Kim walked out of the house and headed down the path towards the stables. Andrew and Jeannie were having one last lunch with Mrs. Batson and Steve and Kayla were finishing their packing. Kim decided to use the time she had for one last walk around Donovan Manor before they all headed back to Salem Via Cincinnati. Kim chuckled a bit at the thought. Kim knew the cover story was necessary, but the idea of flying a private ISA jet to Cincinnati only to switch over to a cramped commercial flight for the short hop to Salem made her roll her eyes a little.
As she wandered down the path, Kim could not help but think that this might be the last time she would ever visit Donovan Manor. It was possible there might be visits with Andrew, but he was getting older now and it would not be long before he would not need Kim to accompany him on any travels to England.
She had so many memories wrapped up in these vast grounds. She and Shane had made love for the first time in that house, and had spent hours exploring the estate both when he had first brought her here and on their second honeymoon. Every part of the estate seemed to hold another memory - a reminder of a moment they had shared here.
Maybe it's a good thing we're leaving then, Kim thought silently. She did not need any more reminders of the past. She needed to find a way to move forward with her life and let the past go. So that's what she would do. She would go back to Salem and focus on the future.
And what exactly might that be? Kim asked herself. She had returned to Salem six months earlier with the hope of reconciling with Shane. Instead, she had found him kissing her sister and showing no interest in putting the tattered pieces of their relationship back together again.
Having been spurned by Shane, she had jumped wholeheartedly into the case against Lawrence Alamain. She could prove that she did not need Shane Donovan anymore - that she was a confident, self-reliant woman. It had not quite turned out that way. Instead, she had let her hurt, her anger, and her desire to be wanted drag her deeper and deeper into a relationship with Lawrence - to the point that she had almost actually believed his lies. Well, Lawrence was in prison now and, at least, she had played some small role in that.
The sweet smell of hay intruded on Kim's thoughts as she walked into the stables. She was not sure why she had come here, only that this is where her feet had taken her. Not the best place to leave old memories behind, Kimberly. As if it were yesterday, the memories of making love to Shane in these same stables came rushing back. Things had been so perfect for them then.
Unbidden, her thoughts shifted to the night Shane had returned from London. It may have been the alcohol, but he had been so open and vulnerable that night. Maybe she should have let him make love to her. She had wanted him so much. Maybe they would have finally broken through those walls between them and found a way to make things work again. Shane would have never accepted the mission and maybe they would be headed home to Salem together.
Now you are really dreaming, Kim. One night together was not going to solve all of their problems. It would not make Shane forget Kayla or make him forget what had happened with Cal. And it would not make Kim forget the way he had turned so cold before she had left Salem or the way he had turned to her sister. All of those issues would have still been there the next morning. She knew she had done the right thing by putting a stop to things. But it did not make her regrets any easier to deal with.
Suddenly, Kim felt a chill run through her. Her breath caught as she recognized it instantly. Shane was out there somewhere and he was in danger. She always knew when things were bad. She wasn't sure how, but she always knew. Kim took a deep breath and said a silent prayer for him. Maybe they would never be together again, but she did not know what she would do if Shane never came home. He was too much a part of her life for her to ever fully let go.
For a moment, Kim almost hated Shane for that. How could she ever move forward with her life when he had that kind of hold on her? Why couldn't she just see him as Andrew's father and a friendly ex-husband?
Kim knew why. It was because no one had ever loved her like Shane had and she had never loved anyone like she loved him. No one in her entire life had ever made her feel as safe, as loved, or as accepted as Shane had. She had never known a peace of mind and soul as she had when she was lying in his arms in their bed. And she also knew that nobody else could ever make her feel that way again.
But she had to find a way to accept that it was truly over. Shane had tried to make that clear to her after she had returned to Salem, but her hope had never completely died. And, as much as she did not want to admit it, she had felt that hope flare when Steve had returned. That little voice in the back of her mind had said, Maybe it's a sign. Maybe it's our chance. But that hope had been dashed quickly, and whatever had remained was extinguished when he had said his goodbyes before leaving for the mission. Even with Cal locked away in Alaska, Shane was never going to accept what had happened with Cal. Kim had hurt Shane too badly and he was never going to lower his defenses to her again. She knew it. Now she had to figure out how to live with it.
The now familiar chill swept over her again. Please be careful, Shane. Please come back to your family. She knew that would be her mantra until she knew he was safe again.
Kim checked her watch and knew she needed to be heading back to the house. She wanted to make sure everything was packed and ready for the trip home. She took one last look around the stables, then straightened her shoulders and headed out the door. She was a survivor and she had survived worse than a broken and shattered heart. Kim would go home to Salem, return to work at the clinic, and focus on her children and her work. She would stop pining over Shane Donovan, even if she could never stop loving him.