Dudes I have his ice cream that's like pumpkin, caramel, and salt? Whenever I'm depressed or lonely (all the time, such is the life of a teenager) I eat that shit. Also there is bread with like no carbs in it… dudes… I'lll never be fat again!? But I'll still be an antisocial jellyfish…

Alice laughed, "You want what?"

"Don't laugh," I said absolutely embarrassed, "I'll just ask someone else."

"Oh no you don't," she said pulling me in by the shirt collar, "And I know just where to go."

It was strange set of circumstances. Gilbert, my beautiful S.O.B. teacher, secretly asked me to come hang out with him at this Halloween party thing. It would be your usual dimly lit, scary movie playing, macking in the closet- oh baby do you know what that's worth? Oh heaven is a place on earth! Anyway, I wanted to look… nice? No, I wanted to look naughty as balls. I want to MACK! So I went to Alice, the sexy bitchy and single girl with all the power because let's face it… even to a gay man she's a sharpie: Fine. I asked her to help me get a costume and now she's dragging me to a French clothing store with special costumes… where Francis is working part time (mostly because he's a perv). Alice didn't want to admit it, and neither did Alfred, but she has the biggest sexual fantasy crush on Francis… everyone did… even me sometimes… even me…

Anyway so here we are at this fashionable store, I froze in fear. Oh god… I'm going to walk in there? Would they even let me? I'm going to enter through the doors and be harpooned. I'll wash up against the grass and die as a beached whale with a maple leaf hoodie on… and worse, a virgin!?

I won't let you die a virgin.

Oh my god. That's what this party is. My life… everything that made me pure and childish will be taken away…

"FUCK YEAH!"

Alice slapped me upside the head, "You're acting stupid again. Come on… let's… go… yeah…"

She was frozen too. Let's face it, we kind of look like stalkers. I can see it in her eyes, that worry. What if he finds out, what if he already knows, what if he doesn't like me back, what if this is all a game? I know that look because it's the same one in my eyes when I go to see Gilbert every day after school. It's the same look in my eyes when he has me run him a favor. It's the same look, I know it all too well. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, it'll be fine. If anything Francis will be happy to see you-"

She punched me in the jaw, "WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT FRANCIS!?"

"DAMN IT STOP BEING SUCH A BIPOLAR TSUDERE BITCH!"

"TSU- WHAT YOU THINK I ACTUALLY L-L-LIKE F-F- FUCK FACE IN THERE!?"

"JUAT ADMIT IT ALREADY!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO ADMIT!"

"THEN SAY HIS NAME!"

"F-F- FROG FACE!"

"SAY IT!"

"Say what," asked a third voice.

"F-FRANCIS!" She yelled out in shock.

"Oh my little students came to visit me, come in, come in!"

We had no choice really, he just dragged us inside. You know Alice and I are really similar when it comes to our taste in men and how it gets us into bad situations… Am I going to do that thing? Yes. I'm going to take extra long changing clothes so they have some time to be one on one. It really isn't fair that I will be the only one macking a fine teacher, I have to share my good fortune you know?

So with Francis's help and Alice's we found me some weird things to try on. As promised I took my time in the dressing room… but also paid close attention to whatever they were saying.

"So is Matthew actually going out for one," Mr. Bonnefoy asked.

"Y-yeah. He was asked to go to a party."

"Well it must have been Mr. Beilschmidt. He's the only one I can think of that would actually make Matthew want to roam free in the spring of his youth."

"That so? I guess that would make sense."

And then it was quiet. It wasn't a big deal but it was quiet. I opened the curtain and stepped out, dressed up like a prince. I was kind of embarrassed, but I slid some of my hair behind my ear. I couldn't look up at their faces, because I know they might see mine and how red it is. Would Gilbert even like something as corny as this? Finally my eyes went up and as they did a large pair of French arms wrapped around me and glomped the ever living life out of me.

"AHHH YOU'RE SO CUTE! IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO RAVISH YOU ON SIGHT THEN HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE!"

"H-help! M-maple! I c-can't breath!"

Alice tore him off, obvious jealousy scorching through he veins with every pulse. Francis you're a dead man if you don't give into her desires. Believe it.

"O-Okay Matt, so we have your costume," he face was bright red and the next part of her sentence was barely audible, "n- now lets… fine mine…"

Francis and I stared at her blushing angry face and together we said, "awww you're so cute!"

"SHUT UP!"

We picked out some random things for her to look at and they were all pretty cute. But it freaked us out, what she decided she wanted. There was a very very VERY sexy pirate costume hanging on the wall, it looked expensive too. She's not going to pick that one is she? SHE IS!? She reached up, kind of on the short side, and tried to get it. Suddenly Francis was behind her, it was super romantic, and he got it for her. When she took the hanger from him their hands barely touched and her face went up in flames. You could tell she wanted to smack her face against a wall until it all went away. She robotically walked into the changing room and then it was quiet.

"You're getting friendly," I said half accusingly and half jokingly.

"Well she's so cute, how can I not?"

There was a sudden bang on the wall. Yup, she could hear us, and she was smacking her face on the bricks.

"She's sixteen Francis."

He laughed and ruffled my hair, "So are you."

He was referring to Gilbert. That's right, I'm only sixteen. Here I am with high hopes of a normal relationship but I can't have that with him because… HE'S MY CALCULUS TEACHER!? DAMN IT!?

"But before you go slamming you head against a wall," he started, "just remember you won't always be sixteen. But that doesn't mean you should go looking for trouble. Just enjoy being young while you can."

"I- I- I JUST WANNA BE YOUNG WITH HIM," I said like the sniveling brat I am.

He laughed and lightly punched me on the shoulder, giving me instant years of therapy, "Just be yourself Matthew, it'll be okay."

And then Alice came out of the dressing room. Holy shit. Alfred, if only you were here. You would probably ask her to marry you. Hell, I could ask her to marry me if I wasn't set on running away to California with Gilbert and getting married there. She was an extremely naughty, sexy, bitchy pirate and I'm pretty sure Francis would molest her any second. Instead he just stared at her.

She turned bright red, "Yeah yeah, I look stupid, whatever!"

He got up and held his hand out, "Would you… shake my hand?"

She turned bright red absolutely confused by this. Still her arm moved without permission and allowed the older man to take it. He squeezed slightly and her face exploded into a red fire of embarrassment. I know them feels. He nodded, letting go.

"Well, let's get these things paid for and send you on your way."

He waved goodbye to us as we got into Alice's car. She drove us about two blocks away before stopping and crying.

"WHY OF ALL THE ASS HOLES I COULD HAVE FALLEN FOR IT HAD TO BE HIM!?"

I pat her shoulder, "You're not alone…"

Yay update! I love Halloween but I never write it in when it comes to fanfics? Which is stupid. So I went to a con and scored a lot of loot, wish I could turn back the clock and go again but whatever. And on another note it looks like something else in my life is looking good. So go now my hommies and review!