If Nathaniel Had Lived Part 1

by theanonymouslibrarians

Note: I do not own the Bartimaeus Sequence or any of its characters.

1. Nathaniel wasn't sure how he envisioned his first date with Kitty going, but it wasn't with a tiny little fly whispering in his ear, "Tell her she completes you! It works!"

2. It made absolutely no sense. The author of the play had been responsible for the destruction of London and the deaths of countless people. Moreover, in helping to create a new government, Kitty had ensured that all people received accurate education in regard to magicians, spirits, and the Other Place. But somehow, despite all logic, Swans of Araby was being turned into a movie.

3. It was a testament to his vanity, Nathaniel thought, that he now hated mirrors. He would have smashed every single one of the things, but he knew that Kitty and Bartimaeus would know why and he couldn't stand to imagine the look of pity and understanding on their faces. But, as he stared at his reflection, leaning his hands against the sink for support, Nathaniel couldn't help but wonder if it would be worth it just so he wouldn't need to see the scars that riddled his whole body. There wasn't an inch of him that didn't have thin white or red lines, or even indentations.

"They don't look half bad, you know." Nathaniel's eyes flickered to the reflection of the Egyptian boy leaning in the doorway. "They make you look...tough."

Despite himself, Nathaniel smirked. "Well, I suppose anything's better than tentacles."

4. Kitty hadn't planned to become the prime minister. She still wasn't sure how she'd actually gained the job. All she knew was that, after London had almost been destroyed, the surviving magicians were looking to her for help, and the commoners seemed to think that her association with the magician and djinni who had saved them made her an authority figure.

But one day, as she sat with the council members debating how much money should be spent reconstructing a museum that had been demolished in the upheaval of the rebellion, someone said, "Well, Prime Minister, what will it be?"

And everyone turned to look at Kitty.

5. It was months after Nathaniel came home from the hospital that he realized that Bartimaeus rarely went into the kitchen. He'd lean in the doorway and chat with Nathaniel as the magician ate, but he never went in unless Nathaniel couldn't possibly make do without help. It took Nathaniel another month to realize why.

"I'm sorry about Faquarl." Nathaniel told Bartimaeus one day, as the two sat together watching tv.

"Sorry?" Bartimaeus scoffed. "Why? He would have killed us both!"

"I know...but he...he was your friend and-"

"Faquarl and I weren't friends." Bartimaeus said tersely. "We hated each other. It was inevitable that one of us killed the other. I'm just glad he didn't kill me."

Nathaniel was silent for a moment. "He was what the magicians made him."

Bartimaeus didn't say anything after that and not long after he left the room, saying he was bored. Nathaniel later found him looking through an encyclopedia of djinn.

6. After the death of the Resistance members, Kitty hadn't believed that she would ever find a place that really felt like home. But pouring herself a cup of tea in the kitchen of the townhouse she shared with Nathaniel and Bartiameus and listening to Nathaniel yell at Bartimaeus because someone had taken a pair of scissors to every single one of his lacy-cuffed shirts, she realized that she didn't think she could be happy anywhere else.

7. It wasn't unusual for Nathaniel to summon Bartimaeus. Bartimaeus spent a fair amount of time on Earth these days. The difference between now and a year ago was that now Bartimaeus was never confined by pentacles or charges, and he was dismissed whenever he wished to return to the other place. What was unusual was for Nathaniel to be pacing, hands clenched, unable to meet Bartimaeus' eyes for longer than a few seconds.

"Well?" Bartimaeus asked, impatiently after half a minute had gone by and Nathaniel hadn't said anything. "Is this a social call or is there some new threat?"

"B-bartimaeus..."

Bartimaeus waited a second, then, "It must be pretty bad if it's got you in this state!"

"I...I need to..."

"Well, is it vampires? Another golem?"

"No, nothing like that..."

"Ooo! I know, Jane Farrar's returned and she and Kitty are fighting over you and you need me to-"

"I need to ask you something!" Nathaniel spoke over the djinni.

Bartimaeus paused. "Well, go on."

Nathaniel took a deep breath. "I need...I was wondering...that is...would you be my best man?"

8. "Tell me about him." Nathaniel said one day, out of the blue.

He was lying on his bed, while Bartimaeus sat cross-legged at the foot, thumbing through a magazine. The djinni's eyes flickered up to meet Nathaniel's gaze, before dropping back to the magazine.

"Him?"

"Ptolemy." Nathaniel scooted up so that he was sitting up and leaning against the headboard. "What was he like?"

"Why?"

Bartimaeus looked at him without blinking and Nathaniel realized for the first time just how unusual it was for the djinni to be completely still. Usually he was constantly shifting, either through changing forms or through various gestures. But now...it was if Bartimaeus had been turned to stone.

Nathaniel glanced away. "Well...I know he was important to you-"

The djinni gave a dry, humorless chuckle. "Yes. He was "important" to me."

"Look." Nathaniel murmured uneasily. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to...to bring up bad memories. You don't need to talk-"

"It's not...it's..." Bartimaeus sighed and moved so that he was laying on his side next to Nathaniel. "It's just no one's ever asked me about Ptolemy before. Other than Kitty, that is." A flicker of pain crossed his face. "After...at first, after he died, I tried to tell some other djinn about him. Faquarl, for instance." He shook his head sadly. "Well, you know his opinion of humans. He thought I was insane. Perverse. Others just didn't care."

Nathaniel waited a moment. "I care. Would you tell me about him?" He asks quietly. "Please?"

The djinni nodded, rolling over onto his back so that he was staring at the ceiling. "Ptolemy...Ptolemy was everything to me."

9. It was scarcely a month after the Demon Rebellion when Kitty walked into her office to find her parents sitting in front of her desk. They had a long talk and, at some points, council members rushed in to see who was shouting. When her parents left, Kitty wasn't sure if she wanted to see them again, but she still felt lighter than she had in years.

10. It was over two years after the fall of the British government, that Bartimaeus, Kitty, and Nathaniel ran into Ammet. They were in Jerusalem, trying to find the ruins of Solomon's palace, when Nathaniel saw a bottle and decided it would be a good idea to open it.

Any gratitude the marid may have had toward his savior vanished at the sight of Bartimaeus. The three were able to send Ammet back to the Other Place, but not before the marid had managed to toss Kitty against a nearby boulder. The doctors said her injuries were fairly minor and that she would recover after a night in the hospital, but nothing anyone said could erase the guilt Bartimaeus felt. The certainty that he should have done a better job of protecting her.