My Way is Clear

by Simply Ginger

Nick meets a paramedic after getting injured at a crime scene. In an AU, this is their story. This is not a slash and all the characters from CSI show up eventually.

42. Song to the Siren

Chapter 42 – Song to the Siren

This was another one of those chapters I had all typed and ready to go but the more I read it, the more I wanted to just delete it and start over because it was too sappy and that's not where I want to go with this story – especially the parts after Nick gets discharged from the hospital. Our mystery guest signs in and enters after Anna's portion. I hope you like it. Remember to be kind.

Anna

"He seems restless."

I made Mom shove my wheelchair closer to the bed, "I think he's dreaming." The swelling from the ant bites had finally started to go down and I was allowed to hold Nicky's hand while he was unconscious and I sighed as I watched him. Mom was right though about Nick being restless. His rates on the monitors were up a bit, but not enough to worry the ICU staff, but even they noticed from time to time, he seemed agitated, even while unconscious. Every now and again, he'd twitch or move ever so slightly, but the doctors wrote it off as a reflex since the paralytics had been stopped.

Even though he had a low grade fever from the wounds, the decision was made earlier this morning to wean Nicky off the paralytics and allow him to wake up from the coma but to double up on the antibiotics. It had been nine days since the incident and though I had been released from the hospital only this morning, it pacified Dr. Lindley that I would be close by so she could still stop by to check on me. I had been scheduled for weekly ultrasounds for the next month and if she was okay with the progress and me staying on bed rest, I'd likely be moved to ultrasounds every other week until Leah was born. She left specific instructions with the ICU staff that I was on bed rest and Cathy brought in a couch that folded out into a bed and I was confined to that or a wheelchair. I half expected Dr. Lindley to ask me to sign a contract in blood, but I knew I had to take care of myself from now on out. I was selfishly stupid for what I had done, but no one really seemed to blame me which only added in to the guilt. Even worse, I knew Nick would want to know what happened and I couldn't keep this from him.

Mom kept her vigil on my side of Nicky's bed while Dad and Jillian took up residence on the left side. Jillian had gotten here only a couple days before and had moved into my hospital room with me until I was released this morning. Catherine got Sam Braun to comp another room for Jillian and with Allison and Tyler coming up later on this week, another block of rooms on the VIP floor of the Tangiers were reserved for Nick's family. To my ultimate surprise, my mother called a couple times to check on Nick and me.

The doctors warned us after they stopped the paralytics that it could be another week before Nick regained consciousness. Countless MRIs and CT scans revealed nothing life threatening and his kidney and liver function tests had been slowly improving after the ant venom was flushed out of his system the first few days he was here. As another phlebotomist came in to draw blood, it occurred to me that the doctors had drawn so much blood in the past week that I'm surprised Nick had any left.

I had gotten bored of the TV and had Cathy bring my docking station for my iPhone up to the hospital room one evening and left it playing softly in the background. It kept the mood in the room at a comfortable level which no doubt helped Nick recover. It also kept me from going crazy.

Now if he'd just wake up.

Doctors had long since perfected the art of being as precisely vague as possible and kept telling us "soon we hope" when any of us would ask when he'd wake up. At least now most of the time, most of Nick's physicians had quit saying if he wakes up and had started saying when he wakes up.

With assistance, I moved out of the wheelchair and went to lie back in the reclining couch that Cathy had brought in earlier to get more comfortable. Mom folded the wheelchair and moved it closer to the wall to get it out of the way as she reached for my hand, no doubt both of us having the same thoughts about Nick waking up.

Nick

The hallway was long, but brightly lit. Doors were on either side of me, each one of them having a single brass name plate with my name elegantly etched into the metal. "Anna?" I started to walk past doors that were closed as I came to one that was slightly ajar. Peering inside, I saw my sisters and me playing outside, near our barn. I was probably no older than ten and was covered in mud from head to toe.

The scene played on and I remembered what had happened as I watched. My brother and two of my friends ganged up on me and dumped me in the horse trough. To get back at them, I rolled around in the dirt to get muddy and chased them around the yard, pretending to be a swamp creature. I smiled to myself as the scene played out, but it stopped just after my mother got the garden hose out and was spraying me in the front yard as I danced around, having the time of my young life.

The lights in that room went off and the door began to close. I took a step back as another door opened and I stepped inside to view it. My high school graduation. A few of my friends and I had a bet about who could perform the dumbest stunt as we walked across the stage to get our diplomas. I chickened out and received mine as planned, but my best friend named Gregory Taylor was in line behind me and rather than follow my lead, he did a series of back flips across the stage before stopping to a thunderous applause from the audience and a nasty look from the administrative staff. I'm still surprised to this date that he even got his diploma after that stunt.

Just as with the first door, as soon as the scene played itself out, the lights went off and the door shut. I kept walking by more doors until one finally opened and I sobbed when I realized it was playing the scene of Anna and me meeting for the first time, right before my eyes. When the scene was done, the door tried to close on me and though I fought it, I couldn't keep it open and it shut. I tried to turn the doorknob to open the door up once again, but nothing happened.

"You can't go back, Nick."

The female voice was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it, "Anna?"

"Don't be afraid to fall. I'm right here to catch you. I won't let you down. It won't get you down. You're gonna make it. Yeah, I know you can make it."

Rather than hearing the voice call out to me again, I was hearing a song that was quite popular right now. It was on the radio some and I knew Anna loved it and had it on her phone and played it at home but I didn't get why I was hearing it now.

"Cause I will stand by you. I will help you through. When you've done all you can do and you can't cope, I will dry your eyes. I will fight your fight. I will hold you tight and I won't let go."

"Anna?" As the singing stopped, I saw another door open, but I ignored it and kept on walking down the hallway. I could have sworn I had walked for miles, but I had no idea where I was going or where I was, "Anna, honey?"

"Keep walking, Nick. You'll find it."

"Find what?" I called out again to the mystery voice, but got nothing. Continuing to walk, I saw several more open doors, each playing a different scene from my life. The first time I told Anna I loved her. The first time I saw her after she went to Arkansas. The day I asked her to marry me. Our wedding. Her telling me she was pregnant. Her first ultrasound. Each door was a bright spot in my life and as I kept walking, I noticed that none of the doors showed anything bad that ever happened.

"That's because you won't find that here."

That voice again. Not only was it coming from nowhere, it also seemed to be reading my mind, "That's because I am. Keep walking, please."

Finally reaching the end of the hallway, the final door was slightly ajar and as I stepped through it, I was out in the bright sunshine. I had to blink several times to clear my vision and as it did, I noticed I was standing in grass. I was barefoot and rather than being covered in ant bites like I was when I was rescued, I was healed. Not a single ant bite was on my body and I felt fine, but was still confused as to what was going on, "Anna?"

The one strange thing I noticed was I seemed to be glowing but I still didn't see Anna and that mystery voice that kept talking to me in the hallway was nowhere to be found, "Anna? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"She's not here, Nick." My head turned when I recognized the voice but couldn't place it. The scenery around me became clearer as I started to look around, trying to find out who spoke to me. I saw a house behind me and instantly I was suddenly inside it, but just as it was before, it took a moment for my vision to clear before I realized where I was.

I started towards the voice and as I did, my vision finally cleared up enough that I realized that I was back hone in Texas inside my parents' house. Looking out the windows, the trees in the front yard were in full bloom and the flower beds in front of the porch were bright with multi colored flowers. "Anna's not here with you right now but I am. I was sent to meet you."

"Then where is she?" I was still speaking to the shadows. "And who is this? I know your voice, but I can't place it." A shadowy figure was slowly approaching me. It wasn't until she got about ten feet in front of me that it was clear enough for me to make out who it was. "Kristy? Kristy Hopkins?"

She smiled, "You remember me."

"This isn't real. This just can't be real."

"It is as real as you want to make it. Oh, and hi, Nick. Don't want to forget my manners or anything." Kristy pulled me into a hug. "How are you?"

"Am I dead?" I looked around, trying to find anything that would clue me in as to what was going on. "It's so bright here."

Kristy smiled, "No, you're not dead, or at least not yet. Things can change in the blink of an eye but I bet you knew that already."

"Where am I exactly? I know I'm in Texas at mom and dad's but..." I kept looking around, taking everything in, "Is this Heaven?" I glanced around the house remembering the furniture and everything inside, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. "Heaven is Texas?"

"Well, not exactly Heaven." Kristy looked confused as she tried to explain where I was, "It's not Heaven proper."

"I died and went to a suburb of Heaven?"

"You're not dead, Nick. Not yet. This is a place where you go to wait until something is decided. For you, that place is here. Think of this more like Heaven's waiting room. This is where you go until a decision is made on your fate. You're in a coma and more often than science wants to admit, people have experiences while they're out. You're seeing me in yours."

"I see. So…" I started to think about the lab at work and in a flash, Kristy was beside me, holding on to my forearm. A bright light flashed before us and when it cleared, I was standing inside Grissom's office, but the lab was completely empty. Not a single person was here, "Hello?"

"They're not here, Nick." Kristy let go of my arm and went to play with something on Grissom's desk, "This is just a vision, nothing more."

"So how did I get here?"

Kristy smiled, "My guess is you thought about it. All you have to do is think about where you want to be and you're there but if you want me to go with you, you have to hold on to me otherwise I'll be left behind."

This was just too surreal. I was taught in school about Heaven with angels and harps and floating clouds, but nothing prepared me for this. Just to test Kristy's theory, I took her hand in mine and thought about the Longhorns Stadium and with a bright flash of light, I was sitting in the same seats that Anna and I sat in at the game we attended with my parents.

Kristy had obviously been used to this and was letting me have my fun, "Pretty neat, huh? You think about where you want to go and you're there."

An idea hit me and after making sure I still had hold of Kristy's hand, I thought about my hospital room, but nothing happened. Concentrating again, I felt her drop my hand as she sighed, "You can't go there, Nick. I already told you that."

"Fine." Before I started thinking again, Kristy took my hand as I finally settled on my parents' house and as soon as I made the decision, the bright light hit us, followed by a moment of blurry vision before it cleared and we were once again back where we started, "That's so…"

"Neat? I like it. People still use trains and cars, but that's my favorite way to travel. That's all it takes."

"I wish everything in life was that easy. Just think about it and you could get there."

"Where's the fun in that?" Kristy was teasing me as she bumped my shoulder with hers, "Life's not meant to be easy, Nick. If it was, imagine how boring it'd be."

I sighed, "Yeah, I suppose, but if that was the case, I wouldn't be here. I'd be with Anna." Not really having a better explanation, I started to walk around the room, remembering everything that was just as it had been. My mother wasn't big on change and preferred to keep things how they were and I didn't blame her. If it wasn't broken, why fix it. "So, now what? How do I get back to Anna?"

Kristy left my side and went to check out the photos my mother had nailed to the wall in the den. She had added a copy of a sonogram that we mailed her to the section underneath my wedding photos. I smiled at the grainy image on the wall and wondered if I'd ever get back home, "I don't know if I can help you with that or not, Nick. All I know is I was sent here to wait on you and guide you along until something happens."

I hated how Kristy didn't go into specifics, but I knew what she meant. She didn't want to say "If you died or not" but I knew what she was trying to say.

"Come on. I want to show you something." Taking my hand in hers, I was met with another blinding light and when my vision cleared, I was standing in front of a two story Tudor style house with peeling paint, "I wanted to show you this."

I tried to think if I knew the house from either work or my personal life, but was coming up blank, "It's my childhood home, Nick. I wasn't always the woman you remembered me as. This is where I grew up." She took me by the hand and led me inside a tastefully decorated house and showed me her old bedroom and pictures that her mother still had on the walls, "My mother died a couple years after I did. I was able to meet her up here also."

"Who met you?"

"My brother." Kristy motioned to a photo on the wall of a young child, probably no older than sixteen, "He died when I was about ten. He had a rare form of leukemia that kept coming back. He'd go into remission for a year or so at a time but by the time he was seventeen, he just couldn't take it any more and Robert died a few months later. My family wasn't the same afterwards. My dad split when I was born, and after Robbie died, it was just my mom and me. She turned to alcohol which led to me moving out when I was sixteen and, well, you know the rest."

Kristy led me around her house for a few moments later before we teleported or whatever it was we were doing, to a few more places before finally coming back once again to my parents. We wound up only a few feet away from the wall where my wedding picture hung, "Tell me about Anna."

"I know she needs me and I have to get home." Looking around, there was no door, "How do I get back to her?"

"I don't know Nick. If it's meant to be, you'll find a way. Now tell me about Anna."

"I just wish I knew how she was doing."

"That I can help you with." Kristy stood up and moved towards the front of my parents' house. She glanced out a window before motioning for me to come up behind her, "There are windows up here that let us check in on people we loved or cared about. This one is Anna's and the one next to it is yours. She's asleep."

Rather than looking out at the street, I had a direct view into a hospital room. I saw Anna lying on a hospital bed with a monitor next to her but something just didn't set well with me, "Something's wrong with her." I turned to Kristy, "What's wrong? You seem to have all the answers."

I was met with a shoulder shrug, "I don't know, but she's in good hands."

I tried to touch the pane of glass, but it rippled under my touch, like touching water in a pond, "How much longer do you think I'll be here?"

"Why?" Kristy looked hurt, "Getting tired of me already?"

"No, quite the opposite actually." I realized that when I went back to Anna, I'd likely never see Kristy again, "I've missed you but…"

Kristy teared up, "I know, Nick. Anna needs you." She stared at Anna's form in the window, "I've missed you too." She stirred in her sleep, but not enough to wake up, but the blanket covering her body slipped off, revealing to us that she was still pregnant, "Congratulations, by the way. Married and have a baby on the way."

"Baby." I took a step back from the window as Kristy continued to watch Anna sleeping. I let my eyes drift over to another window and saw a view into my hospital room. My parents were on one side of my bed with Grissom next to them. Greg, Warrick and Sara were standing at the foot of my bed with Catherine on the opposite side from Grissom and my parents. I had more wires and tubes coming out of my body than any normal human being should, "Am I…"

"Alive, yes. You're in a coma. I told you this earlier."

"Is this what happens?"

"This is what happens to you. It's different for everyone."

My team and my parents kept their vigil on me as I continued to watch both my window and Anna's window. Bryan had come in at some point in time and was sleeping in a reclining chair next to Anna's bed and I felt a little bit better knowing she wasn't entirely alone, but I wanted nothing more than to be with her again. "I've lost the ability to distinguish between getting my feet wet in a puddle and being part of the Poseidon adventure."

Not really having an answer, Kristy and I watched through the window as Cathy silently entered into the ICU room. Even though I was wherever I was, I was glad she was taking care of me. After she fixed an IV and pulled a printout off of the monitor next to my bed, she carefully laid a white cotton blanket across my legs. Kristy smiled as she turned back to Anna's window. Just like in my room, a nurse was in Anna's room checking on her, "I like her, Nick. I don't even know her and I like her. She makes you happy."

"I told her on our first anniversary that she's given me a life I could have never imagined." I tried to touch the pane of glass again, but once again, it rippled underneath my touch, "Can I please go home now? She needs me and I can't be dead." I felt a crying bout coming on, but I choked it back. Hysterics wouldn't help me right now, "How do I get out of here?" I started towards the front door to my parents' house but there was no door knob. "I can't get out."

"No, you can't and there isn't a door knob just yet. You're up here because you have to wait until the decision has been made. Once it has, you'll be sent back if that's what's been decided or I'll take you with me like I did my mother and my brother did to me."

"I promised I wouldn't leave her." I watched Anna through the window, aching to touch her, but I couldn't. "That was the only thing that kept me alive when I was…"

"Buried?"

I had to swallow the rising lump in my throat to answer Kristy's question. "Yes, when I was buried alive in that Plexiglas box. If it wasn't for Anna and the promise I made to her when we got married, I would have given up. I would have…"

"Nick, stop." Kristy grabbed my shoulder and pulled me towards her and stood behind me as she made me look into the window once again. "Do you see that?"

Anna hadn't moved since the nurse left her room. I watched her sleep as I tried to figure out what Kristy wanted me to see. "I do this all the time when she's at home. I watch her sleep. You know you love someone when you sit up just to watch someone sleep and I have no idea why I do it, but I do." I tried to touch Anna's form in the window, but when I touched it, the glass panes rippled once again, "What do I need to see?"

"I don't know, Nick. This is your life, not mine. I can't tell you why you're here or what you need to see or what you need to do before everything is finalized. All I do know is that once you see it, you'll know what to do after."

My head was beginning to spin, "But you're dead, right?"

"Yes."

"And you were sent here to meet me? Why? I just don't get it, that of all the people in my past, why you? I mean, no offense, but I've got grandparents up here and friends and other relatives. Not that I'm mad it's you, I'm just wondering why."

"I don't know. I got a request to meet you and I did. Are you upset?"

I shook my head, "No, no. Quite the opposite. Like I said, I've missed you and I'm thankful I get to see you again even if it is…Wherever it is I am."

Kristy shrugged her shoulders, "I was just given orders to meet you here when you arrived. I don't know what it is you're supposed to realize or understand. I'm just here to help you find what you need since I was your friend." She took my hand in hers. "Come on. This way." In an instant, a bright light flashed and the scenery changed and I was no longer inside my parents' house, but now I was staring at the pasture where our barn was. "I never get tired of traveling this way."

"But I didn't think this."

"I did." She led me closer to the empty barn. Dust particles floated in the air, catching the sunlight as they floated downwards, "I like barns."

"I didn't know that about you."

Kristy kicked at a rock in the center hallway, "No, you didn't." She seemed to be mentally debating about something before she finally spoke, "Do you think that if I didn't…that we could have…"

I knew what she was trying to ask me, "I thought about that actually and I would have hoped so. I think I would have had to leave Vegas with you, but yes."

We fell into a comfortable silence as she led me around my parents' property. "It seems like a lifetime ago that I knew you. How long has it been since you, uh, died?"

"I don't know. There is no time up here." I watched as Kristy let go of my hand and stepped to the side of the barn and took a seat in a swing that was tied to a tree. "You tell me. How long has it been?"

"I, um…a tree swing?" I lost my thoughts as a smile spread across Kristy's face as she sat down and started to swing. I realized that once again I was picturing the tree swing on the very tree that we were using, "Wait a minute. We had a tree swing as children until Allison flipped out of it and broke her arm. Mom made us get rid of it."

"Yes. You remember." As soon as she spoke, a second swing appeared, "I love tree swings so pull up a swing. Anything you want can happen up here. I knew you had a tree swing as a child so here it is." She started to sway gently back and forth, "Tell me what's new with you since I died. Obviously, you got married. I see that. How'd you meet her?"

I sat down in the swing next to Kristy. "This is all so surreal. Is this what happens when you die?"

Kristy said nothing and instead, started to kick her legs until she was swinging back and forth a little faster than she was before. "I don't know, Nick. I couldn't answer your questions because I don't know the answer to them. I know what happened when I died, but I don't know if this is what it's like when you die or if you're going to die. Right now, I don't know anything. I've told you all I know. Now tell me about Anna. I want to know about her."

"Anna." I sat down on the swing next to Kristy. I couldn't say anything right away. My mind couldn't process what was going on around me.

I was allowed to stay silent as she started to swing higher but slowed herself down when I didn't say anything else. "Tell me about Anna. Maybe what you need to realize before you can go back has something to do with her and that's why I'm here?"

I kicked at the dirt underneath the swing as I planted my left foot in the ground to shove off of so I could start to gently sway back and forth. "Anna. Where do I begin? Anna and I have been through a lot. She's my best friend. She's my wife. She's the mother of our unborn baby and I couldn't live my life without her. I almost lost her twice and I was lucky to get her back. I still get butterflies every time I see her."

"Don't lose the butterflies. That's the thing about getting older. You lose the butterflies." Kristy leaned back in the swing and kicked at the ground before she said anything, "What happened?"

"Anna saved my life." I pushed off of my foot again and started to swing harder as Kristy picked up speed next to me. "I had a stalker. Anna and I both did I guess you could say. He wanted to kill Anna because..." I started to look around, "He's not here is he?"

"Nigel Crane?"

"Yeah."

Kristy shook her head, "You won't see anyone up here you wouldn't want to see if you were still alive. The only reason you see me now is because you wanted to see me after I died but that doesn't mean he's not up here. For you, it does mean you won't see him unless you want to but in order for you to see someone, both of you want to be able to see each other."

"So...that means what?"

"In a nutshell, it means if you don't want to see him, you won't ever see him. So as long as you don't want to see him, it'll never happen for as long as you're up here. Now continue, please."

"Okay." I drew in a deep breath and started again, "According to what I was told after the fact, he blamed her for what I did to him. He said I ignored him. I didn't even remember anything about him until it was almost too late. You know, we meet people day in and day out and it's confusing."

"How so?" Kristy leaned back in the swing as she started to swing higher. "What's confusing?"

"She got shot because of how he said I ignored him. He blamed Anna for my actions. Because of me, I met someone who stalked me and became obsessed with my life and he tried to kill Anna."

"And?"

I sighed and kicked the dirt once more, planting my foot in so I could shove off and start to swing again, "If there's one thing that the whole stalker incident taught me, it's that I needed to rethink who I consider important. Who are we supposed to pay attention to? Who is important and who isn't? This man thought I was important and he was angry with me for not returning the feelings. He thought we were best of friends after that day and I brushed him off. That day, Anna was sick and I was busy with work and he was there to install my cable and when he left, I didn't even remember his name. Couple months later, Anna and I had gone out and when we came back home for something, he shot her and tried to kill me." I stopped swinging as I looked at the dirt under me. "I thought she was dead, but she wasn't. Anna shot and killed him and saved my life."

"And that's why she left?"

I shook my head as I ran my hands up and down the chains of the swing. "Partly. Anna was in the hospital for a while after she got shot. She almost died on me twice. I remember being in my apartment and holding her in my arms after she shot him and saved my life and she started to die in my arms. I was helpless. Anna was dying in front of me and I couldn't do anything to save her. I didn't realize that I was supposed to remember this man. This man was so insignificant in my life that I didn't even remember his name until my supervisor called me and warned me about what was going on minutes before he came out and shot Anna. That's the part that confuses me. If someone like that demands that I pay attention to him, then what about the other people that come and go? What about the customer service rep on the phone? What about the mail man? What about the guy that sacks my groceries at the store?"

"Good points. Is that all?"

"I don't know." I started to swing a little bit higher. "I learned that everyone has a breaking point that night. I also learned that no matter how hard I try, I can't help it when I'm feeling helpless. I felt helpless that night and that's a feeling I never wanted to feel again. I was watching the woman I loved die in my arms and I couldn't do anything. All the CSIs have basic first aid skills, but that's it. I know how to put a Band-Aid on and how to apply a tourniquet, but that's all. Anna was dying in my arms and I couldn't do anything. Anna has the medical training, not me, and I felt helpless." I looked over at Kristy when she stopped swinging. "I never wanted to feel like that again, but I did when I was buried. I learned my breaking point that night. I learned I could end my own life and almost did. I can't believe I was that close to..."

Kristy stopped swinging, "Helplessness is never a pleasant thing no matter what situation you're in."

"No. It's not. I felt the same feelings again when I was…" I was having a hard time saying the words. "I was helpless when I was in that Plexiglas coffin. I couldn't do anything. I was trapped and that is by far one of the worst feelings in the world. I was slowly dying and I couldn't do anything about it except panic. I came close to…" I couldn't say what I was about to. Not in front of Kristy. "I can't."

"Say it, Nick."

I leaned back in the swing and gripped the chains tighter with my hands. "He put a gun and a tape recorder in the box with me along with some of those plastic glow sticks. You know the ones you have to break and shake to make them light up?" Kristy nodded and I continued as she started put her arms around the chains and started to swing slow enough to keep her feet on the ground. "Anyway, I found the tape recorder first and listened to the tape. I heard those words that he told me repeating over and over while I was buried. 'You're going to die tonight.' That was the last thing he said to me on the tape before he laughed. 'Breathe fast, breathe slow. It doesn't matter because you're going to die tonight.' I didn't know whether to be angry or panicked or what. I didn't know how much I could take. Have you ever known you were going to die and known that there was nothing you could do about it?"

"Yes. That was the last feeling I felt before I died."

"Damn." I slapped my hand to my mouth, "Can I say that up here?"

"Yes, you can. This isn't parochial school, Nick."

"I forgot you're dead for a minute. You're just so real to me." I started to swing again as I took in what Kristy said. "I swore on my life that I'd never abandon Anna. I told her I'd never leave her and I almost did. I was in so much pain from the ant bites and I was hot and couldn't breathe. I recorded a goodbye note for Anna and for my parents and co-workers on the tape and I was about to…" I had to stop as I started crying. "I couldn't do it anymore. My hopes of being found alive were gone. I was about to kill myself. I was determined to end my life."

"Nick, sometimes that determination is a liability rather than an asset. I can't imagine being in that situation. I wasn't the one trapped in a Plexiglas state of hell and having to make that choice but you didn't."

"No." I used the sleeve of the shirt I had on to wipe the tears. "I can't believe I'm crying in Heaven or wherever I am." I composed myself and continued, "I was about to pull the trigger when I saw a flash of light above me. At first, I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me due to a lack of oxygen and the venom, but it flashed again. My co-worker was on top of the box, pushing the dirt away from the lid. When I heard him call out to me, at first, I thought it was a cruel joke. I didn't realize what was going on at first until he saw the gun in my hand and I panicked. I panicked again when he got off the box and my supervisor got on. It wasn't until he called me a nickname my dad used to call me that I stopped and listened."

"Pancho."

"How did you know that?" I froze in disbelief. I knew I had never told Kristy my nickname that my father used for me. "How?"

Kristy shook her head, "We know what we need to know up here. Go on."

I exhaled sharply, "Anyway, I started to hit on the lid of the box, begging for him to take it off. It took me a few moments to realize that he was telling me that of all things, the guy that kidnapped me had planted explosives under the box and if I tried to get out, I'd be blown up. Grissom said he was going to take the lid of the box off and put dirt in the coffin to displace the weight and yank me out but I had to stay still. I could barely hear anything but I think I said yes. Next thing I know, I'm being covered by dirt and I felt myself being yanked out of that box. I couldn't breathe. I heard Anna screaming at me. I tried to find her, but I couldn't focus but she kept screaming at me. Someone finally told her I was okay and she stopped screaming. I started begging for her to come to me, but Grissom told me she couldn't. I remember someone loading me into the back of an ambulance and as the doors closed, someone said Anna kept saying how much she loved me."

"And now you're here with me."

"And I don't know what I need to do to get back to Anna. I just know I can't live without her. Ever. I almost made the most horrific mistake I could have ever made, but I was saved just in time. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to her in every way a human can."

"Maybe you need to see someone? Someone you don't want to acknowledge?"

I knew exactly who she was talking about, "No." I shook my head and stood up, "No. I don't want to see him. Why would I want to?"

"I don't know. This is your life, not mine."

I sighed, "Is that how I'll be able to go back home? To Anna?"

"Perhaps." Kristy started to sway gently back and forth in the tree swing, "I can't answer the questions for you, Nick. I don't know."

I really didn't want to face that man. I also wanted to get back home to Anna, but my instinct was telling me one had nothing to do with the other. I just knew that no matter what, I'd never take life for granted again. It was cheesy and it had been said a hundred times before, but I knew now what it meant. The whole 'stop and smell the roses' saying made sense now. I came dangerously close to losing everything. My life. My family. My wife. Everything, "I get it now. Am I supposed to realize what I almost lost? How stupid I was?"

"Nick, I think that you just solved your own problem." Kristy motioned to the door to my parents' house. It was slightly ajar, "Time to go home. You're waking up."

"Kristy, I…" I glanced over at the door, but couldn't stay focused on it for long. I hadn't seen Kristy in years and now I had to leave her again, "What do I do?"

"You go through that door and back to Anna and back to your daughter."

"Daughter? Anna and I don't know the gender of our baby. Every time she went in for an ultrasound, the baby would move around to where it was mooning us." I started to laugh, "The baby was teasing us."

We started walking to the door when Kristy stopped in front of the window. "I know that it's a girl, Nick. See?" She moved out of the way and as we looked in the living room window again, rather than the image of Anna asleep in her hospital room or me in mine, it was replaced by a sleeping infant in dark wood crib. Kristy looked at me, "She's beautiful."

I stared in awe as I watched a view of my daughter who was sound asleep in the room Anna and I had partially set up and painted for her. It still wasn't complete but up here, it was, "This is…" I faded off as I watched as she let out a little yawn and brought her arms close to her chest. She was wearing an outfit that Catherine had given us at Anna's baby shower. It was the onside she had printed up and the baby was wearing the pink one. I remember when Anna showed it to me after the baby shower. "A co-worker of mine bought that shirt for the baby. She bought us two, one in pink and one in blue, since we didn't know the baby's sex."

"See." Kristy smiled as the door started to open but she could tell I was still hesitant about moving through it. "Nick, I know you're torn about what to do about staying here or going back, but now is not your time. You've got someone to take care of you and soon, you'll have someone to take care of." She stopped and smiled again, "Oh, and August seventeenth is my birthday. Keep that date open, okay?"

Another cryptic message, "Why?"

As soon as I asked, I knew I wouldn't get a clear message from Kristy as to what it meant, "I don't know but something tells me you'll do something that day."

I chuckled to myself, "Maybe that's the day Anna and I will settle on a name. We can't decide on one."

"You'll get a sign."

"A sign?"

Kristy nodded, "You'll get a sign and that'll settle the name problem. Just keep a look out for the sign. You'll know it when you see it."

I started to get light headed again. "How do you know all this?"

"I just do. It's one of those things we know up here." Kristy pulled me into a hug and even though I was going back to be with Anna, she was a part of my past that I didn't want to forget and I didn't want to let her go. "You were one of the best things that ever happened to me. I know I didn't know you that long and we didn't meet under the best of circumstances, but you were special to me." She released me from the hug as she took a step back. "Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"My favorite flowers are pink tulips. Thank you for what you've been doing for me since I died. You still are a very important part of who I was and I'll miss you every day. I want you to stay but I know you can't and that you need to go home to Anna and to your daughter." She took another step back as she started to fade even more, "Goodbye, Nick."

I took a step back from Kristy and watched as she faded off completely. As I waved goodbye, her form was soon replaced with Anna's. "Anna?" I reached out to the form in my visions as it slowly went to black. "No, no. Anna, please. Anna?"

"Nicky?" Foggy, quiet voices were floating around near me, "Nicky? Honey?"

Wake up!

My brain was fighting with my body. I finally felt my body start to win and opened my eyes. With my vision blurry, I could make out two forms in front of me, one with dark red curly hair, "An…" I couldn't get the name out, but I knew who it was. My voice was hoarse from not being used, "A…"

"Oh, God. Nick?" Anna was quiet as I felt her lift up one of my hands, "Go get Mom and Dad. They're in the cafeteria."

I couldn't see who Anna was talking to, but she never left my side, "Nicky?"

I continued my fight with consciousness until my vision began to clear a little bit more, "Anna." My throat was parched dry and it felt like I had swallowed an entire dump truck full of sand, "My Anna."

I heard Anna make a sound that was a cross between a sob and a sigh, "Yes. I'm your Anna."

"Nicholas?" I heard my mother's voice, "Nicholas?"

"Mom." I was starting to regain most of my sight. Anna was now in clear view to my right with my parents to my left and some woman I had never seen before in my life was standing at the foot of my bed, "Dad."

My mother took my hand, "Nicholas."

I looked at them through eyes barely focused until I blinked a few times to get my vision back. "Hey." I don't know what medications I had flowing through my veins, but whatever it was made me loopy to the point of being almost drunk.

"Everything's okay, son." My father appeared next to my mother, "You'll be just fine. You had us worried there for a while."

I slowly looked around my room. I was obviously at Desert Palms and had been here a while given the recliner in the corner that was stretched out into a bed. Anna was wearing surgical scrubs which I found a bit odd, but my muscles were protesting from being in the same position for an extended period of time so I didn't question her choice of apparel, "Can I sit up a bit? How long have I been here?"

"Sure you can and you've been in the ICU at Desert Palms for a little over a week." The woman I didn't know adjusted the bed for me so that I wasn't lying down flat anymore. "Muscle cramps, right?" I nodded. "How's that?"

"Better." I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the Sahara Desert that had taken up residence, "Can I get some water?" I settled back in the pillow closed my eyes again as I tightened my hold on Anna's hand.

"Sure." The strange woman excused herself and left the room.

I opened my eyes when I heard the door click shut behind her, "Who's she?"

"That's Angie. She's Cathy's relief. Cathy has been taking care of you at night then she comes in at seven to relieve Cathy." Anna sat down on the edge of my bed, "I love you, Nicky."

"Love you too." I was still far too stiff to hug Anna like I desperately wanted, but was relieved when Angie came in with some water in a clear, plastic cup and I drank all of it quickly, "God that tastes good." When I finished the cup, she said she'd bring in some more for me in just a bit. "How's Thing?"

Anna put one of my hands across her middle, "Kicking up a storm right now. We're both doing fine now."

I noticed my mother shook her head at Anna who nodded slightly and didn't say anything else. I was too drunk from the medications to care, but made a mental note to ask later what that meant.

Anna was able to stay with me another couple of hours before my father told her she needed to rest and reluctantly she left my side to go back to her room at the Tangiers. My mother took her place next to my bed while my father excused himself to call my sisters and Tyler to tell them I was awake, "Mom, what's wrong with Anna?"

My mother shook her head, "She's fine."

"Yeah, I got that already, but why was she in the hospital? I saw the arm band she was wearing."

"Nicholas…" My mother trailed off, unsure how to tell me why Anna was here. She put her hand on my cheek and ran her fingers through my hair before picking up my hand, "There's not an easy way to say this, but she went into premature labor." The look on my face must have been horrific because my mother corrected her statement, "She went into premature labor, but the doctors stopped it. She's on strict bed rest until my grandson is born. Her doctor has let her come down here a few times a day for about half an hour at a time but after that, she has to go and rest."

I relaxed a bit hearing the labor had stopped, but it sent chill bumps down my body knowing why Anna went into labor in the first place, "What happened?"

"You need your rest, Nicholas."

"Mom, I need to know what happened. Was Anna in any danger? Did anyone hurt her?"

"No." She sighed, "Anna was at the lab the entire time after you were taken. I think it was Catherine and the sheriff who went to get her. She was taken straight to the CSI lab and was kept under observation by her friend and several officers. After your co-workers found out where you were, she followed them to the nursery and passed out. Her friend brought her here and after being sedated for a bit and given medication to stop the labor, her labor stopped and she's fine. I went with her to an ultrasound a day or so ago, just before you were extubated and the sedatives were stopped. You woke up a day and a half later." My mother reached over for her purse and fished around until she found what she wanted, "See."

She had handed me an ultrasound photo. I smiled and ran my fingers over the 4D photo. I could clearly make out the baby's features. It was almost like an actual photograph of him was in my hands, "So, it's a boy?" I really didn't want to tell my own mother what Kristy had told me. I'd likely be put back in a coma due to delusions.

"I don't know, Nicholas. She's carrying up high like Allison did with hers, which is why I think it's a boy and I spoke with Anna's physician who also believes it is a boy from an earlier visit. Either way, Anna's physician says she and the baby are doing great and will continue to do fine as long as she stays on bed rest."

My mother kept the conversation light and airy. My father came in after telling the rest of the family I was doing much better. I was brought soup for dinner and though I wasn't very hungry, I did manage to down half the bowl. Catherine and Grissom stopped by for a bit after my parents left to go back to their hotel room to get some sleep. Catherine elected herself to stay the night with me and though I tried to protest that I didn't need anyone here, it was comforting to know I wasn't alone.

Anna was able to come over for another hour long visit and after she left, it didn't take long before I was out once again with her telling me she loved me was the last thing I heard.

"Shit." I hit my face again on the top of the coffin and immediately grabbed my nose to try to stop the pain, but it was a futile attempt.

As I thrashed and screamed, the confines were closing in on me and the ants continued to swarm over me, biting as they went. The pain was unbearable and I screamed, but that just antagonized them to bite me even harder. I clawed at the top, trying to find some way out of my own personal brand of hell. I heard voices above me, but with the pain from the ants, I couldn't hear them clearly. The voices disappeared but were replaced with a face that was swimming before me. "Get me out of here!"

"Nicky!"

I heard someone beating on something and when I blinked, the vision of me trapped was replaced with Anna. I could see Anna in my place, fighting to get free. She continued to thrash, this time pushing on the sides of the coffin, knowing that she had to get out and had to get away from the ants. "Nicky, help me!"

My eyes suddenly shot open and my breathing was rapid and as I began to recognize my surroundings. I was still in the ICU at Desert Palms but couldn't figure out why my hand was hurting. It wasn't until I realized that I had a death grip the bed rail that I let go and began to panic, "Anna!"

"Nick?" A hand reached out and touched my forearm, "Nick, calm down."

I started to fight with whoever it was next to me, "I want Anna!" Looking over, I realized it was Catherine, who was still about half asleep. She tossed the blanket she was using to the floor and stood up, sitting on the edge of my bed as the door to my hospital room opened, "Anna!"

"Nick?" Catherine tried to hug me, but I shook her off, "Nick, Anna is at the hotel resting. She's fine. Your parents also went to the hotel to get some rest. I told them I'd stay with you."

I shook my head, unable to get the visions of her in that coffin out of my head, "I want to see her." I tried to get out of bed, but another stronger set of hands was holding me back against the pillow, "I have to go see her or bring her to me. I have to know she's okay."

"Nick…" Catherine trailed off as she looked up at someone on my left side, "Just go back to sleep."

The aching feeling that something was wrong sent a surge throughout my body. Every appendage it passed began to sting and pulse furiously. It was like hitting a funny bone ten times in a row, but this was not isolated. My whole body felt the repercussions of my thoughts. I gripped the edge of the bed rail as the pulsating pain overwhelmed me. I realized then that I had just crossed the line from normal into paranoia and with that, I felt a stream of medication hit me and before I could argue, I was surrounded by darkness once again.

"Why the hell didn't you come get me?"

"Because you're on bed rest." The first voice was Anna's and the second I realized was Catherine's as she continued to speak, "I didn't want to upset you."

I heard an exasperated scoff, "Yeah I am, but I can sit down next to him and comfort him. Damn it, he wanted me. Me!"

Catherine sighed, "But the baby…"

"Anna?" The medication was finally wearing off enough and I was able to ignore the parched feeling in my throat as my vision began to clear, "An…?"

"Nicky?" I felt the weight of her body on the mattress of my bed as she rested her hand across my stomach, "I'm fine."

Without warning, I sat upright in my bed and brought Anna into a hug, holding on to her as tightly as I could, not wanting to let her go, "No one would get you." My IV line was tangled on the bed rail and with one pull, it came free with a pinch as it came out of my hand, allowing me to hold on to Anna even tighter, "I tried to leave, but someone drugged me. I didn't know what to think…"

When I started to sob, Anna shoved herself back from me and turned around to face Catherine and Grissom, "Out. Now."

The two of them turned and left, taking their time in doing so. When the door finally closed, Anna hugged me back and held me as I cried into her shirt. I felt her pressing against my body, warm and yielding. I bent my head, letting my lips glide through her hair. Her answering sigh was like music, "I thought…My dream…"

"Sssshhh…" She reached behind me and turned off the flow of the IV as she tightened her hold on my neck as I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt her running her fingernails through my hair in an attempt to comfort me, "I'm fine, Nicky. Leah's fine. I'm fine. It's okay." With a gentle rocking motion, she continued to comfort me as I soaked the scrub top she had on, "Nothing happened to me or the baby. We're both fine though Catherine may not be when I'm done."

I finally loosened my grip on Anna as she let her hands fall to my lap. I reached out and touched her hand, sighing as she immediately took my hands in hers and held on for dear life, "Why?"

"She should have come to get me last night. Mom and dad convinced me to go with them back to the Tangiers to get some sleep and I knew I should have stayed here with you."

With Anna's insistence, I sank back in the bed as she pulled a recliner over and stretched out next to me, never once letting go of my hand. With my protests about being on bed rest, I did let her restart my IV before the ICU team got mad at me for overreacting. I finally relented when she told me she could sit down and start an IV since she was usually sitting or lying down in the field when she started them at work. Since she couldn't move very well in the chair, I propped some pillows behind me and rolled over on my side as much as I could to face her, "You're okay?"

"Fine. Pissed off at them for not coming to get me, but I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, Anna." I felt so helpless that I couldn't have a normal night's sleep. Ever since I woke up, the dreams had been the same. Gone were the images of Kristy Hopkins and Heaven, or wherever it was that I met her, having been replaced by that damn coffin and the ants. I felt goose bumps on my arms and went to rub them, but felt only the sharp scabs from the ant bites. My smooth skin from the dream was a thing of the past.

"It's okay, Nick." Anna reached out to touch my arm again and caught my hand instead. She gave it an encouraging squeeze as she tried to comfort me, "You've been through hell and back and you can't expect things to be fine overnight."

It struck me as odd as to why Anna was down here. Ever since I woke up, she had been in and out in short visits, but given the blanket lying over the arm of the recliner, she had evidently been here a while. I knew she had been released, but Dr. Lindley still wasn't comfortable with her being with me for longer than an hour or so at a time. She wanted Anna resting as much as possible and I for one agreed with her even though I wanted nothing more than Anna here with me, "How long have you been here?"

"About three hours."

"And Dr. Lindley is okay with it?"

Anna smiled, "I'm very good at making myself a royal pain in the ass when I want to." I started to protest but she held up her hand to stop me, "Kidding, Nick." She smiled at me again, "I've been handling the visits well enough that I've been sprung from my prison at the hotel but I'm still on strict bed rest, hence the recliner and the blanket. Mom told me what Catherine said about you wanting me last night and after I talked it over with Dr. Lindley, she agreed to let me come here until you woke up, then I have another ultrasound in a bit and more time on the fetal monitor to check the baby."

Over the next few days, I slowly started to get better. I was still confined to the ICU bed and wasn't allowed to get up and get moving just yet, but I was relieved to be conscious and find out that Anna was okay. My biggest fear while I was buried, besides imminent death, was that something had happened to Anna or the baby and I couldn't stop it.

The steady stream of people in and out of my ICU hospital room had been nerve wracking, but I hadn't had the strength or the courage to kick them out. My family was taking turns sitting with me which was fine and Anna never left my side, sleeping comfortably in the fold out couch whenever Thing would cooperate. Most of the team had been by and that was one thing, but it seemed that half of the Las Vegas Police Department had come to check on me and I could have probably filled the entire lab with all of the flowers and cards that everyone sent.

As a surprise, Anna arranged it so I could go down with her for one of her ultrasound appointment. Dr. Lindley wanted to keep a close eye on both the pregnancy as well as my wife and had arranged to do another 4D ultrasound so I could see what my mother saw before I woke up.

The image of my child in front of me was mesmerizing. Though the technician couldn't get Thing to cooperate to see if he really was a boy or not, just seeing him on screen made me choke back a sob when I realized how close I had become to losing everything.

The tech took her time pointing out features, but as clear as the ultrasound was, I didn't need any help. We got a good view of Thing's side and one arm, but no matter what the tech did, he wouldn't cooperate and flip over to see the important parts but spent the better part of the exam with one of his hands over his face. Anna was still steadfastly holding on to her choice of not finding out what the baby's gender was, but I wanted to know but I was sworn to secrecy and couldn't tell anyone – my parents included – if I found out. While the tech was looking, Anna had a towel in her hands and held it up, blocking her view of the screen so if I was able to find out, she wouldn't know.

The tech printed off several stills from the appointment and even said she'd have a DVD burned of the video in a couple days and would bring it by my room. My favorite image was the second one she handed me. Thing had his hand across his face, but one of his eyes was open, teasing us. I smiled as I held on to the picture as the nurse took me back to my room, telling me Anna would be by later on after she had some blood drawn.

A/N: Please be nice to me. I did some research into what people in comas dream about and experience and the most resounding answer was either memories about their past or someone from their past that they loved and lost and Kristy seemed to be the best way to go about accomplishing both.

If you've seen the movie Made in Heaven, I borrowed a few ideas from there to make this part flow. If you haven't seen it, rent it. It's my absolute favorite movie. I've always pictured Heaven like that and that's how I wanted to portray it here for Nick, especially the time warp thing because I just think that's cool.

For those of you who would like to know, George Eads has signed on to appear on the 13th season of CSI and I for one has a happee. I would have a bigger happee if you'd leave me a review. I'd have an even bigger happy if Nick was the one to off McKeen and instead of Brass asking what that was and Nick saying a miss, Nick says a hit or I didn't miss this time or something.