Chapter 65

A week later the gang traveled back to Illinois. Through the connection and kindness of a man affiliated with Pete the entire gang and their women were allowed to occupy an empty vacation home. It was a beautiful house, the ideal getaway, but it couldn't be enjoyed long. The gang were to stay only one night and then continue on to their next destination. Since leaving the hospital John and Billie had only stayed in the same place for two nights, they hopping from hotels or sleeping in the car. It sickened John that he could offer Billie no better in a time that was so sensitive.

The men were outside nursing bottles of ale and shooting cans off a fence from various distances with various guns. The women were indoors, safe for Jane who hung clothes up on a line outside near a small garden. Billie sat at a small breakfast table in the kitchen, gazing out the open door to the clam and peaceful scenery beyond. The days were getting cooler but there was still enough daylight to remain comfortable. Though it wasn't necessarily needed Billie wore a sweater, it tugged close to her middle.

She had been sullen ever since the loss; distant. She was still mourning and beginning to scare everyone into thinking she would do so forever- which she would, naturally, but hopefully not to the extent of drawing the curtains or always wearing black. Even if her age were to blame Billie was taking things hard. She was, really, only a child herself and faced with very grown and very serious issues. The far off look in her eye was still present, but she no longer looked like a walking zombie. Some color was coming back to her cheeks and the familiar lightness was returning to her voice, as if there were finally the first signs of hope.

From Billie's lap came the gentle rumble of an animal purr. She held Clark in her arms, the cat having made the trip with John and Billie thus far. John thought it was a good distraction for Billie; she could nurture the little cat as much as her heart desired. Clark greatly enjoyed the attention, presently content upon Billie's lap getting pet. The hum of his purring was noticeable in the quiet of the room. Even Mairy could hear him from where she rested against the counter top, smoking a cigarette. It became too distracting to the point where she turned around and looked at Billie.

She really looked at her. Mairy didn't like to give any attention to Billie; the men, including her own, did enough of that. However, now when she looked at the young girl and really watched her she saw the pain clear across Billie's face. There was loneliness, too. Maybe it was this wretched look in her pretty blue eyes that finally cracked Mairy enough to speak to Billie like a human being; like a confidant.

"Soon enough we won't be able to do this," she said casually, turning away from the open door. "It'll be too cold."

At first Billie didn't even look up. She had never been directly spoken to by Mairy and never in such a calm tone. The air started to feel different in the room- the only thing that alerted Billie that she was being spoken to and encouraged to reply. She had gotten so used to being ignored that she suddenly felt anxious in what was supposed to be an easy and normal lead to conversation. Billie actually glanced around the room just to make sure Mairy wasn't addressing another person. When there was no one there and nothing else to substitute herself, Billie replied hastily.

"Oh...yes..."

The silence was awkward but for once, it wasn't Billie who was fighting to correct it. She had stopped petting Clark and the kitten rolled in her lap. Mairy leaned against the counter, moving slowly. It appeared as though it were difficult for her to converse with Billie, the younger girl wondering why she was even bothering. It was clear the two weren't friends and neither had any interest in changing that. That was until just several seconds ago before Mairy spoke.

The woman's next words were quieter and her eyes were adverted toward the counter top. "I know how you feel...you know..."

Mary had started out without quite knowing what to say. Her trivial comment about the weather was immediately followed by a serious matter. Billie was completely at a loss to the situation, almost as much as Mairy herself. There was more quiet until Billie uttered the only thing she could.

"I'm sorry?"

Mary turned around completely, her back once again to Billie as she gazed outside. Occasionally one of the men would wander in their eye-line only to disappear again. Their deep laughter could be heard lightly with the crisp breeze.

"Once...Pete and I..." she paused and then flinched. Billie was mesmerized to see such human emotions clearly effecting Mairy. "...well, I lost him quickly...only about a month longer than you..."

Silence.

A bird whistled. Tree branches swayed gently, creating and changing shadows. There came the sound of a gun shot and more deep, muffled male voices.

Then slowly there came understanding.

Mairy had admitted something to Billie. She and Pete were to have their own child once but tragically, just as Billie herself had experienced, the baby was lost. Having this in common, this horrendous coincidence, seemed to break the barrier between the two women. It brought them to the same level in a perspective all their own. It also proved that Mairy was capable of emotions she never appeared to portray before- maternal love, nurturing, sensitivity, weakness. Billie could now see warmth in Mairy, and an understanding of her coldness.

As the quiet prolonged Mairy turned to face Billie slowly. She spoke again and her voice was quiet once more. "I guess I'm just glad it happened with me..." Hesitantly the woman's eyes flashed to Billie's and then back down to the counter.

As far as Billie knew, no one had told Mairy that she had witnessed Pete's infidelity. These words were another confession. She was not only showing but allowing Billie to see another side of herself. She was giving Billie the opportunity to hurt and judge. Fortunately for her, Billie knew the extent of the power she was granted in that moment and she never once thought to abuse it.

"I'm so sorry," she uttered quietly. Billie tried to imagine things from Mairy's perspective- knowing that her significant other had several women in his life and that a child could come from any one at any time. It spoke a lot about Mairy's tolerance; her loyalty to Pete was both exceptional and foolish. It was clear she valued him to an unearthly degree to allow such atrocities to occur and belittle herself. "You're very brave."

The room remained quiet and feeling the need to lighten things Billie added, "You'll be a wonderful mother one day."

The silence remained as Mairy struggled to contain her emotions. Billie's words had touched her to the point where she felt the warmth of tears rising to her face. Slowly she arched her head more in Billie's direction and was able to show just a hint of a smile. "I wish you'd stop being so nice to me. It makes it hard not to like you."

The comment amused and softened Billie. The girl smiled and spoke clearly. "Then don't."

After those words were spoken John passed through the threshold from the yard, noticing Mairy and Billie alone in the kitchen together. It worried him, but before jumping to any conclusions he headed straight toward Billie, arching down by her chair. He was shocked but overjoyed to find she was smiling- something she hadn't done for days. John didn't know why but he was thrilled and relieved to see the dimples on her cheeks.

"You alright?" he murmured, grinning slowly. Billie nodded and again began to pet Clark, John then kissing her cheek sweetly.