A/N: it's a simple tale of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back; so here is the losing bit. You probably knew that. And the news about Stephen Sutton's death really upset me, so expect angst.

Part 27

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There was the sound of stumbling. "What?!" John cried out in shock. "Don't you want to marry me?"

"John, this isn't the time to discuss this. You know it isn't. Even the other day in the barn wasn't," Donna reasoned as calmly as she could. She knew his pain would disappear with his hangover but it didn't mean that she deliberately wanted to upset him. "Nothing good can come out of a drunken promise."

There followed more spluttering on the other end of the line.

"I suppose you would have accepted if it had been our Ricky asking!" John angrily exploded. "Even Rose's cousin follows him about like a pet dog."

"Who? Are you saying Daisy is related to your Rose?" Well didn't that just about explain everything she had heard?

"Daisy let it slip when I was left alone with her; and I kept quiet about it for your sake, but now I don't know why I bothered," he bitterly commented. "You're not really interested in me."

"John, that isn't true," she defended herself.

"Isn't it?!" he scoffed. "We were doing so well, me and you; then Ricky shows up and things changed, as per usual," he continued to whine. "Is it because I won't have the farm anymore? I tried hard to keep it going."

"I know you have," she sympathised. "No one could have tried harder for your parents."

A loud sniff punctuated the silence. "I gave up Rose for them," he sullenly confessed, "I had nothing to offer her in the long term. Oh well. At least she was young enough to make a new life for herself."

Donna felt herself stiffen at his words and then tried to distance herself from the jealous emotion. He was merely being a reminiscent drunk; of course he would sound morose over a lost love. It didn't mean he thought any less of their current situation. Did it? Doubt began to set in despite her best efforts. It wouldn't have happened if he hadn't sounded so longing for this Rose girl.

"Your parents love you very much for putting them first," she forced herself to say instead of the biting comment she really wanted to make.

"But you don't," he stated in drunken remorse. "I had it all planned for Christmas dinner."

There was no way that she could hold in her gasp of surprise. And there was something else in his little plan that she had to destroy. "Erm... John, I won't be up here for Christmas dinner. Mum phoned tonight. I think it's only fair that I go back and spend this Christmas with her and Gramps. He's not been feeling well..."

"You won't be here?!" he interrupted her explanation. His angry rapid breathing was the only thing that could be heard for a few seconds as he fought for the right words to express his thoughts and she waited with dread. "This isn't going anywhere, this between us. I might as well cut my losses while I can. We're more or less through."

"John, please don't be so hasty," she begged. "This is just the drink talking. Give yourself a break and think it over for at least a couple of days."

"I might see you when you get back," he pithily replied, and then the line went dead.

He had hung up on her.

The following morning, Donna dragged herself out of bed, even though she really didn't want to face Jocasta after crying herself to sleep, but it had to be done. Just get the inevitable questions over with, she thought to herself. Her plan was to phone John later and find out how much he remembered saying; and whether any of it still held true.

Glancing at her phone, the first thing she saw was a text message from Martha: "Just to let you know, I popped into the college to see a patient last night and found a drunk John telling everyone how great you are. I've had him crying in my spare bedroom all night. Hopefully you two can work this out."

Oh dear! That didn't sound too promising.

The second thing she saw was a text from Roderick: "I need to speak to you about these texts John sent me all night. Most confusing."

Then her phone rang as she sat down at her desk to bury herself in some work. "Hello Roddy. How are you?" she listlessly wondered.

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you. What the hell is going on?" he wondered with deep concern. "I've had numerous angry texts from John during the night, saying you two are breaking up and that I'm welcome to have you back. Oh Donna. What happened to cause all this?"

"He erm..." The tears in her voice were probably more than noticeable but she didn't care anymore. "He phoned me last night when he was drunk, made some sort of proposal, so of course I turned him down. The next thing I know I'm getting a tale of woe about Rose, the farm, and then him threatening to dump me," she ended, reaching for another tissue to wipe her nose with. "Talk about a train wreck."

Roderick anxiously pushed a hand through his hair, rapidly thinking of ways he could help make this better. "Let me talk to him when he's sobered up properly. No doubt he will deeply regret the whole incident. His impulsiveness will be the death of him one day."

"Roddy, I don't think you can fix this one. Well, not in your usual way," she considered.

"You mean I can't sleep with you? Damn," he joked, hoping to gain a smile, if only a small one. "If I had you working for me I could have had the farm adjustments and improvements planned out so much quicker, but at the moment that's neither here nor there. I'll be up again in a couple of days so I'll drop by to see you. Just leave it with me and I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Roddy," she gratefully acknowledged. "How did your journey home go?" she asked, deliberately changing the subject.

"Don't ask," he answered with feeling. "It had been a frosty journey home, ending up with Dad demanding to be dropped off at a railway station and me very happily obliging. We exchanged some fierce words that I have no intention of regretting. The miserable old goat! After that row, Daisy started on me. You can probably guess the sort of thing: she had been alone the whole weekend, why hadn't I spent it with her; blah blah blah."

"I bet that didn't go down well."

"Quite," he agreed. "I'm afraid I was exceedingly riled by that point, so I let rip and told her the truth."

"Which is?"

"That I am bored with our set up and want it to end," he divulged. "It has no meaning for me and it probably doesn't for her either, if I am honest."

"Poor Daisy," she tried to sympathise.

"There really is no need to be sympathetic," he retorted. "I dropped her off outside Harrods with enough money to buy the handbag and matching shoes she had craved. It was all she seemed to care about."

"I doubt that is true," Donna insisted. "She thinks a great deal about you."

"Yes, but thinking and genuinely caring are not the same thing," he contended. "The fact is, Daisy and I are through."

"What about her job?"

"If she chooses to leave, I won't stop her," he calmly continued. "The job will always be open to you."

"Yeah, you say that now, flatterer!" she scoffed. "Just talk to John for me."

Smiling despite himself, Roderick agreed; and ended their call.

Now was the time for her to attempt her own call to John. It could not be delayed any longer.

John stood quietly contemplating the flock of sheep before him. It had taken a while to get them moved, with the help of Jez and without the help of his normal sensibilities. For all he knew this might be the last time he would do such a thing and stand there as the owner of these sheep; because later that day Roderick would sign the papers that would make the farm officially theirs no more. There had been many promises from Ricky concerning his future employment, but it wasn't written down anywhere; it could all change very easily.

What did he have to offer beyond himself? That brought back the hurtful memories from his time spent wallowing in Martha's spare bed. It had been a terrible night full of personal sorrow and recriminations. Yet again it had been certainly proved to him why he should never get drunk. Too many suppressed emotions had been brought to the fore.

A cold wind picked up, forcing him to squint against the sunlight that was far too cheery for such a day. Had he really told Donna they were through? Already his heart constricted and threatened to break under the thought. But he had to do it; for her. She deserved better than him.

At that moment the phone in his pocket rang loudly. It was with relief that he saw it was Donna.

"Hello," he greeted her as he pressed the receive button.

"Hello John." Donna was immensely relieved that he was prepared to take her call. "How are you feeling today?"

"Not so great. Tired, cold, jobless. You know; that sort of thing," he emptily admitted.

"Jobless?!" she cried out.

"Yes, I found out this morning. They pushed the paperwork through quicker than I had anticipated. Ricky gets to sign the final papers today." There was no way that he could hide his bitterness, and he had no intention either. "From this afternoon it all belongs to Ricky. I should hear later what else that will mean."

"I'm so sorry," she softly empathised.

"Me too," he replied flatly, "but it can't be helped. It's a good job you turned down my proposal. Although you probably knew all about this when you said it."

"I didn't," she countered. "There's no reason why I should. I turned you down because you were drunk and would regret it when you sobered up, you numpty."

Ignoring her fond tone, he continued, "It doesn't matter now. I have nothing to offer you."

"I think you do, so stop putting yourself down."

"We'll see," he remarked, dismissing her words as a fanciful dream. "You're better off without me."

"Now listen here, John Smith; I didn't come to you expecting to bag a rich landowner," she blazed. "I happen to think you are gorgeous no matter what. You could be a road-sweeper and I'd still consider you."

His voice was so despondent. "Fine words, Donna, and I wish I could believe you; but the truth is I'm on the brink of possibly being homeless and jobless."

This needed sterner words. "Okay, I can see I'm going to be tough with you. First, Roddy won't kick you out to fend for yourself, and even if he did, you could come live with me. Second, you still have your college job, and as you yourself said, they are desperate for people with your knowledge to teach. There'll always be a job somewhere for you."

"That's maybe for sure, but I don't know; and that kills me." He raised a hand to wipe down his face, willing the bitter wind to make him completely numb. "We need some time apart. We've rushed into this without thinking and I can't trust myself anymore."

"Trust? Trust yourself to do what?" she fearfully asked.

He let out a small sob. "Trust myself to do something utterly stupid. If I accidentally made you pregnant I'd never forgive myself."

"That would be partly my fault too," she reasoned. "It takes two to tango. But we've been as careful as we can be."

"Accidents happen," he proclaimed. "No, I won't risk anything until I'm more settled and know what's happening. That's why I'm going to insist that we split for a while."

"Oh!" was all she could think of saying. If his mind was made up, how could she force him to change his mind? He had to want her on his own terms, after all.

"I'll call you when… if I know things are okay." Wanting the pain to end, he added, "Bye then."

"Bye, and merry Christmas," she limply responded. What else could she do? She would have to bide her time.

Ending the call, she inevitably sobbed her heart out for the rest of the day.