The next morning Kaede was at least able to make breakfast, though she was still sleepy. She was as bad as Rin was, a veritable zombie, so it was mostly toast.
"Morning," said Archer yawning.
"..." said Kaede, not awake enough to say anything. She was seconds away from having her head thumping the table. Rin was right next to her.
By the time she was finally awake enough to recognize people, Shiro was handing her a plate of hot food.
"The sooner you eat, the sooner Archer will quit being a mother hen," said Shiro flatly.
"I heard that," said Archer, using a nearby spoon to fling eggs at Shiro's hair. It landed with a 'splat' because Shiro had his head turned.
Kaede blinked twice before she started cracking up. Too bad Rin was too zombied out to realized what just happened. Shiro gave Archer a glare but said nothing.
It would seem that Kaede's prankster spirit (not often seen but still very much there) had somehow rubbed off on Archer. How, he had no idea but he could live without eggs in his hair.
"Who flung the eggs?" asked Kiritsugu. Kaede pointed at Archer, grinning openly.
"Right. Next time, add hot sauce before you fling them...better splatter pattern," said Kiritsugu.
Archer sputtered in surprise.
"Seriously?"
"What? Once I gave up on being an assassin I had to find new ways to apply my old skills. It was Kaede who suggested photography for my sniper skills, and being a former assassin makes it nearly impossible to escape my pranks," said Kiritsugu.
"Dad holds the record for the largest number of messes to clean up. Thank kami for cleaning charms," said Kaede grinning.
"This coming from the girl who first discovered the splatter patterns of condiments by pranking Taiga?" said Kiritsugu.
"What? I had to get rid of that old ketchup somehow," said Kaede innocently.
"I've never seen a Servant laugh so hard as Gil did when he saw the look on Taiga's face once she was hit with that balloon of expired ketchup," said Kiritsugu.
Kaede grabbed one of the photo albums and handed it to the others.
"Page thirty," said Kaede.
Saber and Archer looked at the picture. Gil was holding his sides howling while Taiga sputtered while covered in what appeared to be tomato sauce. Kaede was right there laughing...but her hair was a bright red.
"Why is your hair red?"
"Before I met Gil, my hair was raven black. He rescues me, and it turned fire red once I washed it. I finally enter what's left of Camelot and it starts turning blond."
"You found Camelot?" said Saber.
"It's a school for magicals called Hogwarts now. Apparently the founding four managed to break through the wards the faeries left on it and turned it into a sanctuary to teach children with magical cores. Though it's fallen rather far considering the education standards in England," said Kaede.
"Considering who your other ancestor is..." started Shiro. Kaede's eyes glinted.
"I swear to kami if you even think of mentioning my birth name I will start an all out food war right now," said Kaede.
Shiro glared at her.
"Kaede's not your real name?" asked Saber.
"Not my birth name, though by all rights it's now my legal name. I hex anyone stupid enough to mention my original name before I left England for good," said Kaede.
"What is her original name?" asked Archer.
Rin, still not fully awake, was the one to say it.
"Rowena Potter," she yawned. Kaede kicked her under the table, so she shot a Gandr at Shiro.
Archer choked on his coffee.
"Rowena Potter, as in one of the most cynical Caster-class Servants in the Throne?!"
"Caster-class?" said Kaede.
"Rowena Potter, the Mistress of Death and the strongest Sorceress to have come out of England since Merlin. She became a Caster once she died."
"So...no Kaede Emiya?"
"Never heard of you. Rowena strictly stayed in England until after the Wizard's War before she was married off to a Magi by the Ministry in order to pacify the Magus Association. On the plus side, it did get her out of a loveless marriage to her former best friend Ron."
Kaede looked sick to her stomach. The mere idea of being married to a wizard or used as a pawn in a political marriage...she looked ready to hurl.
"And from what I heard from her, mostly because she found my dry wit highly amusing, she was treated like a scapegoat by the Ministry for years before she finally killed off all the pure bloods."
"I can't blame her," said Kaede.
"So what did Nimue give you?" asked Saber.
"A sword and a sheathe. And she said what it was that they added to Amethyst after I got my armor," said Kaede, reaching for another glass of hot tea.
"Do I dare ask?"
"Not until the food is consumed. Or better yet..." said Kaede, immediately swapping places with Rin.
"That bad?"
"They gave me a Reality Marble. One that involves Servants, though I'm not entirely sure how that works," said Kaede calmly.
Rin, when she heard this, began spewing her hot coffee all over the table and neatly hitting Archer and Saber at the same time.
"They what?!" she shrieked, fully awake.
"They apparently added a reality marble. One that involves Servants," said Kaede.
Rin was twitching more than Saber or Archer was.
"Did you have to insure that we would be in the blast radius?" asked Archer.
"It was either you or Dad. And frankly you two would easily shrug off the effects of coffee better than him."
Shiro winced for some reason.
"Oh dear... looks like it's finally kicking in..."
"What is?"
"Kaede does not handle being sick well. Last time she was sick she initiated an all out prank war on everyone until it passed. That and she acted like Rin only worse when it's that time of the month," explained Shiro.
"Which means?" asked Saber.
"Kaede when sick is super bitchy. Surprised the hell out of us when it happened," said Kiritsugu. They took the coward's way out and left Gil to suffer her wrath last time.
"Oi," growled Kaede and Rin both.
"Saber's probably safe, but we should get the hell out before they turn their feminine wrath on us," said Shiro to his dad.
"Agreed. On three?"
"Three!"
Shiro and Kiritsugu grabbed Archer and bolted. Rin's Gandrs narrowly missed them both.
"What about the girls?" asked Archer.
"If Gilgamesh finds them, he's on his own. I would rather face him than Kaede right now. She's downright sadistic!" said Shiro honestly.
"And Zouken?"
"Again, would rather face him than Kaede," said Shiro.
"That bad?" asked Archer unsure.
Kiritsugu produced another album. He took so many photos that they had duplicates and they would be scattered around the house if Kaede didn't put them on the shelf.
The album itself was titled... Warning for newcomers of the Emiya Household: Why you should run when Kaede catches something.
Archer started looking at several photos, all enchanted to move, and he kept wincing.
"Question retracted," he said dryly.
Shiro was the unlucky one chosen to see if it was safe to go home, and was promptly roped into escorting Kaede and Saber to the grocery store.
Every piece of chocolate had been devoured in the girl's night out that Kaede had with the others, Illya included. As such, they needed a food run before they ran out. And since there was no way Kaede would be able to do her usual trick of porting the food directly into the workshop in the back, Saber didn't know how to do the trick, and the fact Shiro loved to help others...well, he got suckered into it.
"Is this enough?" he asked, almost pleadingly.
Kaede tallied up what they had, ignoring the fact that Shiro was almost buried under all the food while Saber had most of the really heavy things, and to his relied said "It'll do. Having Servants around seems to wipe us out faster than a movie night."
Shiro nearly cried with relief.
They were taking the fast route home, Shiro drawing odd looks from the massive bags on his back and arms, so they had hoped to avoid any Masters or worse, Servants until after they got home.
Just because Kaede had recovered from the Iron Poisoning, as Archer so aptly called it, didn't mean she was out of the woods just yet. Her reserves were so low that she wouldn't be able to do more than cast the lowest level spells without getting exhausted...and forget using prana. And magecraft would kill her at this rate.
Five miles from downtown Fuyuki... At the Airport...
A pale blond man sneered at the other passengers. If it weren't for the fact that all magical travel to this...town...were restricted during certain magical peaks, he wouldn't be forced to take such a muggle way of traveling.
Still, he was here and ready to fulfill his duty as given to him by his master.
He was to either capture this...Kaede Emiya, or kill her before she was recruited by that mudblood-loving fool Dumbledore, who was on his way to the city. He had not made a good impression on the Japanese, but he was still able to get an international portkey.
He sneered at everyone. Commoners, the lot of them. He rarely took muggle travel, so he had no idea that the fact the stewardesses made him pay for all of his drinks was a form of petty revenge. One which, when called on by their superiors and shown a tape of the man in question, they let slide.
If he was so snobbish that he didn't know that the drinks were free, that was his problem. It wasn't like the man would bother to sue the airline for it.
Lucius Malfoy was in Fuyuki.
"Finally! I was starting to get antsy in that house!" said Kaede.
"Well there's no way we were about to let you out when you've been so weak lately."
"I'm fine!" said Kaede.
"You are now. But if Nimue hadn't given you that shield you would still be in bed sick to your stomach," said Saber flatly.
"It's only that effective on one target. The more people it covers, the weaker the effects are."
"How do you know that?" asked Shiro.
Kaede stopped, pulled out her new shield and pointed to the inside of the metal.
Saber blinked.
"You read faerie runes?" she said.
"I got interested when I found out I was descended from you. I got a mastery in it, though I rarely use them. Only an idiot uses faerie runes when it's easier to use human ones."
"Why?" asked Shiro.
"Faeries are fickle, and the only time faerie runes work like they should is when they're used by faeries," said Saber.
"If someone other than faeries apply the runes, then the moment it touches cold iron they fail spectacularly...sometimes even turning on the one who applies them," said Kaede, "Which is why I only gained a mastery in reading them, not applying. Even if they do favor me, I'm not arrogant enough to think I could actually use them outside of reading instructions."
"Did Avalon have any instructions?" asked Shiro.
"No idea. I can't read faerie runes," said Saber.
"How do we find out if there's any instructions?" asked Kaede.
"Later. Right now we have groceries to put away...right Shiro?" said Kaede smirking.
"I am so paying Rin to use Finn Shot on Dad and Archer," growled Shiro, adjusting the bags.
"Why pay her when we could Illya do it for free?" asked Kaede smirking.
Shiro blinked...then smirked. Illya would probably love that idea.
They were halfway to home when there was a bright green light shot towards Kaede. She narrowly ducked the light, and Saber's sword deflected it towards the air. It hit a bird and it died instantly.
Seeing the familiar skull, black robes and outdated wand, Kaede swore. There was a Death Eater in her hometown during the worst point imaginable!
Kaede reached for her focus, only to realize the only one she had on hand was Amethyst, which she disliked to use for wizard magic because she never shut up.
"Prepare to die, Potter!" sneered the wizard.
"Shiro, send the food home through a port key! Saber and I can hold him off," said Kaede as she summoned her armor and sword.
"Are you sure you can handle that sort of fight?"
"It's not magic, just sword skill. Gil's been training me remember?" said Kaede in return, though Shiro noted with some concern that she was a bit paler than normal.
Calling up her armor cost prana, and Shiro didn't want to think what using her sword would do in her state.
Illya was the only one at the house when the groceries arrived, and she knew something was terribly wrong. Shiro never used magic to send groceries home unless he needed his hands free in a hurry.
For a normally timid witch, Kaede could get very territorial when it came to her food quality and the kitchen. Even Berserker had backed off from the area when she growled at him!
So the fact Shiro had to send the food home via magic told her a lot. She used her familiars to locate Kaede and the others...and what she saw had her seeing red.
How dare that inbred trash attack her brother and sister!
"Berserker! We're going out!" said Illya. Well, after she finished putting up the cold items before Kaede had a fit.
Kaede was breathing heavily. Just because she had gotten over the iron poisoning didn't mean she had recovered from using up all her prana. And with all the stress she had been under, it was only the shield that kept her going.
Unfortunately hers wasn't as effective as Avalon when it came to healing. And this creep wasn't taking a hint, despite the fact that Saber kept deflecting the killing curse.
Kaede was about to start leaning heavily on her sword when she heard two things.
A derisive snort and the sound of a thundering roar from Berserker.
She focused on the snort first.
It was Gilgamesh.
Coming to their aid was Illyasviel and her Servant Berserker.
(Illya still had trouble believing that Kaede could scare Herakles. Then again, she had never been on the receiving end of Kaede's angry dragon illusion yet either.)
"Well, well, well... what do we have here? The Lesser Grail, my future queen and the brat who went around with that imposter..." sneered Gilgamesh.
Kaede flinched. This was the last thing she needed... Gil's more obnoxious self and her in a weakened state. Things had gone from bad to worse.