Friendship-ISN'T magic? ch. 14
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you!
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AN: This chapter was greatly helped by Wolvenstrom's efforts, thanks buddy!
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Pacifica turned to her class, "In this class you'll be learning how to use get power, friends, influence and whatever your heart desires."
Apple Bloom raised her hoof, "But what if we ain't rich like you or Diamond Tiara?"
Pacifica looks at her oddly, she then looks over a student profile list she'd been handed then back up: "Apple Bloom right? Of the Apple clan?"
AppleBloom nods happily, "Yes Miss. Oldest family in Ponyville." She said proudly
Pacifica smiled, "Then I don't see why you'd need to ask that question. Considering your 'clan' is richer than Diamond Tiara's."
Entire class gasps, spit takes, goes into shock, etc. Especially Diamond and Applebloom. "Wh-what!?" Shouts Applebloom and Diamond.
Pacifica continues, "Your family holds what I've been informed is a one 'hundred' percent monopoly on all the apple farms in Equestria. Every Apple and apple product sold in the kingdom originates in one of your families countless orchards. And that's not even going into other produce your family grow, business dealings. Land holdings. All being owned by aaaaaa- checks profile again -Maria Ann Smith Apple ('Ha. Ok, I get it') and managed by Macintosh Apple? Looks down from papers at the shocked fillies. "What? Didn't you realize that your grandma basically owns Ponyville?"
Applebloom shakes her head slowly, her jaw still detached. Pacifica smirks, "Oh good. Then I have a lesson for you."
She then Moves Diamond Tiara next to Applebloom. "Business connections." Explains Pacifica.
Both of them look at each other startled, "But...we hate each other!" Exclaimed Diamond! "Yeah...we really do." Admitted Applebloom sadly.
Pacifica just looks at them quietly, then groans. Takes Diamond Tiara aside and whispers to her- "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HER FAMILY CONTROLS 50% OF MY FAMILIES PROFITS!?" Shouted Diamond Tiara.
Applebloom leapt up, "HA! SO THIS 'BLANK FLANK' HAS YOUR FUTURE IN HAND?! WE'LL KISS YOUR WEALTH GOODBYE!"
Pacifica sighed as Diamond Tiara paled, "That right there? That was kinda why I was telling you this in private and WHISPERING it."
Diamond just puts her head in her hooves and groans, Pacifica just pats her on the head. "Relax, your big sister Pacifica is going to make this ALLLLL better."
Tiara looked at her confused as Pacifica turned to face Applebloom. "Wow, Applebloom I didn't know you had it in you to be so vengeful to destroy all of Ponyville and leave your friends homeless just to spite an enemy." She says in her best AMAZED voice.
"Say, what now!?" Shouted Applebloom and everyone else. Pacifica just continued on, "True the Apples are richer. But Filthy Rich actually employees NON-family members, and his employee list is over 1/3rd of the town! He goes down, they all go down! And so do their families!"
Most of the Class gasps in horror and give Applebloom an accusatory glare. Not used to such contempt and anger directed at her Applebloom withered under the glares. "But- but- But I- How-
But Pacifica wasn't done yet, "And let's not forget the snowball effect these sort of thing has, I don't think anyone's forgotten how quickly the 'Taxi pony unemployment scare' escalated." The class shuddered, who could forget that!? "With so many people losing their jobs, they'll have to move to greener pastures, less ponies in town means less ponies to pay other ponies, so THEY'll get fired too. And so on and so forth until next thing you know- points at Scootalo -your aunts will go broke and have to sell your house, or ponyville lays off Rainbow Dash and she won't be able to afford to come her anymore or BOTH-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screams Scootalo.
Pacifica then points to Sweetie belle, "Of course your sister can hardly afford to stay in a town with declining clientele and economy so your gone too!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screams Sweetie belle.
Both hurt fillies glare at Applebloom in tears, screams of 'How could you do this to us', and I thought we were friends' were quick to make Applebloom cry as well.
Pacifica was stunned, "Wow, these ponies are REALLY easy to lead about." Indeed, Pacifica had been quick to learn as Celestia was forced to learn when dealing with her father that Ponies were so used to embodying honesty...they had a tendency to be completely and utterly fooled when anyone even half-way competent in such 'subtle' matters worked their 'magic'-
...
Far away, a certain blue unicorn pulling her caravan sneezed...
...
Pacifica knew she should be thrilled at how successful she was...but seeing those cute fillies cry...made her sad...she was just about to call it off-
Applebloom finally sighed in defeat and turned to a confused Tiara, "When do you want to get together to talk business?" She asked in resignation.
Tiara just gaped in disbelief...before Pacifica quickly takes over and makes the appointment for her. Silver Spoon wanders over, "Uh...what the buck just happened here?"
Tiara just scratched her head, "Uh...I don't know- "It's called social manipulation sweetie, I'll gladly teach it to you...but this was a one time thing. From now on you'll have to do your bullying yourself." Stated Pacifica flatly as both fillies looked at her in awe...
...
Gravity Falls doesn't have an anthem.
We thought we had one, But we don't.
We paid a short guy to write it, But we never saw him again.
The tune we stole from the French. There's a few things they do well.
Like making love, wine, and cheese Like Roquefort, Camembert and Bries.
Gravity Falls, We're gonna to die! Gravity Falls, were scared, goodbye!
The ponies just watched in disbelief as the humans pledged to their town's anthem. "What the buck kinda anthem was that?" Asked rainbow Dash. Twilight frowned, "Maybe... it's like the demotivational posters?" "Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if your whole project figuring out humans is a bit of a lost cause darling." Said Rarity, "Their just so...different from us." she said as delicate as possible.
Case in point they wandered passed the classrooms of the two remaining human teachers from the old 'regime'-
"Bonjour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!" Shouts part-time french teacher/groundskeeper Willie.
Twilight sighed, "HE was the most competent teacher in the bunch." She admitted with distaste as she kept walking. Her friends just looked at her in disbelief.
Then they went past Martha Take-a-punch's home ec room.
"Okay, kids. Now I'm going to take the Casserole out of the oven." She dose just that. "Okay, it's a little burned. No reason to panic." Suddenly a very realistic car driving up to the curb noise was heard. She gasped. "Oh, no my husband Henry beat-wife is home early!"
"Wait, who now?" Asked a suddenly VERY confused and uncomfortable Applebloom.
Suddenly she made a good show of being frantic. "Let-Let's get some spices in here to fix this!" Suddenly another sound of the door being banged open. "Okay, he's inside the house. Let's-let's hope his meeting went well."
"Seriously, are we still making a dinner...or what? What's happening here?" Asked a baffled and slightly unnerved Sweetiebell.
"THAT MEETING WENT HORRIBLE!" Shouts a voice from outside. "Oh, boy." Groaned Martha. "What's that smell? DID YOU BURN DINNER AGAIN YOU STUPID PIG!?"
"Okay...now I'm confused and scared in ways I didn't even think possible!" Admitted Scootalo, and most of the ponies agreed.
"Okay kids! Put your heads down! Put your heads down! Don't come between me and your father you'll only make things WORSE!"
And thus...all the little colts and fillies were treated to the sight of a man brutally beating his wife.
ZAP!
"You jerk! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR WIFE!?" Demanded Twilight.
"WAIT! STOP! IT WASN'T REAL! WE WERE JUST ACTING! I'M FINE!" Shouted Martha, sure enough her 'blood' and 'bruises' were just props and make-up.
Applejack comforted her tearful little sister as she glared at the two, "What in tarnation were you trying to teach!?" She demanded.
And thus the concept of 'domestic abuse' and 'unhappy marriages' were introduced to Equestria...
...
The mane 5 helped the traumatized children go home early, "Okay...more stuff to ask Dipper." Said Twilight as she jotted own some more things.
"Okay...sweetie...I think it be best if you just stopped this project now...I'm genuinely terrified what you'll uncover next." Admitted Rarity.
Applejack was deeply disturbed...when you married someone...you were in a happy, wonderful amazing partnership for life...that's how it always worked in Equestria...how could such a fundamental cornerstone of life as she knew it be false? She'd been having similar thoughts recently...and she did NOT like them.
They passed by Mrs. Cheerilie(who after dealing with the CMC considered humans a cake walk) room, doing fine as always...
While going by the hallway...they saw several ODD posters:
WELCOME TO THE MAW, STICK WITH HER AND YOU'LL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAIN!
COME TO SILENT HILL COMMONWEALTH, YOU'LL NEVER WANT TO LEAVE!
WELCOME TO NEW LAS VEGAS; WHERE THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS YOUR HEART!
ALL THE SMOG IN YOUR FACE? COME JOIN PROJECT EXODUS IN SPACE!
RACOON CITY; SOCIETY HAS FAILED YOU! EMBRACE LAS PLAGAS!
APERTURE SCIENCE: CITY OF TOMORROW TODAY!
EXODUS HAS FAILED! JOIN THE UAC MARTIAN BASE INITIATIVE TO SURVIVE!
JOIN GOD'S 'TRUE' CHILDREN, JOIN COLUMBIA. THE 'TRUE' AMERICA!
"Between two groups of people who want to make inconsistent kinds of worlds, I see no remedy but force"- Oliver Wendel Holmes.
INTO THE CITY OF RAPTURE, ALL GOOD THINGS FLOW...will we see you here?
And then they reached the break room where dipper was having lunch, "Hey Dipper, you seen Fluttershy anywhere? She's been calling in sick since we discovered she was secretly singing to replace Big Mac's voice...that was a week ago, were kinda worried."
Dipper kept his face neutral, "Fluttershy wasn't feeling well...but I know for a fact that she'll be ready to come back soon." He says that last part a bit more upbeat.
Rainbow dash smirked, "Bet you can't wait to see that sweet flank of hers again, huh Dipper?" Teases Dashie.
Dipper flustered, "I keep telling you! THOSE WERE ACCIDENTS!"
...a week or so ago...
Find you got the music, got the music in you-
Fluttershy hung on the fence post looking at the stage from afar...slowly swaying her flank to the music...tempting the universe-
SMACK!
OH!
Fluttershy squealed and flustered as something slapped her rear, she turns to see an equally mortified Dipper behind her.
"I- NO! There was a- I had to- I'm sorry, but- I SWEAR THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" he defended in an apologetic manner.
...
Find the music! Deep down in your heart-
Fluttershy sang outside the school room, wildly swinging her rear in the air without a care in the world...once more tempting Murphy's law-
SMACK!
OH!
Once more fluttershy squealed...and once more she looked to see that an equally mortified Dipper had slapped her flank.
"Sorry- But no- I- There was a bee- I'M NOT DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!"
...
Fluttershy just hovered in horror as the audience gaped at her! She was exposed! Everyone was staring at her she-
SMACK!
OH!
Fluttershy looked down at a collapsed Dipper in disbelief, "H-how did you...I'm in mid-air!" She shouted confused and flustered.
Dipper just groaned, "I don't know Fluttershy...I just don't know."
...
Dashie chuckled, "Had a lot of accidents man...just saying."
Despite that uncomfortable situation The girls suddenly felt relived by Dipper's reassurance...they then immediately asked him some other questions.
Dipper groaned, "They did what?!" "Yeah, right in front of the crusaders!" Explained a horrified Twilight. Dipper rubbed his face annoyed, "Those idiots! What were they thinking?!"
"Wait...so...that really is a thing? Amongst, humans?" Dipper groaned again...but reluctantly nodded.
"That's horrible!" Shouted Applejack. "How can you possibly support such a horrible breach in traditional family-
"Applejack, I don't support it!"
Applejack was completely flummoxed, "wha?" But Dipper wasn't finished, "Of course I don't support a man beating his wife! What kind of monster do you take me for!?"
Applejack blushed, "Well, okay, when you put it like that-
"Wait, I thought you were against traditions?" Asked Rainbow Dash
"Oh, for the love of- I said I'm only against traditions that don't make sense! Traditional family values where a man DOESN'T beat his wife or children? Of course I'm not against that! In fact I hope that's one part of human culture that gets wiped out because of YOUR culture's influence!"
Rainbow just looked more baffled, "But you- Against- For- GAH!" She slammed her head on the lounge table. "Why do you humans have to make everything a hundred times more complicated!? My head hurts!"
While Dipper comforted her and gave her aspirin he had handy, Twilight asked him something that had been bugging her-
"Dipper...I saw some posters outside...would you mind explaining what they mean?" Twilight told him, Dipper nodded. "Right, for me to explain all that..it be best if I started with one poster...more importantly I tell you about a man...a man named Andrew Ryan."
...
A film projector began to count down...
Hello, Andrew Ryan here. I've come to ask you a question: Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? 'No!' says the man in Washington, 'It belongs to the poor.' 'No!' says the man in the Vatican, 'It belongs to God.' 'No!' says the man in Moscow, 'It belongs to everyone.' I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... Rapture, a city where the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, Where the great would not be constrained by the small! And with the sweat of your brow, Rapture can become your city as well."
And thus the mane 5 were introduced to the sight of a glorious underwater city...Andrew Ryan continued to talk...as well as various other people...but the ponies were now more listening to Dipper as he explained what they were seeing: "Andrew Ryan, born 1911 in a village near Minsk. His family were made poor simply out of spite of their minority, they fled the country at a young age when their country fell to the bolsheviks-
"My journey to Rapture was my second exodus. In 1919, I fled a country that had traded in despotism for insanity." Spoke a tape-recorder in Ryan's voice that Dipper had just activated.
"This...personal experience shaped Ryan's personal philosophy: "The modern world was created by great men who strove to make their own way. Any time "Parasites" gained control of such a world, they destroyed it."
"Wha- what dose that mean exactly?" Asked Twilight spellbound...their was something...enchanting about this Ryan's voice...that wanted her to know more.
But Dipper just continued, this was a subject he was fascinated by and thus- like Twilight had done in similar situations -developed a bit of a tunnel vision.
"He fled to my homeland- America -and rebuilt his fortune from nothing-
Applejack whistled, naturally impressed by that.
...then of course...
"For a time, Ryan was devoted to his adopted country, grateful for the wealth and fame it awarded his intellect and determination. However, the state-run social programs created in the 1930's increasingly tested that devotion. His experiences in the "worker's paradise" made Ryan despise the ideals of Socialism and Collectivism, as he believed that those who benefited undeservedly from others were "Parasites" (e.g. he considered Roosevelt and his "New Dealers" to be "spoon-feeding" Americans on the "Bolshevik Poison"). In Ryan's philosophy, one could only own what one earned—Ryan himself once owned a large forest as a personal retreat, one that many groups envied (one group told him that it "belonged to God," demanding that he establish a public park there). When the government attempted to nationalize it as parkland, Ryan's response was to burn it to the ground to deny it to the "Parasites".
Rarity gasped, "He burnt down a whole FOREST!?"
Dipper nodded, he then explained how Ryan's response was to use his entire fortune to build Rapture; a community where "the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, where the great would not be constrained by the small," in the only place he felt the "Parasites" could not touch—the depths of the Atlantic Ocean. When Rapture was completed, Ryan filled it with thousands of the world's best and brightest individuals.
the mane five naturally had mixed felling about that. Rarity, Applejack and Dash liked the idea of keeping the fruits of their hard work, Hard work being valued overall or being able to hone their crafts without restriction.
"Well I must admit that I have in the past, purely as an exercise of course, thought up designs that used materials that are frowned upon in polite society. (Pegasus and Griffin feathers, dragon scales, etc) to be able to use such things without fear, letting your creativity run wild. Why, that would be a dream." admitted Rarity with a dreamy expression.
"But...to NOT Help others when they need help...I'm all for people not taking credit for others hard work...but that's just going too far." Admitted Applejack, Dashie and Rarity nodded in agreement.
Pinkie doesn't like it at All. That didn't sound like a fun place and he sounds like he didn't care if anypony had fun as long as 'he' did.
Twilight of course agrees with a lot of it...but point's out several of the gaping holes such a philosophy has. How lack of oversight in anything like the market is a problem waiting to happen. She also can't help but note that a society that promotes self sufficiency- especially one were everyone only does what they want to -could easily lean into promoting selfishness.
-Not to mention such a society would only favor the rich and powerful...what about the people who help keep the society running? There has to be some pony to sweep up." Said Twilight unknowingly para-quoting a mighty villain...who in this universe never got the chance to shine...
Dipper nodded, "In any case, Ryan's original plan was to secretly close after Rapture from the rest of the world and leave it to rot-
"Which succeed, but he was undermined by a manipulative criminal mastermind, who debatably was better at Ryan's own philosophy then him, forcing him to become the very overbearing tyrants he despised and culminating into a civil war that tore his utopia apart!?" Guessed Pinkie Pie.
Dipper looked at her thoughtfully, "Uh...no. When so many influential, famous, and important people vanished from all over the globe- especially during the cold war tension...between Japan and the US(1)- the governments of the world panicked and immediately searched for answers."
"They did?!" Exclaimed Pinkie surprised.
Dipper shrugged, "Well, yeah- Getting suspicious and even worried over the sudden mass disappearance of so many businessmen, artisans, intellectuals, athletes and celebrities...that's just common sense, really.(2)"
Pinkie frowns, "I guess...that make sense...but it just doesn't sound like how it was SUPPOSED to happen." She explained. The girls looked at her confused...while Dipper just looked thoughtful and made a note of what Pinkie said and resolved to get more details from her later in private...
In any case, they found Rapture and tired to force Ryan to either be assimilated into their country or be arrested and have all his work confiscated. Naturally, Ryan choose to fight.
...Between Ryan's better leadership skills, Rapture's better technology, and the logistical nightmares involved in laying siege to a city UNDERWATER...every army that tried to fight them ended up completely broken down. Eventually, the fighting tapperd off...'Officially', they were still fighting...but no one was up for it anymore...and thus Rapture was left alone..."
The mane six were enthralled by Dipper's story telling, not only was he good at it...but he used various props( audio recordings, news-reels, newspaper clippings, etc). For great visual effects.
"Rapture was everything Ryan dreamed it would be: a paradise of freedom and prosperity. From 1946 to 1958, Rapture experienced tremendous economic progress, and solid political stability. As Ryan predicted, citizens in Rapture created a culture of entrepreneurship that was unrivaled, with numerous businesses established and unprecedented scientific advancements, including the discovery of ADAM by Brigid Tenenbaum."
Dipper then began to show the other posters, "Ryan's success inspired others, causing a second coming of 'manifest destiny'. Dozens of would-be-visionaries and radical thinkers declared independence from their own countries and tried to emulate Rapture...most attempts ended in complete disaster...very few gained the same prestige that Rapture did- He points to New Las Vegas, THE UAC MARTIAN BASE...and after some hesitation...Columbia.
"To be clear...I don't believe that a lot of his teachings are practical/moral...but I do believe in his concept's of hardwork, being entitled to what your hard work provides and man striving to find his own destiny...if not for that last concept...I probably would never have gotten back to Equestria- (chuckles) -I guess I indulged in some 'Manifest Destiny myself?"
Dipper let that last bit sink in...naturally most of everyone was just trying to absorb what they'd just learned...except Twilight, who wanted to learn MORE! So as always...Dipper gave her more books...
"Dipper, might I have a word with you?" Dipper turns to see Doctor Whooves enter the room. Dipper greets him and motions for him to continue. "Well, for some reason, everytime I wear my signature long and multi-colored scarf...every human hollers and scream Allons-y at me! Why are they shouting my catchphrase? ...And how'd they know my catchphrase in the first place?"
Dipper sighs, but nods and helps the good doctor toward a TV...and a LONG explanation...and even LONG-ER marathon...
...
"Your job isn't to be nice to them or give them what they want. Your job as a business man is to get as much money from them as possible. What separates you from afar is there handing it to you." Explains Stan as he has his class do a 'lesson' by maintaining the Shack.
Applebloom frowned, "That doesn't sound rig-
"Hey, who's the teacher here? You or me? Do you want an F?"
"NO!" Shouts Applebloom quickly, if she got bad grades Applejack wouldn't let her crusade anymore! "Then quit your yapping and go back to overpricing the merchandise!"
Scootaloo finds the courage to pip up, "Hey Mr Stan...if me and my friends become good enough business ponies...could we get our cutiemarks in that?" She asks excitedly.
Stan looks at her confused, "Cutie-mark? Wha-what is that some kinda disease?"
And so the Crusaders happily explain about Cutie marks and how they were striving to find there's!
The Crusaders waited for the inevitable 'how adorable' or 'good for you'-
"That is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard." Said Stan flatly. The Crusaders eyes popped open surprised, "Wait, what!?" They shouted.
"What, you just bow down to some magical- unknown whatchamacallit, and just blindly obey it?! What if you got yer butt mark for scrubbin' toilets?" The little foals looked at him baffled/horrified. "No I'm serious. What if ya got that tattoo on your thigh for doing something you hated?"
Wait- They don't work that way!" Interjects Applebloom, "It's more of 'when you find out who you are'. The marks come after the fact, they don't suddenly show up and tell you 'your destined to do this'." She explains
Stan shrugs, "Fine. I'll rephrase. What if you got it for doing something your good at, but don't like doing? Would you have to do that thing you hate for the rest of your life even when you'd much rather be doing something else?"
The class just looked at him stunned...
"YOUR OVERTHINKING THIS!" Shouts Pinkie Pie as she randomly pokes her head out from a random place-
CRACK!
-Who a startled Stan immediately(again) punches out of reflex. "I was just shouting random things into the void!" Confesses a sobbing Pinkie as Stan apologizes to her...again.
Stan groans, then turns back to the class. "Look, bottom line: If I ever got a 'mark on my body from 'something'/'someone' I didn't know or understand that told me my destiny...I would do the exact opposite! No one tells Stan Pines what he can and can't do!" He then thinks for a second, "Unless it was a mark shaped like money or a hot babe, that I'd do!" He chuckles.
The foals meanwhile...their brains were basically doing a 'blue screen of death'...NOT obey one's cutie mark? How? Why? What?...
...latter...
"He said what?" Asked Applejack confused, they were currently back on the farm after Applebloom explained what Mr. Pines had said...
"Yeah...kinda...kinda confusing." Admitted a slightly disoriented Applebloom. Applejack was confused as well, she got that humans had no cutie marks...but to actively rebel against destiny? What was that about?
Applejack sighed, "I know I'm gonna regret this...but I guess I'll go get Twilight so we can learn more about this."
As Applejack trotted away, Applebloom remembered the earlier revelations given by Pacifica several days ago.
"Wait, Applejack! Why'd you never told me we were rich- Suddenly Applebloom found her mouth hastily covered by Big mac. Applejack, caught up in her own thoughts. Didn't notice and left the farm-
Applebloom looked at Big Mac confused, "Wha- Ah know that were rich. Granny knows that. Every other apple knows that, and now you know that. But Applejack 'refuses' ta know that!" Says Mac with a very out of character large amount of words.
Granny also steps in the discussion, "That girl just won't get it in her head that were not a cats whisker away from sellin' the farm. If ya tell her about all them other pies the family has their hoof in, why she'd insist on takin' that onto her shoulders as well. The girls a dang good farmer. The best I've seen since my pa. But numbers and actually counting money she can't see in front of her, well that's Big Mac's strength...outside of his strength obviously."
So both of them made a still very confused Applebloom swear not to tell her sister this...
...
"But Mr. Soos why don't you just use REAL cows?" Asked Buttons as he and several other foals were doing 'extra credit' From Stan by letting themselves get painted as cows for a new exhibit at the Mystery Shack.
Soos shrugs, "cows don't look like cows on film. We need ponies." "Well what if you need something that looks like a pony?" Asks Silver Spoon. Soos shrugs again, "we usually just tape a bunch of cats together." He confessed.
Behind him, the mane 6(minus a still absent Fluttershy) went up to the shack. Like Applebloom, Sweetie belle and Scootalloo had told their respective sister- figures about what Stan had said...and their curiosity had naturally spread to the rest of the group. Which of course lead to Dipper...
...
Dipper panted as he briefly got the pentagram he'd surrounded himself to glow. He was about to go for another round...when the door knocked. "Hello? Dipper? Are you in there?" Asked Twilight.
Dipper quickly hide away all the ritual items before answering. The girls quickly gave their queries.
Dipper nodded, "Well, what you have to understand. While ponies seem to love and thrive under authority. Humanity tends to rebel against it. Since the garden of Eden, we've HATED being told what we can and can't do. To have limits placed on us...sounds a bit childish, I know. But I like to think it's helped our development. A stubborn refusal to bow to the whims of the world and tradition, of refusing to give in to what others would call 'impossible'...well, how is that not a good thing? If I hadn't done that...well, we wouldn't even be having this conversation, now would we?"
Applejack just looks at him stunned...before shaking her head, "That's...all well and good Dipper." She concedes reluctantly, "But don't you think-
"Speaking of which, I read a forum about how the guy in the game I'm playing is the poster boy of 'screw destiny'... What dose that mean?" Interrupts Pinkie suddenly.
Twilight looks at he baffled, "What are you talking about Pinkie?"
The guy in the awesome videogame! The kratos guy who you use to hit stuff and make colorful red streamers come out of their body and do quick-time events to help multiple-girls do yoga!" Says the adorably innocent Pinkie Pie.
...Naturally not wanting to crush that innocence, Dipper simply decided to just answer her question
"Yeah I know about all about him. How he smashed, slaughtered and carved his way across the ancient world. Ruining countless lives in the name of revenge." He Turns to Pinkie. "Those games you played, God of War? That game is almost completely accurate to the myths."
Pinkie GASPS! "You mean people back then had health bars and quicktime events!?"
Dipper just looked at her blankly "...I did say almost. Back in ancient times, 'heros' weren't the likes you see in comic books or modern stories. Hero was a nominal term that could go to anyone who could swing a sword well enough, and was only 'good' by virtue of being less evil than the ones they fought against- int his case the Greek pantheon"
Applejack frowned, "wait...how could he be a hero...AND evil?" Such terms were completely contradictory!...weren't they?
Dipper shrugged, "He wasn't exactly evil either Applejack. The Greek gods were, as a TV show once put it 'petty and cruel'. They'd curse mortals horribly for the slightest offense. They'd curse you for being better at anything than them. Wipe out civilizations in the equivalent of a tantrum. For breaking rules they old no one about. And in one case cursed a woman to be a snake monster with a cockatrice's stone stare because she dared to be beautiful and was- Dipper hesitated on how to word this -'attacked' in one of their temples."
Rarity gaped, "But, but, but by the sound of it that wasn't her fault!"
Dipper sighed, "The gods in those stories didn't care. Mortals were things to them. If Medusa had been assaulted outside her temple the goddess wouldn't have done anything. Like I said. Kratos was horrible, but the Greek Gods were a league above him."
Pinkie frowned, "Wait...if Kratos was so bad...why is he so popular?"(3)
Dipper shrugged, "One reason is that after Krato's quest for vengeance completely destroyed ancient Greece and threw it into an anarchy...a Young Alexander took advantage and conquered the known world, out of gratitude. He made Kratos the patron god of the new Greek Empire. But more importantly, although everyone (including me) sees him as a monster...we admire how a mortal man defied fate, killed the supposedly invincible gods and ascended to godhood."
Twilght frowned, her head- like her friends - was swimming, frantically trying to make sense of all that that they were hearing. "That's interesting...but what dose this have to do with you not liking cutie marks?"
Dipper sighed, he'd been hoping to NEVER bring this up: "look don't get me wrong, I'm glad your happy with your life...but doesn't it bother you at all? That you know nothing about where cutie marks come from? How their picked, and all that. Doesn't it bother you at all that your leaving your destiny into the hands of some unknown force you know nothing about? I mean, how do you know whatever gave your marks has your best interests at heart or know what it's doing?
He left this question in the air...his pony friends...were stunned...
Pinkie opened and closed her mouth several times, "...I...well...I mean...okay, I don't like this question anymore..." She admitted uncomfortably.
Dashie just rubbed her head annoyed. "I- You- What is with you humans and overthinking everything!? It's...REALLY bumbing me out!"
Applejack nodded, "Yeah! What is wrong with you humans? Why can't you just be happy for the good fortune that lies in front of you?! I mean if you got like a...journal cutie mark...or scienc-ie, explory cutie mark...wouldn't you be happy?"
Dipper glared, "No, I'd immediately quarantine myself from my friends and loved ones and experiment on myself to make sure I wasn't bombed, cursed, or anything else that could kill anyone I care about.
The mane six have no idea how to respond...
Rarity coughed nervously, "Um...you don't really trust people...do you Dipper?" She said in a nervous joke.
Dipper sighed, "No...but I DO trust you guys." He says reassuringly
Twilight found her voice again, "...Well...then won't you trust us about Cutie marks being safe?" She asked in a pleading voice.
Dipper groaned, "First of all Twilight, trusting you and trusting a strange otherworldly force that neither of us know about or two different things-
"They are?" Asked Pinkie confused.
Dashie rubbed her head as another headache appeared, "Why? Why must you make things so complicated!?" Twilight, meanwhile dips her head down sadly.
-that being said, between my trust in you and the fact I've not seen anything to suggest anything but benevolent intent...I am willing to give it the benefit of a doubt." Finished Dipper with a smile that immediately perks Twilight up.
Dipper then turns to Dashie, "While your here...I think we should talk about your coaching techniques, your students are threatening to sue you for all their medical bills."
Dashie groaned, "Oh, come on! Manly Dan likes my classes!"
...meanwhile...
"A punching bag that fights back? I LOVE IT!" Shouts Manly Dan as he punches some more Storm clouds...
...
...latter that night...Twilight can't sleep. She stares at the ceiling...question- that she was sure that if Dipper had never brought up...she would've NEVER considered -tormenting her.
"Where DO cutie marks come from?" She asked finally. Not knowing what else to do... Twilight(once again) writes a letter to Celestia asking for help in the matter...and her concerns over the points Dipper made...
...
Celestia let out a sigh she felt that she'd been holding in for centuries.
It has been a long time since she thought along the same Lines. When she first got her cutie mark she'd been happy. Rising and setting the sun had been in order to do and everyone around her looks so happy to see you do it...
Yet it soon reached the point where she realized ponies were expecting her to do it. It wasn't something they all shared a duty in...no no, it was hard, Sharp and her job alone to move the sun. If another Pony came along with a sun Mark then maybe they could do it, but since none came it was exclusively her job.
A pony with an apple Mark worked with apples. A pony with a music mark was in some way musical. That was the way it worked. Dipper had been right that a mark could be interpreted any number of ways. But if a unicorns cutie mark was a baseball, no pony as going to let them teach spell theory at Canterlot academy no matter how smart they were, because no one would take them seriously as anything but a p.e teacher.
She knew that pony's on a whole were happy knowing their talents and destiny's...but she admitted she felt uncomfortable at the idea of some unknown force forcing it upon them and slotting everyone into place like a jigsaw. Where everyone 'needs' to be instead of where they 'choose', 'truly' choose to be.
This isn't something she would have considered before. Before the humans and their utter hatred of the ideas of fate and destiny. Or the horrifying notions of lack of freedom and the train of thought that choice didn't truly exist.
Horrifying...but perhaps a long awaited as needed kick in the plot. Humans didn't just accept 'because' as an answer. Cutie marks had been little studied as a magic branch since Starswirl(come to think of it...after his disappearance...Cutie marks became MORE common...before, they only appeared on the most exceptional and most powerful of ponies who'd committed great deeds...huh, something to look into as well), they merely were and ponies accepted. If a pony came along with anymore understanding of how one worked then what they taught in a single lesson in school, they would be quite unprepared.
...That changes now...Literally now...She was a princess after all.
And like that...she began to write letters to the most learned minds in Equestria...fortunately most of them were all currently staying in Ponyville or Gravity Falls...
...
"And that's how you guys can use magic to grow facial hair!" Many people(mostly the boys) applauded Twilight and Dipper's demonstration. Dipper smiled at Twilight, "You see Twilight? You and I might be happy to learn for the sake of learning. But others...you need to take a different approach."
Twilight had to fight back a bit of a blush when he smiled at her, "Uh...thank you Dipper. I appreciate it." Dipper nodded, "Right let's wrap this lesson up, we don't want to be late for Fluttershy's surprise!"
...
Fluttershy took a small peek from behind the curtains...seeing all the people there...once more she froze up and whimpered...and then a comforting hand came on her should. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to." Said Dipper in a reassuring way.
Fluttershy flustered at this...as she remembered how Dipper comforted her...
...a couple days ago...
Fluttershy whimpered and sobbed as Dipper held her tight, "It...it was all so horrible! For THAT to happen! Right after...with the stage and the singing...and everyone staring at me! They must think I'm such a weirdo!"
"Fluttershy! Don't say that! If anything...I'm the weirdo...everyday I'm thankful that someone as amazing as you let's me be their friend..."
Fluttershy just looks at him amazed...and like that...the background music begins...Dipper sighs...but rolls with it as the inevitable heartsong begins...
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
Oh, oh
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Fluttershy just looks at him stunned...and gives him a big hug...
...
Fluttershy shakes her head, suddenly more determined. "No...it's fine. Just...you'll stay with me?" Dipper smirks, "Always." And together...they go out on the stage...and as one sing their heart out to an appreciative crowd...
...
Fluttershy, desperate to get away from the adoring crowd, wanders off to get a drink from one of those new 'Northwest vending machines' to get a drink. "Affordable snacks and drinks in public areas...what an age to live in." Thought Fluttershy as she received her drink, as she gulped she thought about the girls offer of her singing more often.
"Hmmm...ordinarily I'd be frightened...but if Dipper was at my side- Fluttershy felt her cheeks redden while thinking her friends name -I...I don't think I'd mind."
She takes another swig as Blubs and Durland walk by, "Gotta say...I'm glad that Jellybean guy is dead...Dang, he was creepy!" Durland nodded as he closed the autopsy report...oblivious that a single paper and photo had fallen out...and landed by Fluttershy's hooves.
Fluttershy did a spit-take! It was him! The man that attacked her in the restroom after she ran from the stage! The REAL reason it took her so long to recover!
"I...but...how...Wait...Dipper...Dipper said he'd...'take care of it'...could...could it be...could he- Then she saw the paper...clearly stating that the cause of death was natural causes through a heart attack.
The young Mare let out a sigh of relief, "What was I thinking? As if Dipper would ever hurt a fly! (heh, heh.) I can be so silly sometimes." And thus she tosses the paper behind her back without a second thought...the paper flipped over mid-air and landed in a nearby outdoor grill...the last thing to burn up was a sticky note on the back that Fluttershy hadn't seen-
Man had a reliable computerized pacemaker...was it hacked?
...meanwhile...
"Welcome class to Mable's guide to tea-parties! I- Wait, where you going? Come back!" Shouts Mable as all the fillies and colts just roll their eyes and walk out of her class...again.
Mable...felt tears well up...She briefly considered Dipper's option to help her like he helped Rainbow and Twilight. "NO! Dipper's the expert on nerd things! I'M THE EXPERT ON UNICORNS! HE HATED UNICORNS UNTIL HE CAME HERE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" She shouted stubbornly as she stormed off...
Mable class
...
TO BE CONTINUED?
1: Yeah, no cold war in this AU..more a pacific war where The Japanese Empire survived...but who cares?
2: ...I know the designers were just too busy focusing on making the game good to consider it...but come on, in real life...there would've been a mass-manhunt for Ryan and all the people he convinced to go with him.
3: In this AU Kratos replaced Hercules on earth as the 'most popular demi-god', even getting his own Disney movie!
AN: the above is a parody of 'Springfield's anthem' from the Simpsons Movie
AN: The above song is 'Creep' by 'Radiohead'
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me