Another flashback, this time it's my take on Rayna telling Deacon she's pregnant with Daphne and some of the feelings it brings up for both of them. Please leave comments and favorite/follow the story if you like it!
Rayna had been dreading telling Deacon she was pregnant again all week. Teddy had been over the moon excited and Rayna couldn't help but wonder if some of that was because this one would be his. She knew how unfair it was of her to even think that, after all he'd done for her, for Maddie, and how incredible he was as a dad and a husband, but still her mind went there. Tandy and her daddy were so happy too. When she'd told them she could almost see in their eyes what they wanted to say.
See, I told you he was the right choice. The safe one. The one who'd give you stability, a life, a family.
For the most part they'd been right. Teddy and she had their occasional fights and bumps in the road, but overall they were good. Rayna finally was in a place where she actually felt happy, content, and satisfied with her life. The first year had be so hard, trying to let go of what could've been and letting go of that dream. But, watching her daughter grow up into this happy little girl, each day Rayna was more sure she had made the right decision. But it didn't ease her guilt one bit.
Rayna's hand fluttered to her stomach protectively as she thought about the conversation she was about to have. She was excited too, honestly. This pregnancy would hopefully be a lot less stressful and she'd know what to expect. She'd love being a mama and couldn't wait to have a sibling for Maddie. She also knew that in some ways it'd be different. She wondered if this baby would have Teddy's eyes, if she'd been able to tell the difference right away. What if she looked nothing like Maddie?
Deacon's voice drew her out of her own thoughts.
"Hey, Ray. Bucky said you wanted to see me before I left?" he asked, standing in the doorway of her dressing room.
"Yeah, I did. Can we talk for a second?"
"Yep, no problem."
He stepped inside, still keeping the distance between them.
"Can you also just shut the door please?" she asked.
"Of course. What's on your mind, Ray?"
"I just wanted to tell you…um…before you hear it from anyone else. I'm pregnant, again. I'm going to tell the crew in a couple weeks, it's still a little early, but I just thought you should hear it straight from me. I'm gonna finish out the tour and hopefully I won't be showing too much by then. And then I can stay home with the baby and you know, start the new album, just be home more…" Rayna trailed off.
"Wow, congratulations, Ray. That's..uh..great. I'm real happy for you," he said, trying not to give himself away.
"Thank you."
Rayna could see the hurt in his eyes, but she could tell he was really trying to be happy for her.
"So, that all?" Deacon asked.
"Yeah, that's it. I'll um see you tomorrow, I guess."
He turned toward the door and was just about the walk out.
"Hey, Deacon. I'm sorry," Rayna called out.
"For what, Ray? You don't have anything to apologize for."
"Nothing…..Everything."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Rayna. Pass along my congrats to Teddy," he said and walked out the door.
He had known what she meant. This baby, that was it. She was really with him. I mean they'd been married for about three years now and already had Maddie, but somehow this made it seem more real to him than ever before. He'd been in rehab when they'd gotten married and she'd been pregnant. He hadn't been here to witness how he'd lost her to another man. But this, this felt like it was damn near gonna kill him. Watching her grow with another man's child inside her. Seeing that glow take over her. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to do it.
He'd been sober ever since that last time out of rehab. Coleman had said it had to be for himself. But that was a damn lie. He was sober because of Rayna and he stayed sober for her. He stayed sober in the hopes that one day she'd just look over at him and realize how much he still loved her. How he still wanted her and dreamed about a future with her. He wanted her to be happy, but some part of him hoped that it wouldn't work with Teddy and that she'd make her way back to him.
But this pregnancy, it killed any hopes of those dreams every coming true. Rayna had this whole life he wasn't a part of. This family. There was this house she came home to with a husband waiting for her and a little girl she probably sung to sleep every night when she tucked her in. He got the singer part of Rayna, the artist, the songwriter. But Teddy, he got all the other parts. The wife, the mother, the Rayna when she wakes up in the morning so perfectly natural, the Rayna who hums old country songs when she's in the kitchen and doesn't even know it. Teddy had all these little parts of Rayna and all Deacon had was the past.
Every fiber in his being was pushing Deacon to go to the nearest bar he could. But, instead, he took himself to a meeting. And another one. And another one. Until the urge stopped.