Chapter 11

"You're late," Meilin said as Syaoran parked the car in front of her.

"Just get in."

Though she was used to his sarcasm and unfriendly mood around her, this was a little different. He wasn't in the mood at all.

"What's wrong?"

Without a reply, he drove the car out of the mall parking lot and into the highway.

She studied his profile for a moment then said, "I'm going to go on a limb here and say it's about Sakura."

"Why would it be about her?"

"Exactly for that reason."

Syaoran sighed. "I'm really not in the mood today so could you just…shut up for the rest of this ride?"

Normally she wouldn't relent, but not used to this side of him, she crossed her arms and legs and said, "Fine."

After half an hour they arrived at Fanren's house. Deciding it would be good to see his nephew and nieces, he parked the car at the sidewalk and went with Meilin.

"Hi little bro, this is a surprise," Fanren said. "How was your shopping spree, cuz?"

She shrugged. "I didn't find much that I liked."

Syaoran took off his shoes and walked into the living room. "Where are the kids?"

"Fumiya took the girls to the park." Knowing Syaoran's favorite was little 10-month-old Taito, she said, "Taito's upstairs. He might be asleep, but you can go see him."

"Thanks," he said and walked up the stairs without another word.

"He never comes here unless something's wrong." Fanren turned to Meilin with a questioning look. "Is he okay?"

"I don't think so. He wouldn't tell me, but I have a feeling it's about that childhood friend of his."

"Who, Sakura?"

Meilin nodded.

Curious and concerned, Fanren looked up towards the stairs. "That's odd. I wonder what happened."

Entering the baby room, Syaoran slowly stepped in. Inside a crib that stood against the bright blue-colored wall was baby Taito. He knelt and rested his elbows on the edge of the crib. Taito was sleeping soundly, his hands in tiny fists beside his ears, his head angled towards Syaoran.

"Hi kid," he murmured.

Though his voice was quiet, Taito's eyes under his eyelids began to shift around. Then in a moment, his eyes found Syaoran. Amber brown eyes met amber brown eyes. He was the friendliest baby Syaoran knew. He hardly cried. He liked to smile, and when he did, two tiny dimples would appear. His circular head didn't have much hair, but Syaoran liked to form into a Mohawk the little hair that was there.

"Do you know me?"

Taito gurgled a tiny laugh, lifting his chubby arms up, asking to be picked up. Syaoran relented and took him out of the crib.

"Hey buddy," he greeted.

Taito never failed to make him feel better. That was why whenever he felt awful, he always came running to Fanren's house.

Sitting cross-legged, he comfortably carried Taito against his chest, with one hand on his bum and another on his back. Taito became comfortable immediately and became pliant in his arms.

"Oh man, Taito," Syaoran heaved a sigh as he hugged Taito to him. "I'm so confused."

:::

Tomoyo stepped out of Sakura's apartment and stood at the parking lot clutching her phone. Almost four hours had passed since that incident happened at the store. Sakura was sleeping in her bed, tired out from all that crying. Tomoyo had mostly listened, a few times giving advice, though she was sure it had fallen to deaf ears. Maybe it was a good time to call Eriol for advice.

Not a minute later, Syaoran arrived at the parking lot.

Tomoyo almost dropped her phone in shock. She watched, a little open-mouthed, as he parked the car and found her. The same expression appeared on his face.

"Hey," he greeted tentatively as he stepped out. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh…uh…" She couldn't think of an excuse. Hurry! "Uh, I dropped Sakura off."

"Why?" He frowned. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, she's fine. She's just, uhm…" Ahh why couldn't she think of anything to say?

"What?" He started walking towards the apartment building.

"YOU CAN'T!"

Syaoran turned, alarmed at the high-pitched protest. "What? Why, is she with Kohei?"

"No. No. But she is asleep."

"It's only 7. I just need to talk to her."

Tomoyo stepped in between him and the apartment building door. "Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

His eyes narrowed. He studied her for a few seconds, then said, "What's going on?"

"Uh…look," she paused, mainly because she had no clue what to say. "I'm not the one who should be telling you anything, and today is probably not the right day to talk to Sakura about…anything, so why don't you just drive me on home and then you drive yourself home?" Tomoyo grabbed his arm and began to lead him back to his car.

"What?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"YES."

"So you won't tell me anything."

"No."

"I'm very confused."

"I know."

"This is a very confusing day."

As annoyed as she was at how oblivious he was to all this, she sympathized anyway. "I know. Just drive me home."

Without much of a choice, Syaoran trusted Tomoyo's judgment. "Fine."

In the car, Syaoran eyed Tomoyo again. She, meanwhile, tried to figure out what was the best way to probe at Syaoran's thoughts without being obvious or revealing anything that Sakura had gone through.

Heck she didn't even know if Sakura was still going to go through with the wedding.

"So…" She began. "How are you?"

"Confused."

"Right. What are you confused about? I mean, other than our little exchange back there," she added quickly.

"I don't know, everything."

"Be more specific."

"Uh…" He wasn't exactly sure even how to describe it. "Ok. Can I ask you something?"

Warning bells rang in her ears. "It depends on the question."

He sent her a mildly annoyed look.

"What? It depends," she defended.

"It's random and out of nowhere, but whatever. You ever been in love?"

Yeah that was random. And surprising, coming from Syaoran. "Of course I have. Haven't you?"

"No."

All throughout high school, Syaoran didn't have a girlfriend, as popular as he was. It was a strange thing. He had gone on dates, she remembered, but he never had enough interest in any girl to ask them out again.

"Even after high school you never fell in love with someone?"

"Uh…" He thought back to his university days. A few nice girls here and there. But… "No. What's it like?"

Just then, Tomoyo sat up. "Why are you asking?"

"I'm curious. I don't know how that feels."

Tomoyo studied him again. She had never been able to read him before and this time was no different.

"Well…it's kind of like what all those corny love songs are all about. But maybe worse. You know, you just think about this person all the time and you wonder if he feels the same way, and you can't wait to see him again. You want this person to be happy and more importantly, to be happy with you. It's not always a good feeling either. I don't know, you just…care a lot. Being in love with someone can bring a lot of heartache. But that's life and when you love, you're bound to get hurt."

"Hm."

She laughed then. "Syaoran, you're so cute."

He chuckled. "You mean stupid."

She shook her head. "No, not stupid. Falling in love, it kind of creeps up on you, without you realizing it. You can't force it. And then…you just know. And all you want is for that person to love you too."

"Yeah I've never felt that before."

"One day you will."

"So Sakura's in love with Kohei?"

Tomoyo began to nod, then stopped. Wait, was she? After what happened today, it seemed like she was still in love with Syaoran. Though she had said yes to Kohei's proposal, so she had to be. Even Tomoyo was getting confused. She shook her head. Now was not the time to hesitate.

"Of course! They're getting married."

"Right. Yeah. Stupid question."

Tomoyo swallowed. That question wasn't as stupid as he thought.

"What about you, who have you been in love with?" Syaoran asked.

"Hum…I fell in love once in London, once in high school, and…right now…maybe on the brink," she said with an embarrassed laugh.

At that Syaoran glanced at her, smiling knowingly. "On the brink huh?"

"Uhm, dangerously close, but not quite yet…" she murmured the end, her cheeks pink. "Anyway. It's funny talking about this with you, Syaoran. We've never talked about this kind of stuff before."

"Yeah. I never thought about it before," he shrugged. "This whole wedding thing maybe, or I don't know, it's got me thinking about a lot of things."

Then silence settled. Tomoyo wondered why, with what was going through his mind, he'd initially chosen to visit Sakura. But she didn't ask. He seemed confused about everything already. Some men just had trouble figuring out their feelings and she understood that.

Syaoran sighed, still unsatisfied with how unclear things were, in him and around him. "I'm still confused."

Wanting to help, Tomoyo shifted in her seat so she could face Syaoran a bit more. "Ok, let's try this. Tell me one thing that's on your mind."

"Sakura."

Her heart skipped a beat. "Ok…what about Sakura? Are you worried about her?" She prompted. "Or her wedding? Or…?"

"More that it bugs me that she's getting married. And I don't know why, but it does. The closer we're getting to the date, the more annoyed I seem to be getting. Don't ask me why," he added when Tomoyo opened her mouth again. "I really don't know."

"Well," she started carefully, "you did grow up with her all your life. You've always been together." Tomoyo thought for a moment of how to explain it to him. "I think that…you've been walking together down the same path your whole life, then… the moment she got engaged, you got to a crossroads."

Syaoran nodded slowly.

"And when she walks down that aisle to meet Kohei, she'll be going down one road that…" Tomoyo met his gaze, "you won't be."

His gaze stayed on her for another moment, then he looked back out the windowshield. "Yeah I don't like that."

At that, Tomoyo began to laugh.

Not finding it as amusing as she did, he frowned to himself. I really don't.

:::

Sakura opened her eyes to a dark and empty room. The clock beside her bed said 9:45pm. Groggy, Sakura got up from her bed and went to the bathroom. After washing her face, she looked at her own reflection on the mirror and remembered all too well why she looked like a mess.

Her gaze fell to the diamond ring sitting on her ring finger. She stared at it for a long time. And then, with a heavy heart and a new set of tears blurring her vision, she pulled it off her finger.

:::

At around two in the morning, Sakura stepped out of her apartment building. The streets were of course deserted. There was no one in sight. In one hand she had her cell phone. In the other her engagement ring. No one knew she was in the middle of a breakdown.

Her phone had been ringing for hours, though maybe an hour ago people finally gave up. She hadn't picked up the phone at all. Everyone called her. Except Syaoran.

Whatever she did from that day on, someone would get hurt. Keep the wedding on and spend the rest of her life lying to her husband about how she truly felt. And really, hurting herself and Kohei in the process. Or. Call the wedding off and spend the rest of her life single and alone, chasing after someone who would never look her way anyway. Also in the end hurting herself and Kohei in the process. Neither option sounded appealing.

It was all his fault.

She sighed.

Not really. That moment just made her realize what she'd refused for years to accept or believe. She'd lied to herself successfully for two years. It wasn't his fault she still loved him. What was wrong with her? How could she stay in love with someone who didn't feel the same way?

But… Sakura grabbed the ring and stared at it again. How could she do this to Kohei?

Then the first sob came out.

He was such a good man. And he didn't deserve to marry someone like her. No one should ever marry someone who was in love with someone else.

She fell on the ground again, in the middle of the sidewalk, a crying mess.

Not a minute later, arms went around her and lifted her up.

Suddenly alarmed, she began to fight the person off. "No!"

When she was on her feet, those amber eyes that had been haunting her mind all day stared back at her. "W-what are you doing here?" She pulled herself away from him.

"Sakura-"

"Get away from me."

Turning around, she began to walk away, then out of embarrassment, anger, sadness, and every other emotion there was, she took off towards the park.

Stunned, it took him a moment before he started running after her. "Where are you going?"

"Go away!"

He went after her relentlessly. "You know I'm faster than you! Just stop, would you?"

"No!"

It didn't take long for her to get tired and for him to catch up. She stopped and caught her breath well within the park. Even after crying the whole day she still had tears left. It was awful. She stood in the midst of trees, crying yet again. Why was it that all she could do was cry?

"Sakura," he said, standing behind her. "Turn around."

She ignored him. Her face stayed buried in her hands. Her shoulders wouldn't stop shaking. What was he doing here?! It was the worst timing, the worst place, the worst moment of her life.

When he touched her shoulder, she violently shrugged him off. "Go away."

"Look," he began again.

"Leave me alone."

He turned her and pulled her into his arms. She gasped, then tried to pull away, but he was too strong. She fought back. He refused to budge. That happened several times. After some time, she fell against him, exhausted, losing the will to fight.

It was painful hearing her cry, seeing her tears, and feeling the warmth of those tears soak through his shirt.

When she began to calm down, her shoulders stopped shaking. Shamelessly, she wiped her face on his shirt, snot and tears and all. Then she began to pull away, so he slightly loosened his hold.

Still keeping his hands on her shoulders, he bent down slightly to stare straight into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head.

"What happened to you today?"

"I had some awful realizations," she murmured. "Some awful…awful realizations."

"Like what?"

She met his gaze, her eyes weary, his eyes swimming in confusion. "If I told you Sho… you'd lose it." With a small smile that she somehow managed to muster up from deep within, Sakura patted his chest lovingly then began to walk away.

He grabbed her hand to stop her. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me what made you cry like this."

She raked a hand through her hair. "I can't."

"Tell me."

Sakura felt the wave of fears that had always stopped her from confessing to him before. The slightly smaller fear of facing a rejection that she knew would seriously break her heart in half. And the immensely huge fear that she would lose him and ruin their 26-year-old friendship all at the same time.

"I can't, Sho. I can't."

"Why not?" He asked, exasperated.

"Because there's about a 99% chance that I'll lose you the moment I tell you. And I can't lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me," he insisted. "How many times do I have to tell you that? There's nothing you could ever say that would make me walk away. You know that."

"No."

"Sakura, come on, this is nuts. You've been crying your eyes out all day. I need to know why," he said, full of concern. "I'm your best friend, aren't I?"

She nodded, then swallowed. After a long pause, she took out something in her pocket and placed it in his hand. He opened it. Inside was her engagement ring.

He looked up again.

Her lips quivering, she whispered, "I can't marry him."

Nothing could have shocked him more. He didn't know what to even say. Instead, he tightened his hand into a fist, with the ring inside, and pulled her into his arms again. She buried her face on his chest, sobbing.

A/N: Review!