A/N: Finally an new chapter. I am sorry for the long time between updates. I admit to massive writers block plus being busy with work. This chapter still didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it too but its as close as I could get. I really hope you like it. There is alot of DRAMA here so be warned. Pretty please with gum drops on top review this chapter I NEED to know what you think. Thank you. Disclaimer I do not own GLEE or any of its characters. GLEE belongs to its creators and FOX.

Ch.30,

Quinn felt raw, like every nerve in her body was exposed to every emotion in the world. She'd felt like this ever since the dinner party. Finally reveling what had happened that night with Paul lifted the burden of secrets off her shoulders, it was good to talk about it, but to soon the weight was replaced by something so much worse, exposure. She felt completely venerable now, like everyone could see who she really was, a pathetic slut how was too drunk to stand up for herself and gave in. Worse even still was the seed Judy had placed in her mind, that Paul had raped her. Quinn never considered herself a rape victim before but after Judy came and told her that it had been rape, Quinn did some research and found that what had transpired between herself and Paul that night could be considered rape. The laws were fuzzy at best and how drunk was too inebriated to give lawful consent was completely subjective. There was also that fact that she'd been 15 when it happened and Paul 18, that could be something called Statutory Rape. It basically came down to whether or not Quinn felt violated, and well she had very much so, but she'd also felt guilty and hadn't blamed Paul at the time. Her mind was so messed up now. Not that it really mattered; she would never do anything about it.

No now she had to deal with the fact that her friends, their parents' and even Judy knew what happened and Quinn didn't like that. She didn't know what she'd been thinking when she'd spilled the beans, a desperate gamble to get the Lopezes and Pierces to like her, to trust her. Yeah she'd probably done the exact opposite. Quinn wasn't sure though, she'd managed to avoid Santana, Brittany, Noah, and Finn all week so far. She knew they wanted to talk but she couldn't not about this. The door to Quinn was shut and it wasn't opening anytime soon.

"If I sit down will you run away?" Startled Quinn turned to see Noah standing a foot or so from her picnic table.

"Noah, I…"

"Have been avoiding us all," he finished for her as he took a seat next to her and look out over the frozen pond.

Quinn bit her lip and looked ahead as well. The park was rather serene with the fresh layer of powdered snow covering all of slumbering nature in a white blanket. Quinn bit her lip, "Yeah I have."

"Why?" He sounded so hurt.

Quinn shut her eyes and bit her lip. What did she say to him, how could she explain how fucked up her life had been, still was really. He hadn't heard the story thankfully but despite the reputation he tried so hard to maintain Noah was very smart and she wouldn't be surprised if he'd deduced her situation on his own. That thought scared her so much more.

"I don't understand." He stated and rubbed his face roughly after she remained quiet, "Why can't you talk to me, don't you trust me?"

She still didn't respond, she didn't know how. "God Quinn, haven't I proved that I am a good guy? I stopped chucking people in dumpsters and throwing slushies, I've apologized to Kurt and the other people I used to torment. I'm actually going to classes and getting some decent grades, I flipping read books with you. I've done this all to show you that I am not the dumbass you thought I was when we first met."

Quinn blinked, sure she'd known these things but it hadn't dawned on her at all that Noah might have done it for her. It was incomprehensible to her that someone would do that for her.

"You shouldn't have done those things to impress me." She said quietly, "I am not worth it."

Silence prevailed for a pregnant pause before Noah stood and moved before her facing her. "I don't know why you think that, why you don't see how amazing you are, but I want to know. I want to help you Quinn, I want…" He paused and took a deep breath, "I want to be someone you can rely on Quinn because I feel like you haven't ever had someone to do that for you. I want to heal the wounds in your soul. Fuck do you see what you do to me Quinn, you make me a romantic sap, but somehow I don't mind, I don't care. All I want is to be by your side."

Pounding filled her chest as her heart threatened to burst. His words they were beautiful and perfect and exactly what she'd always dreamed to hear. She wanted to say that she thought he was amazing too, that she wanted to help him too, heal him from the pain his father's departure had caused but she couldn't. Noah was too good of a person to be tainted by her. Her father had been consistent and adamant about one thing about Quinn, she was a disappointment who only brought strife and grief to others. Quinn wouldn't do that to Noah.

She stood and looked him in the eyes, "Noah you're a great friend, the best really but I can't do this, not anymore." With that she tip toed kissed his cheek and left not once looking back. Tears flowed down her cheek but she refuse to wipe them away. The ache in her heart was her own fault but it was for the best, Noah deserved so much better than her.

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Two weeks that was the last time she spoke to him or saw him outside of class, even in class he avoided looking at her. He was back to coming in late slumping in the back, cracking jokes and ignoring the teachers. Quinn hated it, he was so much better than the way he was acting. Noah was smart, he could go to college and be anything he wanted but instead he was pouting in the back throwing a temper tantrum because she was trying to protect him from herself.

"What did you expect?" Santana asked from across their lunch table. Quinn would rather be outside but there was a 3 feet of snow covering the courtyard from the late winter storm that had blasted through Lima over the weekend. "You broke his heart."

"I did no such thing, we weren't even together." Quinn denied. They hadn't been an item, but why then did it feel like a break-up.

"Whatever you're in denial and you're an idiot."

"No I am not." Quinn pushed her grade D meatloaf around her plate, God she hated school lunches but Judy hadn't been able to go shopping with the storm.

"You are. If I hadn't forced my ass into her house and then got stranded there all weekend than we wouldn't even be having this conversation. You'd still be avoiding me and B like the plague due do this moronic selfish disguised as selfless noble act of staying away because you aren't good enough for us or some BS like that." Quinn couldn't really retort because it was true. After nearly three weeks of avoiding Santana and Brittany or only talking briefly at Cheerios San had had enough and forced Quinn into a sleepover. Of course Judy had been no help in expelling the stubborn Latina from Quinn's room and then the storm had barreled in making it impossible for Santana to leave for two days. In those two days Quinn had finally confided in Santana about what had happened between herself and Noah. Santana had been surprisingly comforting at first, then of course she took every opportunity since then to call Quinn an idiot.

"I just don't get why he is acting like this. He is so much better than the idiot jock he pretends to be."

"And your better than the stupid knocked up ex-cheerleader you pretend to be." Quinn glared at Santana before standing, "I'm not hungry anymore," and she left her friends to go cool off. Sometimes Santana could be too blunt.

Deciding to brave the winter cold Quinn stepped outside and headed towards the picnic tables set up at the front of the school. She was nearly there when she heard someone pleading for help. Turning her feet she headed towards the distressed teen. Granted she was 6 months pregnant and there wasn't likely anything she could do but she had to at least check it out so she could go get the appropriate help.

"Don't please. I swear I wasn't doing anything."

"Really? So I didn't see you with your camera headed towards the girls bathroom?"

"No, I have it for an AV project I swear." Quinn sighed she knew those two voices. Turning the corner her suspicion were confirmed. There stood Noah lifting Ben Jacob Israel into the dumpster.

"Noah, stop." She called out. He halted a moment and looked at her before turning back to the dumpster and throwing Ben all the way in.

"Noah, seriously!" Quinn yelled. He ignored her and began to walk away. Furious at one catching him throwing another person in a dumpster (no matter how much Ben likely deserved it) and too being ignored Quinn set off after him, running as fast as she could with a ten pound bowling ball in front of her and the slippery ground.

"Noah stop, please." Suddenly he halted and whipped around so suddenly Quinn nearly ran into him, instead she slipped and started to fall. She expected to hit the hard concrete but strong arms caught her.

"Be careful Quinn." There was a tenderness in his voice but when there eyes met Noah let her go stepped back and hardness replaced his soft gentle eyes.

"What do you want Quinn? You made it obvious to me that we were done."

She wanted to say that she took it back, that she was wrong, but that was selfish of her. He was better off without her, she just had to get him to stop acting like a jerk.

"You need to stop this Noah, this isn't you." She hoped he wouldn't notice she avoided his question. It seemed to work as his face went taut and red.

"Stop what? What isn't me?"

"This bully. This punk who comes into classes late and makes rude jokes through the whole lesson, this truant who skips whenever he wants. Noah you are so intelligent. You could do anything if you applied yourself."

"So now you care about how I act. You didn't give a shit when I was doing all of that stuff for you."

Quinn paused and counted to ten. This wasn't the way she wanted this confrontation to go. This wasn't about her and what she did and didn't notice over the past few months they'd known each other. "That's just it Noah, you can change for someone else, you can do better for someone else, you can't shoot for dreams that are someone else's. You have to do it for yourself; you have to want to do good in school because you want too, because you want to achieve your own dreams."

He stared at her hard for a moment before responding, "That is what I am doing, this is me. I'm a badass and I like it."

"No you don't!" She yelled back, "You're hurt so you are throwing a temper tantrum like some two year old."

"Well you would know wouldn't you, you'll have one in a few years." He shot back. Quinn literally stepped back at the force of his jab. Her breath caught, had he really just said that to her? Tears started to fill her eyes and she didn't see the instant regret and shame on his face.

"Quinn, I…"

She held up her hand, "No, I…I know you and this, this spiteful cruel person is not you. I am sorry I can't give you what you want, be who you want me to be, but I care about you and I know that you are extraordinary enough to do anything. I'm sorry for butting in where I don't belong. You were right I said I was done and I am, because if this is who you choose to be I am grateful I stopped things when I did." With that she turned and left him alone for the second time in three weeks and this time it felt permanent and it was excruciating.

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Quinn lay on her bed, Frannie's journal held close to her chest. The journal may hold all the memories of the horrible things Russell had done to her as a child but it was also the only thing of Frannie's that Quinn had left. Russell had thrown out all Frannie's things out right after the funeral while Quinn was still in the hospital. She hadn't been able to save a single thing. So she held onto this precious journal, she studied her sister's elegant handwriting without reading the actual words because this was as close to Frannie Quinn could ever get.

A knock on the door and Rachel's voice startled Quinn, she quickly tried to stuff the journal under her pillow as Rachel walked in. "Privacy Berry." Quinn grunted out.

"Sorry, I just…Quinn are you okay I could hear you crying when I came in." Quinn hadn't even known she was crying but her suddenly tired and irritated eyes were prove. How could she have been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard or felt herself sobbing.

"I'm fine what are you doing here?"

Rachel fiddled with her hands as she sat down on the bed closest to Quinn's pillow. "I saw Noah today after school."

Quinn went rigid she didn't want to talk about Noah. "So."

"He was a mess Quinn, I…I've never seen him cry before but he was a mess and he kept saying that'd he F'ed up and hurt you."

Quinn sighed and looked away, "We had an argument about his recent behavior."

"The behavior that started when you broke up with him?" Quinn glared at Rachel, "I didn't break up with him, we weren't even together, we were just friends."

Rachel looked at Quinn as if she was about to explain something complicated to a toddler, "Quinn I know you don't think you were dating but come on you basically were. You spend lunch together every day, you read in the library together before and during school, you even went to a few movies and dinners together."

"Those were group activities." Quinn reminded Rachel, Rachel had been there after all.

"Quinn they were basically triple dates, me and Finn, Brittany and Santana, and you and Noah. Quinn you're the most intelligent person I know don't be so dense." Quinn couldn't stand the condensing tone Rachel used. She was wrong Quinn was never dating Noah and it didn't matter what other people thought and it really didn't matter anymore because she and Noah weren't even friends anymore and that was for the best. No one may understand but they didn't need too, this was Quinn's life her choice and no one else's opinion counted.

"None of this is your business Rachel and I'd appreciated it if you'd just butt out." Furious Quinn stomped out of her room forgetting that Frannie's journal was laying half exposed right next to Rachel.

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The first thing Judy didn't expect to see when she came in the Berry house with Leroy and Hiram was Rachel sitting on the living room couch in tears with a book in front of her. The second thing Judy didn't expect was for that book to be Frannie's notebook, the one Quinn carried around like a security blanket. With a quick peek around Judy noticed her blonde daughter was nowhere in sight, this was not good.

"Rachel what are you doing that is Quinn's" Judy barked probably for the first time at Rachel. Rachel was nosey and curious when she thought she was helping people, so far that had not applied to Judy but now it seemed Rachel was nosing into Quinn's business. Judy would not have that. Judy was furious like she had never been before. "I can't believe you would do this Rachel, you know how private Quinn is why would you read Frannie's journal." Judy knew she was being harsh but right now she didn't care, Quinn was her daughter and Rachel was invading her privacy.

"I'm sorry," Rachel sobbed, "She was so upset and…and she stuffed this away when I went to talk to her. I thought if I read it I could help her with Noah but…" Rachel sobbed again. Normally Judy would be worried about this but not right now. Leroy was standing next to her shaking her head.

"Rachel I thought we had this talk when you were a little girl. It doesn't matter if you think you are helping someone you can't just go into their things."

Rachel was shaking her head, "I know and I'm sorry but you have to read this." She held up the journal towards Judy. Judy for a second felt a pull, to see what her eldest daughter's last words and thoughts had been but she didn't have the right, the journal belonged to Quinn.

"No Rachel I will not invade my daughter's privacy now give it here and I will put it back before Quinn sees you and blows up."

Rachel pulled the notebook away from Judy's finger tips. "Rachel." Hiram yelled and moved towards Rachel to take the notebook. Rachel started reading right before he got there.

"June 9th 2001. Today Lucy came home from a play date with her dress and tights all muddy. Russell took his belt and whipped her for ten minutes before locking her in the closet. He left thirty minutes later and I slipped into the closet. I wish I could have given her a bath but he would have noticed and would have punished her more. Instead I took in a bucket of warm water and cleaned the gashes, there were five welts and two open wounds. She wasn't even crying when I got in there. I think that broke my heart more, that she was so used to this that she didn't even feel the need to cry any longer. It isn't right 7 years old and being whipped is old hat. I'm not sure how much longer I can stand this. I want to go to mom so bad but I need more evidence. I fear going back to college again, what will happened to Lucy while I am gone. I fear the truth. Frannie."

Judy's heart sank. She shouldn't be surprised that Quinn had lied about Russell hitting her, she had of course suspected as much but to have it confirmed with Rachel reading Frannie words. She didn't know what to do or to say.

"There is more." Rachel sighed, "Almost two years from what I gather. It's I am so sorry Judy, but you need to read the rest of this."

And Judy did.

Maybe ten minutes later or perhaps it was an hour, Judy didn't know the door flew open and Quinn came striking in. "Where is it Berry?" She yelled. Judy watched as Quinn halted at the sight of the four of them, horror followed by hurt and betrayal filled her hazel orbs.

"What are you doing?" She squeaked her voice so small.

Judy stood, "Quinn I…"

She wasn't able to finish. Quinn held up her hand and shook her head, "No I don't want to hear it. I trusted you. I started feeling like I was actually part of this family, that I was your daughter. I felt safe and comfortable for the first time in my life." Tears were flowing down her porcielin cheeks. Judy felt like dying as Quinn beard her soul. "My mom was back in my life, I couldn't believe it and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop but it didn't and I finally thought 'hey this is real you never have to be alone again.' And now…now here it is. That is not yours." Quinn pointed at the journal, "Those words they don't belong to any of you. Those events are not your past. They are mine, mine and you violated them. You violate me, you took my trust and threw it away, for what to see how fucked up I am, to see what crap I've already lived through?" Quinn walked forward and snatched the journal from Judy's hand. "I'm done." Then she turned and ran towards their apartment.

For once Judy didn't hesitate she ran after Quinn and caught up with her as she grabbed a filled duffle bag from the back of the closet, a bag that had clearly been packed in advance just for this moment. "Quinn stop, please."

"No. I can't live here; I won't live somewhere that I can't trust the other people. I won't live like that again." Quinn shouldered her way past but Judy grabbed onto her arm. Quinn visible flinched and Judy let go. "Please don't go. I love you Quinn I am so sorry, Rachel had it and I was going to put it away and then she started reading and I just, I had to know what you went through."

Quinn was shaking her head she was really crying too, the loss and grief in her eyes so clear, "I loved you too." She whispered and then she was gone. Judy chased after and watched as her only daughter, her Lu bug drove away out of her life maybe forever.

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