still on my string

[DAY THIRTY ONE: PART II]

Jinora's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Kai," she breathed.

"I - I don't understand," he stammered, staring awestruck at his hands. As he released his grip the air dissolved into its natural form. "I don't understand."

"You're an airbender."

"What? No, I - I can't be. I'm an Equalist. An Equalist." He stared at her in panic. This could not be happening. "I'm a nonbender, I can't…" But he could. Harmonic Convergence had changed everything. He was an airbender. Kai dropped to his knees, holding his head in his hands. "Oh Vaatu," he swore. "I'm a bender."

Jinora reached through the bars, grasping his hand and giving it a squeeze. "Hey," she said gently, "it's going to be fine, okay? You're going to be fine."

He smiled weakly at her, composing himself. His brow furrowed. "So." He looked at her helplessly. "What do we do now?"

"I'll teach you how to control it," she gave him a reassuring smile. "Take a deep breath, for starters. You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Okay." He took a deep, shaky breath. "Okay. Thanks, Jinora." He squeezed her hand back, his fingers lingering over her own.

"Anytime," she promised, her eyes filled with a soft sort of light and tenderness. A prickling, warm feeling was spreading up his neck to the tips of his ears, his cheeks turning a deep red. "But for now, just keep your emotions under control, because they're a direct link to bending." She studied him and Kai shifted nervously under her gaze. "What got you so upset anyway?"

Kai swallowed hard. "I was just worried…" he stared down at the floor. "About what might happen to you, if things go south."

"Oh," Jinora said, obviously taken aback. He glanced up at her through his lashes, searching her face for an idea of what was going through her mind, her cheeks dusted with a rosy pink. Jinora cleared her throat. "I'm not that worried, to be honest." He lifted his head, raising his eyebrows. "I'm with you," she said, giving him a small smile.

Kai half-smiled at her, his entire face lighting up. The tenderness in her eyes made a shiver run down his spine. Then Kai jerked his hand out of hers, looking towards the hallway. "I thought I heard footsteps," he lied, the words almost dying in his throat. Jinora blinked, and then took a step back away from the bars. There was a tightness in his chest; he didn't want to lie.

But if he didn't take a step back, he was going to do something stupid.

Kai cleared his throat, not meeting her eyes. "I, um, should probably go get breakfast?" he offered. Jinora pursed her lips, looking almost disappointed, and nodded.

Kai was grateful to leave the cell, pulling on the collar of his Equalist uniform, which was tight on his hot, sticky neck. A bit of a break would do him some good.

"Alright, well first things first," Jinora announced that afternoon, clasping her hands together and surveying his stance. "You're going to have to take off your glove." Kai stared at her so long her confidence faltered. "I mean, you don't have to, it'd just make it a lot easier when it comes to control-"

"No," Kai said quickly, snapping out of his stupor. "No, it's fine, I just…" he chuckled softly. "I haven't really taken it off for a while." Besides sleeping and showering, Kai wore it almost all day long. When he had been doing missions out in the field, it made sense; you always had to be on alert. When he had been stationed to work like this - transporting cargo, or being a guard - the habit had never gone away.

Slowly, Kai undid the buckles, sliding the glove off, aware of Jinora watching him, her mouth hanging open slightly. Kai laid the glove gently on the ground, looking at his bare hand, stretching out his fingers. Kai turned to face her, grinning broadly.

"Alright," he said cheerfully. "I'm ready Jinora."

Jinora smiled, her eyes gleaming with amusement. "Someone's eager. And that's Sifu Jinora to you."

Kai bowed respectfully, fist to palm. "Sifu Jinora," he echoed. Jinora flushed.

"So," she began, still smiling, "I'm going to start by teaching you the basic forms. Just follow my movements, okay?"

"Okay." Kai looked at her intently, following her graceful, light movements; she seemed to dance with the wind, barely manipulating it, as though it was naturally pulled to her. It almost reminded him of how he was pulled to her, whether he wanted to be or not. Why did Jinora have such a tight told on him, such a big effect… She was his friend, he was falling for her, but, that's all there was to it, right? It was a crush, nothing more.

He wouldn't let it be anything more, for her sake.

"Kai, are you even paying attention?"

He gave Jinora a strained, yet seemingly genuine smile. "Of course, Sifu."

Kai tossed and turned in his bed that night, shivering. The small mound of blankets wasn't doing any good against the bitter cold seeping into his bones; of course some idiot had to go short circuit the heating with his Equalist glove, or something of the sort. His bones ached, and not just because of the cold. As early as possible that morning, Jinora had resumed his training and worked him almost all day, as much as they could without being suspicious.

Airbending was exhilarating, and graceful. And hard. Kai had never thought about how bending was just as physical as regular hand-to-hand combat or chi-blocking; if anything it was more so. His respect for Jinora, and benders in general, rose exponentially.

And Jinora said he was excelling at the physical side of airbending too, and it felt good. Really good. When was the last someone had actually praised him about something? The Equalists, like the Lieutenant, had come to expect his skill and talent very quickly without a single word of encouragement. It was a nice change.

Speaking of Jinora… He glanced at the monitor in his room, a small camera, and instantly was dragged down by guilt by the sight of Jinora huddled in the corner, trembling. If his heap of blankets weren't doing anything, he could only imagine how cold she was with only a threadbare blanket.

Kai pulled his robe and slippers on and gathered all of the blankets into his arms, pulling open his bedroom door with difficulty. He padded down the hallway, towards the cell. "Jinora?" he whispered.

She looked up as he opened the cell door. "K-Kai," she hissed through chattering teeth. "W-what are y-you doing?"

"Keeping you warm," he answered, dumping the pile of blankets next to her. "You're taking all of them."

Jinora stood up, still shivering, shaking her head. "No," she refused, rubbing her arms for warmth. "Kai, I can't do that, you'll freeze."

"I'll be fine," he said, draping a blanket over her shoulders. Jinora was too cold to do anything but grip the blanket and pull it tighter over her shoulders. He handed her a few more blankets, but it didn't do much to stop her shivering. Kai thought hard. There had to be a way to stay warm, but what was it? Kai's face went blank, his cheeks completely red. Oh.

Trying to control his blushing and his pounding heart, Kai sat down next to her, giving her still more blankets but also spreading them over his shoulders. "We can share?" he offered.

Jinora flushed, but she nodded. "Otter-penguins do this too, share body heat in the South Pole. I used to visit my grandmother there."

Kai was all too aware of her arm resting against his, her knee and thigh brushing against his leg. He inhaled sharply, letting out a long exhale; his warm breath made a puff of white. He felt a bit warmer, but only barely. Jinora was trembling beside him.

"I - I have an idea," Jinora mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and not meeting his eyes.

"Go for it," he replied. He watched with curiosity as she got up, pulling her blankets with her, and stood in front of him. Still not looking at him, her foot tapped his ankle, pushing his legs apart slightly. "Erm, Jinora?" he squeaked. There didn't seem like there were many directions this could go, and Kai wasn't sure where Jinora was going with this - not that he was repulsed by the idea or anything, but -

And then Jinora sat in between his legs and he felt like he could breathe properly. Her back leaned into his chest, her hair tickling his chin. Instinctively, Kai wrapped his arms around her waist, his heart throbbing in his throat. Jinora sighed and settled further in, placing a hand over his. Kai swallowed nervously, but he couldn't deny he already felt much warmer with her in his arms, both of them covered in blankets. They stayed like that for a moment, neither breaking the silence; Kai felt his breathing fall in step with Jinora's: when she inhaled, he exhaled, and so on and so forth.

"So," Jinora said playfully a few minutes later, "I don't suppose as an Equalist you get many dating opportunities?"

Kai nearly choked on air and struggled to regain the use of his voice. She just had to ask him that while they were like this? The most intimate position he'd even been in with anyone? "Erm, no," Kai choked out. "No, no girlfriend for me." Except maybe you. He pushed those dangerous thoughts away. "Chow's sweet on a girl who works at the noodle place a few blocks away from the probending arena, but that's about it." Kai forced himself to sound nonchalant as he added, "You?"

"Yeah."

His hopes were ripped to shreds in a millisecond, laid upon his rib-cage to die slowly. All this time he had thought… but it made sense, if he had a - a crush on her, why wouldn't somebody else want her too? Not that he wanted her. (Dammit did he want her.)

"Yeah?" Kai cleared his throat, hoping he didn't sound too bitter.

"Yeah," Jinora repeated, although she didn't sound very happy. She wrung her hands together, her fingers partially obscured by a large, fuzzy red blanket. "I don't know," she sighed. "It's been almost two years and at first it was great, but now… now I'm not so sure. He's an Air Acolyte, but he just seems so restless, and angry. I don't understand it. He won't talk to me either." She turned around a little, craning her neck to look at him. The fondness in her eyes surprised him. "You should give him lessons on how to treat girls."

"I didn't treat you very well in the beginning," Kai said instantly. "I'm sorry about that, by the way."

"It's okay," Jinora said, giving his hand a squeeze. "We didn't really know each other then. It seems crazy that was only a month ago."

Their eyes locked. "Yeah," Kai agreed softly. He started leaning in without even realizing it. "It is." Jinora was closing her eyes, her lips coming closer to his own, it would be so easy to kiss her… Kai pulled away sharply, bumping his head on the cell wall. "Ow!"

"Are you okay?" Suddenly Jinora had shifted around completely onto her knees, grabbing his head and pulling it closer to examine it. Her fingers trailed and pushed his hair, while all Kai could see were her lips. A shudder ran through him.

"Jinora, really, I'm fine," he resurfaced, taking her hands off his hand regretfully. He liked the way they had combed through his hair. Then he realized he was still holding her hands and quickly let go. Kai coughed as Jinora settled onto her side, resting her head on his chest. Kai wrapped his arms around her. His throat was so dry even breathing hurt.

They fell into another silence, and this time, Jinora didn't break it; instead, she dozed off, smiling in her sleep. Kai couldn't help but tighten his hold around her, as if worried something was going to come in the night and take her away from him. He had never been so afraid of losing someone before.

He loved her.

But he was still, technically an Equalist. They wouldn't let him go that easily: he was too high up, he knew too much. They wouldn't let him live. He had to carry on. How long he would actually, last, he didn't know. But he couldn't drag her into it. He just couldn't.

And she had a boyfriend.

He loved her, and he never intended on telling her.

[DAY THIRTY-TWO]

Kai roused her early in the morning, having slept only a few hours. They were in a very compromising situation, and if anyone saw them like this, Kai didn't even want to imagine what would happen. "Hey Jinora," he whispered, "you gotta wake up."

She only snuggled closer to him, and Kai was sure he could hear his heart pounding against his rib-cage. Kai shook her lightly. "Come on Jinora." Her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh." Jinora moved away, which was what Kai wanted, but now he felt like he missed holding her. "Sorry."

"S'okay. You slept well?" he asked, helping her gather up the blankets. Her hair kept falling in front of her face, but he could still see her bright pink cheeks. Maybe she was as flustered as he was.

Kai almost didn't close the cell door as he walked out, finding it unnecessary, but he also wondered if given the chance, Jinora would make an escape attempt. Did she know she had slim chances of making it without any help? Was she waiting for help? Waiting for him to offer help? The cell door shut with a clang, and as Kai turned around, he noticed his Equalist glove, still lying on the floor, forgotten with a light coating of dust on its gleaming metal.

And Kai found he had no desire to ever pick it up or wear it again. He felt freed, like he was almost throwing away his identity as an Equalist. If he was being honest, he hadn't been a true Equalist for weeks. He gave the glove a swift kick and started to laugh.

Kai kept laughing, clutching at his stomach and only laughing harder when he saw Jinora's brow furrow in confusion. "It's nothing, I guess," he managed out. "I just guess I'm not really an Equalist anymore, am I?"

Jinora smiled at him. "No," she said softly. "I suppose you aren't. I think it's for the best, don't you, Mr. Airbender?"

Kai beamed at her, his laughter dying down. "It probably is," he agreed.

The heater was fixed two hours before lunch. All of his blankets smelled like her now.

"Kai, a word?"

The young man whirled around at the sound of the Lieutenant's voice. It was an hour past lunch, Kai having taken a much needed bathroom break and was headed back to the cell. Wondering what the Lieutenant wanted with him, Kai followed the second-in command into an empty room across the hall.

"What is it, sir?" Kai asked, staring at the Lieutenant apprehensively. The man's expression was unreadable. What if somehow, the Lieutenant had found out about the nature of he and Jinora's relationship? (Not that he himself really knew what it was anymore.) What if Yonra had reported them? A heavy weight was pressing on his heart.

"I have some good news, for you Kai," the Lieutenant smiled a little. "You won't have to look over the airbender soon. Amon will be coming in two days to collect her."

Kai fought to remain calm, even though it felt like he could barely breathe. For Jinora. "Oh really?" He plastered a smile on his face, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Amon is going to take her bending away?"

"More than that. He's hoping by holding her hostage he'll be able to take the Avatar into custody through blackmail. If things go wrong - which wouldn't surprise me, that Avatar is always making stupid decisions - we should be able to easily capture the rest of her family if the airbender is killed. However, if it goes according to plan we'll dispose of the airbender anyway. There'll be no need to waste food and space on her anymore."

"Yes sir," Kai forced a chuckle. He had never been more thankful for his years of being on the streets than that moment, his flawless ability to lie convincingly coming into play. "I'll be glad to be rid of her." The words tasted disgusting in his mouth and he wanted nothing more than to spit them out right into the Lieutenant's face.

The Lieutenant clapped him on the shoulder and then opened the door. Kai hadn't moved. "Aren't you coming?"

"Of course sir," Kai choked out, following him out of the room. He and the Lieutenant set off in opposite directions, and once the Officer had disappeared around the corner, Kai broke into a sprint.

He slammed into the bars, panting. The heavy weight was still there, now with a tightness in his chest and every second that ticked on was more and more painful. "Jinora," he gasped, opening the cell door. "Oh Raava help us." As much as he wanted to be with her, he could barely stand to look at her - he could only see the horrible things that would happen if they didn't figure something out - and started pacing around the cell instead.

"Kai," Jinora was on her feet too. "Kai, calm down, breathe, tell me what's wrong. What's happened?" She crossed the cell and grabbed his hands to make him stop pacing before bringing her hands further up to cup his face. "Kai, look at me."

Breathing heavily, Kai looked down at her, at her messy hair and furrowed brow, her snub nose and wide, concerned yet determined brown eyes, and the firm, set line of her mouth. He covered one of her hands with her own, her thumb tracing gently over his cheek. Despite himself, Kai leaned into her touch.

"What's wrong?" she asked again.

"Amon's coming in two days," Kai said thickly. He didn't want to keep going - maybe if he didn't say the words the events wouldn't come to pass and she'd be safe - but she needed to know. "You're going to be held hostage for the Avatar and have your bending taken away. And even if it works he'll kill you, because he's going to go for your family."

Jinora's hands slid from her face as her shoulders shook. She took a deep, shaky breath as a shudder ran through her, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. "Oh Raava," her eyes filled with tears. Her knees buckled; Kai caught her just in time, wrapping his arms tightly around her, struggling to breathe.

"You're gonna be fine Jinora," Kai promised. Jinora shook her head, whimpering and burying her face in his chest. Kai cupped her face with his hands this time, lifting her chin so their eyes could meet, green boring into brown. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? I'm gonna keep you safe, always, you're going to be fine. I promise."

Jinora smiled tearfully at him. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Kai laughed shakily, brushing away a tear with his thumb. "Alright then, I promise when this is all over… when the Revolution is over, we'll go to Avatar Korra's park and practice our airbending, okay? And we'll be together, okay?" Vaguely, he wondered if he saw the double meaning of his words, that he wanted to be together as a couple, not as friends, but the thought was wiped from his mind as she nodded.

He tightened his arms, her hands curled over his chest, over his heart. Could her fingertips feel it pounding?

Somehow, he knew, they'd make it through this. Or, at the very least, she would.

Kai steeled himself for what he knew he had to do, reeling in his emotions. "Jinora," he said, his voice surprisingly calm. She looked up at him, frowning. "You're leaving tonight. I'm getting you out of here, when everyone's asleep."

"And - and are you coming with me?"

Kai hesitated. "I need to make sure you're taken care of first," he brushed back the hair out of her face, his fingers lightly resting over her neck. Jinora's eyes never left his face.

Kai removed his hands and stepped back. "I'll be right back. I need to go get something first, okay, for the plan?"

He closed the cell but didn't bother to lock it. Raava above, he hoped this worked. (And he hoped she never pressed him for an answer to her question.)

"This chip is like the monitor in my room, right, so we'll be able to hear each other. That way if someone discovers you're gone I can let you know," Kai explained, handing her a small earpiece. Now that she was outside the bars, standing freely with him outside of the cell at half past midnight, such interactions were much easier. Jinora plugged the earpiece in, as did Kai. His voice rang clearly in her ear, but quietly enough that no one else would hear. "So, the story is that I heard some noise in the night, so I came to check on you, you were banging on the pipes and I went in to stop you. You ambush me, escape and lock me in, got it?"

Jinora nodded and he could see her filing the information away. "Got it."

"I drew you this map of where to go to get out," Kai shoved a piece of paper. "It's not amazing, but it should do the job. There are some door numbers written, so it might help."

Jinora took the map carefully in her hands, looking at it as though it was a treasure. When she looked up at him, he was startled by the tears in her eyes. "Kai," she breathed. "Thank you for all of this. You don't have to do this, putting your life on the line for me…"

"Of course I do," Kai said, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. Didn't she understand how beautiful, how wonderful she was? "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you and I could have prevented it."

He wanted to kiss her so bad - to feel the taste of her lips on his own just once - but he restrained his feelings. Her survival was his priority now, and if she showed she loved him back, he wasn't sure he'd be able to let her go.

"Now," he said thickly, swallowing the lump in his throat. He stepped into the cell, closing the door behind him. "Go on, lock me in." Kai didn't want to think this was the last time he'd see her, but he knew the chances of another meeting any time soon were slim.

Sniffling, Jinora took the key and fumbled with it as she tried to put it in the keyhole. "You know what you said," she said, as she turned the key. The click was deafening in the silence. "About how, if you weren't an Equalist, if the world was different, we still would have found a way to meet?" She smiled tearfully at him. "I know we'll meet again."

Kai cracked a weak smile at her; all he could manage was a nod.

Jinora leaned in between the bars and kissed his cheek, her lips lingering over his skin. By the time Kai had worked up the nerve to turn his head and kiss her for real, she had already pulled away and it was too late.

"Now go on," Kai continued, his heart throbbing painfully in his throat. He never knew love could hurt this much. "Leave."

Kai watched her as she walked away, and every time she looked over her shoulder his heart skipped a beat. Who knew which glance would be the last? He counted her footsteps as she walked, until finally, finally, she had rounded the corner. She was gone.

Through Kai's earpiece, he could hear her breathing, and the sound of his makeshift map as she waved it around, following its directions, but he never heard her voice until the very end.

"I'm at the exit," she whispered. Relief washed over him, suppressing the part of him that didn't want her to go, that wanted to beg for her to stay, or better yet, go with her. But he couldn't do anything of that, so he contented himself with the knowledge that soon, she would be safe.

"Good," he managed. His throat felt sore and dry, even though he hadn't said anything for at least an hour. "Take out your earpiece, they could be able to track you with it. And stomp it for good measure. We don't want anyone to know these were used."

There was a crackle of static as Jinora removed the earpiece; Kai did the same. As one, they smashed it to pieces with a well-aimed stomp. Kai couldn't help but relate the little broken pieces of the earpiece to the state of his heart.

Chow found him at six in the morning because of an early morning snack. When Kai had heard footsteps, he pretended to have unconscious, only opening his eyes when Chow had entered the cell using an extra key and had shaken his shoulders. Kai prattled off his spiel, grateful he knew that in a few hours, there would be reports of the miraculous escape and how Jinora was back with her family. Surely extra precautions would be put in place to ensure her family's safety as well.

The Lieutenant wasn't pleased, but didn't suspect any foul play. He gave Kai a lecture - "I thought your reflexes were faster than that; you never should have taken off her gloves," - but Kai knew he'd get to live, at the very least. And, he got the rest of the day off from work. The Lieutenant didn't seem to give any job at all, and that was fine by Kai.

For what felt like the first time in forever, Kai took off his Equalist uniform and slipped into ordinary civilian clothes. He strolled down the streets of the poorer section of the city and paid a penny for a newspaper from a newsstand. Jinora's name jumped out at him from the headline: AIRBENDER JINORA RETURNS HOME. He quickly scanned the article, finding nothing troubling. Jinora had concocted a great story, foolproof and a complete lie, to explain her escape. There was a picture of her too, with her family; her father was particularly stern looking, holding up a hand to shield their faces from the camera, but Kai could still see Jinora's face perfectly. Her eyes, even in the black-and-white photograph, seemed puffy. He wondered if she had been crying.

A tear dropped onto her face, smearing the ink. Hastily, Kai wiped his eyes and pocketed the newspaper, setting down the dark street.

I know we'll meet again.

"I hope you're right," he mumbled to himself.