Chapter 30

John did not show up at breakfast. He'd made the decision to only descend downstairs when the meal was close to finished if not already over. He wanted to see his girl but his urges for her were too strong. He still couldn't pretend. When he did finally step downstairs there was sprint in his step. After having the first unpleasant conversation between them he should have been sullen and detached. Instead he was smiling. His clothes were neat; dark blue pants and matching vest. Usually he held two guns holstered against his sides, but today they were in hiding though always close by.

The reason for his perky mood was that he'd fully committed to the decision of telling Billie about his identity. It would not be easy and it would not be pleasant, but he had convinced himself that she would accept him. He didn't believe this completely but it's what he told himself, it was what he thought, and if he choose any other option it would afflict him too much. Remaining positive was his only option.

Billie sat at the kitchen table, rather agitated that Jimmy wasn't there. He should have been there for his family, and for whatever reason she knew he was avoiding them because of her presence. It was difficult trying to assess him. His moods were flippant in the last few days. The feeling of security that she longed for, the he seemed so easy and sure to give, had become troublesome for her. No matter what the distraction she was thinking of him, of their unique relationship. As the meal was being cleaned up she gave away the lasts hopes that he would join them.

Audrey walk around the table, around her many children and picked up dirty plates. "We've got to get that laundry off the line. Radio says there's a storm comin'."

As if on cue Mary and several other of the children rose, knowing they must partake in the washing responsibility. Billie stood too, fully ready to take on the chore. When she stood Mary turned to her, a smile slowing spreading on her lips. "Where are you going?"

"To help you."

"You are the silliest girl!" Mary exclaimed. She went on to tell Billie she was not needed outside and it was time for her to assume the position of a guest and relax until they were done. It wouldn't take too long and Billie had already been overly helpful in the past. She obliged, walking into the living room.

Several moments before she had entered John heard Billie speaking in the next room. That alone put a smile on his face. As if he knew she would come to him he waited for her to step into the room; like a magnetic force she would naturally be drawn there. He wasn't disappointed. The house quieted somewhat as children exited to the outside. First entering the room he was turned away from her. Billie still knew it was him. She knew his hair, the dark and slick shine, his lean build and the way fabric stretched across his back- the back that had her delicate pink marks scratched into his skin.

He turned and when their eyes met it took a load of control to not run into each others arms. They both grinned in their own way- his, shameless, and hers, coy.

"You weren't at breakfast," she said casually. At any time from any place someone could be listening in. They had to take great care with their words.

"I'm here now." He was still smiling. He walked to the sofa, stepping around a coffee table and sinking into the cushions. When he looked up toward Billie he gestured for her to sit next to him. With color on her cheeks she walked over slowly, settling herself a safe distance away from him. John leaned forward and flipped through the newspapers on the table. He saw columns, words, advertisements and headlines. Sitting back he fanned out the paper before him, the sounds of twisting paper loud and scratchy. Realizing a sudden thought John continued to smile, bringing the paper down with more boisterous clatter.

"There's a paper there I was reading the other day," he stated. Both he and Billie looked in the same direction, under the end table to their side where the weeks papers had been piled up and saved. Instead of asking her to get it he leaned toward her, deciding to reach in front and all but fall on top of her to retrieve it himself. She was forced further back on the couch, his body pushing and blocking her own. While he shifted through the papers she giggled, the laugh caressing his ear.

Sitting back properly again he was still leaning into her. The way he tempted and pushed the boundaries of the moment amused her with a touch of anxiety. He handed her the paper when it was opened to a certain page. "Look in here. Tell me if you wanna see any of these movies," he told her. "I thought you might like this one," he added, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pointing to a specific location.

Audrey stepped back inside. The day had a lingering, curious wind that told her it would undoubtedly rain soon enough. Her children were folding dry clothes and piling them into baskets like the one she held under her arm. There was a closet in the downstairs hallway appropriate for linens where she took her own basket. She opened the slim door and began to gather a bundle to place on a shelf. It was during this process that she was distracted. A small gap in the door frame gave her a cropped view into the next room. Her brother and Billie were sitting on the couch looking over papers.

His arm was around her, she could see his hand on her shoulder. The girl was blushing but she was not leaning away. When she looked at him it was with small glances out of the corner of her eye, but intent, lingering looks. John was smiling...smirking... The expression on his face was not new but Audrey couldn't remember the last time she had seen it. It was a young look, something happy and joyous and mischievous. John didn't look like that anymore. He was always charismatic but sometimes it was more authentic. Too many things had happened in his life; he now always had an underlying tone of torment.

Now, as Audrey watched him, there was no trace of that. His hand tightened on her shoulder. They laughed together. An uncomfortable, knowing feeling spread throughout Audrey's body and almost made her shake. Hurriedly she finished putting away the linens and walked briskly back outside.