Breathe. All she could do was breathe. With Holly pressed against her shoulder she could feel the little girls' pounding heartbeat and shaky breaths. Both hers and Mike's palms had gone sweaty but neither dared to let go of the other. Things between the two of them were finally rid of tension from their tiff the day they met. Jane prayed to whoever may have been listening that how they clung to one another wouldn't cause a drift once again. She kept her eyes fixed forward out the window, too afraid to look at him.

"I think we should go." Jane said after a few minutes had passed. "I think it's safe."

Out of her peripheral vision she saw him look over at her. "I can still hear the planes."

"You're going to hear them for a while." She told him. "But they're far enough away that it's safe."

"Okay."

They edged to the doorway and stared out for another moment. Some of the adrenaline had washed away and left her feeling reluctant to dart back out into the yard. What had she been thinking? But Holly wanted her mom, and she could only imaging what the rest of the family was feeling. Two of their kids had been separated from them. She had to get them back. Jane snuck a glance at Mike as she slipped her hand out of his grip.

Breathe.

She sucked air into her lungs. Mid spring air full of pollen that would eventually make her cough and sneeze.

Jane wrapped both her arms around Holly and bolted out into the lawn. Her feet landed heavily on the ground beneath her. She cast a glance behind her to make sure Mike was close behind. Sure enough he was only a few feet away. When she looked forward again she could just make out, miles in the distance, a large cloud of dust and smoke. The bomb. She'd never seen the effect of a bomb until everything had settled. Jane forced herself to look back at the shed and run faster.

She practically crashed through the doors once she reached them. Jane turned around just in time to see Mike stumbling in behind her and slamming them shut. The rest of the family stood up and seemed on the verge of tears as Karen lifted Holly out of Jane's grip. She let her arms hang at her sides once she was no longer holding the girl and leaned back against the wall of the shed. The sound of the planes no longer overpowered the sound of the siren. They now sang together.

When Jane opened her eyes she found Mike standing next to her and watching her carefully. They were both panting and struggling to catch her breath. She pushed herself off of the wall and turned towards him. Jane could feel her temper starting to get the best of her. Before she could try to stop herself she was standing in front of him with her hands clenched at her sides. "Why did you do that?" she snapped. Though her anger and frustration wasn't aimed at him personally he had been the straw that broke the camel's back

Confusion passed over his face. She already regretted popping off on him but she didn't think she could stop herself. "What?"

"Why did you follow me?" Everything in Janes mind was screaming at her to stop.

Mike opened his mouth but, for a moment, nothing came out. Jane could feel the rest of the family watching the interaction carefully but she didn't care. She was angry. She was tired. And she needed to yell at someone. She knew that she was wrong to take her anger out on him, especially considering he had been nice to her and let her live in his house, but for the time being she didn't seem to care enough to stop.

"I don't know, I just did." He replied. He and probably everyone else in the shed was clearly confused as to why she was so angry all of a sudden. Less than five minutes ago he'd been wiping her tears and holding her hand. "Why did you go all by yourself?"

"Because the less people who go the safer it is."

She watched him roll his eyes at her. "Okay, Little Miss Expert."

A fire was lit in the pit of Jane's stomach. His privilege disgusted her. More than ever she wished she was with her father. Or her friends. Or anyone who understood where she had come from. In that moment she likely would have marched all the way over to the camps where people were being taken to and walked in freely if it meant she got to get away from Mike Wheeler. "I know a lot more than you do." Jane could feel her hands shaking by her sides. If she wasn't living in his house she would have punched him. Even if he was a bit too tall and she would probably have to stand on her toes just to reach him. "Come talk to me when your family and friends get taken away by the Nazi's. Or when people start breaking in your windows. Or when you have to walk in groups so that you have a better chance of defending yourself when you get jumped and beaten in the middle of the road."

Jane pressed her back against the wall and slid down until she was sitting on the ground. One thing she had been taught about arguments was that it was better to let the other person walk away first. Though there wasn't much room to move inside the shed she was planning on staying put. Out of the corner of her eye she watched him and waited for him to move. But he didn't. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into half an hour and he still stood in the same spot. It seemed he had been taught the same thing.

Eventually everyone else's legs got too sore to stand and sat down on the ground. It was late at night and they were all tired. The sound of sirens, planes, and bombs in the distance created a haunting melody she would never forget. No one said much, Holly was really the only one who spoke. Once she was asleep silence fell over the group. Stuck with only her own thoughts Jane realized how much of an idiot she was for lashing out at Mike. There was not a doubt in her mind that they were going to ship her off to another family as soon as they could. The thought made her throat burn with premature tears. She had just started settling into the Wheeler house. As angry as she had been she didn't want to leave.

She rested the back of her head against the wall and waited for sleep to overcome her. Though she was usually greeted with nightmares every night she still preferred them to her real life. At least the nightmares ended.

That night, sleeping upright in a cramped shed, she dreamt of an incoherent series of violent images. Her father being beaten, her friends being taken, soldiers coming into her house and taking everything they owned. Nightmares that weren't far from reality. Though there was one part of her dreams that didn't make sense. As she cowered in the living room and watched the soldiers take everything valuable to her she suddenly felt as if an earthquake had struck. She held tightly onto the wall and struggled to keep herself upright as the floor beneath her shook. Jane had never experienced an earthquake before but what else could it be?

"Jane."

Her eyes flew open and were greeted by a beam of sunlight pouring through the now open shed door. Karen, Ted, and Holly were already gone and Nancy stood by the door. To prop it open with her foot. She let out a groan and picked her head up before a headache washed over her. Jane brought her hands to her face to rub the sleep out of her eyes. When they dropped back in her lap her eyes landed on Mike sitting next to her. Shoulder to shoulder. God, had she been sleeping on him?

She practically jumped to her feet to get away from him. The anger that had taken over her the night before was now replaced with embarrassment and guilt. Her temper had never been a friend to her but she used to have at least a little control over it. As Mike stood up she searched his face for any sign that he was upset with her but was unable to find an answer either way. It only made her feel more nervous.

"Are you okay?" he asked once he was standing. She hadn't been able to see with the lights out but he was tall enough that the top of his head barely reached the ceiling of the shed. It was a miracle he fit inside. He had also developed dark circles over night (which Jane was sure she had as well).

She nodded silently. Her throat was dry both from a lack of water and the inability to think of a response. Instead of trying harder to come up with one she turned and walked out the doors of the shed and went back up to the house.

It was Sunday morning, meaning everyone was home for the day. Despite the fact that she was free to wander around the house as she pleased Jane went straight into her room. She changed into a fresh change of clothes before grabbing one of the many books she had brought up from the library and hid underneath the covers. In the weeks that she had been living with the Wheelers she seemed to have run out of tears. She was left feeling dry and empty. If she had the tears she would have likely balled her eyes out.

She lay there for what felt like hours with her eyes fixed on the window across the room from her. Just before 10 AM she heard a soft knock on the door and shortly after Nancy cracked it open and ducked inside. "Hey." She said as she closed it over behind her.

"Hey." Jane replied shortly.

Nancy walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. She could practically see the gears in the older girls' head turning. Jane stayed quiet and waited for her to speak. "I can't even imagine what you've been through." She said after a few moments had passed. "None of this is fair to you."

Jane pushed herself upright. She almost never talked about her life before going into hiding and how hard it had been. No one ever asked either. It was an unspoken understanding between everyone. So why was Nancy bringing it up?

"You can talk to us, any of us, about anything." She continued. "But I get that you might not want to. So I figured this might come in handy."

Nancy held out a notebook towards her. It was plain black and had a ribbon placeholder tucked in between the pages. She took it carefully and flipped through the blank pages before looking back up at her. "Thank you."

"And, you know, Mike is just trying to help." She said. "He's kind of an idiot but I think he just doesn't know where you're coming from. He just doesn't get it."

Jane's face instantly went up five degrees. "I know." She muttered. One thing she definitely needed to work on was admitting when she was in the wrong. It helped that she was talking to Nancy and not to Mike himself.

Nancy offered her a small smile. One thing she had noticed about her was that she never felt like she had to explain herself much. Even if Nancy didn't understand she had infinite sympathy for her. And not in a way that made her feel pitied. "I'll come get you when lunch is ready, okay?"

"Okay."

Nancy got on her feet once again and ducked out the door. Shortly after she could hear the door to the nursery close. Jane let out a small sigh as she looked back down at the notebook. She hadn't kept a diary since she was thirteen years old. Back when she was first going through puberty. She used to write letters to her mom asking for guidance and advice on all the things womanly her dad couldn't help her with. Jane remembered how her body used to ache she missed her so bad. She never imagined she'd have to feel the same pain about almost everyone she knew.

Jane reached over to her nightstand and grabbed the pencil that had been sitting unused. She tied her hair back and got to writing.

Dear mom,

I remember when you first got sick. It felt like I was stuck in one spot and the whole world was moving without me and leaving me in the dust. The harder I tried to keep up with everyone the more stuck I seemed to be. I kind of feel like that all over again. Only this time I could get killed if I don't keep up with everyone else.

I think you would like Karen. And I think dad would like Ted. I could see the four of you sitting around and having tea and discussing politics in a version of the world where things hadn't turned to hell. I would grow up playing with Nancy and Mike and when I got old enough I would babysit Holly. Maybe if things had gone that way I wouldn't end up being so mean to him.

I know what you would say if you saw the way I talked to him. And how embarrassed you would be. You would say the same thing you said whenever you saw me bickering with a boy in the schoolyard. 'Your father and I started off the exact same way. Things will change before you know what hit you'. Well you'd definitely be wrong this time. Mike is nothing like dad. And I'm not like you.

I'm pretty sure I know what dad would say too. 'Boys your age like the feisty ones. That's why I pushed your mothers' buttons so much.'

You'd both be miserably wrong.

But I would still give anything to hear you guys say it.

Though at the same time I think you'd be disappointed in me. So I'm kind of glad you're not around to see how I turned out. Does that make me a bad daughter?

You used to never let me cut my hair short and would always make me wear dresses. And I know how you hated when I cursed and got an attitude with people. Maybe I'm acting out so that you'll come back just to yell at me. Or maybe I just turned too much like dad after spending too much time with him.

I miss you. I miss dad. I miss Gwen and Rita and even Donald Truman who used to push me during lunch. I just want things to be back to normal. I know you told me that it was bad karma to wish harm onto others but I wish someone would come and shoot Hitler right between the eyes.

It's kind of amazing how one person can be the catalyst for such change.

Amazing in the most awful way.

Jane.