you out of mere curiosity or is it out of concern for your precious little brother?" Loki spat out the last word as if it were tainted with poison.
"Just tell me, Brother!"
Worn out by the repeated use of that hated title, Loki's composure shattered into tiny fragments. His anger blazed anew. "Yes, it is true," he snapped irritably. "However, what I chose to do with myself is no concern of yours." The icy glare that accompanied the remark would have made the even a Frost King proud. It was aimed at Thor.
Thor gave a snort of disdain. "Is it him you plan to visit?" Tension bled through Thor's words. It was heavily laced with suspicion.
The person who Thor was alluding to was not lost on Loki, but he hid his surprise well. The calloused fingers that gripped his shoulders dug into his flesh, bruising it. He tried not to wince at the pain it caused as he gritted out a reply, "I do believe the reason for my visit or whom I plan on meeting is none of your business. I—"
Before Loki could complete the sentence he was pushed back and slammed into a marble column. He let out a grunt of pain as his back impacted with the cold, hard surface. Thor's fingers continued to dig into his shoulders; the bone-crushing grip held Loki captive, effectively pinning him in place.
"If you are rendezvousing with Setekh then I have every right to be concerned," Thor snarled. "I have seen the way he looks at you. He is like a predator ready to devour its prey."
"And you think I cannot defend myself against a predator? That I would require your protection?" Loki let out a humourless laugh and scowled. "Go and protect that flighty Heliopolitan female of yours if you must play the gallant hero. I do not require such service and neither do I wish it. Now let me go!"
Thor ignored Loki's demand. "Must you go, Brother?" he implored. "If I have offended you in any way, please forgive me. Tell me how to make amends and I will do it. Just don't go!"
Loki's heart clenched and unclenched at Thor's plea. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't a cold, heartless man. If there was anyone to make him feel, it was the man in front of him. The same man who was grounding his heart into powder with the same ease as Mjölnir crushing stones into dust. Loki wouldn't have minded had Thor not kissed him. He would have been content with just the memories gained from their one heated encounter. But Thor had to spoil it. Like a petulant, destructive child, he shattered that peace with a single kiss and a muddled confession. A confession that sounded like incoherent ramblings of a confused fool.
Loki had hoped Thor would remember one day. He hoped Thor would remember and return his feelings.
It was hope, which kept his discontentment in check.
It was hope that flickered tenuously in his heart, burning weakly against the odds stacked against it.
Loki never gave up . . . until now. It was why he accepted the request to visit Celestial Heliopolis. He needed to get away from Asgard . . . from Thor. The close proximity to the man was too much to bear and Setekh's invitation was too good an opportunity to miss.
With the promise of being isolated way from people, Setekh had generously offered a secluded place for him to stay. The lure of having the man's extensive and impressive collection of books at his disposal had persuaded him to accept the invite. He was to leave in two days time. Setekh was unavailable due to pressing matters; otherwise Loki would have gone already.
It had been five days since the kiss and Loki did his utmost to avoid Thor. Feigning ill health, he avoided public appearances and meetings with the council, and remained in his room. He had yet to go back to his secret refuge. After venting his fury and razing a good part of it to the ground, he steered clear of it. It was too painful a reminder of what transpired between them to return again.
"Brother?"
Thor's soft voice shook Loki out of his reverie. The emerald eyes blinked several times to clear them from its glazed look and focused onto the concerned face of his sibling. Aqua blue peered into his . . . searching, delving deep for an answer.
"No!" Loki hardened his heart and façade against Thor. The word applied to his refusal to remain in Asgard for Thor and a reminder not to fall into the awaiting trap. Thor's expression had his heart clenched in a painful way, it could potentially persuade him to change his mind.
"No?" Thor parroted, looking bewildered.
"No, I have to . . . " Loki, stopped, shook his head and swallowed hard, 'no, I need to go and there is nothing you can do to change my mind."
The grip tightened further. Loki's declaration had compelled Thor to cling harder onto his companion. The fear that the other was going to vanish into thin air was too great and knowing how slippery Loki was, it was not a risk Thor was willing to take. The feeling of defiance rose in Thor, it was a feeling that Loki was very capable of evoking. Without proper closure, there was no way he was allowing Loki to flee from him. Like now, he would physically anchor him down if he had to.
"I refuse to let you go," Thor's determination seeped through the statement. It held traces of arrogance that was easily associable with the man. The Asgard Prince was cocky when he's feeling confident. "I will—"
Approaching footsteps broke off the tête-à-tête, forcing the larger male to pull back slightly. Reluctance warred with propriety as Thor grappled with the desire to hold onto Loki and the need to release him.
"Let go!" hissed Loki, struggling frantically to be freed from the vice-like hold on him. Panic rose as his gaze darted towards the direction of the footsteps, it resounded loudly despite the hammering of his heart in his ears. He didn't want to be caught in a compromising position with his brother. It may not scream intimate, but their closeness would have raised a few eyebrows. Unfortunately for Loki, Thor appeared to do the opposite of what was required of him.
Leaning to one side of Loki's cheek, Thor murmured urgently into latter's ear, "Meet me at the lake and we will discuss the matter further."
Loki's eyes widened at the request and he struggled with protests anew, "There is nothing more to discuss. Now let me go!"
"You are wrong to assume that. I will not leave until we've addressed this problem."
"You can wait all you want, but do not expect me to be there," retorted Loki.
"Like I said, I will not leave until I've spoken with you. I'll wait all day if I have to."
"Then have a pleasant wait, Brother," Loki scoffed. "Oh, you might want to bring a whore to pass time with. I wouldn't want you to get bored now, do I?"
Thor gave Loki a pained look, but said nothing. Hesitating for a few heartbeats as he soaked in the image of his brother, he finally released his captive then turned and marched off.
Loki paused for a moment to compose himself. After calming his breathing, he pushed off the pillar and angrily storming off in the opposite direction.
If Thor thought he was going to meet up with him, he had another thing coming!
O-o-O-o-O
The water lapped repeatedly against the bank of the lake, the sound was soothing and gentle. Thor sat near the edge, his eyes staring blankly at the rippling water. The sagging posture and the vacant expression represented dejection. The quietude of his surrounding did nothing to relieve or allay the fear and anxiety that beset his heart.
He waited through all of the morning and most of the afternoon for Loki to come. The midday sun had passed over his head some time ago and he knew dusk was not far off. Still, he waited. Ignoring his hunger and thirst, he continued on, not moving from the spot he initially chose.
At first, he would instantly respond to any noise he picked up, his heart would race with expectancy. Quickly, his head would turn and his eyes would light up with eager anticipation . . . only to be subsequently crushed by disappointment. Even after waiting for so long, he would react to every disturbance with the same vigour. His mind would stir and his senses flutter—hoping, with all his heart—he would be rewarded with the sight of his brother.
With time, he became disillusioned and little by little, his optimism died. Deep down inside he knew the wait was going to be futile, but he thought Loki would change his mind. That he moved him. Thor snorted to himself. Loki could be obstinate when he chose to be. How else was he able to shirk his duties and elude him for the past five days?
Recalling the reason for Loki's evasiveness and his visit to Celestial Heliopolis, Thor sobered up. Fingers reached up and pressed the lips that made contact with his brother's. The kiss they shared was beyond anything he experienced. It was heated and stimulating. Thor could not forget how Loki responded to him. He could not forget how that stoic man greedily kissed him back. The submission was achingly beautiful and arousing. The knowledge that what they were doing was impermissible made it that much sweeter.
However . . .
Grimacing, Thor trailed his fingers away from his lips to his cheek and caressed the place where Loki slapped him. The phantom burn of flesh striking flesh still taunted him; the sting lingered on despite the impression it left behind had faded.
Golden brows knitted in concentration as Thor tried to make sense of Loki's anger. For a fact, he knew it wasn't because of the kiss and, judging by the hungry way the latter responded, Thor was certain Loki wanted it as much as he did. Thor wasn't lying when he said he was drawn to him despite desiring another. Thor flinched when the possibility dawned on him.
Did Loki mind the fact he desired another?
Farfetched as it seemed, it was the only plausible explanation Thor could come up with. He didn't know whether he should be happy that Loki was jealous or appalled that he had messed up so badly. At least he now knew why Loki was angry with him. It was obvious he had erred gravely. With the revelation, a new set of problems arose. What were his feelings towards his brother?
Brother . . . his mind whispered. It reminded him of his misconduct. Of how wrong it was to feel attracted to one's sibling in a less than platonic way. Unlike the Heliopolitans where intimacies between siblings were often practiced, incest was not tolerated in Asgard, least of all, between two men.
Ironically, Thor had never considered being intimate with another man; in fact, he never thought he'd see his brother in any other light. However, something changed inside of him. Like an abstract feeling that remained intangible, he couldn't put a name to it. And it all began with those dreams. It was as if he was seeking a substitute for the one he couldn't have with another who was readily available. He knew it was unfair to Loki. He knew it was wrong . . . yet, when their lips met it felt so right.
Groaning aloud, Thor collapsed backwards and stretched out his tall frame along the grass. If only he didn't have these dreams! If only . . . Thor paused and narrowed his eyes.
Something tugged on his memory.
He began having these dreams after his visit to the lake. Frowning, he mentally backtracked and began rummaging deep into the archives of his sub-consciousness. However, it was a futile exercise because he achieved nothing. Like the mysterious identity of his dream lover; the answer was like a thin wraith of mist. It vanished with the daybreak. The sensation left Thor feeling empty and cold . . . very much like the feeling he got when he awoke in this place so many days ago. At first, he thought little of the unsettling feeling and dismissed it as some misplaced sentiments, but now, now he wasn't so sure. Not when he was lying here, basking in the peace the place offered. He felt like it was déjà vu. If only he could make sense of it.
Shaking his head, he tried to dispel the restlessness his brooding roused. Stressed from the earlier meeting with his brother, he didn't want to exhaust his fray nerves.
Folding his arms behind his head, Thor closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax into the ground's embrace; the calming effect of nature soothing his brittle spirit.
For once, he envisaged something other than his dream spectre behind the shuttered lids. Nourished by the thoughts of Loki, he surrendered to the familiar face of his beloved brother. A smile teased his lips as he listened out for Loki's approach. He was determined more than ever to work things out between them. He was determined to make Loki stay.
O-o-O-o-O
Loki's resolution to ignore Thor wavered as the day waned. No amount of pacing his room could take his mind off the possibility his beloved could be waiting for him in their sanctuary. The more he thought about it, the more he longed to go. Gritting his teeth, he slammed a fist onto his temple and cursed loudly.
He will not yield, he reminded himself.
He will not satisfy the other's ego by caving in.
He will not stoke the graceless barbarian's over-inflated conceit by doing as he asks.
He will not . . .
The slamming of the door marked the departure of the room's only occupant.
Suddenly, everything was still once more.
O-o-O-o-O
All was quiet around the lake. Peeking from a distance away, Loki spied Thor's reposed form on the ground. He appeared to be asleep.
Loki stealthily crept up to the sleeping man and quietly dropped onto his knees when he reached him. Mesmerised, Loki drank in the sight before him. Not since that day, when Thor was nestled in his arms, had Loki seen Thor looking so defenceless, so peaceful. The sight and thought made his hearted fluttered nervously against his chest and he became breathless.
Studying the still face closely, Loki committed every minuscule detail to memory. He took in the straight nose, the smooth narrow forehead and the full lips that were surrounded by neat trimmed hairs. His eyes trailed over the golden lashes fanned out against the honey-hued skin. Ravenously, he devoured the sight of the powerful biceps and toned thighs. He was enthralled by the outline of firm abdominal muscles through the loose linen tunic Thor wore. Loki licked his lips and swallowed.
Thor in his state of rest was beautiful. The temptation was beautiful.
Loki sat back onto his haunches. Clenched hands rested on his thighs as he willed them to not to move. The need to touch was overwhelming. The forced restraint was painful. Without his bidding, his body leaned forward and his face hovering very near to Thor's. Closing his eyes, Loki breathed in the other's scent. Longing filled the aggrieved man, his senses on fire with the other's smell, warmth and closeness.
It was hard to resist.
Unconsciously, he began gravitating towards the slumbering male, leaning dangerously close until he could feel the gentle puffs of air as the other exhaled on his face.
Perhaps, one kiss, Loki thought. A light peck will not go amiss, right?
It would be a memory he could cherish in the lonely days to come. It will satisfy a little of the yearning that was eating him alive.
Loki pressed his lips against Thor's. Fearing he would wake up the recipient, the kiss was brief and tender. Pulling away and sighing, he opened his eyes.
Bemused aquamarine stared up at him; its owner's formerly claimed lips parted to utter a single word.
"Brother?"
~TBC~
Author's Notes: Yes, I know! After updating this fic a year later, I leave everyone hanging on a cliffie . . . again. And yes, you can call me evil, lol! Sorry, Chibi! I know how much you were looking forward to Thorki porn, but remember, hon, all good things to those who wait! Just pray you don't have to wait that long again!
Truth be told, it wasn't my intention to stop there, I was supposed to finish it. However, after working sporadically on this for three weeks, I know it will take me another three weeks to write the rest. With that in mind, I decided to post what I have done and go back to it after I've fulfilled my other commitments. Let's hope I won't take another year to write the concluding chapter, but then again, 2014 is only a few months away, right? It'll be amusing to see a three-chaptered fic take that long to complete.
So, it'll be interesting to see what you all think of this chapter. As always, I look forward to your thoughts, know that it keeps me motivated~. Thanks for reading.
*Gungnir — Odin's magical spear.