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A one time thing
Chapter Sixteen - Choices
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If it only takes a moment for your life to change forever, can a 'one time thing' right the wrong? An AU Caskett meeting.
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The walls that form Montgomery's office pull closer with each passing second. Castle and Beckett have been standing here, side by side for at least ten minutes, as they wait for their captain to return, and Castle is sure that if something or someone doesn't break the silence soon, he's going to shatter into pieces.
Inhaling, he makes an effort to be loud, as if the sound whistling through his nose will make a difference to the pressure inside the room.
It's hardly surprising when it doesn't work.
The quiet continues as he holds his breath before exhaling, the air rushing past his lips.
Lips that can still taste her across their surface.
They were caught. Not just had their relationship exposed, but were seen kissing in the precinct, and his shoulders drop with the guilt. It's been building, weighted blocks descending as they both stare straight ahead, and the compression is gradually pushing him down to the ground.
This is his fault. This is all is fault.
He would turn to Kate, plead his case, tell her how sorry he is for putting her into such a position, to be caught by not only their captain, but also the Chief of Detectives. He would beg for forgiveness, explain that he would do anything to make this right. He would do all this… yet fear holds him back.
What if this is it? The moment that she wakes up, looks around and sees exactly what she is doing. What if this is when she works out that he is nothing but a walking disaster, that everything he touches, he destroys. Nothing can survive him.
Not his daughter. Not the woman he loves.
His eyes close, shutting out the world at that - love. It was a concept, an ideal that he abandoned, let go, but he found her, fought for her, and now…
What if he loses Kate before he ever had a chance to tell her that he loves her?
There has to be a way out of this mess, a way to fix everything. Fix the situation. Fix them. Kate stares straight ahead, eyes locked with the family photograph that sits proudly on top of Montgomery's desk, and it gives her the courage to keep searching for a solution.
For the first time since that cold, bitter night in January, she was starting to allow her dreams in. A future, a life, maybe even marriage and a family. She loves the man beside her. And she should have told him, whispered the words while wrapped in his arms, the dark of the night protecting them. Or maybe she should have surprised him while they made dinner, blurted it out as they bumped against each other while working in tandem to create their meal.
Why didn't she tell him?
What if this is all they get?
The door of Montgomery's office opens, and a rush of noise from the bullpen floods the room before he shuts the door behind him. He doesn't approach, instead moves to stand in front of the window that separates them from those going about their day as if it's just like any other.
Her lips twist at that. The rumors will have already started. Gossip in the precinct spreads like a children's game of Telephone, and as Montgomery begins closing the blinds, concealing them from prying eyes, her heart crashes to the soles of her rather expensive shoes.
It's bad out there, and it makes the situation even worse for them in here.
Even though her mind hasn't stopped racing, she's holding nothing but blank pieces of paper, no idea how she is going to get out of this mess intact.
Shifting past them, Montgomery rounds his desk, drawing his chair back and with a huff, he collapses into it. His elbows settle onto the flat surface, hands rubbing over his face, as if rubbing the day away.
If only it were that easy. It only she could wiggle her nose and magically change today. She would have ignored their phones, enjoyed pancakes at the counter, maybe called in sick so they could make use of the syrup for much more enjoyable purposes.
If only…
"Sir." Swallowing hard, her voice cracking on her first attempt, she tries again. "Sir, we-"
Montgomery lifts a hand. His palm faces her as he leans back into the chair. With eyes only half open he peers at her, his face vacant of all tells, and his silence is deafening.
"Do you think I'm a good captain? Have the skills needed to be in this position?" He's staring at her as he asks, and Beckett feels the skin on her forehead pull tight as her eyebrows draw together over what he's asking her, asking them. What exactly is he saying?
"Sir?"
Folding both arms across his chest, he glances at Castle before returning to her, and if it wasn't for the weight contained within his look, she would turn to her partner for help, for support.
"I've been turning a blind eye for months. The looks between the two of you, the way you avoid touching to the point of being obvious, the arriving and departing at the same time."
He shakes his head and shame floods her face. They thought they'd been so discrete. "I justified it in my head - that you kept it professional in my precinct, that there were no more incidences of stupidity or breaking the rules of protocol, and that was enough."
"Sir-"
Castle attempts this time, but again, Montgomery's hand lifts, a finger brushing his lips as he demands quiet.
"And I should have realized when I saw this case on your murder board that this was asking for trouble. I'm well aware of both your pasts, yet, I'd hoped you'd be able to help each other when cases like this came up. Ones that hit too close to home."
He chuckles, but there's no humor in his eyes, no joy, and her teeth draw her bottom lip into her mouth, her anxiety increasing as she abuses the tender flesh. She should have managed the case better, should have stopped their involvement. They wouldn't be here if she had been a better partner.
Bending forward, Montgomery places his elbows back on the desk, eyes dropping as he inspects the surface, and Castle squeezes his lips together. The need to justify their behavior, to throw himself on his sword is pushing against the inner surface of his mouth, but his captain had asked for silence and he will hold on to his words. For now.
"If it were just me. If it had only been me…" Montgomery huffs, and as his eyes cloud over, he casts his attention back to the two of them. "The situation was already bad enough- that I was forced to react after hearing about your run in with Esposito."
Castle withstands the worst of Montgomery's glare, and he stiffens his shoulders, takes responsibility for what he had done. He snapped, let little comments pile high until the shaky tower of events had collapsed in a heap.
"But the fact that the Chief of Detectives, a man that is aware of your partnership, who knows who you are due to your exceptional record of late..." Their captain's head shakes, and Castle braces for the impact. This is a worst-case scenario predicament.
"I can't just back away and pretend I didn't see the clear breach of this precinct's rules."
The walls that had been shrinking finally draw in to the point where Castle is positive that they are now standing inside a shoebox, a shoebox that is about to be picked up, shaken and then thrown into the trash can, worthless.
He did this to Kate's career, to her reputation. Destroyed it. How is he ever supposed to be able to look at her again without seeing all that he has done written within the lines of her face?
Yet, as he stands amid this disaster, the skin on his smallest finger registers a touch. Her touch. It's not quite there, a ghost of heat that comes and goes, and it leaves him cursing his imagination, because surely this is in his mind. She wouldn't be reaching for him; she wouldn't be searching for him amongst the rubble… would she?
There it is again, this time the warmth of her skin encompasses his hand, her fingers sliding between his last two, and, wrapping herself around his little finger, she grips tight.
She is there.
"The choices are this. I split you up, assign you new partners within homicide and you swear to me that this ends- whatever you have, it finishes here and now."
Something heavy passes between Beckett and Montgomery, a look filled with a past that he had no part of. She was here from the beginning, has a debt to the man before them, and if Beckett were to say that it was over? It would be over.
"Your other option is that Castle is reassigned to a new precinct, and I will pull as many strings as I can to keep you close."
Montgomery smiles softly, and the plea in his brown eyes is clear as he stares at Castle.
Take this. Move on professionally.
That way, all the hard work, all the growth that he had made personally won't be for nothing.
The hole that was his heart was filled not so much by Kate, but because she stood by his side, encouraged him to be more than his past.
He's more than that now.
And suddenly there's no choice to be made, because he knows his next move as if it's been staring him in the face all along.
No. No this can't be it.
Kate's body trembles at the options, at what they are being asked.
Keeping their partnership intact wasn't even listed, and Montgomery's options are as transparent as glass. Let Castle go to another precinct because at least they will still have each other, even if it's only during their nights and days off.
Not having him at all isn't up for debate. To see him in the corridors, to occasionally work side by side and for that to be the extent of it would leave her hollow. She's experienced what it is to live, to blossom and break free of the shadows. She was wilting away, unable to thrive and grow, until, with tentative hands Rick removed the wall brick by brick allowing the sun in.
Tugging on his finger, Kate pulls him toward her, and he, of course, reads her easily. He turns into her, his chest flush against her shoulder. The buckle of his jeans digs into her hand. They remain entangled, together, and, as he wedges their joined fist between her hips and his, he moves his head closer.
"It'll be okay, Kate." His lips brush high along her cheekbone, lingering for a moment, but the panic that was coiled in her abdomen un-spirals, travels up her throat, stealing any response.
Oh. God. What is he doing?
He edges away, and her head whips around. Facing him, she watches, stunned, as he lets her go, takes the step needed to stand front and center at Montgomery's desk. Her breath is nothing more than short, sharp rasps, as a chill descends, freezing this moment.
If ever she were having an out of body experience this would be it. She can't talk. Can't move.
She desperately has to stop whatever he's about to do.
She can't let him go.
Castle pulls his Glock from his holster, unclips the badge from his belt, and laying them on the wooden surface of Montgomery's desk, he lets them go.
No. Not this.
The first time he stepped foot in the precinct she'd snatched his badge from his belt, unable to fathom sharing a work place with him; he was never meant to be here, it was always meant to be a one time thing. Until it wasn't. And now, the thought of him anywhere but by her side is unthinkable.
The muscles in her hands ignore her mind's instructions. Her fingers should be picking up the items, returning them to where they belong. On her partner. On Castle.
Offering a slight hitch of his mouth, a smile that she can't read, he pivots, walks to the door, opens and exits. She's standing here, watching it all unfold, watching him leave, disappear from her sight.
Why is she still standing here?
"Kate."
The distant voice of Montgomery, barely registers over the rush of blood and fear that is flooding her system, engulfing her, until she is sure that she is drowning.
Oh. God. Move.
"Kate."
It's his hand on her shoulder that finally anchors her, brings her back to the office, and a shudder rocks through her. Stumbling away, her eyes blindly search the room. He's not here, Rick's gone, he's quit, and her mind and body become one again.
Dashing through the open door, she runs after him.
Even if she's too late, she has to try.
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Thank you to each and everyone that has reviewed, to go past 1000 was such an amazing milestone, and the joy and gratitude that has me grinning wildly hasn't diminished in the slightest! Much love xoxo
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Thank you to Jo and Jamie for being there for every step xoxo
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Thank you for reading xoxo (One more and a Epilogue to go)