Chapter 17

::: 6 years ago :::

"How'd you do?"

Twenty-year-old Syaoran turned to the girl sitting beside him. With an uninterested shrug, he leaned back against the wall. "If I fail, I fail. This course doesn't count for anything anyway."

"You can't say that," Sakura chided lightly. "What if ten years down the line you realize you don't want to work in business anymore? At least you'll know Japanese history!"

He bonked her on the head. "Baka."

She laughed and fixed her hair. "Anyway, are you still planning on staying here? I think I'm gonna head home soon."

He glanced up and down the hallways in front of them. "I don't know. Haru said if she's free, she'll come meet me here."

Jealousy ran through Sakura's body like a sharp sting. Haru was a girl Syaoran had met in his business administration class half a year before. Since then, they'd become study buddies and often hung out when he didn't have class. Though Sakura had joined in several times, she could tell the girl was uncomfortable around her. And ditto.

Feigning disinterest, she got up. "She's probably on her way. I'll see you tomorrow, Sho."

He glanced up. "Huh? Just wait with me," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her back down to sit. "You finished all your exams right? You've got nothing better to do, so just stay and hang out."

"Hey I do have better things to do," she replied hotly, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'd rather not be a third wheel to you lovebirds," she muttered.

He threw her a wearied look. "Stop that already would you? Like I said a hundred times before, she's not my girlfriend."

"Only because you're too chicken to ask her out. You obviously like her Li."

"Interested. Not like. Interested," he interrupted.

The pain came at her like a fastball. She breathed in and continued. "Look, she's obviously just as 'interested' in you. Why don't you just-"

"Hey! Sorry to make you wait!"

Syaoran stood up at the sight of the long-haired brunette. "Haru, hey."

"Did you wait long? Sorry! There were so many people wanting to ask the professor questions and I had to wait in line." Haru glanced behind Syaoran. "Oh Sakura! Sorry! I didn't realize you were waiting too."

"No, we didn't wait long," Syaoran replied before she could say anything. "You free now? Wanna go for lunch?"

"Sure! I'm starving."

Thoroughly displeased, Sakura stood up and said, "No thanks. I'm going home."

Haru frowned. "Sorry I didn't mean to make you wait-"

"Why? I thought you had no plans," Syaoran interrupted.

"I…" Sakura's eyes shifted from him to her and back to him again. Feeling out of place, the hopelessness started creeping back into her heart. He was never going to look her in any other way, so why bother competing? "I just remembered I have some things to do. Urgent things. Don't worry Haru. I didn't wait so long. Just…enjoy yourselves," she said, lifting a hand to wave at them.

Syaoran stepped forward and narrowed his gaze at her. "What is it?"

She blinked, pretending to be all right. "What? Nothing. I just have something to do. You go and eat lunch and study."

"You serious?"

"Yes." Stepping closer towards him, she whispered in his ear almost viciously, "You better ask her out today Sho. If not, I swear I'm gonna punch you in the face." With that she swiveled around and stalked off without another word.

Syaoran stared after her, confused and bewildered.

"Is she ok?" Haru asked behind him. "She looked angry."

"Yeah..."

"Did I do something?"

"No… more like I… did?"

With proverbial smoke coming out of her ears, she walked to the bus stop with firm steps and impatience. The guy was annoyingly oblivious. How could she even love somebody like him? He would never look at her with as much interest and excitement as he did just now with Haru. Really, what was she holding onto? They were 20 years old. Twenty years old!

As always, eventually her anger towards him turned into self-pity. Punching her head, she chastised herself. "Oh Sakura why do you do this to yourself?"

::: Now :::

Sakura woke up and felt awful. She groaned, opening her eyes slowly. She blinked a few times. Why that particular memory crept into her dreams, she didn't know, but it left her feeling an ugly, familiar feeling in her heart.

That was only one of her many painful memories about having a one-sided love for Syaoran. But it was enough to make her want to crawl into a ball and cry. She distinctly remembered that a week later, Syaoran and Haru started going out. And it was somehow because of her.

How could she have forgotten all the instances that he'd broken her heart so easily without him even knowing it?

When her cellphone rang, she picked it up lifelessly. "Hello?"

"Hey Sakuchin," Tomoyo greeted cheerfully. "Are you ready to go?"

"Go where…"

"Are you kidding me?! Get up, sleepyhead! Your Sho is coming home, remember?"

At that, Sakura jumped up out of bed. How could she have forgotten THAT?! "Oh YEAH."

"Eriol and I are on our way to pick you up! Be ready in ten minutes!"

At three times her normal speed of getting ready, she ran out of her bedroom, into the bathroom, washed her face, brushed her teeth, changed into her outfit, applied makeup, and fixed up her hair. She rummaged through her cupboards for something to eat. When her phone rang, she ditched the plan. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" She yelled through the phone and ran out the door breathlessly.

"Morning," Eriol said from the driver's seat. "Stop!" He put a hand in front to stop her from running out of her building door, then pointed downwards.

Sakura glanced down and shrieked. She was still wearing her home slippers. "Give me thirty seconds!"

A minute later, she came back down, out of breath and haggard. "Ugh," she sounded as she got in the backseat of Eriol's car. "Good morning."

Tomoyo laughed. "You okay?"

"The things I do for the jerk who's broken my heart a million times over," she muttered, fixing her hair and outfit again.

At that, Tomoyo and Eriol looked at each other. Then Eriol cleared his throat. "I can't believe you forgot that today's the day Syaoran comes home. That's all you've been talking about the last week."

"I have a reason," she clarified immediately. "I had an awful dream. It was a memory actually." She strapped in her seatbelt and relaxed. "I'm hungry. Are we getting breakfast on the way?"

"There's a good breakfast café in the airport if you can wait."

"Fine."

"Memory? From which time?" Tomoyo asked.

"Back when we were in university. Do you remember Haru, Eriol?"

"Uh…brunette, long hair?"

"Yeah."

"I think so. She and Syaoran dated for what, a couple months?"

"Yeah. I dreamed about the time I made Syaoran ask her out." Sakura glanced out the window. "It really bothered me that he was interested in her for so long and yet had no intention of asking her out. So I sort of threatened him to do it…and he did."

Tomoyo turned around and faced her. "Oh Sakura…"

"He made me the third wheel, always inviting me to their lunch and study dates. I ran out of reasons to run away from them. Anyway," she sighed, resting her elbow on the armrest. "That's why I woke up feeling crummy and sad."

"I took you out for drinks one night, I remember," Eriol mused. "And you just kept on crying and saying, 'Why can't he see me Eriol?! Why can't he see me?''

In sympathy and amusement, Tomoyo chuckled. "Awww…"

Sakura laughed. "Oh yeah. I'd forgotten how many times he's broken my heart. Without him knowing it."

"You should really tell him," Tomoyo said. "I think he needs to know that. Especially now that he's come back and well…"

"I agree. Six years ago I didn't think he could ever see you in a different way either. But now, it's a whole different ball game."

Sakura looked down at her ring finger. "Four months ago I was about to walk down the aisle and marry someone. Life's funny that way, isn't it? Nothing could happen for twenty-something years…and then suddenly…"

"Things change," Tomoyo finished with a smile.

Sakura stopped short and shook her head. "In a way I guess. I don't want to get my hopes up and have it all crash down on me. Been there and done that too many times."

"It's all a matter of being bold and not being afraid, I think," Tomoyo murmured, then turned back to face Sakura again. "You can change a lot of things through your choices. If you hadn't said anything to him, Sakuchin, things might not have changed at all. When you love someone, you have to do all that you can before giving up completely. That's why I came back. But in my case, when it's not meant to be, life also has a funny way of spinning you around until you're facing the right direction. And facing the right person."

Eriol grinned. "That would be me," he said smugly.

Ignoring him, she continued. "So don't ever regret anything, Sakura. And be proud of yourself and what you've done. I don't think anyone will ever love him as much as you do," she said with a smile.

Moved by Tomoyo's words, Sakura looked out the window again, wondering just what would conspire on that day.

:::

"Aw, look at the couple," greeted Syaoran as he walked through the arrival gates.

"What happened? Your flight got delayed an hour," Eriol said as he and Tomoyo hugged. Then he hugged Syaoran next.

"Typhoon's coming, apparently. The pilot flew around for half an hour." He glanced around. "Uh…where's Sakuchin? She came with you guys right?"

"She went to the bathroom. She tried holding it for an hour. Then she ran off just before you came through the gates."

"Sooo." Tomoyo's eyes twinkled as she tapped her shoulder against Syaoran's arm. "Are you excited to see her?"

Syaoran glanced down at her. "Huh?"

"I mean…now that you're back and all, you two will…start, you know, a relation-"

"WHOA, let's not jump to conclusions and jinx it," Eriol interrupted, pulling Tomoyo away. "Let's let them figure that out themselves, Tomo."

"Aw."

Syaoran rubbed his chest and admitted, "Actually yeah, I'm kinda nervous. I've been thinking more about it since you guys visited me. I don't know, let's see what happens. Where is - oof!"

Sakura rammed right into him from behind and threw her arms around his waist. "Sho!" She cried happily, squeezing him.

He grinned while facing Eriol and Tomoyo. Syaoran held her arms firmly resting on his waist. "Someone misses me."

When she let go a little, he turned around. She looked up at him with big eyes, pink cheeks and a huge beam on her face. And when his heart jumped in response, he blinked. Well that was new. Recovering quickly, he hugged her and said, "Hey Sakuchin."

"Welcome home, Sho."

:::

After a full day of spending time at Syaoran's house, the three figured it was time to go home. At half past nine, Eriol and Tomoyo said goodbye. Sakura stood at the doorstep, waving at them. When Eriol's car disappeared into the night, Sakura felt her heart thud.

Now they were alone. And her nerves woke up.

She turned around and pretended to be unaffected. With a smile, she lifted a hand. "I should go as well."

Syaoran stood beside her, studying her with amusement. "You're scared."

He knew her too well, she thought darkly. "No."

"Then why do you want to run off now that we're alone?"

She opened her mouth then stopped then shook her head. "It's almost 10. We spent the whole day together and I'm exhausted and you're probably exhausted. You don't have to walk me home either. You should sleep early today, you know…work off that jet lag," she ended lamely.

His brow rose. "The plane ride was only three hours."

She frowned. "Still." With no more excuses, she said, "Ok I'm leaving."

He sighed. "Come on, I haven't seen you in two weeks. Give me half an hour."

Sakura eyed him. He was never one to beg, especially for her attention and time. Usually it was the other way around. And if her heart would just calm down, she would stay. But when everything was in overdrive, it was hard to not be afraid and not want to run away.

"F…fine."

Syaoran pushed her aside slightly and looked at the sky. Cloudy but it didn't look like it was going to rain. "It's a nice night anyway. Want to go for a walk?"

"Good call. Let's do that."

With neither side knowing how to start the conversation right, they walked in silence for the first few minutes. Syaoran glanced down at her from the corner of his eye. She looked so troubled with her brows furrowed so deeply. It made him chuckle.

She looked up. "What?"

"You're so serious," he said, digging his index finger into the space between her brows. "Stop worrying. It's just me. Remember me? You've known me your whole life."

For some reason, hearing those words physically made her shoulders fall in relief. Oh yeah. Overthinking everything and worrying about everything, it did nothing for either of them.

"Right. Sorry. I'm…"

"Worried." When she didn't reply, he said, "Don't worry. I'm strictly thinking of you as a friend right now."

It was a pinprick on the heart, but it did the trick. It loosened her right up. "Right. What am I worrying about?" She shook her head to throw away every last trace of those thoughts. "Crazy me."

"Yeah, stop being crazy."

She forced herself to relax. Then, when her mind became at ease, she asked, "Did the twins cry when you said goodbye to them?"

He smiled fondly at the memory. "Yeah, how'd you know? They wouldn't let go. Feimei had to pry them off me. Kids get attached easily, so they were pretty upset about me leaving. I told them I'd come back and visit for Christmas, so that sort of helped."

"Aww. Who would have known you'd be good with kids, Sho!"

"I know! I didn't know that about myself either."

"Nothing much has happened here," she reported, stretching her arms out. "I haven't seen everyone since we went to Hong Kong, since it's been so busy at work. We should have dinner with everyone next weekend."

He nodded. "Good idea."

"Oh today I had a bad dream. Or like, it was a memory that became part of my dream! So it really happened. It was about Haru."

"Haru? From university?"

"Yeah! Can you believe it?" She cried. "It was awful!"

He laughed. "Why was it awful?"

"Because. You kept making me the third wheel in all of your study dates. It was so annoying!" She punched him this time. "You were so oblivious, Syaoran."

"Oh yeah, you've liked me since we were 14."

At that her face turned red in embarrassment. She turned his face away. "Don't say it."

"What? You're the one who told me that."

"Yeah but it's the kind of information you keep and never say out loud ever back to me," she informed hotly.

The two stared at each other for a moment, then Syaoran sighed. He stopped walking and sat down on the ledge separating their path from the shore a few meters below.

When Sakura stayed standing, he stared out at the sea in front of him and said, "I lied. I'm not thinking of you just as a friend. I don't think I have since you told me how you felt."

She swallowed. Oh boy.

"I'm giving you two choices right now. One, you can go home and walk away and just keep ignoring whatever you started between us. Or two, you can sit down beside me and we can talk about it like adults. Up to you."

90% of her wanted to run. The fear was crawling up and intending to take control of her whole body. But. She did start this. She told him, didn't she? She didn't have to say anything. She was the one who risked their friendship at the start. And here he was, not running away. He was the one taking charge of something that she…was supposed to. Instead, it was her wanting to run away. Why?

Still paralyzed by fear, she couldn't get her body to move. "Sho, I'm sorry. I'm…"

He looked up. She was like a kitten curled up in a corner, afraid to move. "Then I'll make your decision for you." He reached out and took her hand. "Stay."

A/N: =)