I always wondered if things would have been different for Deacon if Rayna had told him about Maddie rather than Maddie finding out and telling Deacon, so I figured I'd construct a conversation about this between Rayna and Deacon during the time they're married.
"Hey, babe, are you awake?" Rayna whispered in the darkness of their bedroom.
It was late already and Rayna hadn't been able to fall asleep. Her mind was restless and was wading back into the past and spiraling down into their history. She got like this every once in awhile. The whirlpool of their past would every so often suck her in and throw her back into it. She'd relive their fights and contemplate all the what-ifs that surround their relationship. For some time, she'd be completely lost to the present and kept from the future before her. But eventually, Deacon would wrap his arms around her, whisper something reassuring in her ear and she'd be brought back. Back to their present. Back to the fact that they were married, that they'd made it, and that was all that mattered.
"Mhmmmm," Deacon mumbled, obviously not very awake at all.
"I wanna ask you something. I don't want to start a fight with you or bring up all our old demons. I'm just wonderin'. So don't get mad, okay?" she warned him.
"Okay. What's on your mind, Ray?" he asked, his eyes still closed.
"Do you think, it would have made a difference, I mean to you, if I had told you about Maddie. I mean told you myself. I don't know when, maybe when we were together after the divorce. Would it have changed anything for you?"
That woke him up. He turned over so that he was facing her and sat up straight against the pillows. He bit his lip and his eyebrows scrunched together as he contemplated the idea.
After a heavy, thick silence, he finally let out a breath and said, "I don't know, Ray. Would I have still gone and drank away 15 years of sobriety. Hell, maybe. I don't know if anything would have stopped me from doing that. I was just so angry, and hurt, and betrayed. You had been the one constant in my life. Yeah, sure we weren't together all the time and you were with Teddy and we fought still. But, no matter what, you were the one thing I was sure of. I never doubted that ever, until then. I thought it changed everything. I thought it changed who you were to me and I was just blinded by the hurt of it all. But knowing that it was your choice. That you were choosing to maybe let me be a part of her life. Maybe it would have been some consolation versus knowing that if Maddie hadn't found what she did, I might have never known."
"Okay," Rayna said, swallowing the lump in her throat, part of her regretting she'd asked.
"Darlin', I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to hurt you. You know I know why you did it. That it was the right thing to do. You protected our baby girl in the best way you could and I'm grateful for that, Rayna. I truly am. If you'd told me right from the start, I probably would've ruined my relationship with Maddie forever and never have gotten to be a parent. And maybe I needed those 15 years of sobriety to be strong enough to get back on the wagon again if I ever fell off. So, yeah, maybe it scares me thinking about what if Maddie hadn't told me. But, it's a hell of a lot scarier thinking about things not being the way they are right now. You and me, in this bed, raising our girls up together, working through all this. I think about that and all the rest just falls away."
"You know, I love you so much, Deacon."
"I love you too, Ray. Now c'mere. Go to sleep, and dream something sweet," he said and he snuggled her closer to his chest.