Kayla walked out onto the patio carrying a wriggling Stephanie. As soon as she reached the grass, she put her daughter down and watched her toddle off to explore. She could not help but smile as Stephanie rambled over the grass. She was so much like Steve, always looking for the next adventure and showing no fear of anything she might come across.
That endless sense of adventure and courage was something that had drawn Kayla to Steve from the beginning, along with the big heart he hid underneath the tough-guy persona. But it had also been a source of a lot of fear for Kayla. She remembered the fear she could not shake when Steve was working on the Riverfront Raider case. Steve had tried to convince her that he would be fine, that it was nothing he could not handle. But she had lost him anyway.
Now she had him back, but that fear was still there. She knew they were physically safe at Donovan Manor, but what about when they went home to Salem? How long before Steve found his next adventure? She knew him well enough to know that he would not let things rest where Lawrence Alamain was concerned. She was thankful that Lawrence was in jail, but knew that would not last forever. She gave an ironic chuckle as she recognized that it was her own actions in getting Kim to refuse to testify that helped ensure that Lawrence had not gotten the sentence he deserved.
Kayla also knew the fear was not simply about physical danger. Having lost him once, she doubted whether she would ever be completely free of the fear of losing him again. But she also knew that was something she could not control. Everyday involved some kind of risk, and all she could do was hope and pray that her family would be safe.
No, the fear of losing Steve was not just tied to the physical. It was also a fear of losing him emotionally. It was the fear that led her to lie to Steve about her relationship with Shane. She could tell herself a million times that she did it for Steve, because she did not want to hurt him, but the reality is that it had been as much about her fear and her guilt. Maybe that fear had been irrational - and it had certainly only made things worse - but it did not change how she had felt.
She knew that fear and guilt were still affecting her actions. She had been angry when Kim accused her of enabling Steve's recent less-than-stellar behavior, but there was some truth to Kim's accusation. And Kayla could not deny that a part of her resented that she had been doing all the work in her and Steve's relationship lately. She knew he had a right to be angry with her for lying to him, but it had hurt that he did not seem to even try to understand why she had done it. And it hurt even more that he had seemed to dismiss the pain and loneliness she had endured while he was gone. Yet, instead of confronting him about that, she had accepted his coldness and distance until he was ready to listen. It was not that she did not understand his feelings, but understanding them did not make it hurt any less.
Kayla knew she had also been somewhat unfair to Shane in all of this. She had turned her anger on him after the confrontation when Steve overheard Kayla trying to give Shane back his ring, instead of admitting that she was really angry at Steve for refusing to understand what had happened while he was gone and at herself for not telling Steve the truth earlier. And she had done it again when she yelled at Shane in the aftermath of Steve's nightmare the other night. She knew that Shane's intentions were good, but every time he got involved, it only made things worse. That was not Shane's fault, but she had taken it out on him anyway. And now he had spent the past two days in London, away from Andrew and Kim. Kayla and Steve had effectively forced Shane from his own home.
"Stephanie! Not so far, baby doll. Come back to Mama," she called out as Stephanie wandered to the edge of the lawn. Hearing her voice, Stephanie turned and gave Kayla a big smile than ran as fast as her toddler legs could carry her back towards Kayla. Kayla laughed at the sight and bent down to swoop up her daughter in a hug.
Holding her daughter, she knew things had to change. Kim had been right when she had pointed out that her current actions were nothing more than a short-term solution. If she and Steve were truly going to put things back together, Kayla had to put aside her fears and even her guilt and stop ignoring her own feelings. It might be difficult, but she had to have faith that she and Steve could work through whatever might come of it. Confronting Steve about his comment to Shane had been a start, but only a start.
"There's my two favorite girls," Steve said, startling Kayla.
"Hey . . . I didn't know you were out here," Kayla replied.
"I just got out here," Steve said, as he took Stephanie from her arms and swung her over his head. "I wandered around the house looking for you. I'm not sure, but I think I found the dungeon in the process."
"I doubt it," Kayla said with a smile. "If this place had a dungeon, Shane would have probably thrown you in it by now."
"Good point," Steve said, returning Kayla's smile. Then his smiled faded and he grew more serious as he said, "And I can't say I wouldn't have deserved it. You were right before, I shouldn't have said anything to Shane."
"I'm glad you realize that," Kayla said.
"I'm starting to realize a lot of things," Steve said, bending over to put Stephanie down.
"Like what?" Kayla asked quietly.
"Like how lucky I am to have a wife and daughter who love me. Like how lucky I am to have a second chance to show my wife and daughter how much I love them," Steve said, reaching out to cup Kayla's cheek in his hand.
"We do love you, Steve," Kayla said. "That will never change."
"I know," Steve said simply, leaning down to give Kayla a quick kiss. "And I love you, too. And I know that I've got some work to do to make things better."
"It's not just you, Steve. I have some things I need to work on too."
Stephanie's laugh interrupted them before Steve could reply. Together they turned and found their daughter gleefully digging in the dirt of the flower bed.
"Stephanie! No baby, don't do that," Kayla called, walking quickly towards her as she heard Steve laughing behind her. Picking up a now dirt-covered Stephanie, Kayla walked back to Steve and gave him a mock glare.
"If you think this is so funny, you can give Stephanie her bath and then you can explain to Worthington why his precious flower bed is all dug up," Kayla said, trying to sound stern.
"Fine by me, Sweetness," Steve said, taking Stephanie from her. "I'm not afraid of ol' Worthington. He and I are buds."
With that, Steve headed into the house talking nonsense with Stephanie. Kayla followed behind, giggling the entire time at the idea of her husband and the uptight butler being "buds."