Ready for some Zelink? Good, because if your a Zelinker who can accept other pairings with Link, your fine. If you're like me, and believe Link and Zelda are together forever, no ifs, ands, or buts, screw Midna, Malon, Ilia, and the others, well...There's some.
A small break, as our troops are tired, and if they don't rest, how will Hyrule win? Link, Zelda and Ruto are the focus of the chapter. It's time for some DRAMA! Starring Booze and Sounding like a Pleased Redead.
So Zelinkers, are you ready? Then you shall pass. We start sometime after the events between Josh and Midna last chapter.
The festivities weren't about saving Hyrule, or even closing the Gates of Souls. No, it was about one man.
His name was Link, and he's the Hero. A member of the most important men in Hyrule's history. And how is he right now?
"Brooooooooo, like me finalist that bobble." Translation: Brooooooooo, let me finish that bottle.
Yep, he's wasted. But he's not the only one. Well, no one is as drunk as him. You'll think Zelda would watch over him. But...Well, let's list who isn't drunk at this party:
Midna, since she's bedridden.
Josh, since he's with Midna.
Impa, because she's not a heavy drinker.
And Fi, Young Link, and Agitha. No need to explain there.
So from that, I wonder where Zelda is. Hopefully she isn't too drunk and doing things she'll regret.
Let's ask Impa. "I should stop them. I really should. But this is way too entertaining. Unless it goes too far."
The soldiers made a makeshift stage, and currently Zelda and Lana were dancing together. No, they weren't stripping or pole dancing, although the soldiers would love to see that. They were actually in the Gerudo bathing suits that Lana would wear when she would go into the hot tub. And there was enough contact between the women to have Mario leave the Mushroom Kingdom. Why Impa didn't stop it? Because Zelda was having fun. Plus, she gets to make fun of the princess as well. But good thing she sent Joshua away.
As for Link, he was hanging out with Groose. They had way more to drink than anyone, and Link was a lightweight. Luckily, the Triforce of Courage kept him from passing out.
"Ya Sink, isn't that's Prune mess Ruto coming oval hers?" Translation: Yo Link, isn't that Princess Ruto coming over here?
Ruto walked over to Link and Groose, and sat on the Hero's lap. Now Ruto had a plan. One she thought would never been enacted. It didn't work on the Hero of Time. He was head over heels with Zelda. But this one, hell, Ruto won't miss this opportunity. Too bad Cia isn't here, because if she was, this chapter would be different.
With her magic, she sent Groose away from her and Link. She then began to turned her head to look at the drunk Hero. "Hello, Hero."
"Prune mess." She laughed at him. Now she began her plan. She turned her entire body so that her front was facing his. She touch his lips with her finger. "I heard you pulled the Master Sword today. Great job."
"Well...come."
She smiled. "But as the Hero, you deserve a reward. I can give you one if you ask."
Link, being incredibly drunk and clearly not thinking straight, immediately nodded his head. Ruto took that as asking.
She wrapped her hands around Link and completed her dream.
The Gerudo Prince and the Twilight Princess couldn't believe their eyes.
"Oh my Goddesses."
"I am never looking at Zelda the same way anymore. Princess Leia fantasy completed...wait, are they dancing in my clothes...Lana is dead."
"Welcome to the club, Your Highness and Your Majesty." Impa joined the duo. "I would stop them, but this is slightly hilarious. Plus, that's your call, Joshua."
"Well, Link is beyond...Don't tell me Darunia and Tingle are up there dancing! And is Saria drunk as well?"
Sure enough, the ladies were joined by the two guys, dancing to a very slurred version of Saria's Song.
"Midna, I think I'm going to be sick. WHO LET SARIA DRINK?""
"It can be worse."
"It might be. Look." Impa and Josh looked where Midna was pointing. They saw Ruto and Link making out.
"Well, at least he's wasted enough to be called the Hero of Booze."
Impa moved to confront the kissing duo, but Josh stopped her. "Why?"
"Because we haven't pissed off the diehard Zelinkers yet...I think." He looked at Midna. "Good thing Telma's special drink doesn't do that...hopefully it does."
They resumed their watching to the stage. Groose had joined the group onstage, and Princess Zelda became Princess Miley.
"Too far, my prince?" Lana joined in on the fun with Groose and Zelda.
He looked to where Link is. Or where he should've been. "Impa, Midna, shut it down."
"Where's Link?!"
He smiled mischievously. "Oh, he'll be fine."
She could feel Link's, to put it in Impaz's words, Master Sword seeking out to find a new pedestal. And it seemed to be worthy of the name.
"Link, babe, I have more to your reward."
"Where it's sit?" Translation: Where is it?
"Oh, it's in my tent. But you have to come with me."
Ruto took Link back to her tent. Knowing that either the Gerudo Prince, the Twilight Princess, or the Sheikah wasn't drunk and might pass by, she sealed all noise from coming outside the tent.
Which meant that no one could stop her, not even Joshua could when he walked by. No noise, no embarrassing moment.
And Ruto enjoyed every moment. Mission accomplished.
She could've swore she sounded like a pleased Redead, or a KO'ed Redead.
Link woke up with the biggest headache ever. Matter of fact, he felt pain everywhere. Especially his chest area. Felt like a brink was on it.
He immediately forgot his headache when he looked down. And while he couldn't remember what happened, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what could've happened. Link didn't want to believe it. But two things confirmed it.
One, he was naked. He doesn't sleep naked.
Two, even if he did have sex, he would prefer a human. Preferably Princess Zelda. Hell, even Cia. Not the Zora Princess. And Link was well verse with the history of the Heroes.
He successfully slid out the bed and returned his tunic to his body. Proxi was with Navi and Saria last time he checked. She wouldn't have let him get so drunk.
He walked outside, and guess who waited for him.
Josh. "Someone is limping. Good thing Zoras and humans can't reproduce."
Link groaned as the delayed hangover started to kick in. "Oh no, Zelda-"
"Oh, yes she will. Matter of fact, since we're ready to go, I suggest you meet with her now."
"What? What time is it?"
Josh looked at the sky. "Around 3 p.m. Luckily, I saved your soul."
"How?"
"Well, this morning..."
"Ughhhh...it hurts, Impa."
"I know. But you had less than Link. I'll be surprised if his head doesn't explode."
"You and Lana were quite the show, Zellie. But next time you take my stuff, actually get in the hot tub."
The trio were in Zelda's tent, and the Princess wished her pain would end. "After this, I'm enacting a drinking limit."
"Let the teenage princess have alcohol, and we drink soda. That's gonna work."
"It worked for you so well last year...a year ago from yesterday when I set you up on that date."
The date Zelda was referring to was a blind one. Let's just say, it was Joshua and a very, very, very, unattractive version of Zelda. Hard to imagine? I know.
Impa and Zelda laughed at the memory as the prince smiled. 'Oh, my revenge is coming. It will be great.'
"You drank a lot of the castle wine that week."
"Case proven."
"I love the wine, though...I feel much better, Impa. What did you do?"
"You know, a few tricks are still up my sleeve."
Zelda began to rise, and when she felt no pain, she shooed Joshua out the tent and began to dress. "So, where's Link?"
"HE'S SLEEPING!"
She looked at Impa as she put her tiara on. "Shouldn't I check on him?"
"No. I'm sure he's being looked after."
"By who? Princess Ruto? Please, she only cares about herself...and Link." Impa's hid her emotions well, but on the inside, she was panicking. And she knew Joshua was as well.
"WELL, I'M SURE SHE'S TAKING GOOD CARE OF HIM."
"I doubt she would. All she want is to put her Zora pu-"
"I DON'T THINK WE WANT TO KNOW THAT, PRINCESS! YOU MIGHT JINX IT."
Impa nodded a little too quickly. "I agree with him."
Zelda had that people have when they are confused about people's actions."You two act like they had sex last night."
Not the best moment to be silent.
Now she had that 'You got to be kidding me' look. "You got to be kidding me?!"
"WELL, YES."
She calmed down. "Ok."
"IT WAS MORE LIKE LINK WAS A HORSE, AND RUTO WAS THE RIDER! EXCEPT THAT THE HORSE WAS DRUNK. BUT DON'T WORRY, HE DOESN'T KNOW IT HAPPENED. THEN AGAIN, HE'S NOT YOUR BOY. YOU SHOULDN'T CARE!"
Zelda began to heat up. "YOUR RESPONSIBLE, AREN'T YOU?"
Impa kept her stoic nature. "Actually, we were going to stop him, but... He's not your boyfriend, Zelda."
Zelda stared at Impa. "But I..."
"No. He's not yours to control. Besides, he was not in control anyway."
If Link could run at the speed of sound, he made it look like he could as he made a beeline for Zelda.
Not in her tent.
Not in the meeting tent.
Not with the troops or anywhere surrounding the camp.
She was in his tent.
He heard a sound within his tent as he came closer to it. He knew Zelda's voice, even when she cries.
He walked in slowly and quietly, and found the princess bawling into his favorite pillow. It had "A Hero Lays Here" on it. How ironic.
'Some Hero I am.' He walked up to the bed, continuing his pace, before eventually sitting and laying next to the crying girl. He said nothing. He knew 'I'm sorry' wasn't going to cut it. Silence wasn't helping, but it was better than that cliche phrase.
"Link?"
Silence.
"Link, is that you?"
Her couldn't say her name. "Your Majesty."
She looked up, and Link saw her blue orbs surrounded by a sea of red. She looked up, and saw his blue orbs looking in fear.
"Where's that slimy bitch of a princess?"
"Still sleep, I guess."
She rose from the pillow and proceeded to hit his chest. Link, being a man, and prideful, didn't flinch or show any sign of pain. But it hurt. She could've just-
WHACK!
There it goes. That slap burned his cheek. But he didn't look away from the girl. She stood up and screamed like a Redead.
"I HATE YOU!"
Silence.
"I BET YOU ENJOYED IT!"
Silence.
"WHY AREN'T YOU FIGHTING BACK!"
Silence.
"DAMMIT LINK, SAY SOMETHING!"
"It won't matter anyway. Just leave."
Zelda looked at him, shocked. "What?"
"Leave. We still got a mission. We should prepare for battle. Not for something we can't fix."
This is not what she was expecting. "That's what you have to say?"
"Yep."
"Oh..." She turned around and left, completely confused. She proceeded to go back to her tent.
"Slimy bitch? Please, you're the whore of the century. Wait, make that millennium."
Zelda turned around and saw the one girl who she was going to turn into sushi. Going against all acts of being a future queen, the Hyrulean attacked the girl. Sadly, Hyrule Warriors doesn't provide a moveset for catfights, so imagine one with Zelda and Ruto.
The two were held back by the soldiers as Principal Impa scolded them both. Josh, Midna, and Lana watched from afar.
"Gotta love that Sheikah vocabulary. Definitely not fit for kids."
"Not fit for anyone. I would know."
"How long has she been going?"
He looked up. "A damn hour."
"We got popcorn refills, guys!" Link rejoined his friends, smile on his face.
"Damn Link. You caused all of this entertainment."
"Pretty awesome fight. But you know the best part, Joshua."
"What?"
He smiled. "Zelda beat that ass."
Josh looked hard at Ruto. "What ass? That's like a tilapia back there. Flat as hell."
"But you know who got some?"
"Definitely."
They gave each other a high five as they said, "Great Fairy!"
"Umm, there are two girls here!"
"Sorry Lana. Alright, fun time is over."
"What do you mean?"
"Your not going to like it." Josh rose up and walked towards the commotion. "Impa, shut it!"
She reluctantly did, and Josh continued. He had the biggest grin on his face. "Impa, I think we can let it go."
"WHAT?"
"I said let it go. It's partially our fault, but in any case, Link and Ruto never committed the nasty. Midna was able to get to Ruto's Shadow and knock her out."
Link, Zelda, Impa, and Lana's jaw hit the ground. Ruto just stared in disbelief.
"WHAT?!"
"We all knew you wanted to ride the horse. We just didn't give you it." He turned to Zelda. "Revenge is best served cold, isn't it."
Zelda thought about it before she started laughing. Impa joined in as well.
The happiness of Joshua turned into anger. "Hey, that wasn't funny!"
"You're still mad about that!"
"End this part right now! We're not explaining what happened again!"
Link walked over to Zelda. "What happened?"
"Blind date."
"Oh...how ugly was she?"
Zelda whispered. "It was a spell. But he doesn't know that."
Our favorite reunited couple were out in the field near the camp, simply stargazing. Zelda, of course, apologized to Link, and vice versa.
He held her across the waist. "I hate her."
She lean the back of her head into his shoulder and looked at him. "We both do."
"She's good looking for a Zora, I'll admit, but... I'm in love with someone else."
'Please be me. I know it is. Quickly, say something, Zelda!' Zelda scooted away from Link a bit, still within his grasp, and kept her composure. "What's she like?"
Link thought about it. "She's... Well, she's how I expected her to be, but not how expected her to be."
"Elaborate."
"Well... She's kind, caring, and a natural born leader, like I expected. But I didn't know there was a warrior side to her, and admist all the trouble we went through, she was by my side. Whether she was in a deceptive, sexy, jumpsuit, or in the armor she now wears, she is always the most beautiful Hyrulean I know. For weeks, I thought she was captured, and even one point, dead, but I never paid attention to history, so I didn't catch her when I should have." He turned to Zelda, obviously faking being stoic. "I knew at that moment when we first met in the training yard we made a connection, but it wasn't until later that I fell in love... You're horrible."
Zelda smiled sweetly. "I know. I just wanted to listen to you sing praises about me."
Link frowned and grinned at the same time. "I believe I should get some as well."
"You get an 'I love you, Link.'"
"...Good enough." He leaned down and pressed their lips together. It wasn't long before their tongues battle for supremacy as Link laid on the grass with Zelda on him.
"Oh, you two are definitely gonna firetruck. Go on ahead. I wanna hear a pleased Redead."
The couple saw that famous grin on the prince's face. Link sighed. "I'll take Ganondorf over you."
"Definitely."
"I just came to say we need to get ready for tomorrow, and that I knew about the spell, Zellie. You need better maids."
The next morning, the Hyrule Warriors were in the meeting tent, awaiting the final plan.
"Alright, we have two forces. Because we have an excellent cast of warriors, I'm splitting us up. Impaz, Princess Ruto, Saria, Fi, and Agitha, you'll be going General Auru. Once we finish at the Temple of Souls, I'll contact you. Groose, Tingle, Darunia, and Midna, you're with me. I'll go over the plan with you three later. You are dismissed." The warriors left the tent before the princess continued with the original five. "As for us, we'll defeat Cia on her doorstep."
Impa looked at Link. "Ready, Link?"
Link smiled. "Of course I'm ready. I got the Master Sword. Failure isn't an option. "
Zelda nodded. "We definitely got this."
Josh smiled as well. "Right. We got the Triforce and the Master Sword. Hell, the only thing that could stop us is Ganondorf showing up, but he needs all four fragments to revive."
Lana put her fist in the middle. "Hyrule shall be set free."
Zelda followed. "And peace shall be restored."
Impa put hers in. "And then we could get some rest from idiotic males."
Link put his in, ignoring Impa. "No one shall defeat us."
Josh looked at his friends before connecting his fist with them. "For we are the Hyrule Warriors."
Don't kill me. I had this planned out. More Zelink to come in the next few chapters.
Midna has gotten a bigger role than the other heroes of the past besides Ruto. We all love Midna.
Imagine Tingle dancing. Do it.