I'm sitting at my desk when I hear a tapping on the window. No way. I slowly swivel my chair so I can look. There is a small white bird pecking at the glass. I can't even believe it.
"Stop it." I can't help but admonish the bird. I'm not surprised when it keeps tapping. "Stop it." I say again smiling a little to myself. So much has changed. I put my hand on my stomach and mentally correct myself, is changing, but some things are the same.
I try to get back to my reading but the bird keeps tapping, so I get up and go over to the window. "Stop it. You are going to hurt your beak."
"What the hell are you doing?" Josh asks from behind me.
I immediately turn towards Josh and block the bird from his view. But he peers around me. "Is there a bird tapping at your window? You've GOT to be kidding me." He chuckles.
"What are you going to do?" I ask him.
"Nothing, Tippy Hedren, it's your office."
"Really?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, unless you want me to do something."
The bird taps again. "Stop it." We say together. Then we both laugh.
"Wow. Deja vu." Josh says, then he holds up a couple bags. "I brought lunch.
"Great. I'm starving. What do we have?"
"The usual."
Josh starts pulling things out of the bag and putting them on the conference table. A bottle of water, garden salad, and a cup of chicken noodle soup in my spot. He's got a burger and fries in front of him. It looks really good. Really, really good. It smells good too.
Josh takes a big bite of his burger and chews it slowly. After he swallows, he says "what's the matter? You're not eating."
I look down at my soup and salad and then look back at his burger and fries.
"Oh, nothing." Sighing a little I pick up my fork and take a bite of the salad. Man, that burger looks good. At least I'll steal a few fries.
"You wanna switch?" Josh offers.
"No, this is great."
Laughing, he takes a fry then slides his food over in front of me, taking the cup of soup for himself.
"You have a terrible poker face. Give me the spoon."
Once I hand it to him he starts to eat the soup. God, I love him. I push the salad in front of him too, and then take a big bite of the burger. It's amazing. And Josh is eating healthy. This is such a win-win.
"So what are you working on?" He asks in between bites of salad.
"The First Lady's remarks for the Mother's Day Brunch for the Women of Congress."
"You're writing those?"
"Well, Helen and I have talked and I'm writing the preliminary draft then we'll send it to Edie for a polish and I'm sure your office will review it. Correct?"
"Yes. And we want to tie it to the renewal of the Child-Care Tax Credit."
"I've got it covered. Although, Mrs. Santos wants her remarks to be affirming to women whether they use child-care or stay-at-home. She's had enough of the "Mommy Wars." You know, she still doesn't see herself as a "working mom."
"What are the "Mommy Wars?" Josh asks.
"It's the disagreement women have with each other over the best way to be a Mom." I use air quotes around the word "best."
"How so?"
"Oh, you know, it's the debate over whether or not it's better to stay home with the kids or keep working, or whether to breast feed or its okay to use formula, public vs. private education vs homeschooling. And a whole bunch of other issues like vaccination, organic food, the amount and type of television, when to start foreign language."
"Congress has been having those debates for years."
"Yes, but it's the debate on a personal level- friend to friend- and it's not just a healthy debate it becomes personal, and sometimes feels judgmental. For example, while we've been talking about the speech, Helen asked me what I'm going to do for child-care once the little Bean gets here. And instantanteously I felt worried about what she was going to think of my decisions- not as a boss but as a friend."
Josh is silent a minute. I'm not really sure he gets it. I mean, I'm sure he understands the debate topics, but I'm not sure he gets how judgmental we women can be towards each other. Finally he says-
"What are we going to do about child-care." It was a statement not a question, and he's emphasizing the word we, I'm not really sure why.
"What?"
"You said what I'm going to do about child-care. Helen should have asked what "WE" are going to do about child-care. This is my baby too. It's not all on you, not the decision what to do, and not the actual doing."
"Okay." Sometimes enlightened Josh does make an appearance and I'm really glad that I married a liberal.
"Anyway, do we need to start talking about that already?"
"Well Margaret says the good day cares all have really long waiting lists. So yeah."
Josh grimaces when I say day care. "I don't reall want to dump the little Bean into day care."
Well. So much for enlightened.
"You know I plan to keep working, Josh. I just got this job. I can't quit after less than a year."
"I know. I just don't like to think about our kids in day care all day. Maybe I should quit. Like I said, We're both responsible for giving our children the best possible up-bringing and I'm not sure being in daycare 10-12 hours a day is what best for our kids."
Really? He'd think about quitting? I never expected that.
"Are you really ready to be done less than a year into the Santos Administration?"
"No." He says it softly. It does make my heart soar to know that he'd sacrifice what he wants to accomplish professionally to do what he thinks is best for our family. I feel a little twinge of guilt because I'm not there yet. I don't think it would be best for our kids for either of us to give up our professional goals.
"Actually, Helen had an idea. You'll never guess what it is."
"Well then you'd better just tell me."
"She offered to watch the little Bean for us!"
"Like, every day?"
"Yes. I could bring the baby here and Helen's nanny could watch the baby while her kids are in school and Helen's down here working, then Helen will watch the baby once she goes back to the residence."
Josh frowns at that. I thought he'd like the idea.
"Donna, the First Lady can't be our nanny."
"Why not?"
Josh stops and thinks for a minute. This is one of the things I love about him. He frequently has strong instincts and they often are right but he's willing to stop and consider the different angles.
"Part of it is probably just optics, and honestly I'd need to think that through a lot more. But we might also want to consider whether or not we'd want a friend watching our kids even if that friend wasn't the First Lady. I think this decision is bigger than one day over lunch."
"Yeah, that's probably true. Maybe we should find some time to tour a couple of daycares and see how they work and what we think."
Josh grimaces again. Wow. He really doesn't like the day care idea.
"Okay. But I'd like to consider the Nanny option too." He pauses a minute then continues, clearly he's thinking out loud. I love it when he does this. "Maybe part of Helen's idea could work. Maybe we could have a full time Nanny, but bring the little Bean here. We have the COS bedroom on the third floor. The Nanny and baby could be there during the day. We could come in and go home together, and we could all have lunch together. You'd probably be able to nurse longer."
He's really smiling now. I can tell he's really warming up to this idea. It's not that far from what Helen was suggesting, so maybe it really would work. And he probably loves the idea of the baby being in an armed fortress every day.
"Okay." I take his hand and give it a squeeze. "Like you said, we don't need to make this decision right now. I am going to do some research on daycares AND Nannies. We'll figure out what's right for us."
He smiles back at me, full dimples, and I know that we really will.
"You know, there's something else we haven't really talked about."
"What's that?"
"Do we want to know whether the little Bean is a boy or a girl before the birth? Dr. Andrews said that they might be able to tell at my 16 week appointment."
"That's what the book said too. Did you know most of the time they don't do an ultra-sound untll 18 or 20 weeks? Usually they can tell then."
"Yes, Dr. Andrews said that because of my 'advanced maternal age' she's going to do one every month. But they'll do 'the big one' at 20 weeks."
"You're not that old!" Josh responds to my comment. "Maybe they should do one because of MY advanced age."
"You're not that old either."
"I'll be in my sixties when the little Bean graduates high school."
"Yeah. It'll be okay. I'm really glad you are taking better care of yourself. Like running on the treadmill and eating that salad. It really means a lot to me. I want you around forever." I kind of feel myself choking up. These hormones can swing either way pretty quickly.
Josh leans over and kisses me softly. "I can't promise forever. But I can promise I'll do whatever it takes to be here as long as possible."
"Thank you."
"Okay, back to finding out the gender. What do you think? I want to know as soon as possible, but I don't want them to tell us the wrong thing. And I don't want to tell anyone else and have it not be right."
"Yeah, that makes sense. Talking to my family, it seems like most of them waiting on the first one but wanted to know on the second or third. Except Finn and Julie. I guess they knew for both but didn't tell anyone."
"Oh. That's kind of sneaky. I kind of like it. But you didn't say whether you want to know or not."
"I'm not sure. I kind of like calling the baby the little Bean instead of he or she. And I kind of like talking about names without the pressure of knowing what the gender is. I definitely don't want them to tell us the wrong thing and start planning for a boy or girl and then have it be the opposite. I'd be happy with either I don't want to end up feeling disappointed because of a mistake."
"Good point." Josh glances down at his watch. "I've got to get back for a meeting. Guess we'll have to talk about this more later, but for now it sounds like we are leaning toward being surprised when the little Bean gets here."
Josh gets up and comes around to my side of the table. He puts his hand on my belly while he gives me a goodbye kiss. "Be good for Mommy, little Bean" he whispers to the baby then he walks out the door.