Friendship-ISN'T magic? ch. 15
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
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ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publishing company. It's also now available at Amazon and BarnesandNoble
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AN: this chapter was collaborated with wolvenstrom
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Dipper turns to his class- a mixture of Foals and adults - "Now remember people, 'self-defense' isn't some fancy dance or something used to make you look 'cool'...it's a life-or-death struggle. If possible, just hit them, yell and run- preferably toward a crowded area."
"...but that sounds boring...and cowardly. I'm no chicken, I want to fight like a hero!" Shouts Sweetiebelle, as her crusader friends nodded.
Dipper glared down at her, "Oh, sure. 'She ran into battle like an idiot, but she died a COOL hero!' Yeah, that'll be a GREAT comfort to your friends and family as their crying over your corpse!" He spat at her angrily.
Sweetie gasped at this...and sobbed. Diamond Tiara was about to make some snide remarks- But they died in her throat with one nasty look from Dipper.
He hugs Sweetie, "I'm sorry that I had to yell at you...but your a good kid with a great future ahead of her...and if I have to ruin your day to make sure you live a long and happy life with your friends and family...then I'm going to keep doing it...do you understand?"
Sweetie sniffs...but nods..."I think so." Indeed Dipper NEVER BS'd the crusaders about important things- unlike most adults -he gave them the cold hard facts...always being tough...but fair...no matter how much it hurt...
Steeling herself for Dipper's next lesson, they quickly patched things up and went to work, "Next lesson...the difference between a protagonist and a hero...no offense to your sisters- their awesome at being heroes- ...but I'd rather recommend being a protagonist...they live longer..."
...latter...
You wanted to see me Rarity?" Asked Dipper as he entered her Boutique. "Er...yes...were kinda concerned about the...'assignments' you've been assigning to Sweetie and her friends." Said Rarity awkwardly...
...SEVERAL DAYS AGO...
"AH!" (STATIC) "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" (STATIC) "JUST ROW!" "!YNITSED RUOY RETNE !nerdlihc ,htuom ym retnE" Shouts the giant floating head as it chased the Crusaders rowboat...
...Several MORE days ago...
The dozen or so alien fish inside 'Lefty' gasp as the Crusaders stared at them, "We're blown, shut it down! Shut it down!" "The time has come!" The time has come, brother!" "I can't! I have a family!" "You signed the oath!"
Sweetie quickly used her magic to levitate the fish that was refusing to swallow away from the robot before it self-destructed.
"Wow, that was crazy! ...Did those rocks they swallowed teleport them far away as they were falling unconscious?" Asked Applebloom.
The tiny fish guy looked at the three innocent fillies. "Uh...sure...let's go worth that." He said simply...
...Even MORE days ago...
All three of the Crusaders looked at the smoking crater that once had the All-knowing Mailbox in the middle of no-where.
"...In hindsight, we shouldn't have let Pinkie Pie use it." Admitted Applebloom to the Camera between coughing out soot.
...
"What's wrong with that? They solved the giant heads marital problems, made contact with an alien race, and learned how to turn water to wine. I thought you'd be proud...especially considering that's only the tip of the iceberg of all they've accomplished recently." Stated Dipper.
"Yes about that...don't you think your giving them too many assignments? More importantly...DANGEROUS assignments?"
Dipper sighed, "Rarity, these are all OPTIONAL extra credit assignments...I'm not forcing them to do them. Shoot, the first one was more of a joke then anything...the Crusaders are literally the only one's doing this...I'm so proud of them...why can't you be?"
Rarity frowned unsure, "Riiiiight...well, maybe you have a point there...but another thing...don't you think your...straying a BIT from your classes curriculum?" She said in the most delicate way possible...
...Earlier that week...
The rest of the class- minus the crusaders who were too busy taking diligent notes - stayed far away from the cage, where the monster Dipper found in the - increasingly even more scarier then even Everfree Forest -Gravity Falls forest was snarling and thrashing.
"Your basic Arachnid Warrior isn't too smart. But you can blow off a limb-
BANG!
SPLAT!
GAH! I GOT IT'S BLOOD ALL OVER ME!
-And it's still 86% combat effective. So here's a tip: Aim for the nerve stem, and put it down for good-
BANG!
The rest of the class panicked...but the curious and amazed crusaders simply kept watching and taking notes...
...
"What? I'm teaching self-defense. Your really going to tell me that learning to defend yourself against the monsters that lie in the woods ISN'T a good idea?"
Rarity sighed, she knew that Dipper was right...it's just...ponies just didn't like to think about 'dangerous' things, they'd rather focus on being happy...that's what made them ponies really. After the whole thing with Nightmare Moon they LITERALLY hadn't given her or the Elements of Harmony a second thought. In fact...Rarity was actually glad that Celestia took the elements for safekeeping...give her her fashion and high-society over life or death situations any day!
But these humans...they seemed to like to focus on such matters almost exclusively! It boggled the mind!
"In any case, I've been meaning to talk to you. I have some ideas for dresses-
Dipper immediately had Rarity's full attention, although Dipper had made it clear that he wasn't really 'into' fashion. He'd learned a lot of it for her sake, more importantly he'd been great for bouncing ideas off! Such out of the box thinking...it was so very 'Avant Garde!'
"I was thinking- and try not to take this the wrong way -I can't help but feel your not taking full advantage of the fact you have magic in regards to your fashion."
"Why whatever do you mean darling? I use it to do the work of twenty mares in half the time!" She states confused while levitating everything in her workshop to emphasize her point.
Dipper nods, "Don't get me wrong...that's a good start. But I was thinking of something MORE." He pulls out the personal journal(distinguishable from the one he found in Gravity Falls thanks to the pine tree on the cover) that filled with ideas in the four years he'd been away of what he'd do when he got back to his friends. He quickly turned to a specific page.
"What's that?" Asks Rarity as she interrupts Dipper and points to something in his journal. "Wha- Oh, that's the periodic table, it lists the scientific elements-
"Huh...why do I feel like I've seen that before?" Thinks Rarity...these thoughts are derailed when Dipper gets to the page he wanted-
"You want me to use magic to weave FIRE into the fabric!?" She exclaims in disbelief. It was insane! Crazy!...and yet...COULD it be done?
...she'd have to consult Twilight...but if Dipper was right...she'd go down in history as the most daring fashionista EVER!...and that wasn't even his only idea!
"Oh, thank you darling!" She gives Dipper a light peck on the cheek...much to his...enjoyment...
...
The Cutie mark Crusaders and their classmates climbed into Thompsons car as they went on yet another of Wendy's 'classes'. "Still can't believe your getting paid for this." Admitted Tambry in both jealousy/amazement as she steps aside to let Bon-Bon and Lyra inside.
Wendy shrugged, "Hey Celestia is more busy with her country then anything, all the dancing is a completely legit P.E. activity -trust me, I checked- and really as long as one of my classmates learn one thing about friendship each week...Wendy smirks evilly..."Well, she can't pull my funding without breaking her own law OR pulling Twilight's funding as well-
...meanwhile...
Celestia banged her head on her throne, "HOW!? How could a law I put in place to promote FRIENDSHIP possibly have come back to bite me in the flank!?" She cried out in bewilderment as she looked once more at the 100,000$ bill -that she would now have to LEGALLY by obligated to PAY!- For Mr. Pines 'expenses' for teaching CHILDREN how to 'Burglebeezle'...again, completely legal for him to ask for it since one of the colts wrote a friendship report about making friends with a local pick-pocket scallywag that Stan brought in for 'practice'.
And Celestia couldn't even RENOUNCE the law that stated that the only requirement for such 'projects' of hers was one lesson in friendship per week! Not without leaving Twilight penniless!(in hindsight, she should've made time to teach Twilight personal finance... instead of just paying for everything she needed).
Not knowing what else to do...her sister simply hugged her saying 'there, there'.
...
Wendy gives all the cute foals some snacks and drinks...then noticed that Scootaloo seemed down, "Hey, buddy. What's wrong? She asked concerned
Scootalo groans, "I'm sick and tired of Ms. Mable 'classes', she treats us like were brain dead babies! Who only think of giggling, tea parties, playing dolls, and braiding our mane's!"
Soos turns to Scotaloo, "To be fair, a lot of people still think that. I personally blame the unfair and biased portrayal of equestrian-sapiens in our media as being representatives of femininity."
Scootaloo gives Soos a weird look, "Have you been talking to Sweetie Soos? Also, when did you get here?"
"He said that the human world stories has ponies being considered super girly!" Interrupted Sweetie suddenly.
Soos nodded, "Bingo. Mable's like crazy unic...pega...non specific pony mad. She's like, hardwired to think of you as she's always seen in books and on TV. You need to show her that your just like, regular dudes and dudettes with interesting backstories and interests beyond being pink, fluffy and dancing on rainbows."
...
Smash cut to Pinkie wearing a party hat as a unicorn and doing just that...
Rainbow Dash just looks at all this baffled, "You spent all those bits on a portable Rainbow Machine so you could do...this?"
Pinkie Pie smiled with closed eyes, "I thought if I did it long enough, it would get played out and the song would leave my head Heeheehee."
Pinkie's eyes crack open, suddenly in Rainbow Dashes face, and her voice suddenly very scary and legion (multi layered) like. "It hasn't." She stated simply.
Cut back to Pinkie continuing to dance on the rainbow... Rainbow Dash fly's back slowly...
...
"To answer your other question: Stan sent me to see what 'friendship report' your using to justify your 'class' today to make sure he doesn't write the same thing." Explained Soos... "Also, if you could give me an idea for one so I can justify the expense of all those computers I burnt out-
"I told you not to fix that toaster man, you stink at that." Said Wendy with a shrug, but she whispers an idea to him anyway...and then tries to think of one for herself.
"Right...think bogus after school special...OH! I know! 'Dear Princess Celestia...today we learned that it's important to step back and do what our FRIENDS want, not what we want. That way everyone feels happy, special, appreciated and we get to experience something new and wonderful!'" Said Wendy in her most sickeningly sweet mocking voice.
The other teens all laughed at that. Applebloom frowns at that...she's about to protest when-
"Hey Applebloom, where do you want to go? As my FRIEND, I'm letting you decide the destination tonight." Said Wendy suddenly in sincere good humor. Suddenly, all thoughts of protest vanish from the little filly, this was a golden opportunity!
"Well...me and the crusaders had a theory we wanted to- "Is there food and entertainment there?" Interrupted Robbie suddenly, Applebloom considered this for a second... "I think so, but the most important thing to focus on is-
"Don't care! Food and entertainment! Good enough for me!" Interrupts Robbie, the teens heartily agree and they quickly stow the foals inside the car before Applebloom can say anything else.
The Crusaders tries to buckle up- "ep! What are you doing? Take a load off sweetie! In Wendy's class the only rules are there are no rules, live life like it was a party, and who cares if the rules aren't consistent?" Said Wendy with a chuckle
The crusaders looked at her astonished...but slowly they did as she asked and unbuckled... "Whoa...I feel like such a rebel." Chuckled Scootalo.
Wendy nodded, "Stick with me kids, let's see what more rules we can break! Now let's hit this city!" Shouts Wendy as she guns the motor.
"WOO-HOO!" Shouts everyone in the car as they tore out of the school parking lot-
BANG!
OW!
Cried the crusaders as the sudden pothole caused them to slam their heads against the dashboard, "GAH! GUYS! ARE YOU OKAY!?" Shouts Wendy and the other teens concerned. The Crusaders try to stay tough...but they can't help but cry a little.
"Okay, forget what I said a moment ago! I was an idiot! Everyone put on their seatbelts! NOW!" Demands Wendy in panic/concern. Everyone quickly obliges as the teens quickly fuss over the crusaders to make sure they're alright.
Robbie is half-way through getting a medical kit, when he pauses. "Wait...I'm showing compassion and concern...for little kids?...is this what being a parent feels like?"
Wendy frowns..."Uh...I guess so?" She asked in amazed realization.
Robbie frowns, "Wow...I owe my parents SOOOO many apologies...this sucks." He groused...
While everyone did this and that...Sweetie can't help but remember earlier when she talked about her concerns about Mable's 'class' with her sister Rarity and her friends...
"I wonder what happened with tha- Eh, it probably went fine..." Thought Sweetie Dismissively as the teens were finally satisfied they were fine and started up the trip again...to the 'Dusk 2 Dawn'...
...
Meanwhile, Applejack wiped the sweat off her brow. "Whew! It took me 8 hours...but I'm FINALLY nearly done!" Thinks Applejack as he looks over the large order of apples she single-hoofidly bucked and harvested.
With only a couple more barrels left to make the shipment complete, Applejack decides to take a brief apple fritter brake. She briefly thinks to the whole 'Mable' situation...no two ways about it...those siblings were as different as night and day! When the crusaders had come to them for help, they'd already had concerns of their own... constantly chasing foals- true, she no longer set people on fire, but she should know better then to think other foals wouldn't still be scared of her because of that! - for hugs, treating ponies like infants, licking their necks- seriously, who did that!?
In any case her uncle- Who Applejack was beginning to have a VERY low opinion of -was doing NOTHING to curb her behavior! If anything...he seemed to encourage it! He even seemed to give more chores to Dipper then Mable!
"Now hold on their Applejack...whatever he's doing...it's clearly an internal-family issue, AND he's the elder of his family...you gotta respect that he knows what he's doing in concerns of his family- not anything else though, man was clearly a con-artist! After all, how many times have you heard people ridicule Granny Smith's 'technique' on getting Zap-Apple's harvested? Only for her to get the last laugh everytime!?"
Applejack nodded to herself happily. In any case, The mane Six had finally decided to do something about it. They'd sent a letter to Mable -under the guise of asking for a 'Teacher-Sister Conference' -to finally talk to her about their concerns. This week was pretty hectic, so they'd asked her to schedule it for next week-
SLURP!
GAH!
Cried out a startled Applejack as something wet and unsavory slapped her neck, "HELLO!" Shouts Mable in her ear, having licked her neck and savoring the taste of apple.
"What in tarnatio- Mable, what on earth are you doing here?!" Demands Applejack. "Why I'm here to meet with you, like you said in the letter!" Applejack looks at her baffled, "Wha- Mable didn't you read the part where this week was no good?"
"Yes, but that's silly! This week is perfect for me! I have nothing but time for my pony friends!" Exclaims Mable in a way that was meant to be reassuring.
Applejack hoof-palmed her face in disbelief, "Mable, we meant this week wouldn't be a good time for US to- She shook her head mid-sentence, "You know what? Never mind, it's actually a good time. I'm nearly done with my chores. You just wait here 5 minutes and I should be-
But Mable wasn't there anymore, "Wait, where did she-
"BEEP! BEEP! Hey Applejack I'm a cowgirl too!" Applejack turns around and sees Mable fooling around with the tractor. "Mable, get down from there! We just bought that tractor, it's still in gear and it was a heap expensive!" Shouts Applejack as she gallops toward her.
But Mable wasn't paying attention...she was distracted by the shiny thing. "Cool! What's this do?" Asks Mable as she strokes the ignition. "NOW DON'T YOU MESS WITH THAT YOUNG LADY!" Shouts Applejack frantically as she tries to jump at her.
Mable see's this, starts the ignition and screams out of there! "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN SUCKER!" Shouts an ever playful Mable...right as she smashes through the trees!
"GAH! OUR CROP!" Screams Applejack as she chases after her! "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!" Laughs Mable as she knocks over the water tower. "SLOW DOWN YOU MANIAC!" Shouted Applejack as she watches in horror as whole swathes of the orchard is knocked down...and then right in her path...all the apple baskets that Applejack painstakingly collected the entire day-
"NO! NOT OUR SHIPMENT! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOU-
SPLAT!
Applejack didn't notice an oblivious Mable's laughing...or her smashing down the gate and driving into town...all she saw was the ruin of all her hardwork...and the feel of her teeth grinding together in rage...
...
"A haunted convenience store? Uh...I don't know." Asked Wendy conflicted, under different circumstances she'd probably have just laughed that old urban legend off...under the current circumstances that sees her in a magical fantasy land with talking, magical ponies? Not so much... "Were trying to test if Pinkie's 'laughing' technique will work on Earth ghosts." Explained Applebloom. "And maybe get our ghost busting Cutiemarks!" Shouts Scootaloo excitedly. "CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS FOREVER!" They shout as they run on in excited.
"What!? NO! Guys, come back! It's too dangerous- Oh, wow. I'm REALLY seeing things through my dad's eye's here...this trip sucks." She groans as she both runs after them and calls Dipper for backup.
...
Rarity had...MIXED feelings seeing Mable drop in so suddenly- especially when she licked her neck without warning - "I can't believe we haven't hung out before!" Exclaimed Mable happily, "I guess I was too busy trying to hug those cute fillies- WOW, THEIR SO CUTE! -Anyway, so your a pony who likes fashion? I like fashion! We already have so much in common! Were going to be great friends I know it! Not surprising really; if Dipper was able to be friends with you, then they'll have to come up with a whole new word for how close will be!" Shouts Mable, energetically and without stop as she bounces all over the place.
Rarity was a bit overwhelmed, but fortunately she was...SOMEWHAT used to it thanks to Pinkie...although- "Wait, what was that last thing with Dipper?" Asked Rarity suddenly.
And then Mable went on another little happy hyperactive vent about how if her nerdy 'Bro-Bro' could get so many ponies as his friend, she the pony 'expert' would have no trouble!
Rarity frowned at that, "First of all, I think your being rather unfair to your brother. He's been doing quite well for himself, and when the chips are down I know I can rely on him. Second, concerning your so-called 'expertise' I can't help but comment-
Suddenly her front door popped open as a random pony popped his head in, "Rarity! Come quick! A couple minutes ago some crazy smashed up main street with a tractor! We need all the help we can get!"
Neither noticed Mable trying to play innocent as he mentioned the 'crazy', Rarity turned to Mable. "Alright Mable, I need to help with this... can you do me a huge favor? I have a huge order I need to finish for one of my most important clients- She quickly uses her magic to levitate a pen and paper to write instructions -I've gotten most of the 'heavy lifting' taken care of already, so if you follow these instructions you SHOULD have it done before I get back."
Rarity was actually glad to be away from Mable to be honest...she couldn't quite put her finger on it...but there was something oddly familiar about Mable...like from a dream...or nightmare...
Mable just nodded as Rarity left, she then skipped to Rarity's room. "Oh, I wonder who she's making the dresses for? Maybe it's for a fairy! Or a princess! Or a fairy princess... in SPACE!" Shouts Mable excitedly as she throws open the door...and sees a hundred cardigans?
"Wait, what?! What is this? where's the gowns, dresses and novelty sweaters?!" Demanded Mable confused. "This is boring and nerdy!...I know! I'll help make them awesome again!" She shouted confidently as she tossed the instructions aside to do her own thing. "Rarity is going to be so surprised that I help her!"
...1 hour later...
Oh, she was surprised alright. After FINALLY clearing up the wreckage, she found a note on her door, 'Dear Rarity; ran out of glitter. Went out to get more. Love Mable!'
"What? Why on earth would she need glitter for all those Cardigans I'm making for the Teachers union ball?" She opened the door, "My instructions clearly said-
She turned deathly pale...her order...her order was ruined! It was like a hyperactive 5-year-old had ripped everything to pieces, sown them back together at random, colored them in with markers, and dumped fifty tons of glitter and glue on it all!
Rarity glared and ground her teeth together, say what you will about Pinkie Pie...at least she never ruined anything that was important to her! "Dipper, sweetie...your very important to me...but I think I might just leave you as an only child tonight!" She shouts to herself angrily!
...
NO!
Shrieks PA ghost at Dipper as he negatively comments on putting on the Lamby suite, "Now dear don't be like that!" Chastised his ghost wife, "It's always nice for young men to want to be treated with responsibility...it's certainly better than the disrespectful brats who never want to grow up and have 'any' of it at all." To this her husband could only nod.
...
"-Dear Princess Celestia, I'm concerned about the current situation with the ecosystem around Ponyville. It was bad enough that the more vicious 'normal' Earth animals were hurting and pushing out Equestrian animals from their habitats- Fluttershy pauses her dictation to Angel to look toward her increasingly full ward of injured animals -But now even more dangerous 'stranger' earth creatures like 'Hawktopus', 'Scampfires', 'gnomes' and 'barf faries' are starting to make their way out of the Gravity Fall forest...my attempts to talk to them have had mixed results...when they weren't trying to kidnap, burn or barf on me...they told me they felt 'something' that made them abandon their homes and habitats deep within the woods to head out into Equestria. Further details are sketchy, I'll probably need to ask Dipper for more details on the woods. But on a broader scope I feel that-
BOOM!
Fluttershy let out a frightened squeak as a large noise outside sent her scurrying under her chair to hide, she looks over cautiously at the front door to see a small puddle form beneath it. she silently tiptoes to the door and slowly opens it...she's surprised to see most of her front yard flooded...and Mable flopping around like a fish!?
Mable jumped up suddenly, "WOO-HOO! Thanks for the horsie ride Rainbow Dash!...Rainbow Dash?" Mable looks around confused, then shrugs. "Eh, I'll thank her latter then..."
...
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash- currently smashed into the side of Twilight's now flooded library...was using some very colorful words to describe Mable...and Twilight...although she abstained from using such words herself...did nothing to correct Dashie of such behavior as she TRIED to salvage her precious book as half of Ponyville flooded...while also grinding her teeth in increasing fury...
...
She then sees Fluttershy, "FLUTTERSHY! KAWAII!" She shrieks as she runs forward to give her a hug-
"EEP!" Screams Fluttershy as she tries to shut the door- CRASH! ...only for an eager Mable to smash through and hug her. "OHMY!OHMY!YOURTHECUTESTTHINGEVER!IWANTTOJUSTSQUEEZEANDHUGYOUFOREVER!THISISSOAMAZING!DIDIMENTIONYOURCUTE!?..."
Fluttershy began to turn blue. "Mable- GASP! -Lungs- PANT! -Difficulty- WHEEZE! -Breathe!"
Then Mable saw the animals, "And you have petting zoo too?! HOORAY!" She shouts as she drops Fluttershy and runs toward the animals. Fluttershy desperately tries to catch her breath and warn Mable at the same time- "Uh- No, please- The animals have been through a lot lately, so if you don't mind. Could you kindly-
But Mable ignored her, she hugged and petted the animals-
ROAR!
Which- as Fluttershy was trying to tell her -wasn't the best idea in their frazzled state, they all began to panic not only further injuring themselves-
SMASH!
-But also destroying all of Fluttershy's cherished worldly possessions-
CRASH!
-and then her wall...allowing them all to escape and stampede through an already damaged Ponyville...and causing Fluttershy's house to collapse...
Fluttershy's eye twitched, while Angel starts to break off the top of his carrot and point the jagged edge threateningly at Mable. Mable- ever oblivious, kept rambling on. "YIKES! Look at this place- Heh, good thing you can just magic the place fixed or you'd REALLY be in trouble!" She said in a happily dismissive way.
Fluttershy felt her teeth beginning to grind, "I'm a PEGASUS." She corrected irritably. But Mable, of course was too busy in her own little world to hear. "So what do you want to do now?! Have a tea party?! Braid each others hair!? Make arts and crafts! Pick flowers! I have a whole list of things I've wanted to do with ponies since I was little-
OH WILL YOU JUST SHUT. THE BUCK. UP!
And lo did the world of Ponies darken ever so slightly that day, as the element of kindness created the first ponified human swear...Mable gasped at this profanity.
"Wha...How could you- Ponies can't swear! Their ponies!"
"Not only is that NOT true...your about to get a heap load of evidence to prove it!" Shouts a voice behind her, Mable turns around to see 4 ANGRY ponies walk up to her.
An oblivious Mable simply squeed at the sight of more ponies, "Hooray! So glad to see you all again! Great timing too! I think something's wrong with Fluttershy, she's not happy anymore! Oh, and before I forget. Thanks for giving me that piggyback ride Rainbow Dash! It was fu-
Suddenly she had an angry Rainbow Dash all up in her face. "FIRST of all, there was no 'piggyback ride'! There was just you jumping on my back- MID-FLIGHT -like a crazy person! Licking my neck and messing up my flight pattern! SECOND you messed up said flight pattern in the middle of a complicated maneuver meant to stop yet another storm spewed out by the Gravity Falls forest! A MANEUVER YOU MADE ME MESS UP AND FLOOD HALF OF PONYVILLE!"
"AND MY LIBRARY!" Adds Twilight.
"Don't forget my farm! You ruined our shipment, our orchard and our tractor!" Adds Applejack enraged.
"Let's not forget my clothing! What am I supposed to tell my client!?" Exclaimed a hysterical Rarity.
Mable...Mable was baffled...what was going on? This-this was...why were ponies being mean to her? "I...I don't understand...why can't you just use your magic to fix everything?" She asked in genuine baffled confusion.
"WE ARE NOT BUCKING UNICORNS!"
Shouted three of the five gathered ponies angrily causing a shocked and hurt Mable to land on her butt. Before she could recover-
"And even if they were unicorns, WE HAVE LIMITS! Our powers aren't just a magic wand that you can wave around to fix all your problems! IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THEN THAT!" Screams Twilight.
"It...it is?" Whimpered Mable, suddenly VERY self-aware that she might have actual honest to goodness CONSEQUENCES to her actions for once in her life-
YES!
They all shouted at once, Desperate to salvage the situation...Mable once more put her foot in her mouth. She hesitantly points to Rarity, "B-but, why are you mad? I fixed your clothes! They were all nerdy-
"THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE NERDY! THAT WAS EXACTLY HOW MY CLIENT CUSTOM ORDERED THEM!"
Mable just looked at her baffled, "Wha- but why would you make something so un-cute? I-
Rarity slapped her forehead angrily. "Oh, for the love of- Did you really think I just woke up one day and decided to be a fashionista and suddenly I had my own successful store? Do you have any idea how much work I had to do to even get my boutique in the first place? Let alone start to make a profit?! I don't nave the luxury to pick and choose my clients! Do I like making clothes like that? Of course not! But when your the adult of the household you have to make sacrifices to put food on the table!"
Mable frowned at this uncomprehending, "I...what?" This didn't line up with the tales and songs at all!
Rainbow Dash screamed; "We are 'NOT' FOALS! We are 'NOT' characters out of a preschool book who can spend all day playing dress up and picking flowers and eating cake!"
Mabel points to Pinkie Pie who happened to be waking by... Who glares at her. Pulls out a head of lettuce and takes a big bite out of it...and then vanishes as mysteriously as she came...
Applejack continued, "We are practically adults! With jobs! And responsibilities and more than two emotions! Stop treating us all like we should still be sucking our hooves!"
Mable was getting very close to hyperventilating as all her dreams and fantasies started to crash and burn all around her, she chuckled nervously. "C-come on guys...were all friends here..."
What Twilight then said would ring throughout the archives of Equestrian history, forever. "BUCK FRIENDSHIP, WE WILL NEVER CALL YOU FRIEND, LEAVE US ALONE." She said darkly.
Her friends gaped at her in disbelief, Twilight's legs felt like jelly, indeed many miles away- for a brief moment a startled Celestia would find herself briefly losing control of the sun as a fundamental structure of this world was VIOLATED, thus throwing it's functions briefly out of whack.
Mable noticed none of this, she was too busy running away in tears. Once she was gone, Twilight...realizing what she just said...began to hyperventilate! "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO PRINCESS CELESTIA!?" Shouted a panicked Twilight While her friends comforted her.
Pinkie Pie popped in briefly to vomit, "Yeah, I only ate that to make a point...but it was still terrible!" Without another word...she trotted after Mable...
...
Dipper let out a sigh of relief as they all left the store, "Seriously girls, we talked about this...never split up from the group! Don't just ASSUME plan A will work, have a plan B ready!...and a C and D plan as well! Throw in an E just to be safe!"
"Sorry, Dipper." Said the Crusaders as one.
Indeed it had been quite eventful, after calming them down with his lamby dance. He then brought up the reality that they are a pair of old ghosts haunting a dilapidated convenience store. 'Is this the afterlife they always wanted? Are they happy being trapped between old cereal boxes and bags of mold that used to be bread forever?' These questions and more made the ghosts realize they wanted more from (un)life.
A quick call to Pacifica- the ghosts freak out slightly at the mention of the Northwest family. Ghosts or no, they are still intimidated and respectful of the premiere family in town -has her agree to help fund a joint project with him to restore the store and turn it into a ghost sanctuary. A place where Ma and Pa can socialize with other ghosts until their ready to 'move on'. As well as allow pony researchers to converse with the first ever proof of an 'afterlife'- Ma and Pa seem especially thrilled with talking with the ponies.
Dipper then looked at his watch, Okay, that ate up a lot of time but I can still finish my prep- Dipper blushed as Wendy suddenly gives Dipper a peck on the check, "Thanks Dipper, you saved my bacon. Would you like to go-
Suddenly, there's a loud scream. They look over to see a bunch of ponies run for their lives, "What's happening!?" Wendy shouts after them.
"A crazy she-devil in a rainbow sweater and braces is destroying the town!" Shouts back a pony.
Dipper's eye's narrow, "Crazy she-devil in a rainbow sweater and brac- He face-palms, "Dang it Mable what have you done this time!?" "I SO don't have time for this!" He shouts/thinks as he runs toward the disturbance. A concerned Wendy- delaying only long enough to make sure that her class gets home safely -runs after him...
...Latter...
"Dear princess Celestia...today I learned...well...have ever considered that friendship might...NOT be the answer to everything?" Twilight shook her head as she crumpled the paper and throw it away. "No, that's no good."
She and her friends were hiding out at Sugarcube corner- Except Pinkie, who'd just run off -They'd first wanted to help repair the damage done Ponyville...but the storm had gotten so out of control that not even the Pegasus could fix it! Their was no choice but to wait it out...
In the meantime they were trying to help Twilight explain to Celestia how it was OKAY that she went against her teachings of friendship...but mainly keep an increasingly panicky Twilight from going over the edge.
A now very frazzled Twilight attempted another letter; "Dear Princess Celestia...have you ever considered the possibility that there's such a thing as TOO many friends? Think about it, it's just not practical or possible to attend to the needs of so many...so one could make the-
Twilight groaned, "No! That just sounds worse!" She crumpled that one up and threw it into an increasingly large pile.
Applejack groaned, "Twilight...just tell Celestia what happened. I'm sure she'll understand."
Twilight looked at her horrified, "Tell her?! Tell her that I broke off a potential friendship!? I CAN'T DO THAT! She'll be soooooo disappointed in me! She'll have me exiled! Or worse- SEND ME BACK TO MAGIC KINDERGARTEN!" She starts to hyperventilate.
"Come on Twilight, you did what you had to do, Mable was a jerk! What else could you have done?" Pointed out Dashie.
Applejack frowned, "To be fair...it was less Mable being a jerk...and more she had no idea what the hay she was doing. Just assuming we could fix all the problems she caused with our 'magic' without fear of consequence." She noted annoyed.
Twilight shook her head, "Guy's that doesn't matter, what matters- Suddenly her ears perk up...Wait...guy's do you hear that?" The girls perked their ears up...and heard...nothing.
"Uh, Twilight...I don't hear anything." Pointed out Dashie. Twilight nods, "Exactly! Where's the storm?"
Everyone's eye's widen as they run outside...and see the storm had passed and the flooding had abated and Dipper...DIPPER WAS ON THE GROUND BLEEDING!?
"DIPPER!" Screamed all the girls as they ran forward. Dipper gasped as he tried to get up, "Okay! I'm okay!" "Like buck you are! You look like you went through a meatgrinder! What happened!?" Screamed Dashie
Dipper sighed, "Well first I had to calm down Fluttershy's animals...I let them attack me until they were exhausted and ready to be taken care of... then I had to coerce some Nephele to eat up the clouds and flood water to end the storm...they hated the taste and attacked me...but I'm good- he stumbles to his feet and tries to walk forward -I just...I just need to fix up Applejack's farm..Rarity's clothing order, Twilights library, Fluttershy's house...all in a day's work." He tries to say in a cocky way...undermined by the fact he was clearly trying to hide a limp.
"Dipper! Your in no condition to be doing this! Besides, this is MABLE'S mess! She should be fixing it!" Insisted Twilight.
Dipper just shrugged it off, "No it's fine...I'm always doing this for Mable...cleaning her messes, getting her out of trouble...all in a days work for a brother am I right?" He says neutrally as he once more trudges off...
The ponies looked together concerned, "Okay, this is a HUGE problem...this...this can't be healthy." Stated Twilight.
"Indeed...it's almost like he's enabling her bad behavior. Spoiling her...well, not ROTTEN...but at least spoiled SWEET." Noted Rarity.
"Sooo...should we say something to Dipper?" Asked Fluttershy cautiously.
"HOLD IT!" Shouted Applejack suddenly. "Now enough is dang well enough! This ain't some great crisis. This ain't some ancient evil we can just blast with a rainbow, or some shady con-pony trying to sell the moon. This is a family matter. Family matters are a family's business. Ah wouldn't appreciate it if you girls stuck your hoofs in ma business if ah had a fight with AppleBloom or Big Mac, and am certain the Pines wouldn't appreciate it either." She said in a firm and stubborn manner.
With Applejack being the resident 'family' expert(her family being the one that stays together with her for longer stretches of time then anyone else in the group)of the group the group was usually more inclined to let her be the final word on such matters...
Today however...Twilight was less convinced, "Look Applejack, that's all well and good but- points to still damaged Ponyville -but this kinda takes priority over family privacy, wouldn't you agree?"
Applejack sighed but nevertheless nodded sincerely, "Don't get me wrong...Mable's a problem and we DO have to deal with her...but ONLY how she reacts and interacts with the townsfolk and us and taking responsibility for her actions toward US!...everything involving internal family issues we don't do nothing until Dipper SPECIFICALLY asks for help!" She insisted stubbornly.
Not really wanting to drag this argument with her friend any longer, and being more concerned of Dipper's well being at this particular moment, Twilight reluctantly decides to let the matter drop. "Fine, the the six of us will- Twilight frowns as she remembers Pinkie had left. "Where is Pinkie?" She wondered out loud.
...
Wendy- After failing to convince Dipper to stop fixing Mable's mistakes -had finally cornered the troublesome Pines girl with Pinkie as she resided in 'Sweaterland'. "It's a simple concept Mabel. He was right, and you were...
Mabel puts her fingers in her ears and goes, "lalalalalala!" Wendy just rolls hers eyes, forcibly shuts her yapping lips and pulls her hand away from her ears.
"...YOU WERE WRONG!" Finishes Wendy annoyed, she then Lets go of the girl who falls to the ground looking shocked.
Wendy nods, "Yeah. You were wrong. You can't blame anyone but yourself, like you've been doing your whole life. Newsflash kid, your NOT the most important person in the world. Your NOT an expert in ponies. And your happiness is NOT more important than everyone else's. No matter what you think."
Mable...had no idea how to respond to this...people...backing Dipper but not her? It was like her whole world had gone Topsy-turvy!
Pinkie sighed as she stepped forward and turned to Wendy. "Uh...Wendy? not hating on you, but I think this requires a more 'personal' touch." She then trots up to Mable. "I do this, because I care." She says to the crying girl flatly.
She polity coughs into her hand, grabs Mabel by the shoulders... and shakes her silly!
"STOP ACTING LIKE THIS WORLDS A PRE-SCHOOL SHOW! STOP IT YOU NINNY! STOP ACTING LIKE WERE TRAPPED IN A PRE-SCHOOL SHOW!" Screams Pinkie!
Wendy just gaps in horror, before she can do ANYTHING, she stops. "Wow...I never thought of it like that...I owe everyone a HUGE apology!" Shouts Mable as she runs off to do just that.
Wendy just looks at this baffled, she turns to Pinkie. "What just- "I know how to speak her language." Says Pinkie as she trots off after Mable. Wendy quirks an eyebrow. "What language? Crazy?"
...later...
"You want us to do what?" Asked Twilight, after much effort...they finally convinced Dipper he didn't have to fix Mable's mistakes...only for him to switch over to this-
"I want you to give Mable a second chance, she's usually a much better friend then this...she just needs to separate fantasy from reality...she had a lot of warped expectations...as you can see here."
He gestures all over Mable's side of the room...and how it was full of unicorn merchandise!
The girls couldn't look away! It was like a carwreck...
Twilight gives the doll a squeeze, "Buy all 58 of my accessorize!" It shouts. Twilight sighs, "Great...the image of the noble species of unicorns...debased to sell cheap, useless junk...just terrific."
Rainbow Dash goes through the seemingly hundreds of unicorn books; "Ponies become friends with girl, giggle endlessly about how FABULOUS they are, talk about boys, sing a song, get married to prince charming, live happily ever after." Throws books aside and pick up another; "Ponies become friends with girl, endlessly giggle about how FABULOUS they are, talk about boys, sing a song, get married to prince charming, live happily ever after." And another; "Ponies become friends with girl, endlessly about how FABULOUS they are, talk about boys, sing a song, get married to prince charming, live happily ever after." And another; "Ponies become friends with girl, endlessly about how FABULOUS they are, talk about boys, sing a song, get marrie- Okay, I'm starting to see a pattern here..." She trailed off with disgust, holding the latest book like it was a soiled hanky...
"Why would ANYONE want to buy hundreds of this absolutely GAUDY merchandise?" Asked Rarity as she examined the tacky pony nick-knacks.
"Pony crowd-control barrier?! Now that's just getting silly!" Shouts an insulted Applejack while also examining said piece of merchandise.
The more the looked..the more some uncomfortable truths were rearing their ugly head... They didn't EXIST on earth. They were just something for little girls to fawn over. Their were hundreds of different depictions of supposedly fictional creatures on earth...The problem is that even if that's the case, the children of gravity falls are all coming to accept the ponies for what they are. Cute, but real. Real people who can be real friends, instead of just life sized toys.
True, they were ADORABLE people, but adorable people that could turn you into an avocado, tear apart storms single hoofed or buck through your chest like your made of meringue. The sole exception being the tiny little humans the ponies have come to totally adore as much as any foal or little colt and filly...and the feeling was mutual...
...Meanwhile...
Durland finds himself pseudo babysitting pound cake, bouncing him on his knee while his unicorn sister sits nearby wearing the deputy's hat. While Blub's is eating the best doughnuts he's ever had.
"Their so adorable. I just wanna collect em' all." Says Durland with a chuckle.
Blubs quickly turns to Mr Cake, "He means that in the nicest and most non kidnapping kind of way..."
...
Mabel however seems psychologically incapable of separating her fantasy about ponies from the reality. She refuses to think of pony's as basically being no different than anyone else from town. With their own jobs and diverse interests and personalities. Like she's trapped in the mindset of the babies and toddlers the ponies are letting see them like that...And The mane six start to realize Dipper is basically enabling Mabel to act like this, because her Big Brother will always save her from everything, even apparently maturity and responsibility...
they'd realize that Mabel is acting like the rest of Gravity Falls did when they first saw them.
Mabel however seems psychologically incapable of separating her fantasy about ponies from the reality. She refuses to think of pony's as basically being no different than anyone else from town. With their own jobs and diverse interests and personalities. Like she's trapped in the mindset of the babies and toddlers the ponies are letting see them like that...
The mane six realize Dipper is basically enabling Mabel to act like this, because her Big Brother will always save her from everything, even apparently maturity and responsibility...
"But you can't do that for your sister Dipper. Your sisters declared herself an expert and just decided she knows better than everypony else. Believe me, I know what that's like. It's not healthy for her, and it's not healthy for you to make excuses for her..." Said Twilight...
..or at least...that's what she WANTED to say. The words were in her mind, on her heart and on her lips...but one stern look from Applejack killed it before it could come out. Twilight knew that Applejack could be stubborn...at times she could be reasoned with...but not with this, NEVER in concerns to family.
...Twilight would never forgive herself if she lost her friendship to Applejack...besides, as she before stated...she was the EXPERT on all things family in the group...she reasoned as she swallowed her concerns...and decide to just switch to the current concerns...and maybe...just MAYBE get one of her current life goals achieved!
"Um...no offense Dipper...I'm glad your capable of giving second chances...but for you to ask us to give her a second chance...while also refusing our requests you give Celestia a second chance...won't lie, kinda hypocritical..."
Pinkie(once again popping out of nowhere) quirks her head confused, "Hippo...crispy?" She Runs off and immediately comes back with rich cakes in the shape of hippos.
Dippers slaps his forehead, "Oh don't worry dear. Were all aware of what hypocrisy is. Pinkie is just the exception." Explains Rarity in a reassuring manner.
Dipper still groans as he tries to explain this- "Wha- I- No, that's different! I LIKE Mable and she's part of my family! At the very least I'd figured Applejack would get that last part!"
Applejack reluctantly nods, "Fair enough." She unwillingly concedes.
Twilight, however was not deterred. Unlike her other friends, Dipper had thicker skin...better yet, he actually ENCOURAGED them to call him out if they felt he was making a mistake- she was...uncomfortable when he did the same to them...but not for the reasons you'd think! -Something...Twilight rather wished the others would emulate...even if she'd never admit it...even to herself.
"Well, I like Celestia and she's practically family to me...seems pretty much the same situation to me." Says Twilight with just a hint of smugness.
Dipper groans in defeat, "Fine...if you give Mable a second chance...I'll give Celestia a second chance...happy?"
Twilight has to use all her self-control not to leap in joy...and instead just nods. She turns to the girls, "Seems fair to me- Girls?" She asks.
They in turn nod...however Applejack additionally comments: "But Mable needs to understand that were not going to put up with her NONSENSE anymore! More importantly, she needs to be the one who fixes all the damage SHE caused, not you!" She said firmly.
Pinkie jumps up and down, "Way ahead of you Applejack! In fact- Pulls out Mable from inside her Mane. "Mable has something she wants to say to you all!" It was a sorrowful Mable that swallowed her tears...and asked for forgiveness...
Wendy stuck her head out of Pinkie's Mane, "How did I even get in here? I WAS GETTING A BAGEL FOR DIPPER AT THE STORE!"
...later...
After leaving Mable (under the close supervision of Grunkle Stan, Blubs, Wendy and the local wonderbolt representative) to fix everything. They go to look for Celestia...they don't have to look far...she and Luna are overseeing yet another Equestrian bank foreclosure.
"I just don't understand! This is the 7th bank that's gone under this week alone!" Exclaimed Celestia concerned...in her entire reign, she never really needed to worry about the economy, her wonderful little ponies(save for some minor extreme cases) could always be relied upon to be honest and generous! The honor system NEVER failed! The economy had never faltered! Not once! But between the problems caused by so many taxi ponies losing their jobs, the obscene amount of money she found herself sending to Ponyville on a daily basis these days, repairing her palace after it burnt down...again, and the ridiculous amount of pony-run banks that have been going under recently...Equestria was potentially looking at it's first-ever Great Depression.
Luna frowned, "Sister, we both know that this is the work of the humans! They've already shown their willingness to be crafty and twist our laws to their liking- Especially the Stan Pines! Why have we not arrested him yet?"
Celestia sighed, putting aside the fact how...delicate the situation would be with removing Dipper's- now -Legal Guardian into custody...Stan hadn't technically(and boy was THAT a dozy of a new concept that the humans had inadvertently introduced to her society?) broken the law...warped, distorted, manipulated and outright spat at the law...but not broken.
Luna frowned at this, "I know your reluctant to appear a tyrant or abuse your power...but didn't we already do this when we took down that Swindler Northwest's scheme? By burning his foul documents?"
Celestia shook her head with a sad sigh, "I know that's been hyped up...but the only reason that wasn't considered an abuse of power was both because how clearly in the wrong Northwest was and also how since when we learned what a 'bribe' was we rejected it- which rendered the contract invalid regardless..."
Celestia sighed, "Dipper did make some good points...he REALLY did...but I just can't risk going down that path...lest...SHE returns..." She admitted fearfully Luna sighs, but begrudgingly nods in agreement.
Blissfully unaware of what her mentor was going through, Twilight did a happy trot toward them with her friends. "Okay, bit of a rocky start...but the day is looking up now! Not only will Dipper stop antagonizing Celestia- and almost giving me a heart attack -but with everything squared away with Mable, Celestia need never know that I broke off a friendship...heh, heh...EVER!" Thinks the unicorn darkly...
"See what I mean sister?" Asks Luna as she levitates the account book over to her, "The more the PONY-run banks suffer, the more the HUMAN-run banks prosper! Especially this Philip Twopenny fellow! Also- She sees the group approach, "We'll talk latter." She says quickly as she whisks the account book away while Celestia nods in agreement.
She then turns to group as it comes before her, "Twilight! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?"
Twilight smirked, "Dipper has something to say to you."
Celestia's eye's widened, but seeing how happy Twilight was, relaxed. "Oh, really? What might that be?"
Dipper sighed, "Twilight finally guilt tripped/logic-trapped me into giving you a second chance...I'm willing to TRY and start over if you are."
The rest of the mane six groan while Twilight sighs, "Okay...I guess that's the best I'm going to get out of you for now."
Dipper nods, "Dang straight."
Celestia also sighs, although a bit put off by the aloof backhanded way he put that sentence...she knew that this was the best she could hope for as well. Clearly Dipper was caught in a logic trap where he essentially 'had' to apologies. She didn't like it, but it was a way for her to FINALLY get past the boys stubborn defenses.
Celestia smiles sincerely at him, "Don't worry Dipper. I'll work my hardest to make the most of this second chance your giving me."
Dipper glares, "I'll believe that when I-
"A-HEM!" Coughs Twilight annoyed.
Dipper sighs in defeat, "Thank you Princess Celestia...
Twilight Gleamed, "Oh, don't pout Dipper! You'll see this is best! Celestia is the greatest leader we've ever had! Letting the light of her love into you...there's no greater feeling!"
Dipper groans, "Twilight, on top of everything can you NOT sound like a Jehovah witness? It's creepy!"
Twilight quirked her head confused, "Who?"
Dipper continues, "Also 'greatest leader you've ever had'? She's reigned for more than an thousand years. You don't have anybody to compare her to that you didn't read about in story books or texts so old the parchments turning to dust!"
Celestia can't help but giggle as the two argued back and forth...Despite the argument...there was no REAL anger behind it...there was just something so cute about how they interacted with each other...so naturally Pinkie had to ruin it...
Pinkie, "Hey! Dose that mean you'll forgive Princess Luna, too?" She shouted suddenly.
and like that, the friendly atmosphere was gone. Dipper glared, "Don't push it..."
This sudden hostility shocked everyone...but especially hurt Luna. Twilight tried to intervene- "Dipper- "No Twilight!" Insisted Dipper quickly, "I'm willing to concede that maybe- MAYBE, mind you -I'm being too hard on Celestia...but unlike her Luna actually hurt you guys, tried to destroy your lives...for that, I refuses to forgive her." He says stubbornly.
Seeing that his words were hurting her sister, Celestia immediately stepped up. "Dipper, please! That was Nightmare Moon! Not Luna, her influence on her has been destroyed thanks to the Elements of harmony! She's safe now." She implored.
Dipper took a deep breath-
"Oh, no. He's doing that face." Said Fluttershy suddenly. All eyes went to her. "What face?" Asked Twilight, "The face he makes when he's about to say something he knows we won't like...and he's usually right." Admitted an apologetic Fluttershy.
Dipper groaned, but continued. "Look...even if I was willing to trust YOUR opinion on something that could potentially hurt my friends- which I don't -and Even IF the elements really did 'cure' her of her evil- which frankly leads to a whole bunch of unsettling other ethical questions -that doesn't immediately solve everything! Have you even sent her to a psychiatrist to check to see if she has a clean bill of health?"
Celestia gives Dipper an odd look, "Send her to a what to see if she has a what?" Asked Celestia confused.
Dipper gives her a weird look, then sighs... "You don't have psychiatrist here, do you?" Asked Dipper in a resigned manner. In hindsight, he realized such a profession would by unlikely to come up in a land where problems were solved under thirty minutes or less...
Twilight, frowns. "Is that another HUMAN thing? And what do you mean 'ethical questions'? We defeated Nightmare Moon and restored her to Luna through the power of friendship! What's ethically dubious about that?" She asked confused.
Dipper groaned, "Guys...you used a bunch of magical artifacts that you knew nothing about- Still don't really know anything about -to tinker around with a sentient creatures free will! Their likes! Their wants! Their mind and soul tinkered and rearranged to how you guys wanted...I'm not condemning you guys, you did what you had to...but dose that REALLY sound like that could birth a stable, SANE mindset...what's to stop her from snapping? Or regressing?"
Everypony...just gaped at him in horror.
"DEFINITELY glad that we don't need those elements anymore...and that their far away from me." Thought Rarity.
"Am...am I a bad pony?" Thinks Fluttershy confused.
"Maybe...should I just give them back to the Tree of harmony...or just destroy them?" Thinks a now very concerned Celestia...then shakes her head. "No, Discord might return...I can't take that chance!" She realizes...
Rainbow Dash ground her teeth and rubbed her aching head, "GAH! YOUR OVERTHINKING THIS!"
Pinkie nods, "Seriously, remember your MST3K Mantra!" She insists much to everypony's confusion.
Dipper by contrast looks at Pinkie surprised...then nods. "Okay, fair enough, Elements of harmony good. Nothing ethically questionable there. My bad." He concedes.
Everyone face-faults! "SERIOUSLY!? That changes your- Twilight takes a DEEP Calming breath -Fine, I've long learned not to question Pinkie being Pinkie...so dose that mean you forgive Luna?"
Dipper shakes his head, "Nope, even then, I won't be satisfied until she gets a psych eval.- and even then that probably won't do much...I will NEVER forgive someone who hurts my friend...and even if she didn't do it directly..she still allowed the monster who did the ability to do so."
Twilight tries to protest- "Twilight, it's getting late. I'm badly bruised, tired and you've already won a victory by making me forgive Celestia...can't we just call it a day?" Interrupts Dipper while looking at his watch.
Twilight looks unsure...but before she can say more- A ragged Mable pops up, she pants exhausted. "Okay...it wasn't easy...but I fixed everything." She looks at how Dipper was with the others...and chuckled. "I still can't believe you managed to make friends with ponies...YOU the guy who hated unicorns." She admits amazed.
"Wait, what?!" Exclaims both Twilight and Rarity as they then look at Dipper with hurt and questioning expressions. Dipper groaned, "It was before I meet you guys! Obviously, I don't think that anymore after seeing how awesome you both are!"
Rarity was pacified by this...Twilight on the other hand... "Still..." She stated still a bit hurt by this revelation.
Dipper groaned, "Look I'm sorry...but i'd like to see you not hate unicorns after being forced to watch 'Bippy the friendly unicorn' fifty times in a row!"
"HEY! THAT'S A CLASSIC!" Shouted Mable annoyed.
Twilight scoffs, "Come on Dipper, how bad could it be?"
Dipper glares at her annoyed...then smirks evilly, "Tell you what...watch it. If you like it, I'll TRY to give Luna a second chance...if you don't, you have to drop that subject and let me handle it on my own."
Twilight and everypony else smiles, "Your on!"
...later...
"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
Screams Twilight as she, her friends and both princesses smash and burn the horrid VHS tape. While Dipper just laughs and Mable just shouts "OH, COME ON!"
...Later...
While the Royal sisters run off to make legislation to burn any more copies of 'Bippy'. The girls try to get over their sudden and inexplicable hatred(or self-loathing in Twilight and Rarity's case) for all things unicorn.
Dashie smiles, "I know! I'll go get my recording of the latest Wonderbolt event! That'll cheer us up!" She shouts as she flies to do just that. in 10 seconds she's back outside the room, she smirks at the video-recorder she bought from humans recently.
"A device that let's you relive your favorite moments...what a time to be alive!" She exclaims happily, she's about to open the door...when she over hears Dipper.
"Okay guys...look, I need you to do me a solid...I'm too busy and exhausted to pretend to like the Wonderbolts to Spare Rainbow's feelings, can you cover for me while I sneak out the back?"
Dashie gasps as she smacks down the door, "YOU DON'T LIKE THE WONDERBOLTS!? HOW!? WHY!?" She exclaims in horrified disbelief.
Dipper groans, "Really? The 'overhearing at the worst possible time cliche? I- He takes a deep breath and turns to his friend- "Oh, no he's making that face again." Thinks Fluttershy worried.
"Look Rainbow...I'll ask you a question, if you can answer it. I'll recant everything bad I've said about the wonderbolts."
Rainbow smirks, "Deal!" "Where were they when Nightmare Moon showed up?" Finishes Dipper.
Rainbow confidently opens his mouth to answer, and then what Dipper actually said got to her head, "Wait, what?" She asked confused.
Dipper pressed on, "They didn't save us all from Nightmare Moon- YOU did that. They didn't save Rarity during the Best Young Flyer Competition -YOU did...along with their ungrateful butts!"
Rainbow...didn't know how to take this...she'd never thought of it like that... She Latches on to the last part(more out of desperation to get a handle of this topic then anything though), "U-ungreatful?" She asks confused.
Dipper, bares his teeth, "After all you did for them- for EQUESTRIA! They haven't made you a Wonderbolt! If they were worried about showing favoritism, bureaucracy, upsetting the chain of command, setting a potentially bad precedent for recruiting people right off the street- FINE! But they could at LEAST have given you a chance to prove yourself at the Wonderbolt academy! But what did they do the last time you sent your application?"
"They...they rejected me." Realized Dashie...this...without Dipper...she'd never have looked at that way...but this...she didn't...it was like her whole world was crumbling beneath her...that frightened her.
Oblivious to this, Dipper continues on..."They were useless when Spike became a monster...and do I even need to remind you of what ALMOST happened during Cloudsdale 'Water spout' day because Spitfire couldn't be bothered to get off her butt!?"
"Uh...thanks again for that." Pips up a flustered Fluttershy. Dipper smiles, "Your welcome." Which causes her to fluster more.
While Rainbow Dash's head was spinning as her whole point of view was slowly, but shirley changing...Dipper unknowingly gave her the proverbial 'knock-out punch' that would change her life forever(or at least until the next season...of their life).
"Honestly, Rainbow...I just don't see what you like about them. Your a hundred times more Awesome then the Wonderbolts could ever hope to be."
Dashie's eye's nearly popped out of her skull, "You- (gulp) -you think I'm more awesome then the Wonderbolts?" Asked Rainbow Dash, her face starting to go very red.
Dipper nodded, "Yeah, if anything THEY should be joining YOU!" He says firmly.
...and that did it...Dashie's face started to feel hot, her hooves began to sweat, her heart began to race faster then even she thought possible...and Dipper's 'whole thing'...got...better?
Rainbow did what anyone would do when they experienced a whole new flush of strange new emotions and wants...PANIC!
"SOSORRY!GOTTAGO!NON-SPECIFICEXCUSE!" Shouts Rainbow frantically as she fly's into multiple objects before FINALLY leaving the room.
"Huh...well that was weird." Said Dipper, but one look at his watch told him he needed to GO! So he dismissed it and began to leave.
Twilight, being Twilight started to clean up the mess Rainbow had just made...when she noticed a spare Rapture flyer...a NEW flyer she hadn't seen before. "Hey Dipper, before you go...what's the 'Ryan's Youth Scholarship'?"
Dipper, groaned as that unpleasant memory popped up, "It was a whole 'test' set up by Ryan to see if any 'promising new prodigy's' on the surface would be worthy...I worked my butt off on that test they sent for a whole week straight, not only solving all the questions and brainteasers it threw at me...but being skillful enough to handle the psych eval. just right so my 'ideology' would match up with Ryan's...and after all that, they never responded after I sent it back! Me and Mable took shifts at the Mailbox day and night and it never came!"
"heh, yep! It never came!" Said Mable quickly as she helped Applejack pack her saddlebag.
Applejack's eye's widened at Mable as she said that, "Did Mable just- She shook her head. -Okay, Applejack. You've had a LOOOONG day, your exhausted. Your senses are clearly on the fritz. After all, if their's one thing you can ALWAYS count on, it's that 'family sticks together no matter what'." She reassures herself firmly.
In fairness to Applejack, every time she's bet on that saying to be true, not only was she ALWAYS proven right in the end, but sometimes even richly rewarded...as was everyone else on this world this society who did similar...so how could she NOT bet on that ever reliable foundation of her belief system once more?
...of course this would make the inevitable 'reveal' all the more devastating...
...later...
It was a quiet night at the 'Well-To-Do' construction site at the farmost edge of the Everfree forest...their 'celebration' over the Deers surrender had ended with all taking a snooze...
In a different universe...due to the selfishness of one Minotaur...the complexity addiction and fanatical zeal of a king, and overall poor communication skills...this whole area would become a place of great aggravation and strife...
FWOOM!
This was not that universe...
And while this den of corporate greed burned...
A kingdom of Eco-terrorists was being...'humbled'...
...
"Bramble! Flee!" Screamed King Aspen as his magic was drained away by the one thing they thought they could always count as an ally...the forest...the forest was destroying them all!"
A sobbing Bramble lead the other children away as the adults were forced to stay behind...and watch one by one as their kingdom was torn down and devoured by the ever greedy Gravity Falls forest...
...
As both wretched hives of Conflict balls were quenched...
The mastermind of both watched from afar...cloaked in midnight, his iron mask betraying nothing but the Buddhist circle of ZEN.
...without a word...he faded into the night...and prepared for the Morn...
...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me