Steve was back at the pond on the estate grounds staring vacantly out at the water. Somehow this spot had become a place of refuge for him. I could use a little refuge right now. How had things gotten so screwed up so quickly? But that was not the real question. He knew the answer to that one. The real question was how to fix them, if it could be fixed at all.
"Steven?" he heard Kim's voice call out. Great. Just what I needed, somebody trying to get into my head. He looked up at Kim but did not respond, hoping she would take the hint that he was not interested in talking. He turned back to the pond knowing that his hope was likely in vain.
As expected, he soon felt Kim sit on the bench next to him. Deciding to address the issue head on, Steve turned to her and said, "Look Kim, if you are here to try and get into my head again, I'm not interested. I've got other things on my mind and it's really not a good time."
"I know. I heard." Kim said evenly, her voice betraying nothing.
"You heard?" Steve could not resist asking.
"I talked to Kayla. She's pretty upset, you know."
"I know, but maybe she should have thought of that before she decided to lie to me about her little romance with your ex-husband." A sudden thought ran through Steve's head. "He is your ex-husband, right? I mean he wasn't cheating on you like Kayla was chea. . . ." Steve stopped.
"Kayla wasn't cheating on you, Steve. She thought you were dead."
Steve stood up and started pacing. "I know that, all right. Shane told me, Kayla told me, and now you told me. Everybody thought I was dead and buried. But I wasn't dead and buried. I was in hell while my wife was cozying up to another man. No, not just another man - Shane."
"I know."
Something in Kim's voice caught Steve's attention. He stopped pacing and looked down at her, "Yeah, I guess you do, don't you?"
"Yes, I do. But I also know how lost and alone Kayla was after you died. And I know how that loneliness can make you look for someone or something to ease the pain."
"You're talking about your relationship with Cal, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am speaking of Cal. I'm not saying the situations or relationships are exactly the same. But I remember how everybody kept telling me I had to move on and live my life, and I remember wanting to do just about anything to stop feeling all the pain. Cal was a mistake on so many levels, but he took away some of the pain I felt when I thought Shane had died, and I can't deny that."
"So Kayla was just using Shane to deal with the pain?" Steve asked.
"I can't answer that question, Steven. Only Kayla can. But I know that whatever I thought I felt for Cal ended when Shane returned. Shane never understood that; not really. I'm not sure he ever forgave me for being involved with Cal while he was gone." Kim paused. "There were a lot of other things that happened after that, but I sometimes think that was the beginning of the end for us."
"So I should just accept that Kayla was in love with Shane, but now she isn't? I don't know if I know how to do that."
"I'm not trying to tell you what to do or what to feel, Steve. I'm just offering another perspective from someone who's been there. How you choose to deal with this is up to you. But you need to remember that there's a lot at stake and ask yourself if your pride is worth losing everything."
Kim got up from the bench and put her hand on Steve's shoulder. "I may be Kayla's sister, but I'm also your friend. If you want to talk - about anything - you know where to find me." Steve simply nodded in response and watch Kim walk away.
Steve turned back to the pond, thinking about Kim's words. He remembered when he and Shane had been in Italy looking for the survivors of the Loretta. He had tried to talk to Shane about Kim, tried to tell him how Kim had never stopped loving Shane, and had only turned to Cal out of loneliness. Shane had shut him down cold. Steve let out an ironic chuckle as he remembered how he had felt Shane was being an obstinate ass who was too stubborn to realize he was throwing away something special. Guess the shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it Johnson?
Steve had no idea how long he had been staring at the pond when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Kayla walking up the path towards the house. His first instinct was to call out to her, but he did not. He just watched her walking slowly up the path with her head down. Suddenly she stopped and turned in his direction. Their eyes met for a moment before Steve looked away.
Steve kept his head down as he could hear Kayla's approaching footsteps. "This is a beautiful spot," Kayla said softly as she stopped and stood next to him.
"Yeah it is. And just think. It all could have been yours," Steve said, unable to stop himself.
"Dammit, Steve. Do you really think I care about any of this stuff?"
"Come on, Kayla. Let's be real here," Steve said, as all those long-buried insecurities came pouring out. "On the one hand you have Master Donovan, the man with all the money, the houses, the estates. He can give you anything you could ever want. On the other you have Steven Earl Johnson, ex-pool hustler, ex-cop, currently unemployed with limited prospects. Why wouldn't you be thinking about what you could have had if I'd stayed dead?"
"Because the only thing that has ever mattered to me is you," Kayla said angrily. "Haven't I proven that to you enough? All the money, all the houses, all the stuff in the world doesn't matter if I don't have you. And if you don't understand that by now, I don't know what else I can do to prove it to you." Without another word, Kayla turned and began walking back to the house.
Steve remained where he was and let her go. He knew she was right; she had never cared about material things. He was the one that always felt like she deserved more. But he could not help how he felt and he did not know how to make that feeling go away.