Notes: Episode 119, "Awakening of the Messiah of Silence Stars of Destiny". Or, "The one where everyone finds out everything."

Episode 119

Rei couldn't remember the last time they'd all been gathered in her room like this with such an oppressive atmosphere. The closest she could think was when they met to use the Sailor Teleport for the first time, before going to ...

Well THAT wasn't exactly a parallel she wanted to draw.

Rei shifted on the tatmi mat. Nobody was talking, and that certainly didn't help. Ami was in her usual spot at the study table. Rei kept thinking she might break the silence first, but every time it looked like she was about to, she frowned and stayed silent.

Even Ami was mad at her.

AMI.

It wasn't like she didn't deserve it, Rei supposed. Still, dammit, Pluto! Rei made a mental note to give Setsuna a piece of her mind about secrets. She was all cryptic lines and half-truths when it suited her, but the second REI wanted something hushed up, here comes Pluto to ruin everything.

It wasn't really Setsuna's fault, Rei acknowledged that on some level. But she was sure in the mood to blame SOMEBODY right now. Pluto could have at least given her a warning or something. That was just manners.

Rei's eyes tracked as Minako paced across her line of sight again. Minako hadn't stopped pacing from the second they got here and her expression said she wanted to kill someone. Little doubt who. Having to see her every 90 seconds or so like clockwork was driving Rei up the wall, and she was about one circuit away from yelling at Minako to sit the hell down. That wouldn't be good; once the shouting started, Rei wasn't sure it would ever end. But swear to god, Minako, if you walk by one more time …

The door to the shrine courtyard slid open and everyone looked up. Mako pushed away from the doorframe where she'd been standing guard (she'd deny it of course but Rei couldn't shake the image of Makoto the jailor) and Usagi stepped inside. It had been about an hour since the fight at the planetarium, and dusk was rapidly approaching. Chibi-Usa had been near inconsolable after Hotaru's disappearance, and Usagi and Mamoru had taken her to his apartment. The Senshi hadn't made an official decision to meet here after, but they'd all know they would.

They had a lot to talk about.

As expected, Usagi looked drained and exhausted.

"Chibi-Usa..?" Mako asked.

Usagi gave a small nod, which seemed enough to satisfy everyone for now. She slid the door closed behind her. For a long moment she just stared at the ground, while four pairs of eyes watched her, waiting to see what she would do.

Finally she spoke, without looking up. "How long?"

The question seemed to confuse the others. But not Rei. She winced a little, but didn't hesitate to answer. "It started a few days before the daimohn attacked me."

Gasps ran through the room, though Rei noted Usagi didn't react. She just continued to stare at her feet.

"I can't believe you—"

"Rei-chan!"

"That long?!"

"That's what I thought you said."

Even though the voice was soft, it attracted everyone's attention. They all stopped and turned to Usagi.

"How could you lie to us?"

She looked up, tears swimming in her eyes. She seemed so wounded that Rei couldn't hold the gaze.

"How could you lie to ME?"

At the accusation, Rei felt her temper flare. "I DIDN'T lie!"

"The hell you didn't!" Mako shot back, more than willing to match Rei anger for anger.

"'Oh, no, I'm fine'," said Minako, doing an unerringly good impression of Rei that did nothing to help soothe the rapidly escalating situation. "'I look like crap but it's just studying and chores, you know. It's absolutely NOT being trapped in a nightmare vision watching my friends DIE EVERY NIGHT FOR MONTHS'."

Rei opened her mouth to retort, but Usagi got there first. "I thought it was just stuff with Yuuichiro or school or something." She looked so sad. Rei thought she might literally be feeling her own heart break. "You've been going through all this right in front of us the whole time, and I never knew."

"Usagi," she said, getting up from the table and going to her. It was all messed up, this was the last thing she wanted. "It's not your fault."

"I KNOW it's not my fault, Rei," and Rei was surprised to hear the conviction in Usagi's voice, "but that doesn't make it feel better."

"I didn't mean…" Again Rei was in uncharted territory, and felt her anger surge in response. "You don't understand!"

She jumped as Ami appeared at her shoulder. "You're right. So why don't you explain?" They were the first words Ami had said since leaving the planetarium. For as well as Rei knew her, she couldn't figure out what Ami was thinking or feeling about any of this.

Rei wasn't dealing well with unknowns today.

"Can't wait to hear this one," Mako muttered.

Nor was she dealing well with smart-ass comments.

"Mako-chan, please," Ami said gently. Mako snorted, but remained silent.

"What do you want me to say?" Rei snapped. This wasn't helping. She drew in a shaky breath. Much more calmly she said, "I didn't think anyone needed to know."

Minako laughed and Rei began repeating every calming phrase she'd ever learned. "Why would you? It's just the only bit of information we've had about what the hell is going on. Why would we POSSIBLY need to know any of that?"

Ami frowned. "I … wouldn't put it like that, but Minako-chan is essentially correct. Any detail could be crucial to finding and stopping the enemy." Then her expression softened and she gave Rei the first smile she'd seen in hours. "More importantly you shouldn't have to deal with this yourself."

"But of course she will, because she's Rei Fucking Hino!" Mako said, gesturing at Rei like she was presenting her to the entire world. "And STILL, after everything we've been through together, STILL she can do it all herself. She doesn't fucking need any of us!"

"Don't be stupid! You were all so happy, and I didn't want to hurt you! Is that so—"

The words died as Rei saw them all, really saw them. Their anger, their pain. Her eyes came to rest on Usagi, who even under the best circumstances couldn't keep a single emotion from being etched on her face. Happy, sad, tired, hungry. Usagi was an open book.

The hurt she saw there, the hurt she CAUSED, made Rei's stomach clench in response. She could barely comprehend what she saw and, if she was being completely honest with herself, was afraid to try. The emotions were too raw. Rei couldn't bear to look at her.

She didn't want to hurt them, but she had. With that realization, Rei felt some of her fire go out and the angry retorts die on her lips.

How could she make them understand? How could she explain how scared she was, how desperately she wanted to protect them? That every day they could still smile and laugh was a victory? How that was her strength to keep going, to try to find answers before burdening them with what she knew?

They were all talking now, Ami, Mako and Minako. Rei couldn't follow any of it. How could she make them see? It wasn't that she didn't need them, it was that she needed them so much it terrified her.

She didn't know the words, and had no idea where to start looking for them.

"Rei."

Usagi's voice cut through the bickering, but to Rei's ears it only highlighted how quiet she'd been throughout all this. It bothered her more than she could understand. "Usagi" and "quiet" were two contradictory states of being. Let her yell, let her scream. Hell, even crying would be fine. Anything but these long stretches of quiet. It was too painfully familiar.

Usagi was studying her, and Rei fought not to squirm. She didn't know the words, but this was Usagi. Maybe she wouldn't need them.

After a long moment, Usagi finally spoke. "We're going to stop this. All that stuff you saw is … is horrible and scary and I don't know how you dealt with seeing it over and over for this long when ONE TIME and I just want to hide under the covers and never come out." Usagi shook her head, and whatever jumble of fear and admiration she was feeling quickly gave way to something stronger. She set her delicate jaw and her hands curled into tiny fists. She looked a hundred feet tall.

"We'll stop this. Do you believe me, Rei? I WON'T let this happen."

And Rei DID believe, gods help her.

Usagi said it, and Rei believed. For the first time since that damned vision had become the center of her world, Rei truly felt she wasn't raging against the inevitable. She felt HOPE. It had been gone so long, she barely recognized it.

Rei gave one firm nod, afraid that much more would cause the tears in her eyes to spill over.

A brilliant smile instantly appeared on Usagi's face, and she flung herself at Rei. They managed to stay upright, barely. She was squeezing so tight that Rei felt a complaint began to form, but then found herself just squeezing back. Stupid Usagi.

"There, see?" Usagi said, her voice muffled. "What you're feeling now? You could've had THAT all this time instead of that doom and gloom stuff."

"What can I say?" replied Rei with a resigned sigh. "I'm an idiot sometimes."

Usagi pulled away, making sure every second of her eye roll was visible. "You're an idiot ALL times."

Rei glared, just a little, but said nothing.

"Okay! Hugs!" Usagi announced with a clap of her hands. "We have bad guys to stop and we can't do that if everyone's all grouchy and mad. Hugs!"

"That's really not necessary," was what Rei started to say. She got as far as "that's" before Ami was there, wrapping her arms around Rei's middle.

"You're not alone, Rei-chan."

Rei couldn't stop the tender smile that spread across her face. She hugged Ami back and kissed the top of her head. "I know."

Ami stepped back and Makoto was there. She glared down at Rei, who met her gaze without flinching.

"I'm still pissed at you," Mako said.

"I understand."

"The next time you tell me 'it's nothing', I'm not going to let it go."

"That's fair."

"We're a TEAM and you go off on this stupid fucking tear where you have to do it all yourself and—"

"I don't see huuuuggingggg …" Usagi called out in a sing-song voice.

"Hug! Hug! Hug!" Minako chanted, and Usagi immediately picked it up. Rei and Mako were both stunned when Ami joined in with equal enthusiasm. They all cheered wildly as Mako surrendered her tirade and pulled Rei close.

It was as enveloping as any Mako Brand Hug, full of nothing but warmth and love. Rei was surprised (and more than a little relieved) that she could sense no anger anywhere in it.

When they broke apart, Rei saw that Mako was smirking and she raised an eyebrow in response.

"I'm kicking your ass extra hard in our next training session," Mako said, but her eyes were smiling.

"Yeah, we'll see," replied Rei with a wink.

"My turn! My turn!" Minako squealed, and flung her arms around Rei's neck in an excellent imitation of Usagi from earlier. Rei grunted and got stuck somewhere between returning the hug and peeling Minako off of her.

"I vote that every day is 'Hug Rei And Call Her A Big Moron Day'!" said Minako to enthusiastic response. Rei just tried her best to get oxygen.

Then Minako's voice was whispering in Rei's ear, far too low to be heard by their laughing friends. "You and I aren't done with this," she promised. There was no joking now, no trace of the fun and playful Minako, and it surprised Rei not at all.

"I figured," Rei replied, and for a moment their eyes met. No, they definitely weren't done with this. Then Minako was once again doing her best to crush Rei's larynx, and Rei was doing everything short of using an ofuda to free herself. And the ofuda was far from off the table.

Finally Rei was able to wrench herself free. "Get OFF! I've had enough apocalypses for one day!"

"Oh Rei-chan, you're SUCH a big moron!" Minako said cheerfully.

Then yelped as a stuffed puppy bounced off the side of her head.

Eventually the laughter died down, and the stress of the past few months seemed to diminish with it. Ami wiped her eyes and gave a contented sigh. "I hate to break this up, but we should probably go see what Mamoru-san has been able to learn."

"Yeah," Usagi agreed. "I want to check on Chibi-Usa."

The mood of the room sobered at that, with the memory of Hotaru disappearing and Chibi-Usa's heartbreak after. That wouldn't do. Usagi looked up as Rei placed a hand on her shoulder. "Let's go, huh? Bad guys aren't going to beat themselves."

Usagi nodded and smiled.

"Sure would be nice if they did though," Mako said, sliding the door open and leading the way out into the evening air.

"Eh, where's the fun in that?" replied Minako. "Give me a good bad guy butt to kick and I'm a happy girl."

Mako laughed. "Give you a fruit roll-up and you're a happy girl."

"True," Minako agreed.

"Hey, Rei?"

Rei glanced at Usagi. "Hm?"

"I've been thinking, and I wanted to warn you: the next time you lie to me, I'm coming up with a new attack specifically to punish you."

A burst of laughter escaped from Rei. "Oh really?"

"I'm totally serious. A whole new attack, just for you. I'll call it, uhm …"

"'Moon Stupid Sparkle Klutz'?" Rei helpfully suggested.

Usagi glared.

"Moon Nauseous Spinning Colour Bomb?" Ami said, then immediately clapped a hand over her mouth. "I didn't—!" she began as Usagi's glare turned in her direction. "That wasn't supposed to be out loud!"

The laughter of her friends in no way helped Ami's blush nor convinced her to unbury her face from her hands. Mako was nearly doubled over she was laughing so hard, but still managed to successfully steer Ami around a street sign. It didn't seem like Ami would have much minded walking into it. Repeatedly. Forever.

"Oo, I've got one!" Minako said, and Rei preemptively groaned. "Moon Glowing Pink Super Spanking!"

Rei groaned louder. Usagi turned saucer-sized eyes to Minako.

"Whaaat? It's a punishment, isn't it? It'll make sure she never does it again." Then her face took on a lecherous grin. "Or make her do it all the time on purpose."

Rei had to remind herself that throwing friends into traffic was not considered a socially acceptable thing to do, though for the life of her, she didn't know why.

Oblivious to her near-fate, Minako said, "Your turn, Mako-chan! How do you think Usagi should punish Rei?"

Mako thought for a second, then opened her mouth. The others could only stare in stunned disbelief. The words seemed to keep coming, each more descriptive than the last. Not a one was repeatable after "Moon".

When she finished, Mako considered her suggestion for a moment. Her friends were each stunned into wide-eyed silence.

"Guess I'm still kinda pissed," Mako concluded with a shrug. "Ahh well, I'll get over it."

Rei made sure to stay a good two to three arm-lengths behind Mako for the rest of the walk.