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Prose 17:
That morning, the god students were gathered into the main hall where Zeus' throne sat. All were curious and concerned, especially when Yui and the Norse Gods didn't show. The only one who had a sickening idea was Hades.
As the God of the Underworld, he knew when a soul passed from the physical realm and he felt something. Something strange and disturbing. He thought he felt a soul pass, but it wasn't what he usually sensed from souls. Human souls when they passed felt a brief moment of relief at being released from their earthly bodies, but this soul just…stopped. No relief. Just nothing.
He swallowed against the aching pit of his stomach. The students waited for Zeus to say something, but Hades' younger brother sat on his throne, finger tapping nervously against the armrest, gnawing on his lower lip, looking distinctly like, for once, something didn't go according to his plan.
Thoth entered from the side, and stood by the door. He too had an unsettling look on his face. Hades gripped his seat in preparation for the worst.
Zeus finally stood and descended a few steps, before clearing his throat. It took him a moment to work any words from his mouth, but his voice rather than commanding, was laced in dark dread.
"Humans often believe that the best of people are taken from the earth too early. They believe that because they are too good for the earth that gods like me want them to live in heaven with us sooner."
He paused and took a deep breath, "In some regards that is true. There is no sense in having someone too pure and good to suffer on earth. But if it's a god…"
Zeus paused again, looking down for a brief moment, before deciding to cut to the chase.
"Students. Your classmate, Balder Hringhorni, passed away last night, after taking his own life."
If Zeus expected someone to make a sound, he was wrong, but the glazed and stunned looks in the eyes of his students told him that the reality reached them. Takeru shook his head, almost as if his body was in denial. Apollo's brow's were scrunched together, lines appearing deep in his forehead. Even Tsukito's eyes were wide, his jaw muscle quivering.
None could quite believe it. Balder…was dead? He was immortal, wasn't he? And a suicide now. Sure they all knew he had some emotional problems but none of them would ever think he would want to take away his own life. Apollo stood, wanting to refute Zeus, wanting to tell him that he was wrong. Balder wouldn't. He couldn't.
"We mourn his passing," Zeus continued his eulogy. "It was…never my intent to see a god die under my watch. In honor of him, I hope all of you put forth an extra effort in all this. That being said…Thoth has cancelled classes for today…so that we may collect ourselves, and pay our respects to a life taken too early. You are free to go."
The students waited, still, gripped in shock. The first to make a move was Hades, who dragged Apollo out of his reverie. The first thought on their minds was to find the Norse gods to see if they were okay. Only Takeru had precautions.
"Is it really okay to barge in there?" he asked to no one in particular. "Can't we have them mourn in peace?"
"What if they need friends?" Apollo asked. "It's only right to mourn with them."
Inside the hall, Zeus sat back on his throne with a sigh. He began rubbing his temples as a migraine was setting in. How could have everything go so wrong?
"That was a rather touching eulogy," Thoth commented, his arms crossed over his chest still. "I didn't know you had it in you."
"I meant it…mostly," Zeus shot back, burying his face in his hand, "Never could I have imagined that something like this would happen, but perhaps I was being naïve about…fate."
"Fate is crueler to some more than others," Thoth answered, though he had a distinct opinion about fate. "Unfortunately for Hringhorni, fate seemed particularly hell bent on making him suffer for existing."
"If he was doomed from birth then his whole life seems a waste," Zeus said in response and Thoth smiled. Perhaps Zeus was finally figuring it all out. Figuring that fate wasn't as big a deal as everyone seemed to think. But Zeus called back his thoughts, "Whatever those threads weave must've been part of some plan. I can't stop that."
Zeus' thoughts turned to the consequences of all this. A god of light, someone so important to humans, was now gone into darkness. That can't be good. Plus Balder's heritage…
"Did you dispose of the body as I asked?" Zeus asked.
Thoth nodded, "I dealt with it as fast as I could."
"It probably wasn't fast enough."
Thoth's frown deepened, wondering what Zeus seemed to be so fearful of. Whether or not Zeus was afraid of something, he seemed to accept it. He seemed to accept whatever the future held.
The instructor on the other hand did not wish to engage in whimsical thoughts of fate. He merely excused himself and retreated to his library. Thoth went to the very back of the library, where the most obscure and less informative of books laid. Erotica. Why the hell he had books of shunga prints here was beyond him, but he pulled out a tome containing works of Marquis de Sade and the bookcase shifted to the side, creaking, and revealing a dark staircase.
Thoth descended the stairs with resolution. He knew where to go and what to find. In the basement of his sanctuary that was only lit by torches, he spotted who he was looking for, napping, with a little mummified doll in his hands.
"Anubis!" he yelled and the god shot awake, scrambling away as Thoth practically charged after him. Anubis was backed into a corner. Though Thoth was someone Anubis trusted, the God of Wisdom did have his harsh days with him.
"If you want to find a way out of this accursed place you will listen and listen carefully," Thoth said, pounding his fist against the wall. Anubis let out a whimper, his purple eyes wide. "It is time you put your…skills to use again."
Anubis swallowed, "Kaaa!?"
"I know you hate doing this sort of thing on anything that doesn't have fur. But this is important," Thoth softened his tone.
"Consider this practice. Except in this case the practice is…much harder than the real thing. It will be grueling, but if there's anyone who can do this, I know its you."
Anubis' stance began to straighten, as he no longer feared Thoth's tirade. Thoth had faith in something. And most of all he had a plan, of some kind. Thoth leaned over and whispered words into Anubis' ear.
"Do you think you can do that?"
Anubis paused for a second, trying to assess the outcome of what he was about to embark. If Thoth had faith in him, why shouldn't he? Anubis nodded.
Though with some dissent, the gods decided to check up upon their Norse friends. The air seemed colder, and upon arriving at the dorm, it seemed darker. The dorm was made of darkened wood, but it always seemed to give off a warm light. Now it just seemed like a cold, solitary place.
Dionysus knocked on the door, shivering against the shock of what he heard and the chilled air. As they all stared at the door waiting, a part of them expected Balder to open the door with his white and shining smile.
It was Thor who opened the door. He only opened it a tad, before opening a bit more once he realized who was at the door. It was blatantly obvious that Thor had been crying. His eyes were red-rimmed and he looked like he hadn't slept.
"Thor…" Apollo said very weakly. He paused, awaiting some response from Thor. Thor was about to say something, but his lip started quivering. Apollo let out a small sob as reality hit him seeing Thor so broken. Both gods embraced each other with soft cries, sobbing into their shoulders.
After they both separated, sniffing through their tears, Thor invited the others inside, not mentioning any fact that all of them were now on the verge of tears.
They went inside quietly, seeing Yui sitting rigid on the sofa by the fire. She too looked miserable, like she hadn't been able to sleep one bit. Rather than ask any questions about what she may or may not have seen, Apollo immediately took his seat beside her, rubbing her back gently and asking, "Are you okay?"
She nodded with a soft, "Yeah."
She then wiped tears away from her already drained face. She knew she had to cry more, but she was sure she was out of tears.
"Where is Loki?" Hades asked.
"Er…in his room. He hasn't come down," Thor said running his hand through his hair. He looked close to losing it. He sighed and closed his eyes and whispered, "I don't know what I'm going to do."
Tsukito worked his mouth, debating on what he should say. He had said nothing since hearing the news. He was normally quiet, but even he found that his lack of ability to say something—anything odd.
"Hey," came Takeru's hoarse whisper. "We're here if you need us."
Thor nodded and managed a weak, "Thank you."
With a shake of her head, Yui abruptly stood and turned around the sofa, marching to the stairs.
"Where are you going, Fairy?" Apollo asked, stunned a bit at her sudden action.
"I gotta talk to him," she said without turning around.
Thor ran after her and grabbed her wrist as she stepped up the stairs, "What are you doing, Kusanagi?"
"I have to. I have to talk to him. What I'll say I don't know, but," a tear managed to stream down her cheek. "I need to be sure he's okay."
"Kusanagi!" Thor hissed, his normally stoic eyes flashing with very, undeniably human emotion. In the back of Yui's mind, she had hoped that Thor's shackle was close to breaking, because right now he was the most human she had ever seen out of everyone.
He was incredibly vulnerable.
"You don't understand Kusanagi," he said. "Those two, Balder and Loki, they were incredibly close friends. You know that. They share a bond tied by fate. He was destined to be Balder's enemy, his destroyer, the destroyer of Asgard's future, but Balder…he…"
"Befriended him instead," she reiterated matter-of-factly.
"When Odin brought Loki into our land, it was fully expected that he would not gain much favor, especially with his propensity of lying. But Balder was not going to let fate dictate their relationship. He did what the opposite of what was expected. The opposite of what fate wanted."
Thor shook his head, not realizing he revealed that much of the truth, "My point is, you cannot comprehend their bond. I don't, but right now, he 's probably best alone."
Yui did not give a reply. Instead, she shook away Thor's grip and returned up the stairs. She found Loki laying in Balder's bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Loki…" she called weakly.
"Are they down there?" he asked, voice so soft it was almost a whisper.
"Yes. They want to...they want to be there for you."
He rubbed his forehead, "I know."
"Are you alright?"
"What do you think?"
Yui assumed that he wasn't. It was a good assumption. She didn't even have herself together, and she didn't know Balder as long as Loki.
"It's okay to be sad," she said.
Loki turned and gave her an incredulous look. "Do I look particularly happy?"
"No."
"Then don't assume what I should feel. I don't know what hanging out with Greek Gods has taught you with wearing their bleeding, poetic hearts on their sleeves, but we handle our emotions in a different way."
"I'm sorry."
"I just want to be left alone," Loki said with finality as he flipped back onto his back to continue staring up at the ceiling.
Before Yui could leave, the door opened and Thor and the rest appeared. Loki threw up his hands and gave an exasperated sigh, "Merciful Freya, what the hell now?"
"Loki" Thor said sternly, sitting at Balder's desk. Loki picked himself up and swung his legs on the side of the bed.
"We just want to help, Loki-Loki," Apollo sounded soft, defeated, devoid of his usual emphatic voice. "It's terrible what happened to Bal-Bal. But it will be okay. It won't be easy. But everything will be fine eventually. He's...in a better place."
Thor shook his head only slightly, but it was enough for Yui to notice.
"We can talk about the good experiences we had with him," Tsukito found the will to speak, finding an empathy he didn't know he had. "It seems only proper."
"Oh come on…enough of this bullshit. He's not worth this headache" Loki whispered under his breath. "Forever how long we mourn him, he won't come back. The buffoon. The coward. Doing something so selfish. What a waste-"
In an instant Thor shot to his feet in a fit of surprising rage, took a heavy tome from Balder's desk and smashed it right across Loki's face. The force caused Loki to crumble off the bed and onto the floor.
"You know you were always a punk Loki," Thor seethed. "But this. THIS. I would've thought you'd take a little more to heart. But you couldn't-"
"Kill my best friend. Yeah. Draw and quarter me then. I at least tried to uphold my end of the deal."
"No. That's not good enough," Thor replied, not once straying from his ground. "That's not good enough Loki and you know it. You kill him, it would be all over. It would be painful, but everyone would at least be safe, and Balder's spirit would eventually enter Valhalla where it rightfully belongs-"
Loki's eyes widened, realizing where Thor was going with his lecture.
"But NO! You couldn't just stab that numbskull and now he's a suicide."
Before Loki could issue a rebuttal, Dionysus decided to break into the fight.
"Wait," he said, holding his hands out as if to stop a boxing match before it even started. "I'm confused. What does him being a suicide have to do with anything."
"Only the spirits of warriors who died in battle or combat are allowed into the halls of Valhalla," Thor explained, not tearing his eyes away from Loki. " If Loki had killed him as planned, it would technically be a death from battle and his spirit would remain in Asgard, in spite of his death. But…"
"He killed himself. So he cannot return to Valhalla," Hades said with finality. "Then what happens to his soul now?"
Thor shrugged. "Who knows. It probably dissipated from existence, just like the souls of all those who died of old age, disease, accident, and so on."
Yui couldn't but think that was a horrid idea of an afterlife. Only warriors were granted an afterlife? What of times of peace? What of children and women? The idea in and of itself was unsettling. Even moreso that a god of Balder's stature went very much in the way of old and diseased humans in his time.
That didn't seem right. But it made all the more sense of why someone else had to kill him. At least he would be around in spirit. But now, there was nothing left of Balder. Only memories. Memories that were tainted with recent unfortunate events. Or that's what Yui had concluded from Thor's explanation.
Hades placed a subtle hand on Yui's shoulder as she tried to refrain from heaving in anxiety. He finally understood why that soul he sensed just vanished.
Still. It didn't exactly feel like Balder was dead. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. Or that the full gravity of the situation had not hit Hades yet.
"Balder did what he did because he was suffering. He didn't want to turn into something he hated," Thor continued. "You could've helped him. But he did what he did because of YOU. The exchange of blood has ended. His blood is on his own hands. You are clean and you are free, Loki. He erased himself from this existence to help you."
There was a heavy pause. The weight of Balder's death only intensified it.
In a low, dangerous tone, like the rumbling of thunder, Thor continued, "And you dare sit there and call him a coward or selfish. I am honestly disgusted."
Yui was shaking at this point. Not only had Thor lost his temper, but the strong friendship between him and Loki by all appearances were shattering. Perhaps they were right in saying that Balder was the glue that held everyone together.
"N-now, come on…" Apollo tried in vain to calm the room, but stopped when Loki stood to his feet.
The fire god brushed himself off and walked past Thor and out the room, but not before issuing a particularly vicious sounding "Fuck off, Thor." They waited and flinched when they heard the front door to the dorm slam.
Everyone was deadly quiet. Though none of them wanted to stay for much longer, they did not want to leave Thor alone. Yui had real experience with grief, with the deaths of a few beloved bets and relatives, but never had she seen such a vicious stage of anger. It was like no one could comprehend how to react appropriately.
But then they say that everyone deals with grief differently.
"You all can go," Thor said in a steady low voice, as if he knew that they no longer wished to be there. "Seriously. Please leave."
The rest of the gods shuffled past the tall Norse god and slowly, with heads down, left the dorm. Yui stayed behind.
"You too, Kusanagi. Go home," Thor said.
Wordlessly, she followed the others, but Thor stopped her with a hand on her shoulder, "Thank you...Kusanagi."
Yui paused once at the doorway to Balder's bedroom, seeing Thor standing tall in the middle of the bedroom, back facing her, looking alone. She softly closed the door behind her.
Thoth called everyone back for class the next day. It was understandably very very quiet and somber. Especially with Loki and Thor absent. Thoth kept his composure quite well, as he explained the power of measurement systems and how they developed. That said, he refrained from making any snarky comments to any of the students. Measurement systems were the last thing on their minds.
At one point, however, even Thoth couldn't take the doom and gloom permeating the room and he chided lightly, "Look lively, you all. You still have work to get through."
Yui turned her attention from the grey sky outside towards the chalkboard, nervous that she hadn't written anything down from Thoth's lecture.
Before Thoth could continue, there was a loud banging from the door outside, as if a mallet-sized fist angrily pounded on the surface from the other side.
"THOTH, get out here!"
At first, the voice wasn't at all recognizable. It was loud, deep and ferocious that it terrified every student in the classroom.
"Dammnit, open the door! I know you put him somewhere! Tell me where Zeus put him!"
Thoth inhaled through his nose, and took his tome with him as he approached the door, probably to use as a weapon.
"Thor, I'm in the middle of class," Thoth said gently through the closed door.
The loud banging continued and the door seemed to give a little. Thoth grit his teeth severely as he jumped back hearing the force. He flung the door open and squared himself up as Thor pushed himself in, face red, shoving Thoth back out of his way.
His voice was a low rumble as he spewed all the pent-up grief, anger, and helplessness, "I know he took the body. You know where it is, bird. And yet you continually refuse to tell. Where is he!?"
"Thor, I cannot-"
"He deserves an honorable burial at least. On his ship back home! Hand his body over. I'm done asking Zeus. And I'm done asking you."
Thoth rubbed the bridge of his nose, "You Norse have a flair for the dramatic…"
Big mistake. If Balder's violent outbursts were terrifying, Thor's reaction was downright horrific. Thor grabbed a hold of Thoth's throat, causing the instructor to bend to his knees, gasping.
"You DARE make light of THIS!" the thunder god bellowed.
Takeru thought to spring to action, but before he could pry Thor's hand away from Thoth, lightning erupted in the room, shattering the desks, windows, chairs, and tables, causing all of the students to fly back and brace for cover.
Initially, they thought it was Thor breaking into his god form, but as the sparks cleared, he too was on the ground, shaking his groggy head.
Zeus stood over him, face dark, looking furious.
"Thor Megingjord," he boomed. "You dare disrupt the studies."
Thor picked himself up, Thoth straightening beside him.
"Give Balder back to me. Why won't you listen? Why won't you give...give his family a last reprieve?" Thor's voice was laced with tears and sorrow. He was desperate, broken. All he wanted to give his brother his last rights. And Zeus was now denying that.
"Zeus," Hades said sternly. "It's only right."
Zeus shook his head and frowned, "What is right is not what must be done. You are all living. We must keep it that way."
Hades' brows straightened, as if he sensed the cryptic message his brother sent.
"I have a right to get that body and you bloody well know it. Hand him over. I'm not going to say it again," Thor continued.
Zeus snarled and struck Thor across the face with his staff. "BE STILL! You do not know who you are talking to boy."
Thor blanched from the blow, but only a little. He stood tall and firm on his feet, eyes glinting with rage. If Thor thought to return the favor, he thankfully let his more mild-mannered half control his body.
"You have no idea what's coming," Thor growled, trembling with barely suppressed anger. "Nothing what I can do can compare to what HE will do to you when he gets here. And believe me, he WILL get here. I can only do what I can to soften the blow."
Zeus regarded Thor with narrowed eyes, invisible sparks of lightning seeming to surround the two, but he met his gaze with a small bit of understanding. "And for that very reason is why I am not going to allow your brother's body be advertised. You won't leave the garden, and neither will his remains. I WILL NOT have these studies interrupted, by you...or the one-eyed king. Go home and worry about yourself and your living friend."
After a stare down, Thoth gently grabbed Thor's wrist, who wrenched it out of his grasp.
"Get off me!" he hissed before retreating out of the classroom.
As Thor strode down the empty hallways, Thoth waited by the classroom door to make sure he left. Thor was shaking, still reeling from his outburst. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, and he was at least a little thankful that Zeus ordered him to remain home. Where ever that was. But he was disgusted. Balder deserved a proper burial and Zeus probably had his corpse locked away in a freezer like meat.
The cool air hit his face as he left the school. He could smell the tanginess of rain in the air. Despite the fact that it was his favorite scent, there was a looming sense of dread in the smell. A sense that Zeus wasn't controlling the weather this time.
Thor shuddered as he heard the piercing squawks of two birds nearby. The shaking didn't stop as two black crows. No. Ravens. Two large ravens flew overhead and out of sight. The stillness, the quietness of the garden could no longer be ignored.
"Vanir*, help us all."
Loki never returned to the dorm room after leaving the other night. He didn't want to be suffocated anymore. He didn't like being alone, but this time he couldn't stand to be around anyone.
He found himself in the exact same clearing where Balder last stood alive. The dagger still containing his blood was now held in his hand. He sat in the grass, listening to the stillness of the air as the clouds darkened overhead.
The final moments of Balder's life played over and over in Loki's head.
"Idiot," Loki murmured as he thought of his late friend. "What an idiot."
His thoughts turned to his other friend. Thor's words were harsher than his force, but it hurt that he would just throw him under the bus like that. As if this whole thing was Loki's fault.
"I'm not the coward, Thor," Loki seethed. "You are."
He didn't notice a figure slink towards him into the clearing. "Having an idle chat with our lonesome selves, aren't we?"
'Oh, not this walking piece of excrement,' Loki thought as he stood with an annoyed sigh. Crom Cruach appeared in the clearing, his hands shoved in his pockets and that sickening toothy smile carved into his face.
"Crom, I've already wasted one 'Fuck off' that I usually reserve for you. So you're going to get a strongly emphasized 'Piss off!' from me."
Crom Cruach made a click with his tongue in admonishment, "Tsk, tsk, Loki. You and I are one in the same-"
That made Loki laugh. A hollow, sardonic laugh, "Oh ho~! Yeah….no way. No way in hell. You and I are nothing alike."
"Oh but we are. We are considered the banes of our superior's existence. I, for example, do not answer to her lady Danú. And you sure as hell only answer to your god-king kicking and screaming."
Loki rolled his eyes, "Not even close, you worm."
Crom Cruach chuckled, "Sure, sure. You know, though, we do lie. We keep secrets. You want to know a few of mine?"
Loki shook his head murmured unimpressed,"No I really don't-"
"I found something that guarantees that I do not die. At least not in the hearts of people. I can be immortal, just as your boy."
"What are you blabbering about?"
Crom Cruach rubbed his knuckles against his chest, "Everyone knows that humans are the lifeblood of us. What guarantees their devotion?"
"A warranty?" Loki offered sarcastically.
"FEAR!" Crom Cruach hissed, his black eyes widening, face almost contorting out of its human form. "Nothing gets those humans to kneel at your feet more than fear. Fear of the dark. Fear of the dead. Fear of starvation."
Crom Cruach grinned at that last part as if had plenty of first-hand experience of how humans react to food.
Loki couldn't speak. He thought Crom Cruach had finally crossed the threshold into complete madness. No wonder the Tuatha de Danann sent him here.
"And what am I supposed to do with this information?"
"Whatever you wish," Crom replied, opening his arms out in a blessing gesture. "But, may I ask if I could keep the dagger in your hand?"
"Now I know you've completely gone off the deep end."
"Hear me out-"
"No."
"If you lend me the dagger. I can help you," said Crom Cruach.
Loki narrowed his eyes. No, he promised himself that he would not be lured into Crom Cruach's trap. Not like Cernunnos was.
"You give me the dagger," the harvest god said coolly, "I can help bring your friend back."
This gave Loki pause. A small, small sense of hope filled his chest, but it was quickly laced with dread and skepticism. Crom Cruach was playing with him, toying with his emotions. He had to be. Loki was smart enough not to fall into that trap.
"That's bullshit, Crom," Loki said, gripping the handle of his dagger tightly.
"No, not really. It'll be hard, but I'd do it. We ARE gods after all. All I need is that dagger. And I'll do it for you. I'll bring the light bearer back."
Loki stared at the dagger in his hand. He had to be insane to even consider it, but…
At the very least it could be a redo, a mulligan. Balder could die more peacefully this time. Or just erase the awful memory of what happened to him.
"What...do you want to do with the dagger?" Loki asked softly.
"Simple. Get rid of my shackles and get out of here. Win-win for you, I gather. I leave, and you get your friend back."
Something wasn't right about this, but...if it meant Crom Cruach could leave and possibly bring Balder back, maybe, just maybe…
Loki held out the dagger and Crom Cruach snatched it, all too eagerly. He examined the blade with a wide smile, seeing with mild glee that blood still graced the vine and plant tipped weapon.
"So, tell me fire bringer, was the blonde Prince of the Norse a virgin?"
Loki fixed Crom Cruach with a hard stare, before shrugging, "I think so, yeah…"
"…not for the lack of trying," he finished under his breath.
"Good," the other god's voice was long and drawn, causing Loki's spine to rattle.
Before Loki could react, he felt himself being pulled into blackness.
* they were fertility and wisdom gods that ruled the world before the Aesir took over after a very intense war. Kinda like the Titans from the Greek Pantheon except many Vanir became absorbed with the Aesir and became allies. Freja, Freyr, and Mimir are examples of Vanir.
**the clan that became Irish deities. The name translates to people of the goddess Danú. Cernunnos, Bridgid, and Nuada are examples.
A/N: There it is. The last chapter of Draumer Edda: A Yule Christmas. I am slowly working on the second part that takes place right after this. Keep any eye out for it. And as usual, read and review. And thank y'all for tolerating me.