yeah, I haven't been updating. This sounds like a pathetic excuse, but I have been having trouble with the fact that my fic will someday end, which pretty heartbreaking. I don't know. It's hard to explain. Haha. Anyway, so as a special treat, I will be posting three chapters this week, the next two will be pretty long. (Not in a bad way.) Plently of love to go around. Haha. Anyhow, give me a word after you finish, you can send me a message on here, or on either of my Tumblr accounts, both of which are on my profile. Happy reading, and thank you so much for hanging in there! I love all of my fans! I really do, and I hope that these chapters will give you whatcha want (wtf, ok, im lame) :))))))))))) -juliette

"What're you doing?" Jemma was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, facing away from him. Joel watched her for a few moments, then sat next to her. A small assortment of baby clothes were laid out in front of her, each of them folded just so.

"I suppose it's time for me to get rid of these," she whispered. The small blue glow of dusk concealed her expression, but there was an unnerving amount of tension in the air.

Joel gently touched her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. "Don't touch me."

"I lost Sarah, when I was just a couple of years older than you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better or something?"

"No, bu-"

"Then, just, just, shut the fuck up."

"Jemma-"

"It's so fucking stupid! I told myself, for how many months, that I didn't want to have this baby. Then, I come here, and, for once in my life, I feel safe. I felt like things were going to be okay. But, you know, goddamn life gets in the way.

"I carried that baby for nine months, Joel. I became attached. How could I not? And, then..." She trailed off.

"And then fuck it all! Fuck it all! Fuck me, fuck God, fuck everyone and that goddamn fungus!" She threw a glass at the wall. "I just can't take it anymore!" She screamed, and picked up a book. She raised her arm to throw it, but Joel grabbed her before she could.

"We all know what you're going through. Just settle down."

Jemma burst into tears, unlike anything he had seen before. Sobs racked her body, and her whole composure changed. She became young and hopeless, lost and afraid. For once, he could see the real Jemma. It hurt him to see her that way.

Joel took a step to her, and she wrapped her arms around him. She squeezed as tightly as she could, and he returned it. Her tears went through his shirt, but he didn't care. He stroked her hair while she cried. It coukd have been forever, but Joel was lost in thought. Eventually, she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her face. "I don't really do this often."

"Go, get cleaned up," he said. "I'll make you something to eat."

...

the night sarah died was the night the old joel died. we couldnt even have a proper burial or even a second to think about whatthehell was going on. it was all kill or be killed. tommy wasnt the same. i wasnt the same. how could i be? even just five minutes after she died in my arms, i was on the road, gun in hand, ready ro take on the men who took my life from me. if i had to do it again, i woulda stayed with her. i woulda let the infected get me. i regret leavin her behind more than anything in the world

now i have ellie.

i couldnt leave her behind. not again.

this is the new joel. he doesnt make the same mistakes twice.

...

He knew he was dreaming, but it never felt so real, before. It came in short bursts, like fragments of a movie, but was cohesive enough that he could understand.

She was wearing a white dress that went all the way to the ground. The wind blew it around her ankles, and when the sun hit it right, he could see right through it. It was cut low in the back, and he could see the trail of scars leading up to her shoulder.

She said nothing, but stared at him. Her eyes were expressionless. They were so close that he could feel her breath on his neck. The smell of her perfume was in the air, and something warmed inside of him. He pulled her in, against his body, and pushed her hair out of the way, so that he could see her face. She had freckles on her lips. He had never seen that before, or, at least, he didn't notice. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. He closed his eyes, but their lips never met.

She was at least twenty feet away from him. They were standing in a field, full of nothing but dried weeds. She danced, picking up her skirt. She danced to no music, but Joel could hear a faint beating sound. It was mettalic, and was precisely executed. It gradually became louder, to the point that it was almost deafening. She moved as though she couldn't hear it. He tried calling out to her, but he couldn't open his mouth. He became frantic, and tried running to her. He knew he was moving, and he could see the land going past him, but he could never reach her. No matter how hard or fast he went, she was still the same distance from him. So close, yet so far.

She kissed him, and his head was spinning. The sound was still there, and it was the only thing he could concentrate on. It seemed like it was getting closer. He tried to pull away from her, to tell her to get away, but it was almost as if he were paralyzed.

She stopped dancing, and was staring at him again. The sound had disappeared, and was replaced with a high-pitched ringing. She slowly walked towards him, and he noticed there were flames all over the ground. It was if his mouth were wired shut, and he couldn't help her.

She was so close he could count the freckles on her lips but how could he count with that godforsaken ringing in the air the ringing, the ringing, it was awful, and he could barely think but there she was so close but so far he wanted to scream, to cry to scream louder than the ringing to be the ringing to be the sound to be the air to be the freckles on her face oh, god, her face, she was an angel in the desert but she walked on the flames the flames the flames were getting higher the fire was growing and that sound, the beating was back was it a flapping could metal flap he tried to ask but her lips were on his his lips his mouth yes he was still there he was still real and he kissed her back but would the fire consume them both and she pulled away and he realized they were in his room, but his room was on fire, and she had disappeared and the sound was gone and he missed the sound because all he could see was black inky darkness and he was alone so lonely so lonely but he could smell her perfume along with the smoke and the blackness became ash and soot he was the remains of the fire the remains of a life that never existed and he-

"Joel?"

He shot up. The sound was gone, and he was on the floor of his bedroom, sweaty, and knotted up in his sheets, which he somehow managed to rip off the bed. He was confused, and he felt sick to his stomach.

Joel focused on Ellie, who was standing in front of him. She was still in her pajamas. "What's going on?"

"The power's out."

"Shit," he muttered, and started to stand.

"Tell me about it," Ellie said, and walked away.

...

Jemma was cooking breakfast. Most of the appliances in the house were electric, and so she put a pan on top of the wood burning stove. The power had been out at least six hours, and most of their food was starting to get warm. She put the meat and eggs out in the snow, and left the rest in the fridge.

"Oh, look at my little homemaker," Joel chided, as he saw her hunched over the stove.

"Fuck off."

"Good morning to you, too." He leaned against the wall, and admired her backside.

"Stop staring, or I'll throw one of these eggs on your face." She didn't face him, and he didn't know how she could tell, but he adverted his eyes to the ceiling.

"I already checked the breakers, so don't bother. It's out next door, too." She said, and filled a plate for Joel. She had made his eggs the way he liked, over easy, with pepper, no salt. The hasbrowns were a little overdone, but he wasn't going to say anything.

"I don't really feel like eating," he said. He knew, immediately, that that wasn't going to go over well.

She stiffened. "Then, eat 'em to please me." She set the plate on the coffee table, and faced him. She was wearing his favorite sweater, a dark green that made her skin look incredible.

"Please you?"

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Get away from me, you pig." She started to walk away, but Joel grabbed her. She didn't resist, and he wrapped his arms around her. He leaned in for a kiss, but it never came.

"No, Ellie's home," she whispered, and pulled away. "Besides, you smell."

...

Here's a preview of tomorrow's chapter, just so you guys have a little somethin' somethin' to look forward to. Sort of. I was going to post all three as one, but I guess I wanted to up the ante, or maybe I just felt it got a bit too long? Anyway. This coming chapter will be a lot more action and mystery oriented, rather than some lame drama thing. Because that's pretty much what the rest of this fic is. I am really surprised anyone read it, period. So, comment if you want, or don't. Feedback is important to me, it lets me know when I'm going in a totally wrong direction, or motivates me to update. Haha. You know who you are. :)

They all sat around a small fire, eating and laughing.

He pinched her nose. "Look what I've got," he teased. Joel placed his thumb between his two fingers, and held it out for her.

Jemma feigned horror. "Not my nose! Please, not my nose!"

Joel pushed his thumb over where her nose should have been. He mashed her face, illicting giggles and snorts from Jemma. The harder she laughed, the more he pushed, and she was in a fit of hiccups in less than a minute. The interaction may have seemed normal, but Joel was secretly reveling in the fact that he was touching her in public.

"Stop, stop," she begged in between hiccups. "I'm gonna b-"

Joel started tickling her sides, and she was laughing so hard it was silent. Tears streamed from her eyes, and she was trying to move away, but she was powerless. She writhed around on the floor, while everyone else laughed. Finally, Tommy had to step in.

"Quit it, or you're gonna have to clean up her puke."

She laid next to him, gasping and hiccuping. He thought it was pretty cute, but he'd never tell her so. Joel would never indulge her ego like that.

"Losers," Ellie muttered, and started to stand. Joel poked her in the side, and she squirmed.

"Keep your fucking hands off me!"

Once everyone settled, they all started to drift to sleep. The fire had died to a small glow, and Tommy started to snore.

Jemma couldn't sleep. Not when she knew that she left that music behind. She needed those tapes, and she wouldn't be able to get it off her mind. She watched the other three, making sure they were all out. She slowly, and silently, put her coat and boots on. She carefully put her other things away in her sack, and left them next to Joel's head.

She took his shotgun, just in case, and four shells. Her heart was racing. Sure, they hadn't seen any infected earlier, but would she be so lucky now?

...