Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own anything, or anyone in the following chapter.
A/N: I am very sorry for the delay. I was suffering Technical difficulties. Please note all italicized quotes in this chapter have come from The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it. If you are familiar with the book, you will notice some quotes and topics may appear out of order, this was done to better illustrate the way I perceive Joe and Stephanie's relationship. I would also like to point out, that I have not read anything after book 13, what I know of the plots of 14-17 were gleaned from FF.
I sat staring at the book on my desk long after Ray had left. What the hell did a book have to do with one of her gut feelings? I picked up the book and made a face. It practically fell apart when you opened it. It was held together with tape, and the binding was cracked in more than one place. I think Ray needed to get a new copy. I closed the book and shut down the computer.
Ray wanted me to read the book, so that was what I was going to do. I just hoped there was a point to all of this. I had other things that needed to be done. I picked up the book, and headed upstairs to my apartment. I kicked off my boots and sat on the couch to get comfortable before I started reading.
"Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in small print, for in the log run, the denying person knows the truth on some level, and it causes a constant low-grade anxiety. Millions of people suffer that anxiety, and denial keeps them from taking action that could reduce the risks."
I reread that passage at least three times, I finally figured out what Ray was getting at when she told me I was hurting Steph rather than helping her. I rarely saw her anxiety and fear, she always did her best to put on a brave face when I was around. I had become so accustomed to protecting Steph, that I didn't know how my actions could affect her.
"We want to believe, that with all the possible combinations of human beings and human feelings, predicting violence is as difficult as picking the winning lottery ticket, yet it usually isn't very difficult at all. We want to believe that human violence is somehow beyond our understanding, because as long as it remains a mystery, we have no duty to avoid it, explore it, or anticipate it. We need feel no responsibility for failing to read signals if there are none to read. We can tell ourselves that violence just happens with out warning, and usually to others, but in service to those comfortable myths, victims suffer, and criminals prosper."
I put the book down and rubbed my temples. I was as guilty of denial as Steph was. Reading this book was becoming a very humbling experience. I had always assumed that having almost a hyper-awareness of what was going on around you was the only way to stay safe.
"A woman could offer no greater cooperation to her soon-to-be attacker than to spent time telling herself. "But he seems like such a nice man." Yet, this is exactly what people do. A woman is waiting for the elevator, and when the doors open she sees a man inside who causes her apprehension. Since she is not usually afraid, it may be the late hour, his size, the way he looks at her, the rate of attacks in the neighborhood, an article she read a year ago - it doesn't matter why. The point is, she gets a feeling of fear. How does she respond to nature's strongest survival signal? She suppresses it, telling herself "I'm not going to live like that; I'm not going to insult this guy by letting the door close in his face." When the fear doesn't go away she tells herself not to be so silly, and she gets into the elevator. Now which is sillier: waiting a moment for the next elevator, or getting into a soundproofed steel chamber with a stranger she is afraid of? Every day people engaged in the clever defiance of their own intuition become, in mid-thought, victims of violence and accidents. So when we wonder why we are victims so often, the answer is clear: It is because we are so good at it."
Part of me wanted to be offended by the way this author was saying things, but it slowly dawned on me, that Ray was right. Sometimes we needed answers shoved down our throats in a direct no bull shit way, Steph may need exactly that to break through the denial we all let her live in for so many years.
"One of the doctors who reviewed how people had performed in that operating room could have been speaking about denial in general when astutely said: "It's like waking in your house with a room full of smoke, opening a window and going back to bed."
Was that what I had been doing? Praising Steph for opening a window, when the real danger was still creeping up on her? I kept reading the book, but I couldn't quiet that nagging voice that told me that Ray may have been right about needing to do something with Steph, and soon.
"A threat is a statement of an intention to do some harm, period. It offers no conditions, no alternatives, no ways out. It does not contain the words if, or else, until, unless. Sentences that do contain these words are not threats; they are intimidations, and there is an important distinction. Intimidations are statements of conditions to be met in order to avert a harm. For example, "I will burn this building down if I don't get the promotion." is an intimidation, not a threat, because a condition is offered to avert the harm. With intimidations, the motive is always right in the statement, and the outcome the speaker desires is clear."
"These statements differ importantly from threats because they are brought into play as high-stakes manipulations. The speaker wants his conditions met- he does not want to inflict the harm. With threats, conversely, no conditions are offered, usually because the speaker sees few alternatives. Thus, threats carry more likelihood of violence, than intimidations. Another tip: threats that are end-game moves- those introduced late in a controversy - at ore serious than those used early. That's because those used early likely represent an immediate emotional response as opposed to a decision to use violence."
"Though you wouldn't know it by the reaction they frequently earn, threats are rarely spoken from a position of power. Whatever power they have is derived from the fear instilled in the victim, for fear is the currency of the threatened. Even in cases in which threats are determined to be serious (and thus call for interventions or extensive precautions), we advise clients never to show the threatened a high appraisal of his words, never to show fear."
"Some threateners are so unorganized that they modify their initial threats or spit out several alarming concepts in a row. Some say, "You'll be blown up within the hour," then say "You ought to be killed," then say "Your day will come, I promise." We call these amendments value reduction statements, and callers who use them reveal themselves to be more interested in venting anger than warning of danger."
For some reason, these passages stuck with me. Could it be that we over reacted to some of Steph's stalkers, that maybe we made them more violent with our reaction to their words? How could I have been so wrong about Steph's safety. I had always put her safety, and elaborate precautions to protect her above all else, even my own life, and sadly the lives of my men. Somewhere after meeting Stephanie Plum, I had forgotten something we were taught in Ranger School. 'The safety of the rescuer is always more important than that of the victim. Always.'
I forced my attention back to the book, ignoring the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Stalking is how some men raise the stakes when women don't play along. It is a crime of power, control, and intimidation very similar to date rape. In fact, many cases of date stalking could be described as extended rapes; they take away freedom, and they honor the desires of the man and disregard the wishes of the woman."
"Unwanted pursuers may escalate their behavior to include such things as persistent phone calls and messages; showing up uninvited at a woman's work, school or home; following her; and trying to enlist her friends or family in his campaign. If any of these things happens, assuming that the woman has communicated one explicit rejection, it is very important that no further detectable response be given. When a woman communicates again with someone she has rejected, her actions don't match her words. The man is able to choose which communications (actions versus words) actually represent the woman's feelings. Not surprisingly, he usually chooses the ones that serve him."
I put the book down on the couch and stood up pacing back and forth. Stephanie had told Morelli she didn't want to be with him, and I told her to go back. All this back and forth must have given Morelli the idea that deep down she did want to quit her job, marry him and raise a bunch of kids. I finally realized what Ray was trying to tell me, she was afraid of Steph's immediate safety, not just the threat of future stalkers. I couldn't read anymore, at least not at the moment. The more I thought about what I had read, the more upset I got. I didn't want to believe that Ray could be on to something, but I've known her long enough to know that she doesn't go off half cocked. Something must have made her feel that way. I glanced at my watch, and noticed a couple hours had passed since I had come upstairs to read. I could read more, or I could just get the point straight from Ray.
I scooped up the book from where I had tossed it, and held it tightly closed in my hand. I straightened my shoulders and left the apartment. The sooner I talked to Ray the better I would feel.