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A one time thing
Chapter Seventeen - What was lost
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If it only takes a moment for your life to change forever, can a 'one time thing' right the wrong? An AU Caskett meeting.
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Kate shuts the door of her apartment with a bang, and, so much heavier under the defeat of the last few hours, she falls against the wooden surface. The failure of not being able to find Rick at his studio sublet, at the cafés that they go to on their lazy days, at any of the other random places that they love, has become a weighted blanket laced with spikes.
Each disappointment had the razor sharp needles sinking further into her skin until she was left with no strength to continue, no other options to search, and, with nowhere to go, she'd returned home - alone.
Not even Ryan's phone call informing her that their case was now closed had helped. Mrs. O'Connor had confessed to shooting her nanny in a jealous rage before hiding her daughter with her parents, and it's just another family destroyed, more lives ruined.
Shuffling toward the kitchen, each echoing step mocks her, laughs at the fact that she is here by herself. He'd fled the precinct, had resigned, had left her with nothing more than an, "It'll be okay, Kate".
She can't see how.
Her gaze lands on a pair of his shoes lying crooked by the bookcase, yesterday's jeans half falling off the back of the couch, and as her fingers reach for the denim, she spots the small desk that they often share.
It's gone.
The black laptop upon which he has spent hour after hour has disappeared from its resting place. It's never been just a device for him though; he's been hunched over the keyboard in recent months, late nights, early mornings, pouring himself onto page after page, and now…
He's been here, and has taken it with him - the only thing that would matter to him.
He's gone.
Grabbing at the nearest surface, Kate holds herself up, tries to, but her knees buckle under the insecurities. Self-doubts that were forgotten within his arms are rushing back in his absence. She'd found someone who could empathize with her past, who understood and accepted her life as a detective. She found love and now it's all breaking apart.
Partnership. Relationship. Them.
The thin sound of metal meeting metal in the outside hall is impossibly loud but she can't quite recognize the sound; is it his key in the lock or does she just want it to be? Her hand automatically palms the Glock that's resting in its holster and she straightens in response.
Creaking as it opens, the door slowly reveals all that she'd hoped for, and she re-secures her weapon.
"Hi, Kate."
The expression on her face must reflect the disbelief, the concern, and the heart stopping fear that is leaving her mind blank, almost unable to form thought let alone speech.
He's here, in front of her. Why?
"You quit."
It's not the first thing that should be exiting her mouth, probably not even in the top ten, but the statement is hanging between them now, all hard edges and cracked center. The image of him placing his gun and badge on Montgomery's desk will haunt the inner depths of her psyche for far too long.
She failed him.
"I want you to see this."
A shy grin is plastered across his face, his hands unsteady, and she's having a hard time reconciling the smiling man in front of her with the uncertainty that's plagued her since they were caught kissing in the precinct corridor.
The thick wad of papers that he's gripping snags her attention and she angles her head sideways. Her guilt is smothered with curiosity as she divides her stare between the white ream and his eyes. They're cloudy, his body leaning slightly to the left, and his right hand flutters like butterfly wings against his pants. Oh, he's nervous.
Of her?
Rick shuffles across the room until they are standing toe to toe and together they stay, eyes locked until the quiet is too much. She drops her head forward, reads the two-worded title sitting proudly bolded on the front page.
Heat Wave.
"I don't understand. Rick?" Kate's hand lifts, a finger tracing back and forth across the title of the manuscript, and his explanation wedges itself inside his throat at the sight of her so close to his story.
"I've been writing."
She laughs at that, a breathless puff of air that brushes his skin, and a smile tugs at his lips. Of course she knows that he's been writing, he's hardly been keeping it a secret, but the words have been for him only. At least until now.
"I still don't understand why you resigned; we should have talked about it. Found another alternative-"
Pushing forward, the pages cutting hard into his abdomen, he brings himself flush with Kate, interrupts her effort to grasp at straws by sliding his lips across hers. It does the most amazing things to his heart just to hear that she would try, that she would fight for their partnership, even if it were all in vain. His mouth opens, draws her lower lip in, and raking his bottom teeth against her flesh, the taste of their future is proof enough that he made the right choice.
The only choice.
Letting go of this, them, was never going to happen.
Slowly she slants away, her eyes pleading for an explanation, and he nods in return. Bringing the paper up to his chest with his left hand, the fingers of his right encircle her wrist and he leads them to the sofa so they can sit.
He can do this.
"I became a detective because of what I lost." His body sinks back into the cushions behind him as the images of those dark days rush forth. "And, as a cop, I could work to get justice for someone else."
It had been the challenge, the sense of satisfaction that had kept him putting one foot in front of the other. There had been no words with which he could make sense of the world. No story formed where good triumphed over evil, at least until now, and his hand tremors at what he carefully holds.
He has a part of what was lost right here. It's not just plots and dialogue; he's created a journey. More importantly, with Kate by his side, he's been on one himself. They both have.
Taking Heat Wave from his fingers, Kate places it further down the couch, and, with his hands now empty, he reaches for her. Latching onto her hips, he encourages her to sit, straddled across his lap, her knees wedging tight at his hips.
"But, now?"
He dots the quickest of kisses against her lips, the desire to reconnect overwhelming him, except he has to get through this first, from the past to the future.
"The piece of me that was broken with Alexis' death- that will never be healed." He will never stop missing her, missing the life he'd had; it had all been stolen so easily.
"But, now I'm not so lost. It's not even as clichéd as you completing me. Kate, you've inspired me to open up, allowed me to feel, to dream and hope." Cupping the sides of her jaw, his thumbs trace back and forth across her cheeks as they flush pink. "Most of all, you freed me so I could love."
The joy in her face spreads as her expression transforms into a radiant glow, each line and curve coming alight as the words from his heart appear to ignite hers.
Yet, as time moves slowly, her lack of response smothers the joy, his hands drop, fingers digging into the material of his pants as his worry flares.
So much silence.
Until she shatters it; not shards of glass shattering, no. This is fireworks and champagne bubbles bursting into his day.
"I love you, too."
The words leave her lips in a rush. And all the anxiety that had plagued her leaves just as quickly. There is no more reason to stress over what happens tomorrow, because they have each other, and if she has to go back to working without him, she will do it gladly. The knowledge that he will be by her side in every other way will be more than enough to sustain her.
"I'm going to miss having you as my partner. But for this, for us, I can be happy." Running her fingers past his elbows, she grips the hard muscle of his biceps, her hips rocking forward. "We'll make this work, okay? Come home to each other at the end of the day. Talk about what we did like normal couples."
His head dips, a smirk dancing in the corner of his lips as his hands slide over her thighs, past her hips to palm her rear through her pants and she shudders under his touch.
"They do say absence makes something grow harder, Kate."
Chuckling, she lays her forehead against his. The tightening in her abdomen tangles with the increase in her heartbeat and it leaves her aching, the anticipation of being so close to him flooding her system. "Heart grow fonder. You're mixing things up there."
"I don't know. Feels right to me." He twists them, silent laughter shaking their shoulders, and he pushes her flat onto the sofa, the cushion molding against her spine. Above her, he looks down and the clear blue in his eyes steals the remaining breath from her chest, his certainty over them makes her just as sure.
They will be okay. Better than that - they will be amazing. Together. Extraordinary.
Reaching forward, her fingers dart from button to button of his shirt until she's released the two joined halves, and pulling back, Rick sits on his heels. He removes it the rest of the way, his bare chest taking all her attention until he tosses the material toward her. It covers her face, and, laughing, she pushes it off and onto the sofa.
It's then that her hand connects with the manuscript she'd placed further along the seat.
"Tell me about your story?"
Rick looks up from where he'd been working on her buttons, surprise creasing his features before her question makes its way through the haze of desire. It's a little mean of her to be asking him to think at a time like this, but suddenly the 'what' that surrounds his writing becomes urgent.
"It's about you."
She startles, elbows sliding behind her as she propels herself up.
What in the world could he mean by that?
"It's about a female homicide detective. She's really smart, haunting good looks, really good at her job." Leaning into her, he urges her back down, and she complies, narrowing her eyes. The idea of a story about her is raising red flags, but his mouth latches onto the arch of her collarbone, his teeth scraping across her skin and any protest is drowned out by the moan that slips past her lips.
But with this little bit of information comes the need to hear more.
"Does she have a love interest? Do they meet through a one night stand?"
How fine is the line between fact and fiction? Then again, does it matter?
Refocusing on the task at hand, her fingers wiggle down, squeezing between their bodies, until the top edge of his pants is under her thumb.
"There's a reporter that follows her around, he helps her solve crimes." His pelvis knocks into her hands, his voice a rushed breath, as she pops the button free, her fingers latching onto the zipper tab. "Oh. There is a sex scene between them after a night of tequila, so, they're kind of slutty."
That bastard.
Tugging the zipper down with more force than she'd normally apply, her fingers hit the hard edge of him straining to be free. The idea of torturing him for his comment sounds all too enjoyable at the moment until the subtext of his words claws through the haze that is her mind.
"It's about us?"
The trail of open mouth kisses he places up her neck, across her cheek, leaves her swallowing thickly on the emotions rushing to break free, and, as he rests his forehead against hers, he clarifies. "Kind of. They struggle against themselves. Against their pasts, what they want for their future." A tear forms in the corner of her eye as his explanation hits so close to her heart. It is them. They'd struggled, fought to deny what had once been so overwhelming, and it was weeks before they'd taken a chance on them. Months to see what was right there.
A kindred spirit who was walking a similar journey.
"It's not an easy road for them, Kate. They'll turn away from each other. But eventually they'll realize what's in front of them."
The tear breaks free, skates along her skin, but Rick inches closer, stopping its movements with his lips.
"I know that they'll realize one day, Rick, that they have everything they need. That they can work out the details as long as they have each other. Someone there to stand side by side with."
Rick traces the edge of her nose before pulling himself higher on to his elbows, and looking down at her, he smiles, his face illuminating with the love she's sure is reflected in her own features.
"They do. They have each other."
Epilogue to follow... soon
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Thank you for all the beautiful words that you said in your reviews, I just floating so high in the sky with your support xoxo
And my apologies again for not getting back to you over this last week.
If anyone finds a way for me to sleep less and be a functioning human, I need to hear about it, please!
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Thank you to Jo and Jamie for all your work and flails that keep me going xoxo
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Thank you for reading xoxo