still on my string

i. jinora

"She needs her rest-"

"Please, just for one second-"

"Akash, I know you want to see her but she's in a fragile state right now, and it's late; you'll have to wait until morning."

"Fine."

Jinora kept her back to her closed bedroom door, as she listened to Akash stomp away. Her mother lingered by the door, evident from the shadows peeking in from the bottom and the light of the hallway, before she too left, and Jinora was left alone in the darkness lying on her bed. She was glad her mother had sent her boyfriend away, as much as a part of her felt guilty for being glad. She wasn't ready to face Akash yet, nor the emotions that would be sure to surface.

She gazed out her window, holding back a sob, curling in on herself.

Sleep would have been a much-needed relief to the exhaustion weighing heavily on her, she didn't think she'd fall asleep even once that night. Too much had happened; her head hurt and her heart ached. She had arrived on Air Temple Island a mere four hours ago, stumbling up the stairs to the Temple, being greeted by her anxious and relieved family, been looked over by the finest Healers on the Island for injuries.

"There's some undernourishment, and hygiene issues," the Healer, Gothi, an Air Acolyte had reported to her family. "But other than that, she seems fine. There are no signs of torture."

Jinora had just sat in her chair, staring blankly at the floor while her family watched on worriedly.

"However," Gothi lowered her voice, although Jinora could still hear her slightly. "There could be some lasting psychological issues, it's too soon to say for sure. Just keep an eye on her eating and sleeping habits. She needs to rebuild her strength."

It was true; Jinora had never felt more weak in her life, not even when trapped in the Fog of Lost Souls, or as Unalaq's captive. For once, the pain and fear wasn't physical, or for her own survival: it was for Kai's, and she was completely powerless over it.

Jinora could remember him pursing his lips, brushing her hair out of her face so tenderly as he made up the plan for her survival. She could remember locking the cell door, hands shaking as she turned the key. It had felt so strange to see Kai behind bars, because it felt like she was still in a cell, her heart pounding against her rib-cage.

She could remember leaning through the bars, pressing her lips against his warm, soft cheek for only a few seconds, the way her lips had tingled, the way she had thought for a brief second that he might've kissed her, the way the tears had pricked in the corners of her eyes as she turned around to leave.

(She wiped tears away now, sniffling.)

She could remember walking away, with every step feeling like a mile. She could remember glancing over her shoulder, not sure which glance would be her last, how it felt as she reached the exit safe and sound – excitement and relief and sadness all because of him.

But most of all, Jinora could remember Kai's face: a crumpled mask of hurt, his eyes trying to be brave but betraying his sadness. It made her head hurt and her heart ache.

I know we'll meet again.

Jinora prayed to every Spirit she knew of that her words would be proven true, that their promises to each other (Alright then, I promise when this is all over… when the Revolution is over, we'll go to Avatar Korra's park and practice our airbending, okay? And we'll be together, okay?) could be kept. She had always respected and helped the Spirits; she could ask for a favour, right? She deserved one.

Jinora just wished she had some assurance that Kai was alright, that the Lieutenant had bought his well-thought-out lie, that Yonra hadn't ratted them out. But unfortunately, unlike Republic City, the Equalists didn't have some sort of newspaper or station to listen to. Or even if they did, assuming Jinora could find it, she doubted they would mention anything about Kai. They wouldn't want to bring more attention to his "mistake" than necessary.

But if they hadn't bought his story…

Jinora shuddered, holding back a sob.

And – and are you coming with me?

She should've pressed harder, tried harder to convince him. He had wanted to leave too. She knew he had. If she had presented a better argument, if she had fought harder… Now he might not even be alive.

Jinora cried herself to sleep, full of fitful dreams.

###

"Jinora!"

The airbender didn't stop walking, hoping Akash would leave her alone, her lips pulled into a deep frown.

"Jinora!"

Her boyfriend jogged over to her, reaching her side and pulling her into a hug. "Hey," he greeted, looking out of place. Jinora managed a tiny smile, hugging him back hesitantly, even though her mind was racing. She should've felt relieved, happy even, but she couldn't muster anything up but resignation. Their last conversation, a terrible argument a day before her kidnapping, was still too fresh in her mind. And Kai. There was always Kai.

"I tried to see you last night," Akash confessed as he pulled away. Jinora nodded. He was handsome, tall and lean, but she was suddenly aware that his hair wasn't messy enough, it's colour too dark a black, his skin too pale, his eyes too brown instead of the green of the Earth Kingdom.

"I was tired," she told him, feeling guilty even though it was true.

"I was so worried about you," Akash brushed her hair back from her face. His hands felt too rough for such an action, but Jinora didn't move away. "Especially since, you know…"

The fight.

Jinora could remember their voices building, his accusations ringing in her ears. You don't care about what I want! You may be content to stay in this Vaatu-forsaken city forever but not me! Did you ever think that maybe I don't want to always be an Air Acolyte? A servant? Did you?

Jinora swallowed the lump in her throat. She had said things she didn't mean, but she could remember almost saying that they should break up. And part of her meant that.

Akash sighed, and for a second Jinora thought he was going to own up to his accusations, that he was going to talk through this with her. But instead, he took her hands and gave her a brief kiss.

"Let's just put it all behind us now," he said, smiling sweetly. Jinora felt a spike of indignation, but let it slide.

Maybe they could let the argument, their hurt words, let their problems slide. (Or, deep down, she knew this was just a poorly applied solution that really wouldn't solve anything. But she was too tired to argue.)

He took her hand and squeezed it.

Jinora wondered why she had never told him about how badly she wanted to travel, to see the world and experience as much as she could. Whenever the time came, which didn't seem to be any time soon, with the Equalist Revolution still going on, and rumours of the Air Nation being reborn. Part of her wondered if she would ever get the chance, or if she would be constantly chained to her duty, to her people instead of her own will. Maybe she was scared to tell him because he'd shoot it down, just like everyone else. (Everyone else except Kai.)

"So, is there anything in particular you want to do today?" Akash asked her. "The doctors said you should take it easy. You could get some reading done. You were rereading that one about the Fire Nation prince and the volcano, right?"

Jinora made a hum of agreement; beyond that, her voice didn't seem to work. Reading sounded nice. Anything to not have to think for a while.

###

She was standing in the gazeebo on the Island, around sunset. The wind blew back her hair. Jinora raised her head to watch the sun descend upon the shimmering water of Yue Bay, when she heard a voice.

"You still want to go to Ba Sing Se?" It was Kai, outside of his Equalist garb, hands in his pockets and a smile on his face.

She beamed at him. "Only if you'll come with," she bargained, and he took her in his arms.

"I think I can arrange that," Kai teased, leaning down, and he kissed her. She smiled into the kiss, wrapping her arms around him…

Jinora woke up with a start in bed, her heart thumping wildly. She brought up a hand to her lips. The dream had felt so real, and she shouldn't have been dreaming about kissing him at all. Because she didn't like him that way. At all. And she had Akash. Her boyfriend.

Jinora shook her head, hoping to clear her mind of her ridiculous dream. She was just concerned for Kai's safety that was all. It had been almost a week since she had escaped the compound, and she hadn't heard a word about him. It was frustrating, because she just needed to know if he was alright – if he hadn't died for her – and then she was sure she could let whatever she felt for him go. Probably let it go. She was working on it.

Jinora had no way of discovering what had happened to Kai, however, because she was currently on lockdown on the Island. The security had been tightened tenfold with her warning of an attack, and she was sure whatever the Equalists had been planning had been ruined, or at least postponed.

Perhaps there was something about dreams, what they truly meant and how to decode them? Jinora had a vague memory of some Air Nomad teaching about dreams, of which ones mattered and which ones didn't. Reading would do her some good, and as a bonus, maybe she would be able to forget about the way kissing Kai really hadn't felt all that wrong…

And it was wrong.

Right?

Throwing back her covers and swinging her feet over the bed, Jinora pulled on her slippers and padded into the hallway. There was enough light from the moon streaming in through the windows dotted along the hall that Jinora didn't need a candle.

The master reached the library in no time, only then among the rows of books casting long shadows among slivers of moonlight lighting a candle. The bookshelf she paused at was full of thick, dusty volumes inscribed with gold lettering on the spines: ancient Air Nomad scrolls adapted into books of wisdom and knowledge, all centred on deciphering dreams.

After finding what Jinora was looking for, What Your Spirit Is Trying To Tell You, she pulled it from the shelf and curled up in one of the cushy armchairs next to a window. The moonlight streamed in, giving her enough light to easily read as long as she kept her candle close.

Dreams often infer suppressed wants or feelings that the spirit is trying to tell us, she read. Certain elements of the dream, such as time, place, weather and people can explain what your spirit is trying to tell you.

Jinora went down to the tables to look at what her dream meant. Windy: you want things to change, perhaps to become more like your dream… Sunset: romantic feelings, endings… Water: the element of change, wishful thinking…

Jinora's heart sank. That wasn't what she had been wanting to hear at all. She wanted the dream to mean nothing, for her feelings to be easily brushed off and forgotten. It didn't seem like it was going to be that simple.

"Stupid book," she muttered angrily, snapping it shut. As if things weren't complicated enough, with her lying to her family.

She didn't want to feel this way about Kai, but if the book was right, it meant she was falling for him. Had fallen for him? Jinora swallowed hard. She didn't want to fall, because everything that fell, broke.

With heavy limbs and an even heavier heart, she dragged herself back to bed. It was a struggle to fall asleep, but she was grateful that when she finally did, she didn't dream of kissing Kai again.

###

"You look tired," Akash noted the next morning over breakfast. Like always, they sat around the large table in the Dining Hall with the rest of her family and the Air Acolytes. Breakfast, unlike dinner, was a public affair.

"I just didn't have the best sleep," she explained, forcing the corners of her mouth to twist upwards in a half-hearted smile. "I'm still adjusting to being back home, but I'm fine. Really."

Akash obviously saw nothing wrong with her answer and carried on with his meal. She wondered if Kai would have been able to tell that she was lying. "Alright then, what do you want to do today?"

Jinora looked wistfully out the window at the blue sky. Normally, she was content to sit and read at home, but she itched to get out there, and to see more of the city. The local theatre was putting on a play, one of her favourites, Love Amongst the Dragons, and she needed to get off the Island. But it would take some major convincing to her father, assuming she could even get her mother on her side.

"We could go see a play," Jinora suggested.

Akash sighed, reaching across the table and placing his hand over hers. "Jinora, you're still adjusting, you just said so yourself. Besides, you know I don't really like plays."

Jinora had expected him to support her, not shoot her down. She frowned, jerking her hand out of his grip. "I've well enough adjusted that I can go to a play. And if you don't want to come, than you don't need to."

"Jinora, you're being irrational-"

"Wow, thanks, that makes me feel so much better," she said dryly, glaring at him. Having finished her meal, she pushed herself up from the table and halfway out the door of the dining hall.

"Jinora, wait!" Akash called.

Jinora didn't stop, and part of her hoped Akash would run after her and apologize and agree to help her convince her parents so she could enjoy herself for once. He didn't. She didn't see him again until dinner and gave him the cold shoulder, turning her attention to her mother instead.

"Mom," she began imploringly, giving Pema a sweet smile, "I was hoping to go to a play tonight, it's 'Love Amongst the Dragons' and it's only here for a week or so."

"I don't know honey," Pema said slowly, smiling sympathetically.

"Please mom," Jinora begged. "I think going out would be good for me, keep me from falling into a rut."

"As long as you go with some of the guards," Pema bargained.

"Of course." Jinora pecked Pema on the cheek in thanks. "I'll set it all up for this evening, thank you so much mom."

Pema smiled. "You're welcome. And don't worry, I'll handle your father."

Jinora grinned. "You're the best." Her grin faded when she saw Akash opening his mouth to speak to her. "Sorry, I've got to go talk to the White Lotus."

She stood up abruptly and walked out. She didn't want to talk to her boyfriend; she hadn't wanted to in a while, actually. It felt like they were spinning around in circles that weren't perfectly aligned, always rubbing each other the wrong way. In the beginning, Jinora had thought finding someone so similar to herself would be great, but now there were too many differences that stretched out, and she couldn't find a way to close the gap. It didn't even seem like Akash knew the hole was there, or that it wouldn't be easily patched up, if it could be fixed at all.

Soon, she'd break things off with him, but she wasn't going to let him spoil her night. She was going to see a play, and she was going to enjoy herself.

###

The play had been delightful, full of larger-than-life characters, colourful costumes, wonderful music and the romance she dreamed of finding. Jinora stood up with the rest of the audience to give a standing ovation, clapping until her hands were sore.

Beaming, she left the theatre with the bright lights inside illuminating her silhouette as the White Lotus guards – three of them, the leader a woman named Ming – joined her.

"Enjoyed your play miss?" Ming asked with a smile.

"Yes, thank you," Jinora said cheerfully. Being away from the Island and having a distraction had been good for her.

"We'll be catching the ferry across Yue Bay in an hour, so we'd best start on our way now," Ming explained.

Jinora let her lead the way down the dark, bustling streets of the city, buzzing with nightlife. As they reached the suburbs, the noise died down and a few of the streetlamps flickered overhead. Standing right by the water of the bay, seeing the ferry slowly cross the waters, Jinora shivered; it was awfully chilly.

But the stars were beautiful, twinkling overhead brilliantly. Jinora could see a few constellations she knew: a lionturtle, a sky bison, even the great walls of Ba Sing Se, dotted along with stars.

Ming's gasp brought Jinora back to reality.

"What is it?" Jinora said nervously, as Ming took a defensive stance, eyeing a corner of the darkness warily. "Did you see something?"

"I thought so…" Ming trailed off. The tenseness in her shoulders faded. "Maybe I was wrong, my nerves have been jumpy."

And then the Equalists melted out of the shadows, the eyes of their masks glowing red. Jinora dropped into the first position of an airbending form, ready to fight as the Equalists – seven or eight – surged forwards as one.

Ming and the other White Lotus members squared off with the Equalists, but that still left two unoccupied, and Jinora caught one round the middle with a large air slice, slamming them against a lamppost. They crumpled and didn't get up.

Jinora allowed herself a smirk of satisfaction before she dodged the other Equalist's attack. Their fighting style was odd, as they were able to move out of the way of her strikes, yet didn't seem particularly keen to hurt her either.

Brow furrowing, Jinora pushed them further back, away from the docks and away from the others' fighting. If they thought they could tire her out, they had another thing coming. The only reason she had been kidnapped was because it had been fifteen-on-one.

"I've had enough of this," she grunted, her frustration reaching its peak, and she sent a gust of wind at the person's head; they stumbled backwards, tripping over their own feet and landed hard on their back.

"Dammit," they muttered, and Jinora froze. That voice. She knew that voice. Before they – or rather, he could sit up, Jinora stood over him before bending down into a crouch and placing her knee on his chest.

Reaching forward with trembling fingers, she hooked them around the base of the mask and pulled it off.

"Kai," she muttered, tears building in her eyes as she took in his tousled dark hair and bright green eyes. She got back onto her feet and took a step back while Kai sat up and gingerly placed an arm around his torso.

He cracked a smile at her. "Hey Jinora."

Not as long as the other chapters, but I'll be completely unable to write for the next 2 weeks or so and I really wanted to get something up to you guys 'cause it's been a while. So please forgive me? :)