Okay so a large chunk of this one is going to be a flashback mixed in with the present. It's my take on the origin of Rayna's song "Sanctuary" and also how Deacon met Maddie for the first time. It's pretty long, but definitely worth it. Keep commenting and following if you enjoy it!
The night had been so emotionally draining for all of them. The tribute had been a night to honor and mourn the loss of Rayna and it seemed all of Nashville was right there beside them. Seeing her pictures everywhere had been tough for him and the girls. And them getting up and singing her song without her was so hard. But, in some way he felt that the pain it caused them was different, it was a pain of healing. In the moments when their melodies collided and intertwined, he could almost feel her looking down on them. And he hoped she'd be proud.
"I remember when she wrote 'Sanctuary', the first time she played it for me. That was the same day I met you for the first time, Maddie. Stole my heart right then and there," Deacon said with a pained smile as they drove home.
"She used to sing that to me all the time. When I wouldn't go to sleep or when I was sick. It was one of my favorites," Maddie said, "She used to joke that she'd practically have to sing a whole album to get me to go to bed. I always wanted her to sing 'No One Will Ever Love You'. I called it 'the happy song' back then. I used to think how sweet it was to be loved so specially by somebody. I never realized how hard it must've been for her. But she always sang it, just because I asked, she'd just skip over your part. But when she thought I was sleeping, she'd sing that part to herself and I swear I used to see a tear fall."
It'd been a little after they started working together again since she'd married Teddy and he'd gotten out of rehab. They were still learning where the lines were in their new, fragile relationship and tiptoeing around each other trying to ignore the fact that there was oceans of unfinished history between them.
"I was just wondering if maybe I could run a song by you. I think the lyrics are strong, but I just don't think the guitar part is as good as it could be and I was thinking…..uh…maybe you could help me with that part," she said.
It was definitely a big step for them. They hadn't worked by themselves yet or on any new material. Mostly, just playing a few shows here and there and getting ready for their big tour. Her set included most of her big hit classics that he already knew. But he'd noticed all their songs were gone and that there were a few new additions like "The Best Songs Come From Broken Hearts". They hadn't gone anywhere near songwriting. They still hadn't figured out what that looked like for them as strictly professional. Usually they'd done their best work laying naked together in bed just pouring their hearts out, but that obviously wasn't an option here.
"Yeah, of course, Ray. Um, when do you want to get together?" he asked.
"I was thinking maybe tomorrow afternoon. There's a park I go to with Maddie, she can usually get a nap in and it's quiet and private and you know….neutral for us," Rayna said, her eyes not meeting his.
"That works for me. I'll see you then," he said.
They'd met in the park at the designated time. She was struggling to carry the bulky guitar case as well as maneuver the stroller and balance a diaper bag.
He jogged over to her and took the guitar case from her hands and bag off her shoulder.
"Thanks, Deacon."
"So, I finally get to meet this little one huh."
"Yes, you do," Rayna said.
He could tell from her voice that she was nervous about this whole meeting. Him and her working together again. Having the baby here, a physical symbol of the life she was building with someone that wasn't him all colliding together.
She reached into the stroller and cradled the baby in her arms.
"Maddie, this is your Uncle Deacon," Rayna cooed as she turned the baby towards him, so he could see her wide little eyes looking out at him.
Rayna had been deciding this on the drive here. She had already known that today she was gonna have Deacon see Maddie for the first time. She could've easily had Tandy watch her, but she wanted this moment between the three of them. She wanted to give Deacon the privacy of seeing his daughter for the first time, without the glaring eyes of Teddy. She felt so guilty about not telling him, guilty to Teddy for feeling guilty about not telling Deacon. She was also incredibly nervous. What if Deacon saw what Rayna saw each and everyday in her daughter: him. Her scrunched up little face when she was fussy, the ways her eyes intently stared out at you. She saw more and more as she was growing and she was scared to death he'd see her and ask why she didn't tell him Maddie was his.
Deacon was probably going to be around her a lot with the tour coming up and through the rest of their lives. So, Rayna had decided she wanted him to be more than just her guitar player, more than just an old friend to Maddie. So she'd decided that from now on he'd be "Uncle Deacon". She hadn't told Teddy yet. But she didn't care. For all intents and purposes, Teddy was Maddie's dad. Rayna would never betray that, betray what he did for them. Rayna just wanted to give Deacon this little piece, this one thing, because they'd never have everything they should've. They couldn't be husband and wife, or lovers, or a family, so she wanted to give him "Uncle Deacon". Even if it only soothed her conscience.
"She's beautiful, Rayna, she's every bit of you," Deacon said with a pained smile.
Deacon had been surprised by her statement, but didn't mention it. It was an olive branch, a peace offering and he gladly took it. It should've been him married to Rayna, having kids, building a life, but he'd lost that. But this baby, this beautiful little girl, she was still Rayna's and that's all that mattered to him.
"You wanna hold her?" Rayna offered cautiously.
"Yes." Deacon said without hesitation.
Rayna slowly carried her over to him, gently placing her in the cradle of his arms.
"Remember to-" she instructed.
"Support the head, I remember, Ray, from Scarlett."
"Yes, yes of course. You were so good with her."
Rayna could barely hold back the tears in her eyes. It was a mix of intense joy and immense sadness and loss for what could've been, but would never be.
Deacon looked down at Maddie and was immediately won over. He was happy for her. Happy that she'd gotten what he couldn't give her. She was a mama and she was a great one at that. He knew how important family was for her and how she wanted to give her kids the support she never had growing up. She'd get to do that.
"Are you happy, Ray?" Deacon asked.
"Being her mama makes me incredibly happy. I didn't know how much I'd love her, how deeply I could love this little person," Rayna replied.
"That's not what I asked," Deacon responded.
"There are so many happy moments."
Deacon looked in her eyes and saw just for a second a flash of sadness cross them that made him drop the subject. He looked down at Maddie and saw that she was dozing off.
"Here, I think this little one needs a nap," Deacon said, gently placing her back into Rayna's arms.
Rayna, letting out a breath of relief, laid Maddie down softly into the stroller.
"So, how about that song?" Deacon asked.
"I'll play what I have so far and then tell me what you think," Rayna said as she opened up the guitar case.
She set herself up and slowly started playing.
Turn the light off, go to bed, tell me all about the day you had.
Lay beside me, it's time to rest.
You can close your eyes, you've done your best.
Let me be your sanctuary
Let me be your safe place to fall
I can take away your worries
The refuge from it all
Oh this time, we have together, is our shelter from the rain
I will share the way you carried
Let me be your sanctuary
We have weathered through the storms
Taken comfort in each other's arms
When the dark clouds, come again
I will lift you up and take you in
Let me be your sanctuary
Let me your safe place to fall
I can take away your worries
The refuge from it all
Oh this time, that we have together, is our shelter from the rain
I will share the way you carried
Let me be your sanctuary
I will share this way you carry
Let me be your sanctuary
"I know it probably needs more work, especially the music but-"
"Rayna, it's perfect. The lyrics are beautiful and the music compliments it perfectly without taking away from the words."
"Are you sure? I mean the chords aren't too simple? I haven't really written on my own since…I mean in awhile"
"You don't need anyone else, Ray. The song can stand up by itself, just like you."
"Thanks, Deacon."
"Who's it about?"
"I don't really know. I've been thinking about my mama a lot since Maddie, and trying to learn how to be one for her on my own. I started it and the rest just flowed out. I want to be all that for her. I want to be a good mother, but how am I supposed to know without my own?" Rayna said, her voice cracking a little.
"Rayna Jaymes, you are going to be a great mama for that little girl. You are so strong for everybody around you, you protect them and you love them as hard as you can. That's all she'll ever need."
"I still need you, Deacon, as my friend, as an artist. I want to start writing again and I want you to be a part of that. But it has to be different this time. There are…certain boundaries that I need from us. I want you in my life and my career. You helped me get here and I think I'll go farther with you along for the ride. So, if you can do that, if we can figure this out, I'd like for that to happen."
"Of course, Rayna. Anything for you."
Deacon's mind fell out of the memory, back into reality.
"I don't like it. Every song I hear hurts too much. Music used to help ease the pain. Now it's causing it. Every song is a sad one because mom's not here," Daphne whispered.
"I know, baby girl. It might feel like that for awhile. But don't shut the music out. It's okay to feel sad like that. The music will heal you eventually. Your mama would want you to have music to turn to. To hear her songs and remember her smiling, and singing and happy. I know it. So take your time. The music will be waiting for you when you're ready."
"She'd want us to be together. All three of us. To take care of each other and hold onto each other. I just know it. She wouldn't want it any other way and neither would I. I love you, Deacon," Daphne said.
"I love you too, Daphne. And you know what, I think you're right."