Inspiration: Like seriously, you think anything except my loving adoration and I'll admit it: I'm hooked on Glee. And I saw the s5 ep3 Quarterback. And …..

Ownership: Glee, lots of stuff but not the copy rights to their show. My imagination, my words from my heart are mine with full ownership.

Dedication: Love and inspiration to all.

~ Season 5 Ep 3, Destination Heaven ~

A black two door sports car appears. It can't go any faster than right now, can it?

Sure it can, you change the gears and push your foot hard on the accelerator, pedal to the metal. Both hands hold the steering wheel, firmly not too tight. Otherwise your arms will struggle for comfort, fingers and hands and jaw will clench and ache.

Ears hurt, the music can't be up loud enough. Fuel guage indicates sufficient to make it to anywhere. No need to stop just yet, not for hours, not forever.

Up ahead is something new. What's around is here and now. Leaving behind, turning his back on yesterday, on good times, and some bullshit. Leaving behind Mum, Burt, Rachel, Kurt, and everyone, everything.

The further down the road, the more distance between him and them. Family, good friends, fairweather friends, strangers, admirers, fans. No rhyme or reason. No justification, excuse or answers.

He'd have loved a brother or sister, or cousin. An aunt to bake for him, an uncle to play ball with. He secretly felt warm with Kurt's little crush, but warmer with Quinn, Santana and Rachel.

He was mortified by Mr Schue's accusation, but floored by his final admission.

Everyone has an addiction, a shame. Something to make us feel better, higher, take away the pain. The physical pain, the emotional pain. No ability to make others understand why. No wanting their acceptance. It just is what it is, his.

The sun shines, the moon moves and the globe spins around. Like sand through the hour glass, so too the days of our lives.

A tear escapes, rolls downward and falls. A sniff, a backhand, to wipe away the sting. No tissues, no threads of material, he left his jacket behind. The scent of someone been. You can wear it, you can own it, it's yours.

I'm numb but I feel every hurt, every cry, every anguish, every scream I hear. I hear the calling of my name, the yelling, the sobbing. The calm before, during and after the storm.

It was an accident, I'm sorry and I can't take it back, I can't make this better. I just can't undo what has happened. I can't do it for you, even though I want to. I so very, desperately want to undo it all. But I can't. And now I feel anger. Anger at the situation. Sadness for what happened and regret. But I can't, for the life of me, I can't change it. And I can't hold my breath any longer, there's no point, there's no possibility.

Please don't say how you wish you and I spent more time together, or that you wished you'd been more or done more for me? Please don't talk of me in the past tense. I felt your love, I felt your dismay, your respect, it was honest and real.

When you write in the card, when you sit and mourn with others, it will make this real. I am real, I was.

Please lift up your chin, please smile your beautiful smile? Please go on and be happy? Please live your life to the full? Be there for yourself and for the others. Be there for me, where I can't be, now.

~ Dearest Rachel, everyone, Love from Finn Xx Oo ~