A/N: Next chapter. Hope you like it, still not sure I like how I wrote it, so if you have suggestions for changes or constructive critiques let me know. We are starting to get into the meat of the story. Judy and Quinn will need to figure out how to move forward with their relationship. Is it worth it to try and fix all that has gone wrong or is it time to give up. Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters. Glee belongs to it's creators and Fox.

Ch. 23

Judy wasn't sure what had happened it was all so quick. One moment Quinn was sitting quietly admittedly sullenly, but quietly and next she was shouting at Rachel. The pain in Quinn's words was jarring for Judy to hear, each bullet penetrating deep within her. Once again she'd been frozen by her daughter's words; her only reaction was to yell at her not to yell at Rachel. Rachel who looked like she'd been told Barbra Streisand had died.

Judy was startled into action by Hiram who was yelling at her, "Judy go after her." Following his directions Judy ran out the door, her eyes scanning for her distraught daughter. She looked left, nothing, than right, still no sight of Quinn. Judy ran to the end to the street but she couldn't see Quinn. The cold was biting and harsh. Judy rushed back to the house and grabbed her coat and Quinn's. When she got to her car she saw Hiram, Leroy, and Rachel getting into their own. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you look." Leroy responded.

"Okay." She didn't know what else to say, she was just happy that her friends and Goddaughter weren't too mad at Quinn for her words.

Jumping in her car Judy began to drive. Quinn was pregnant and it was winter out, she couldn't have gotten too far. Time passed quickly though with no sight of Quinn. Judy's mind replayed Quinn's words over and over again, she rewound the day and watched again. She was so stupid. The night before Judy had yelled at Quinn for getting Rachel drunk. Despite her apology Judy knew Quinn was still mad. Than all day Judy partook in family traditions with the Berry's, traditions Quinn knew nothing about, had never been apart of. Judy just wanted a drama free and fun Christmas for herself and Quinn. She thought joining the Berry's like she always had, letting Quinn take part would be good for them. But she hadn't really brought Quinn into the fold. She'd forgotten Quinn once or twice. She'd been obviously affection it with Rachel and not Quinn. That hadn't been because she didn't want too, but Quinn had been is such a bad mood that got worse and worse as the day passed. She knew Quinn wasn't comfortable with affections so she withheld. But now, maybe Quinn wasn't comfortable with affection because of a personal choice but because she hadn't received it before. Quinn was uncomfortable because Russell never gave it, not for not wanting it. Judy wanted to cry with her failure but she couldn't she need to find Quinn, to bring the daughter home. To apologize, to ask Quinn what she wanted to do for Christmas.

The time continued to tick away, it was nearly an hour since Quinn ran away and there was still no sight of her, no word from Leroy or Hiram that Quinn was safe and with them. Relenting she picked up her phone and dialed, "Yes Carol, I need your help…Quinn's run away…yes please have Finn call all their friends…thank you Carol." Judy prayed Quinn had run to one of her new friend's houses, the temperature was dropping quickly and Judy feared for Quinn and the babies health. Looking up she prayed to God to find Quinn soon.

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Quinn shrived as she walked across the park. How she'd run this far from home she didn't know but now she was regretting it, of course she didn't really want to go back there, but where would she go? There was no way Judy would let her stay, not now after she'd yelled at her precious Rachel. She could go back and get her car. She could go back to Melville, maybe Spencer would help her out for a few days, until she could get back on her feet.

"Hey." Jumping Quinn turned to see Puck sitting on the picnic table she was passing, she hadn't even noticed him sitting there.

"Hi." She said and moved to leave.

"What are you doing out here?" Puck asked. Quinn turned to him and moved to sit next to him. She didn't know why but it seemed like a good idea. Once she sat she felt warm fabric enclose her. Puck had given her his coat. She pulled it closer soaking in the warmth it gave her frozen bones. "Thanks." She mumbled.

"You looked cold. So what are you doing out here in this cold? Shouldn't you be celebrating Christmas or something?"

"Shouldn't you be celebrating Hanukah?" She asked back.

He shrugged, "Mom's working and my sister is at friends."

They sat silently for a while before Puck placed his arm around her, "What's eating you Gilbert?" Quinn laughed at the movie reference. It was older but she loved What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

"I blew up at Rachel and left."

"Why did you do that? Was it because she can't stop talking in paragraphs?"

Quinn giggled, "No, but that is rather annoying, no it was because I am a huge bitch."

Puck shook his head, "Nah I don't believe that, you are so not a bitch, Santana yes, Marsha definitely, you no."

Quinn sighed. She didn't understand why one minute Puck was the sweetest boy and the next he was being a complete ass. Either way she felt like he could understand her. "I got mad because Rachel replaced me."

"What are you talking about?" He turned towards her, his hands running up and down her arms in gentle strokes, warding off the cold that threatened to break through his down coat.

"I…" could she really tell him her deep dark secrets? No, well not all of the them, but she needed to talk about this, she needed to get it off her chest. "When I showed up on my mom's, well the Berry's doorstep, I hadn't seen my mom in ten years."

She expected him to question her but he didn't, he just waited for her to continue and she did. "she left me ten years ago with my father, or at least that is what my father told me, but now I am finding out that that might not be true. She says she lost custody. I don't know who is telling the truth, though Russell is a jerk, so…I don't know. It doesn't really matter though, whether she left on her own accord or Russell took us from her. She found a new family and new better daughter in Rachel. They are so close and is always protecting Rachel, everything is about Rachel. Last night she blamed me for Rachel drinking at your party. I told her to slow down, I started giving her watered down beer, it wasn't my fault."

"No, Rachel was in rare form last night, and it was all her choosing. I even told her to take it easy. She was just happy to be there, to be at a cool person party."

"Yeah, anyway. Today, they have all these traditions, and Judy was hugging and kissing Rachel and joking around. She barely spoke to me. She didn't ask if I had any Christmas traditions, not that I really have any except one, it was like I was visitor impinging upon their family." Quinn looked away, "I know I was mad this morning but she acted like…I don't know. Yeah I know Rachel is better than me, she is smarter, nicer, more talented, more compassionate, prettier, and not pregnant, but Judy is my mom, or at least she was."

Self-depreciation was a skill Quinn was very good at, Russell had made sure of that. Quinn was a disappointment she knew that, she had just hopped Judy would see past her faults and love her anyway, but with perfect Rachel around, there was no way she would.

"Whoa stop right there. I don't know you that well, but I can tell you all of what you said is wrong. First off aren't you in more advanced classes than Rachel? I've seen your grades, I cheat off of you," he winked at her, "and I am getting way better grades than I did when I cheated off of Rachel. Sure Rachel is nice but so are you, what you did for the glee club that was awesome." He moved his hands down to take hers in his. Slowly he began to rub them warm. "I've seen you sing and dance, you are a better dancer then Rachel, even being pregnant, and yeah Rachel has a stunning voice but yours is good too, differently from hers but I like it. You are obviously good at cheerleading or Coach Sue wouldn't have made you student coach. As for looks, Rachel is a nice looking girl, not ugly but not stunning, but you, Quinn you are gorgeous, I…" his cheeks were read and Quinn wondered if he was blushing, "You are the most beautiful girl in the school. As for being pregnant. I don't know how it happened, but something tells me it was a mistake, but the way you are handling it, at least from what I can tell, is great. So I don't know what is going on with your mom, but Rachel is not an upgrade from you and I doubt your mom sees her as one."

Quinn ducked her head, what he was saying it was nice and logical, but it was hard to believe, how could anyone love such a mess up like her. Quinn had been a disappointment from birth, she was suppose to be a boy, and now she had disgraced her family by having premarital sex and getting pregnant. "You don't understand, I always do the wrong thing, I make mistakes all the time, I am a disgrace."

"Like hell you are." The furry in his voice startled her and she flinched backwards. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you Quinn. It's just I've only known you a few weeks, but I li…I think your cool."

"Thanks Puck, your cool too, when you aren't drinking or acting."

They grew silent again and just sat. Puck was the first to break the silence again, "I think you should go home. Talk to your mom, tell her how you are feeling. I don't know everything about your family but I know that if I had a chance to tell my dad how I feel about him leaving us, I would in a heartbeat."

"Your dad left you?" Quinn was surprised. Maybe that was why Puck seemed to understand.

"When I was ten. We haven't heard from him since." He shrugged, "Its hard on mom, but she is doing her best."

"I'm sorry Puck, I didn't know."

"It's cool, just go home and talk to her." Quinn stood and started to take off his coat. "No, keep it, just bring it to school after break."

"Sure, thanks again Puck."

He jumped up and backed away, "Whatever, Puckster out." Quinn laughed as he ran away. Would he ever stop trying to cover up his sweet side with bravado.

It took Quinn twenty minutes to walk home. She figured everyone was still in the Berry's. She knew she was in big trouble for how she talk to Rachel as well as Judy. Walking in she found an empty and quiet house. Spotting a piece of paper of the table she picked it up.

Quinn,

We have gone to look for you, I hope you are alright. Please call us when you get home.

Love, Mom

Quinn sighed and pulled out her phone. "Hi…yes I am back…I'm fine…see you soon." She was really in for it.

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Judy rushed in the house. When she'd received the call from Quinn she was so relieved. Quinn had sounded upset but for the most part alright on the phone. Judy flew into her living room only to halt at the sight before her. Quinn was sitting on the couch, only in thin t-shirt and underwear, in her hands was one of Judy's belts. Upon seeing her Quinn stood walking over to Judy and offered the belt to her. Quinn's eyes were down cast, her hand steady as she tried to place the belt in Judy's hands.

Judy was shocked and confused; what was Quinn doing, why was he barely dressed handing a belt to Judy? Judy's voice creaked as words paced her lips, "what? I don't want that."

"Oh." Quinn responded. Still not looking at Judy she placed the belt next to a bucket which she picked up than she walked over to the hall closet and stepped in. Judy watched horrified as Quinn sat in the back of the closet, her tiny voice emitting from the dark whole, "If I may ask, how long Judy?"

Reality of the situation came crashing down on Judy like the seas against a dune in a storm. This was punishment for Quinn, this was what Quinn thought was acceptable punishment for doing something wrong. Nueause and vomit fought its way up Judy's throat as she bent down and looked into the dark closet. The only part visible to Judy were Quinn's feet, slowly she placed her hand on left one, Quinn's feet jerked back, "I'm sorry for showing myself." Quinn apologized.

"No, Quinn come out." Judy begged.

"Oh do you want the belt first?" relied the disembodied voice.

"No I don't want it and I don't want you in there, come out please." Judy was in near hysterics now. What the hell had Russell done to their daughter.

"I don't understand. I was wrong, I need to be punished." Quinn said, still hidden in the back of the closet.

"I don't punish like this, please come out Lu Bug." Judy prayed the old nickname would work would calm Quinn down, make her trust Judy.

Slowly Quinn emerged from the closet, the confusion on her face broke Judy's heart. "How am I to be punished?"

"You aren't." Judy replied.

"But I was mean to you and to Rachel and I ran away." Quinn had come to the end of the closet but hadn't exited fully.

Judy sat cross legged in front of Quinn and looked her in the eye. She needed Quinn's attention. "You did and I want to talk about it, but you were hurt, more than I knew. Please just come to the couch so we can talk, but first please but your clothes back on."

Quinn rose and did as she said. While in her room changing Judy paced the living room. What the hell did all of this mean, what in the world would make Quinn think being beat by a whip or locked in a closet was proper punishment? Judy could still remember a petrified Quinn emerging from the closet they day she had come home from work early. She remembers Quinn freaking out in the elevator mumbling "I'm not there." Was "there" Russell's closet, was Quinn claustrophobic from being locked in the closet whenever she got in trouble. Had she flinched way from quick movement because she had been beat by a belt. Judy prayed the answer to these questions was no, but Judy knew Russell, knew his temper, his quest for perfection, his harsh reactions to little Lucy's mistakes. Dear God it was possible, it was possible that her little girl had been beaten and abused by Russell for ten years, ten years with no one to stop him or save her.

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She didn't understand. Why hadn't Judy taken the belt, why did she tell Quinn to get out of the closet? Whenever Quinn had done something wrong, especially something as bad as yelling at him and running away, she would receive a flogging with his belt, or a switch from the willow tree out back, followed by at least three days in the closet. Judy had been married to Russell; wouldn't they punish the same way? Slowly she put on her clothes, putting off whatever punishment Judy had in mind. Did she like cigarettes? Russell had done the twice, on the small of her back, but it left to much of a scare so he stopped. What about drowning? Russell had done that too, when she was twelve and had run away for two days, sleeping at the park. Being held underwater, her lungs burning like an inferno, begging, gasping for air, it was even worse than feeling and smelling her skin being singed off.

Cautiously she entered the living room to see Judy sitting on the couch with her head in her hands, "Judy," Quinn called out quietly, "I am ready for my punishment."

Judy looked up, her eyes red. Had Judy been crying? "Come sit Quinn."

Quinn sat at the far end of the couch from Judy; she would not make it easier for Judy to smack her. She may deserve it often, but Quinn hated being hit.

"Are you sorry for yelling at Rachel, for running away?" The question was simple and easy, so was Quinn's answer.

"Yes." Quinn looked down at her hands. She knew Puck said to talk to her mom, but she was afraid too. She didn't want to be homeless again.

"Okay, then tomorrow you will go to Rachel and apologize, as well as too Leroy and Hiram."

"Okay." Was that it, was that all Judy would have her do she was so confused. "Aren't I going to be punished?"

"No." Judy shifted and faced Quinn. "Quinn I need to know, did, did Russell beat you? Did he lock you in the closet?" There was a trepidation and fear to Judy's demeanor. Quinn hesitated she didn't know what to say, obviously the answer was yes, but it didn't look like that was the answer Judy was hoping for. "Please Quinn, I need to know. If he did," she shook her head, "It's wrong Quinn, to beat a child, to lock them up, its child abuse. Quinn I need to know if he did that too, he needs to pay."

Quinn felt herself beginning to panic. Judy thought what Russell did was child abuse. Was it? Quinn had heard about child abuse, had been taught in school that hitting children was wrong, but it was all she knew, and Russell never hit her unless she did something wrong, like get a B on a test, or drop and break a glass, or leave her clothes on the floor. He didn't just hit her to hit her, she'd only ever been beat or locked in the closet when she did something wrong. What was Quinn suppose to say, the truth? What would happen then? Would Judy go to Russell? She couldn't then Russell would know where Quinn was, what if he had changed his mind and wanted her back, no she couldn't go back there, she couldn't put her baby in that kind of danger. Russell could never find out where she was. Besides what would Russell do to Judy if he saw her again. Russell hated Judy.

"No." she lied. Judy couldn't know the truth.

Judy slid closer, "Please Quinn, don't lie to me."

"I'm not." Quinn insisted.

"Then why did you have a belt ready for me? Why did you go in the closet when I didn't take the belt?" Quinn swallowed. She needed a lie, a good one, one that would through Judy off her trail. Judy could not go after Russell, it was too dangerous for all of them.

"He, Russell told me that is how you punished us before you left." Judy's sat back in shock, her face morphed form concern to anger.

"I never did such a thing, I would never harm my children. I was the one who took you from him when he locked you in the closet that first time. When I came home from a work trip to find you crying in the closet."

"You did?" Quinn didn't remember this.

"Yes, I took you and Frannie, I filled for divorce, I filled for custody, so that would never happen to you again. But he called CPS, they took you from me. The judge on our case, he was your dad's best friend. He didn't believe me when I testified to what Russell had done. Russell flip it all on me. Portrayed me as a drunk, as a neglectful mother. He used my job and my travel against me. I lost you because I was trying to protect you from him."

Quinn bit her tongue. This sounded so much more like the truth then Russell's story that Judy had just up and left. That she had grown tired of being Quinn's mother. "He said that you left because I was so bad I drove you away."

"No, God Quinn, no." No one spoke for a moment. Quinn tried to process all she'd learn with how Judy had treated her since showing up in Judy's perfect little life.

"Quinn, please tell me, did Russell beat you and lock you up?"

Quinn held her ground, now more then ever she had to keep Judy away from Russell. He couldn't know where she was. "No."

"Okay." Judy seemed to sag into the couch. "We need to talk about your blow up. Quinn please tell my why you got so mad at Rachel."

Quinn rubbed her face with her hand. She was exhausted. Her emotions had been all over the place today and combine that with being outside in the cold for two hours, the running, the cryings, she just wanted to go to bed. But perhaps Puck was right, maybe she needed to tell Judy exactly how she was feeling. "I'm jealous."

"Jealous? Why?"

"Because she has you and I don't." Quinn looked away from Judy. She couldn't look at Judy while she spilled out her heart.

"Quinn you have me, I am right here." Judy slid closer her hand reaching towards Quinn and then pausing.

"No I don't not the way she has you. It's all about Rachel. She does something wrong and it is my fault. She judges me, and I have to understand because she's had a hard time with cheerleaders. And tonight, you hugged her, you kissed her, you laughed with her. What about me? I know she is better than me, but…"

Long strong soft hands grabbed her own fidgeting ones, "No Quinn, stop, stop that. Rachel is not better than you."

"She is. She is a better student, she is kinder, she is more talented, prettier." Quinn listed all the qualities she'd told Puck.

Judy shook her head furiously as if she shook hard enough she would deflect Quinn's words, "Quinn you are just as smart and talented as Rachel. You are so beautiful, inside and out. You helped the glee club when you didn't need to, you helped Santana and Brittany, you helped Rachel when she was drunk. I am so sorry for last night. For getting mad instead of being proud of you for helping your friends. I am proud of you Quinn, so much."

"But I am pregnant."

"So?" Judy gently caressed Quinn's cheek. Quinn nudged closer into Judy's palm. The movement was so soothing. "All that tells me is that you made a mistake. Everyone makes them, I've made plenty. I am so proud of you though Quinn, for how strong you have been, for choosing to keep the baby and not aborting like so many others would, for remaining positive despite all that has happened."

Quinn didn't know how to react to Judy's words. She sounded so sincere, "But tonight, it was as if I didn't exist."

"I am sorry for that. I wanted to make this Christmas special for you. I wanted you to feel included a part of the family, because you are."

"I am not a Berry." Quinn retorted.

"Your right, you aren't and neither am I. We are a family, you and I. It's just hard, I've spent so much time alone, of being pulling into the Berry's family. I thought I could bring you with me."

"So you do prefer them?" Quinn slid back.

"No, not at all. Leroy is my best friend and had been for all my life. Hiram is like a brother me, and Rachel, Rachel is close to me. She is my Goddaughter, and for all intense in purposes my niece. But you, you are my true family, you are my daughter. I guess I wanted the best of both worlds, I wanted you to be feel as accepted as I did. I failed though, in making you feel comfortable, in letting you know that I see you and I as a family first, then you and I and the Berry's as a second family and extended family. I am so sorry for that. It was my failure today, not yours."

Quinn could understand that. She would never deny Judy the family she had found in the Berry's but she had wanted to have her own Christmas with Judy. Start something knew together. "I am glad you have them. I don't want to make you choose between them and me. I am sorry, I just, seeing you treating Rachel like a daughter when you didn't even try to hug me or hold me, I just, I lost it. When she said you read The Night Before Christmas I remembered when you use to do that more me and Frannie, and how after you left, Fannie would read it to me. They are the only good memories of Christmas I have and to hear that Rachel has those memories too, that she has heard you read it more times than me, your own daughter, it hurt, it hurt so much."

Judy pulled Quinn into a hug and Quinn reveled in it. "I am so sorry I am more affectionate with Rachel. I know it makes you uncomfortable, to be hugged and kissed, I was trying to respect that."

"I'm uncomfortable because I am not use to it, Russell he is a hard man, he never hugged me. I want to comfortable with affection, Judy."

Quinn felt Judy rest her lips on her forehead, "Than we will work on that. As for the Christmas story, my best memories are of reading it to you and Frannie, not Rachel. Whenever I would read it to her I would think of you and your sister. It would make me happy when I was so sad."

"You were really sad?"

"All the time, I missed you and Frannie so much. Christmas and your birthdays were the worst."

"Yeah they are." Quinn agreed. Judy began to stroke her hair and Quinn let her. It was nice, it was peaceful. "We have a lot more to talk about don't we?" Quinn yawned.

"We do, but we will take our time, now go to sleep baby." Quinn smiled and did as she was told; once again falling asleep in her mom's arms the night before Christmas.

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