Hey all. Well I only got four reviews for my first chapter but I will continue the story because those four were kind enough to leave behind their thoughts and honestly, despite it only being four, those four reviews really made my day. I want to publicly thank you: coolgirl200, Junoan, Book Thief101, dark-Yuuki-sama. Your reviews meant the world for me and I would greatly like to see your opinions on the updates to my story.

Hope you guys enjoy the newest chapter ~Wolf

Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray-Man

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Allen walked through the stone halls of the order, his shoes echoing with a 'tap tap tap'. He had just returned from his visit to his departed foster father Mana and an unexpected conversation with the last person he thought he would be able to be civil with. Allen still held the umbrella that Road had left in his possesson. He was dripping wet because after Road had left him with it...well it just didn't seem right to use it. He felt less guilt and shame if he didn't. For what reason he supposed it was his concern for a fellow human being. A fellow human being...I actually think of the Noah as human don't I? I think of Road like that.

Allen made his way somberly to his room for the night, water dripping from his coat and hair. He was trapped by his own thoughts. Allen only wished to retire to his room but fate didn't like that idea. Lenalee broke Allen out of his inner thoughts. "Allen why are you soaking wet?"

"Oh, hello Lenalee." Allen put on his fake smile trying to reassume the mask he wore that said 'everything is fine'. It was harder now though. "I went out and just got back now."

"Well where did you get that umbrella and still if you have one why are you drenched? Are you sure you are okay Allen?"

"Oh!!....uh well I was caught in the rain and someone offered me her umbrella since she didn't need it. And I am fine Linalee, really." He smiled at her. That smile only he could give no matter how bad things got that just reassured her in a way only he could.

"Well that was awfully nice of her. What a kind gesture, giving you her umbrella in your time of need. She might not get it back yet still she gave it to you out of the kindness of her heart."

Linalee still had a look of concern but it had diminished somewhat after Allen's smile. But the smile hid the troubling thoughts Linalee's words had brought to Allen's mind. Yes. Kindness...someone helping out a fellow human being in their time of need. To care and help each other. Such a thing is so good and worthy of praise...that's the problem. It's unusal for people to be selfless and help each other. In a world where doing what is right is worthy of praise, even such a small thing as helping someone out of the rain, that speaks volumes of how uncommon that is. It such be natural that we help one another out and yet...it's not...it's praiseworthy BECAUSE it's uncommon. That's not how things should be.

"Yes, she was a very kind girl. I hope to be able to return the favor someday if I should meet her again.

Nodding her head, "That would be the right thing to do Allen, and I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

The right thing to do? It should be expected from everyone...not just me. The things I do...they shouldn't be special or unusual but commonplace. Yet it's not...that's the problem. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here for dinner."

"Oh it's alright. I am sure you'd like to go down to the Cafeteria and see what you can get Jerry to make you."

"Actually I am rather tired I would prefer if I could just sleep if that's alright?"

"OH!!? Um...sure of course Allen." Lenalee stepped slightly to the side as Allen passed her smiling once again as he passed her. Allen doesn't want to get food!!?? That's not like him. I mean this is Allen! He can put away an entire buffet. She watched Allen's back as walked down the hall and turned a courner. The smile Allen had given her put her fears aside but in the pit of her stomach she felt something was wrong. But I trust Allen and if he doesn't want to talk to me then...I have no right to pry. I'll I can do is be here for him when he is ready to talk.

Allen hadn't gone far before he was bombared by laughter, killer intent, and murderious threats. Which were soon followed by the visual of Kanda branshing his sword, Mugen, like a madman and chasing Timothy. Before Allen could figure out what was going on he found himself in the middle of the situation.

Timothy had easily outrun Kanda and took refuge behind Allen. After all he was used to being chased when he had stayed at the ophanage and he was used to being chased.

Kanda stopped before Allen glaring at the boy with a fire in his eye and everything about him screamed 'KILL!' The samurai exorcist then turned his attention to Allen who stood between him and his prey. "OUT OF THE WAY BEANSPROUT! THE CRYBABY MUST DIE!"

Allen didn't move out of the way, instead he sighed then smiled. "What's the matter Kanda? What did Timothy do now?"

"THE SAME DAMN THING AND YOU KNOW IT! He used that power of his to possess me and make me....JUST MOVE DAMMIT!"

Timothy smirked at Kanda from behind Allen, "Don't be mad at me because you like to dress like a lady. Everyone thought you looked pretty with your makeup and smeared lipstick."

"THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED AND YOU KNOW IT CRYBABY!" Kanda took a swing at where Timothy's head had been sticking out from behind Allen but missed.

"That boy used my body and made me look like an idiot....AGAIN!!!" Allen guessed what had happened. Since he had come to the order Timothy had taken an instant disliking to Kanda since he was....well.....kanda! Timothy took note that Allen wasn't particularly fond of him either and so took it upon himself to put the "uptight jerk" in his place. How? By abusing his powers as an exorcist to take over Kanda's body and make him do rediculous very un-kanda like things. Last week he had strut through the order in kanda's body while he wore a diaper. Probably to get back at him for giving him the name "Crybaby." It was ironic really and a prankster should be proud of that. And that was only one instance but there were others. Kanda knew it was Timothy's doing but he couldn't prove it! Everyone just pretended it wasn't Timothy's doing but everyone knew and that pissed Kanda off even more.

Allen smiled and asked Timothy politely, "did you possess Kanda's body and make him wear a dress?"

Timothy gave an innocent look "No! Of course not! I wouldn't do that kind of thing anymore!"

Allen knew it was a lie but it was all he needed to end this. "See Kanda, Timothy says he didn't do it. How can you be sure he did?"

Kanda made this real simple. "Beansprout move now or will kill you to get to him."

Allen put on a mock expression surprise. "Why Kanda I'm shocked that you would threaten not only a helpless child but me as well all without anything to support your behavior."

Kanda wasn't really going to kill Timothy but if he had to fight Allen to get to him then someone might really get hurt and Kanda was not that uncaring. Sheathing Mugan he turned and gave Timothy a dirty look and a "tch" and briskly walked off.

Timothy immediately thanked Allen for the help. Allen had to find out more about this though. "Now really? Did you do it?"

"No of course not! I mean come on he's a tranny just look at him. He even had katchup in his panties. He looked like he was on his time of the month thingy. He obviously wears that stuff all the time but...the katchup ...I don't know he's a freak."

Allen laughed heartily and then gave a deceptively calm smile. "Timothy, how did you know that Kanda was wearing ladies underwear and how did you know he had katchup in them?"

"Uh...uh...well....you're not gonna tell him are you?"

"Of course not but if you are going to do it don't let me know. And definitely don't hide behind me to escape."

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Allen followed the direction Kanda had stormed off to. He felt that Kanda would surprisingly be the best person to talk to in regards to the personal dillemma he was facing. But it being Kanda he couldn't be open about it.

"Kanda...could I have a moment of your time?"

"What is it beansprout?"

"I was wondering why you are always so cold to everyone. You aren't warm, friendly, or kind at all. I was wondering why?"

"tch...when you have something actually important to talk about then come get me." Kanda started to leave but the shoulder of his coat was grabbed by Allen. "It's important to me Kanda! Please...right now...right now I need to know why?"

Kanda raised his arm and threw Allen's hand off his shoulder, turned and gave him a death glare. "It's none of your damn business!!"

Allen stood there as Kanda shouted. "I just need to know. I promise I won't tell anyone but...it's important for me to know why. More then you could know. Why you treat your friends with such disdain. Why you have no kindess or love for anyone. Please"

The two stood there one with fury on his face and one with a pleading calm look. Kanda finally spoke "I don't trust you. And besides like I said it's none of your damn business. Next time you try and grab me lik that you'll lose that hand beansprout." Kanda walked away and this time he was not stopped.

Allen remain where he stood, thinking, putting the pieces together to try and put this empty feeling, this moral dillemma to rest. Kanda is a perfect example of how uncaring this world is. If I knew why he was ...maybe things would be clearer. Kanda lacks kindness, warmth, and love of any kind. He is an example of how bad this world is. How cruel it allows us to be to one another. The worst part is...he didn't trust me...The fact is people can't trust one another. An existence where you are unable to trust someone let alone a companion. We don't trust one another because we can do such horrible things to one another. In such a world where we not only fear it happening, it actually does happen. What kind of sick existence is this.

Allen needed to make one more stop before he retired for the night. He asked around for the location of Lavi was directed to the Black Order's rather extensive library. There he found Lavi studying a history book but as it turned out there was another book hidden behind that one. Let's just say it was much less tasteful and Lavi's dear "gramps" would have disapproved him reading it with a swift kick to the head. "Of course that's why I'm hiding it behind this other book." Lavi stated indicating the history tome.

"So Allen did you hear about what Timothy did to Kanda?"

"Oh yeah, actually I did...but I wanted to talk to you about something else if that's okay?"

The grin Lavi had been wearing while mentioning Kanda's humilation disappeared at that point. Allen's smile didn't fool the bookman apprentice. He had heard of the 14th taking overwriting Allen's mind and was able to see past Allen's happy guise. "What's the matter Allen?"

"Oh I am just feeling a little down is all. But I do have something important to talk to you about. Lavi, as a bookman what do you know about the akuma?"

Lavi looked a little lost for a moment, "What do you mean?"

"I mean beyond the basic facts we already know about them. Like how the akuma are made. What kind of machine can trap human souls? Who originally designed them? The Millenium Earl? Why do they evolve if they are machines? I mean all we know is they are weapons that use human souls but what else do we know?"

"Allen what brought this on? Why are you coming to me at this time of night asking about something like this?"

"I am just thinking that we don't really know anything about them. The fact we are fighting a war against a foe we don't know anything about, it bothers me. I mean we always figured they were built to be weapons but....what if they weren't initially designed for that?"

Lavi was at a bit of a loss for a moment. Not sure how to respond to this out of the blue. "Allen you already know everything the order and I as a bookman know about the akuma and about this war. But what do you mean 'what if they weren't initially designed to be weapons'. If not that then what were they designed for?"

Allen was struggling to keep his guise up, to protect anyone from seeing how lost he was. How empty and hollow he felt. But it was harder than ever to keep his mask from cracking at that moment. Perhaps it was because he had been doing it for too long. Or maybe he simply had lost the last reason he had to keep lying to others, letting them everything was fine. That he was fine. "I don't know Lavi..."

Allen felt like he would break down in a moment and Lavi would be able to see how bad he was hurting but Lavi said something that broke his train of thought and diverted his attention. "Allen what gave you the idea that the akuma might not be weapons?...Is... (sigh)....is this about the 14th?" Lavi knew he was going to regret this but his friend seemed to need a guiding hand at the moment

"What!!" Allen was completely shocked. "La...Lavi how did you know-"

"-About the 14th? Gramps and I as bookmen were permitted to overhear your conversation with general Cross. And before you say anything I'd like you to know I didn't want to pry into my friend's personal affiars but my duty as a bookman requires me to record history as accurately as possible and that means knowing all the possible facts. I am sorry Allen."

Allen could tell his friend was sincere. That wasn't what was bothering him right now. "Does anyone else know....did you tell anyone?"

"No, I wouldn't do that. And I am not allowed to divulge who else was privy to this info but I can tell you that none of your friends know about it since I am sure that's what concerns you the most."

"Thank you Lavi, you know me well." Giving Lavi a sad but heartfelt smile that wasn't fake. "Lavi all that doesn't matter. I ask you this question because well...I just need to know now. As an exorcist...as a human being. I need to know what it is I fight for now because if we know so little about this war...how do we know we are on the right side?"

Allen's words had jolted Lavi, "Allen....between you and me...this doesn't leave this room kay?"

Allen nodded his head in silent confirmation.

"That is very precise and astute of you Allen. It's true, I won't lie to you like other members would in the order. But as a bookman and your friend I will tell you the complete and unbiased truth I know about this war as it is my duty to know all aspects I can on it. The simple fact is The order condemns the Earl and those who follow him for murdering innocent people and trapping souls here on earth. The specifics other then that are unknown. We know he wants this world destoryed specifically humanity. Other than that his motives aren't clear. No other information is available and trust me, Gramps and I do everythign possible to record history accurately and we can't find anything on this.

To put it simply as a bookman, this war is one without a reason why. We are simply protecting people from being killed and freeing the souls of those who are now trapped here on earth as Akuma. Not knowing the motives behind an enemy waging a war isn't really a war at all. On our part this is a war simply for survival and done on forced ignorance."

Allen let the question that burned within him slip from his tongue. "But......we are fighting against someone whose cause is unknown then...how do we know our side is the right one?"

Lavi desperately wanted to lie to Allen at this moment. To tell him anything but what he felt was the truth. But as his friend Lavi was determined to be honest with him and as a bookman that meant to be unbiased as well. "Allen we don't!! The war against the Earl, why people believe in following the order is simple logic. That killing people and perpetuating the suffering of dead souls by binding them to this mortal earth is wrong. That basic murder of humans is wrong. That alone is enough to convince most that The Black Order is the right side in this war. Isn't it enough for you?"

Allen couldn't meet Lavi's questioning gaze. "It used to be enough...but now...I am not so sure. What about you Lavi? Is it enough for you to believe the Black Order is the correct side?"

"I can't allow my personal feelings to interfere with my recording of history, you know that!"

"Then as a person Lavi. Tell me is knowing that enough to convince you that we are without doubt on the right side?"

"A...Allen....I....I can't honestly answer that."

"Yeah." Allen rose from his seat but before walking away, "Thank you Lavi for being honest with me. To speak sincerely like that...I appreciate it. It's why I value you as a friend and respect you. Goodnight Lavi."

All Bookman Jr. let the white haired exorcist go. It was all he could do. He trusted Allen and felt he deserved the truth for all he had suffered through. But despite believing what he had done was right Lavi couldn't help but worry about him. The things he had said would be considered treasonous by anyone else. But Lavi trusted Allen with his life. He'll be okay....well at least I can be honest to him because I am lying to myself now. One way or another Lavi knew that Allen was going to die soon.

The young Walker wished That Krory had recovered from his battle with Jasdebi but he had still had yet to awaken. It seemed as if Krory would never wake up and right now there was no one Allen wanted to speak to about the Akuma more then Krory. What do you think about the Akuma Krory...you were in love with one.

Opening the wooden door to his room and stepping across the threshold he closed it behind him. Placing the umbrella he still held down gently by the door before sitting on his bed. I'll have to return that good deed somehow...as well as the umbrella.

It was a while Allen sat there not noticing time slipping by until he felt a horrible pang of pain like a headache. It grew in intensity rapidly and it instantly became a debilitation pain. He laid back on his bed gripping his head trying in vain to soothe the physical pain which shot through him but being unable to. The images which passed before his eyes were so intense

(laughter)....(joy)....I love you so much

Flash

(tears)....(grief) Why I miss him so much

Flash

If only I could see him again...I feel the same...

Flash

WHY! WHY!! You took her from me AGAIN!!! Why God??? Why do you hate us so? What have we done to deserve this

Flash

Never forget...never forgive....exorcists...innoncence

Flash

God let's us love but takes it away....he wants us to suffer

Flash

Hey Mana. I know you are feeling lonely without me being around as much so I got you a puppy. (laughter) Well technicially I wasn't the one who got it but you know what I mean.

"AHHHHHHH STOP MAKE IT STOP....NO NO AHHH" Allen screamed, unaware of his surrounds any longer. All he was conscious of was the horrible searing pain that racked his mind and body as images, memories, and feelings he couldn't understand passed before his eyes. People laughing together, happy. In love. Crying and despair. A frustration and an intense hatred against innoncence? Sorrow, anger, love, remorse, hopelessness...and blood oh yes so much blood. All these things Allen felt and saw. Seeing through eyes which were not his. Seeing memories which were not his.

When the pain receeded Allen had no idea how long he had been screaming or suffering. To him it felt like hours. Yet when seekers came the next moment to ask what all the screaming was about, Allen learned no more then five minutes could have passed. He asked to be left alone telling them he was fine, using his sway as an exorcist and their superior to have them submit to his request.

These memories didn't make any sense. They were jumbled and confusing. "Mana...was that Mana I saw?" Allen was certain it was.

As Allen lay there he looked at the umbrella which lay next to the door. These unexplainable feelings made him want to return the favor that Road had done, despite how small it may be. He wanted to at least return the umbrella to her but knew it would probably never happen. All this he thought as he drifted into sleep. Unknowningly while he slept these feelings and the unconscious desire to speak to the one who had been able to grant him temporary inner peace, Road, were sent out. Surprisingly someone was able to pick up these feelings. As Allen slept her began to dream and it wasn't like his usual dreams...someone called out his name...someone he knew...

"Hello Allen-kun"

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Like before please REVIEW. The more reviews I get the faster the story will get updated. Oh and I threatened before that babies would be harmed either through physical beatings or by ingestion. Well since I only got four review normally that is not enough to spare them but I the heartfelt reviews were sincere so they have been spared....But now I have to threaten people with something else (pulls out a box full of cute kittens and puppies) This was in Road's room and well....I can guess what she was gonna do with them because I am gonna do it myself if I don't get reviews. Namely I will break their cute little necks with my bare hands one by one unless reviews are given. If reviews are given then they will be saved and a cult shall be formed which will give blood sacrifices in their honor. They shall be bathed in the blood of foolish heathens who dare challenge their godly cute powers. Any and all earthly desires shall be brought before them and any obstacles to this shall be destroyed with the vengence of a hobo who had his booze stolen from him and replaced with foul urine. Do you want cute wittle Whiskers to suffer (holds out cute kitty *meow)? Or do you want her to be happy? If so you know what you gotta do. REVIEW (I am only joking so please do not take this seriously. Except about me wanting reviews. That part I really do want)